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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 10:39am | IP Logged
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Social services just showed up at my door. They said someone complained that my kids were too thin and weren't eating enough and asking a neighbor for food.
I am 5'3" and weigh 110lbs. I actually just gained 15 pounds a year ago. My normal weight is 95 pounds. I put my rail thin wrist in front of him and told him to look at how thin I am.
Thank goodness I had just gone grocery shopping and the kids had eaten waffles and sausages for breakfast. There was still some on the counter, so I let him in. I asked him if the kids were that hungry, why would there be food left on the table?
I am shaking right now. I am so angry at the neighbor, whoever that was 
I did call HSLDA, and he said from what the guy at S.S. told me, there shouldn't be any more trouble.
Please say a prayer. I'm not sure what will happen next, but the guy seemed pleased and said he would call me when he closes the case.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 10:43am | IP Logged
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Oh Ruth! That is just horrible!! I am so sorry. I can't imagine any one doing that to you. Obviously, it is someone who doesn't know you well. And hasn't seen your new Vita-Mix. 
I will pray that you don't suffer any more from this person's trouble-making.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Theresa
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Ruth, I am so sorry. I remember reading a list of what to do if SS showed up at your home. I wish I could remember where... I'll do some digging.
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Theresa
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:06am | IP Logged
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OH Ruth!! I SO know the feeling! I wrote about it here.
I will pray for your peace. I hate to say it, but I still struggle with the whole issue, and it happened to us over 6 months ago.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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MacBeth
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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As the mother of a continuous feeder, I can imagine how an "I'm hungry" can be misinterpreted by a neighbor with too much time on his hands. So sorry this happened, Ruth.
Our experience with SS has been amusing, but annoying. I know you are angry now, but give it a few days...  .
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
Nature Study
MacBeth's Blog 
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:20am | IP Logged
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MacBeth, you've been through it too? Could you share a little maybe? I deal with real issues since our fiasco this past summer, I am so paranoid with my kids in the neighborhood now. Poor kids.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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humanaevitae
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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How troubling when "the world" intrudes on our haven! It is so hard to feel persucuted at every corner 
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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Theresa
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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Lisa shared the list I was thinking about.
Helpful Hints
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Theresa
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MacBeth
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:51am | IP Logged
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Lisbet wrote:
| MacBeth, you've been through it too? Could you share a little maybe? I deal with real issues since our fiasco this past summer, I am so paranoid with my kids in the neighborhood now. Poor kids. |
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Oh, it's a long story (and, in retrospect, very funny), and it really has nothing to do with the kids being out day-to-day. When Paul was 4, and I was away on a speaking engagement, my mother, Don and Don's sister-in-law all misplaced Paul, each thinking he was with the other, when he was actually walking around the block alone. When a neighbor found him, she called the police, who (I told you it was a long story) took Paul in search of his relatives.
Back-story: Friday, 6 am--Don had dropped me off at the airport, and gone to his office two blocks away. 8:30 am--His s-i-l, who had kept Paul over night, dropped Paul home, saw him go in, and buzzed off to the OB, after discovering she was expecting! My mother was in the shower. Paul decided no one was home, left the house, and tried to walk back to his cousin's house (remembering, thank God, he was not allowed to cross the street by himself  ). Anyway, the police finally brought him home, where my mother answered the door. Don, coincidentally, was checking in at home, and coming up the block. He yelled to my mother not to let the police in the house. The detective (things were a bit of a circus by now) saw the other three kids, and asked why they were not in school. My mother, who normally worked M-F, mistakenly said it was Saturday. Then she said, "No, wait. They are homeschooled." Well, that was it. The detective determined that they were homeschooled by lunatics (I was just having a lovely in-flight breakfast at this point), and called social services. Don was adamant that they not come in the house, and made arrangements for the SW to meet with me, and the kids, in his office when I got back from my conference. SS agreed to the meeting. A week later, the social worker had a delightful afternoon of cookies and music with my kids. It was a nice change, she said, from her usual cases.
In the end, it was declared a big mistake (I shortened the story a bit--quite the comedy of errors), and the case was sealed. The neighbor who had called the police apologized for not recognizing Paul and just returning him. My s-i-l was under investigation for a while, and that was dreadful as she is not a US citizen, and was very worried. Don had the sealed case destroyed after 6 months, since if we had left it as "sealed" there was a list, A-W, of people who could have it opened--everyone from a teacher to the mailman--if abuse were suspected.
That's the Reader's Digest version.
My advice? Never let anyone into the house (though I think, Ruth, you did the right thing in this case), keep you kids IN the public eye, not out of it, so people can see that they are normal . Get to know your neighbors (easy here, as we all live quite close). Don't let the gov't keep files on you, if you can help it.
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
Nature Study
MacBeth's Blog
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Maryan
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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Oh no Ruth! Prayers here for your peace and an ending to the ridiculous affair.
By the way - my 5 yo. ds is constantly asking for food at our neighbor's(despite meals and several snacks here). And he's skinny as a rail too. (In fact, at Fr. VW's reception -- I remember him packing away two porked pull sandwich platters like a 6 ft. tall adult!!)I've heard him ask enough for food to correct him -- but I never thought it be to prevent SS -- just for etiquette sake. How scary.
It's so sad that people's perceptions of large families is so skewed. I only have four and today at A.C. Moore this is the comment that we got: "Wow, you have your hands full...but they seem happy." As if kids from large families wouldn't be happy? Fed? Loved? Educated??
And Lisa thanks for the heads up and the link. Good to know.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
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The kids think they know who reported us. First, the last name was spelled incorrectly in the report, so it's someone who does not know us very well. The new neighbor was asking our oldest, very thin daughter, last month why she was so thin.
10 minutes after S.S. showed up, this neighbor, who works full time, came over to drop off a Pampered Chef invitation.  Coincidence? I know I shouldn't suspect her, but it's not fair that now I have lost trust in my neighbors. It's just too bad.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
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Cheryl
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I'll pray, Ruth. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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MarilynW
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burneweb wrote:
Social services just showed up at my door. They said someone complained that my kids were too thin and weren't eating enough and asking a neighor for food.
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Oh Ruth - I am so sorry and will pray for you.
I am praying. I would be furious too.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
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Your story doesn't sound like a vindictive neighbor story MacBeth, that had to make it so much easier.
The neighbor that 'reported' us told the social worker that he didn't think there was any abuse, and that we seem to be a very nice family, but, simply because there as so many children, we can't possibly be taking care of them the way we should. He cited things like they are outback barefoot and unsupervised. (yep and yep! we have a very small totally fenced backyard that my kitchen faces) That there is always crying come from our house. (ummm, I have 3 under 3, good chance of that) That the older kids take care of the younger. (yep again, we are a FAMILY!) and that we homeschool.
It was simply a matter of a teacher next door with too much time on his hands that is to much of a wimp to even imagine caring for more than 2 children. (Oh, but wait, he's a TEACHER! LOL!)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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MacBeth
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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Lisbet wrote:
Your story doesn't sound like a vindictive neighbor story MacBeth, that had to make it so much easier.
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Absolutely.
I wonder what makes people do these things...Sure, we don't want anyone to abuse children, but some attitudes against large families and homeschoolers are so negative that the imaginations of busybodies compel them to report crying and bare feet, or thinness, as unusual. That's just wrong.
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
Nature Study
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Dawn
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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Ruth, I am SO sorry this happened. I am praying right away.
I can imagine the stress and worry. In December I called 911 when my middle son tripped and cut open his forehead (well, actually it was a tiny wound but it bled like crazy). My house was a MESS and he tripped over chairs I had lined up in the family room so I could vacuum. The whole emergency response team showed up - and I had a not-very-friendly police officer in here the whole time. The EMT's and firemen were wonderful - very kind and understanding. But that police officer just never cracked a smile. He was the one who asked why the kids weren't in school. And when I said they were homeschooled he just nodded, solemnly. I was sure there would be a report. But nothing has happened, Thank God. Still, I was a total wreck. I quickly renewed my HSLDA membership (that had lapsed). The next day a neighbor stopped in - a lady who was a former teacher, who had never said as much as hello in the 6 years we've lived here - and I just knew it was to see what was what.  Well, we had her in and the boys were great with her - talking her up, showing her all their stuff and basically just being themselves. 
Anyway, just wanted to share my experience, though I know it is very different from yours. I worry about our neighbors. For the most part they are nice, but they live such very different lives. I know they don't understand what we do. I don't know that they disapprove necessarily, but I know they think it's weird. And the scary thing is if ever they think we've crossed the line to "too weird," all it takes is a call and someone is at our doorstep ...
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St. Ann
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| Posted: Feb 05 2007 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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Oh my Ruth! That would make me a nervous wreck!
My prayers are with you!
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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MaryM
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Ruth, what a nerve racking experience. I'm very sorry to hear that you had to face this and I will pray that nothing more comes of it and that you can find peace.
I was so skinny growing up - got teased all the time. Fortunately no one thought to turn my parents in to SS. That is ridiculous!
Hugs and prayers,
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Cay Gibson
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Lisbet wrote:
The neighbor that 'reported' us told the social worker that he didn't think there was any abuse, and that we seem to be a very nice family, but, simply because there as so many children, we can't possibly be taking care of them the way we should. |
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Oh, I've heard this one in my own family.
Ruth, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. But, thanks be to God, you don't have to go through it alone. Seems like the members here have had their share of experience.
As far as children wanting to eat all the time, my father stops by every morning and questions whether the kids have eatten because Annie always greets him at the door with, "Opa, get me a xxxx (whatever she wants)."
They constantly want to eat. 
Add our two dogs and the cat standing at the pantry door, my father truly thinks I hold the keys to this door and no one goes in and no one comes out.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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marihalojen
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Poor Ruth!  What a way to start the week!
MacBeth wrote:
My advice? Never let anyone into the house (though I think, Ruth, you did the right thing in this case), keep you kids IN the public eye, not out of it, so people can see that they are normal . Get to know your neighbors (easy here, as we all live quite close). Don't let the gov't keep files on you, if you can help it. |
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Good advice, MacBeth. 
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Topic: I am so angry...Social Services came over
