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Rebecca
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Didn't want to hijack Suzanne's family meal thread but it got me thinking about the way we do dinner.
I am an only child so my mother just filled my plate as well as my father's. If I ate everything and wanted more, I was always welcome. My husband is one of five and they always ate family style. Everything on the table in serving bowls, empty plates, serve your own. This is what we have done for the past few years.
While I agree that family style is easier, it does make more dishes because you are filling all the serving dishes for the table(since you are not serving off the stove). It also seems to make it easier for the child to say "no thank you" to certain dishes and eat more of something else (say rolls, for example  ). I just wondered which method you use and why.
Thanks!
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MrsKey
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We fill our plates from the cooking pots/pans in the kitchen and carry plates to the table. I prefer family style serving but I hate all the extra dishes. So we kind of compromise a bit and do the "family style" in the kitchen.
Unless we have a guest over. Then I'll use the extra dishes and serve family style at the table.
But since there's only three of us we can do it this way without too much hassle.
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5athome
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We do a combination of what you describe. We sit down to empty plates with the food in bowls on the table. I serve each child a portion of the main course - this way they cannot say no thank you to the main dish and I can vary the amount given based on age of child & preferences - they are always welcome to have seconds. Side dishes get passed around. I usually try to have a fruit at the table but they must have eaten a decent amount of the main course before they can serve themselves fruit. We always end each meal with everyone eating their salad (an Italian tradition from my husband's side of the family).
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Angel
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With 5 kids, I think that it would take a long time to serve everybody myself before I got to eat anything -- once my little ones are old enough to serve themselves anyway. We serve until it seems as if a child is old enough to serve themselves. The rule is you take some of everything, even things you don't like. You eat at least one or two bites of the thing you don't like, and you can't have seconds of anything until you're done with everything you put on your plate (unless you didn't like one of the things on your plate, but you ate your one or two bites). This way my 10 yo doesn't eat five rolls before he starts on his chicken.
I often bring the food to the table in whatever it was cooked in, so I like having nice casserole dishes and microwaveable bowls. But I have been trying to avoid bringing the actual pots to the table lately  , because it occurred to me that maybe having a table that was more beautiful was worth a little more of my effort.
Or the efforts of my 10 yo and 7 yo, who help with the dishes. 
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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SharonO
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We eat family style, BUT when it is just our family, I will just put the pan I cooked in on the table and we dish it up from there. Sometimes, when it is something like tacos that have A LOT of individual toppings, we will each make our taco at the counter, then sit down to eat. This is mainly to make the clearing of the table easier since our dining area is a few steps away from the kitchen.
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Cheryl
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I put the food on my dc's plates most of the time because they are young, but sometimes my ds 8 will get his own. We do like MrsKey and take the food out of the pots and pans. With guests we usually use bowls kind of like buffet style. The adults get their food from bowls on the island and sit down somewhere to eat it. The guest parents usually prepare their own dc's plates for them.
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SuzanneG
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I put pots and pans on the table, except when people are over, then we use serving dishes. I don't like the pots/pans on the table, but until I have someone to help with dishes.... I serve food to my girls (cuz they're age 6 and under)....with the food that is a "requirement" if they want dessert. They can ask for seconds / serve themselves if they want more.
However, I'm re-thinking this, because of the "serve from the stove" idea in the other thread . This eliminates the pots on table. And, maybe this would eliminate some of the chaos at the table, and also help institute a "no seconds until mom has eaten something."
This was one of my "follow-up questions" from the other thread, so I'm glad it's being discussed.
For those of you who serve from pots on the stove, is it distracting to have people getting up? Do you designate a time when everyone is pretty much finished with the first serving and then someone goes around with seconds? How does this work?
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MrsKey
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suzgallus wrote:
| For those of you who serve from pots on the stove, is it distracting to have people getting up? Do you designate a time when everyone is pretty much finished with the first serving and then someone goes around with seconds? How does this work? |
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For us what usually happens is that someone will excuse themselves saying, "I'm going to get some more mashed potatoes. Can I bring anyone anything?"
But with only three of us and our daughter being nearly 11 it is much easier to do it that way.
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Carole N.
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We do some of both. Some nights, everything is served off the kitchen stove except salad, vegetables and bread. But on Sundays and special feasts, I always serve at the table. The children help me to set the table, serve the dishes and clean up afterwards. But then they are older (11, 11, 13) so it makes sense.
I prefer family style, but some nights it is just too hectic. And we use our dishwasher to help out with the dishes.
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 Carole ... in Wales
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insegnante
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I never really thought about it before. I guess we normally do "family style" because DH seemed to prefer it -- he is 10 years older than I and had lived away from home much longer than I had, and it had just been my mother and me and not much home cooking since I was 9 or 10, so I kind of took his lead on a lot of homemaking stuff, strange as it may sound.
In our two homes so far we have never had the most ideal kitchen in terms of counter space or layout so I guess it usually seems easier to carry a serving dish to the table than to hang out in there putting things on individual dishes. It's not officially a kitchen/dining room combo but the rooms are adjacent with no real barrier but a baby gate.
Theresa
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alicegunther
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Rebecca, as a fellow only child, my childhood memories mirror yours. My mother always filled the plate with everything and set it before us.
Now that we are a family of nine, family style is almost always easier for me.
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MrsKey
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alicegunther wrote:
| Rebecca, as a fellow only child, my childhood memories mirror yours. My mother always filled the plate with everything and set it before us. |
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You know now that you mention it Alice, it was the same in my house growing up (another only child). My husband's house was much the same way (he's an only child, too).
And then we do it similarly with our only child.
I think when you have only three people it is actually easier to serve in the kitchen than to have serving dishes at the table.
Carole
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mimmyof5
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alicegunther wrote:
Rebecca, as a fellow only child, my childhood memories mirror yours. My mother always filled the plate with everything and set it before us.
Now that we are a family of nine, family style is almost always easier for me. |
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This is interesting. I have only one sister, and we always served ourselves from serving bowls on the table.
However, my husband, who comes from a family of 14 children, was never allowed to serve himself. My mil always dished up the food for everyone. She explains that this was to insure there was enough food for everyone. I don't believe she ever ate with the family, though, but ate later after everyone else was fed. (Of course maybe this was intentional so she could eat in quiet ) The only problem with this is even after we were married and were visiting my in-laws, she would still dish up the food for my dh and sometimes for me. It made me feel awkward. But even worse, she started to cut his (dh) meat for him. She stopped after a few slices, looked embarrased and told him he could do it himself. He was 28 yrs. old. Old habits die hard.
In our family I only serve the little ones, everyone else serves themselves.
Janet
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teachingmom
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I do a combination. I usually serve the main dish and something like rice from the stove. I typically put vegetables and salad on the table in nice bowls or the Corning Ware that they are cooked in and bread, if we're having it, in a basket. (Although we sometimes serve salad greens right out of the plastic salad spinner on the table! )
The reason I serve this way? Because that's how my mom did it (except for the salad spinner part).
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Lisbet
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I serve from the stovetop. Mostly because all the little ones at the table and the food at the table becomes very distracting. There are 10 of us, I dish out everyones food, 2 of the children put the filled dishes on the table. No one eats until we pray, and we don't pray until everyone is seated, including me, so I eat with everyone. It really doesn't take too long.
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Paula in MN
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Well, never having thought of it before, I would say we do it family style. I am usually putting the food on their plates, that way I know they are starting off with good food. When it is just us I will just bring the pots and put them on the table. Not a big deal, really, because the table is 2 feet from the stove. It seems pointless to create more dish-washing work! When we have guests over everything goes in nice bowls and platters.
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Marybeth
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We do a bit of both...depends on what I cook.
When we moved to this house 3 years ago...I literally kissed my dishwasher!! I can't imagine using many serving bowls and not having "help" to wash them all.
I also think in using serving bowls makes it easier for me. This way I am not up and down during the meal...my ds eats like a teenager so we go through many servings!!!
My friend's mother put the rolls and milk in the center of the table and when you finished your food...you received your roll and milk. It helped her ensure veggies and meat were eaten and not feed to the dog!
Mb
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hylabrook1
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We do it like Lisa -- serve from the stove, children carry filled plates to places at the table. Actually, usually one child or two does the carrying, so there isn't a traffic jam. If something has come from the oven, then that is put either on the stove top (like baked ziti, or something of that sort) or on a hot pad on the island (which includes the cooktop/stove) and served from there. If anyone wants seconds (and if there are seconds to be had) people go back to the stove.
It's only recently that I've owned serving dishes! Somehow in the mix of things we never acquired any or enough until we had been married like 25 years. That sounds kind of silly, now that I *admit* it.
Peace,
Nancy
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JennGM
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Very interesting. I never labeled us as "family style" but we seem to do it that way. I am the oldest of 7, and my mother always served from the table. Sometimes it would be straight from the pots, but that was okay. She would serve the younger kids.
When I was a teen Mom got a custom built lazy Susan for the middle of our large round table (that's another thread, but IMHO a round table is IDEAL for large families). Oh the stories and jokes we could tell about that Lazy Susan whipping by and knocking drinks over, or turning clockwise vs. counterclockwise, but it was family style serving with that method.
I have one child, but we always serve from the table. We serve his plate, but he's starting to serve himself seconds. Our kitchen table is super narrow, so it's hard with the extra dishes, but we have a counter right behind me, so I can move the serving bowls behind me and access when needed.
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Alice R
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MrsKey wrote:
You know now that you mention it Alice, it was the same in my house growing up (another only child). My husband's house was much the same way (he's an only child, too).
Carole |
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I'm an only child and we served off of the pots/stove. Now with my four kids and a husband that likes to eat, I usually do family style. It also depends on what we are eating. Sometimes its a one pot meal so I just have them bring me their bowls to the stove.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Family Style or Fill the Plate?
