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Essy
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 4:33pm | IP Logged
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Here's what my humble little 'daily rule' looks like. I had to really break it down into baby steps to make sure that some things are getting done. My kids are still little though and we are just getting started with 'school time'. I also find the evening stuff harder to get to for some reason...like...time with DH...lol. I just need to keep trying.
*(8:00) get dressed
*prayer/devotions
*make beds, clear clutter in bedrooms
*laundry
*help kids get ready
*Weigh in
*prepare breakfast, drink water,
*(8:45) wash hands, say prayers,breakfast and vitamins
*clear table, empty or load dishwasher, praise and Worship
*(9:30- 11) do school
*wipe down table, counters and sink, video for thekids
*sweep/vaccum, check on laundry
*prayers,make phone calls
*plan dinner, weekly chore
*(12:00)drink some water, empty dish washer if needed, prepare lunch
*wash up, prayers, Lunch and clean up
*(nap for Christian, computer time for Sarah) exercise, Bible Time
*(3:00)free time, finish weekly chore if needed
*(4:30)empty dish washer if needed, start on dinner,
*(5:30) wash up, prayers, dinner and kitchen clean up *family time and clean up play area
*(8:00)bed time routine
*time with DH
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Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
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Natalia
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I have a tendency to be a drill Sargent so I am hesitant to implement a schedule. So more of a schedule we have a rhythm to our lives. I tried to do things in the same order: get up, make tea, pray, do a load of laundry, wake up the kids, pray as a family, eat breakfast etc. Rather that say that I would do school at such and such time, I have divided our school into blocks. Block 1 is individual work, block 2 is together work and block 3 is reading time. I have a rough time at which each block should start or end but I resist putting a schedule on paper because I think my task master tendencies would kick in.
To me the most useful part of the MROL is the concept of the 5 Ps I think that they offer an excellent framework for growth. As I go about my day I try to do one thing in each category.
This year is the first year that I can really say that I am happy about how our days go. I like the concept of flow and pegs rather than a strict schedule.
Maybe those that resist schedules can think in terms of rhythm, flow instead of schedules.
Natalia
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helene
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I like Natalia's idea of having a rhythm to our lives instead of a schedule. We need to build flexibility into our lives in order to make peace with the fact that we don't always have the luxury of completing a task at a certain time regularly each day. My family's life might look a bit scheduled because we generally do things in a general order and get certain chores done before other activities but we don't have anything written down and certainly don't feel like we fell short of the mark because today things happened in a different time or sequence from the day before. I read MROL but felt that I was too much of a Martha already to adopt most of the ideas. I needed more Mary in my life. I needed to learn to be at peace with less structure. I think Marys will benefit greatly, however, from discovering in MROL the many joys of Martha. But Kathy, which are you? Perhaps you are a Mary drowning in a sea of tasks which could be completed better and more regularly with a little discipline and scheduling....or perhaps you are just a Martha feeling badly that you cannot spend much time in prayer and spiritual reading alone. Maybe you are both? From my own experience I think you can have some success in sticking with a general, flexible rule but not a detailed rigid one with times (not forever).....and you can have some definite and regular time alone with God, perhaps late at night or early in the morning, but not LOTS. And I don't think God expects that. He calls all of us to a closer relationship with him always, of course. But that does not necessarily mean he is calling you to a largish chunk of time with Him alone in total quiet every day. He may be calling you to find him more regularly in all the endless interruptions. He may be calling you to appreciate the "sacrament" of the present moment? He's calling me to that anyway. I am always trying to strike that happy balance between Martha and Mary......To let go of the things out of my control. To appreciate more what is in front of my nose.
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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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Cheryl
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 8:39pm | IP Logged
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Kathy, I'm finding this thread interesting. Maybe I'll get the book... 
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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trish
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What I've tried to incorporate is a cleaning schedule of sorts. I took the major areas of the house (Kitchen, dining room, living room, upstairs bathroom, porch area) and figured out what needed to be done in each area to keep it tidy. Then I broke it down into what needed to be done daily, 2x a week, or weekly. I wrote it all down into a 6 day list. I have posted each list in each area where the kids can see them. I have 4 older children and they rotate weekly.
It isn't perfect but at least the house has a tidier look to it. The jobs that we always put off (like cleaning under the sink where the garbage is) get done. 
My husband commented he liked coming home to a cleaner place. And I'm not worn out trying to figure who needs to do what and what needs to be done. I just tell them to check the list to see what they have to do. Chore time is usually in the afternoon so dad gets to come home to a half decently clean home. 
It has helped alot.
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~ Trish ~
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Cheryl
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| Posted: June 17 2007 at 2:33pm | IP Logged
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I just received MROL yesterday and I'm enjoying it. I'm really interested in considering my priorities right now and making an effort to spend my days doing what's most important to me. I came back to this thread to find out how Kathy is doing with MROL, and also to find out if any of you are reading or rereading this book right now. Would you like to share any thoughts on it?
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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extremeknitter
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| Posted: June 17 2007 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
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I am glad to see this post. I, too, have read this book several times, have underlined different things each read, but I think I'm beginning to feel something like a "desperation" to get a Rule in place. I think that I was better at "flying by the seat of my pants" when my dh was here to catch me when I had a crash landing! Now that he's deployed, I am back to looking at this AGAIN.
I have tried to start a Rule in the past and as imperfect as it was, it really, really made a huge difference and blessed the whole family.
Whenever I want to resist the schedule, this quote from the book pops into my head (and I think maybe I'm ready to believe it now!)
Quote:
I'm too "spontaneous" to be "limited" by a schedule, I thought. Schedules are so ... limiting.
But this time I had a response.
Schedules might be limiting, I countered, but disorder is more limiting. |
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I hope that some of you who are implementing a Rule will share your Rule and your progress. I am very interested in seeing how it works for you.
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blessings and peace,
~knitter
mom to 6 terrific kids (ages 21 down to 1) and 10 little saints
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stacykay
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| Posted: June 18 2007 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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My local hs group is starting a mom's coffee once a month. We are going to be discussing this book, and some others.
I am seeing the need for more spiritual time and structure in our home; both are things that Holly talks about in this book.
I look forward to any insights!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Rebecca
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| Posted: June 18 2007 at 2:22pm | IP Logged
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Essy thanks for sharing your schedule. It was very helpful to me.
God Bless,
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stefoodie
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| Posted: June 18 2007 at 3:09pm | IP Logged
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I've got our schedule here. However, as I say in my post, it doesn't get followed 100% of the time. I'd be really happy with 90%. But I suspect it's more like 80% most days. 50% the rest of the time. When it does get followed we are much more peaceful, especially me at bedtime, because I can relax and say that we were faithful in the little things.
Sticking to a "rule" is difficult -- part of our fallen nature, I tend to think now. To stick with a schedule when I want to take a break, have fun, rest, procrastinate, is really hard. It takes a lot of grace. Like many here, I've found that prayer is what keeps me on track. On the days when I pray the most, that's when I've been able to stick to the schedule the most and do the things I know I should do. When I let my prayer life slide, the schedule falls by the wayside as well. Everything hinges on prayer and spiritual reading. That's just my .02 though.
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stef
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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 12:42am | IP Logged
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I feel a bit weird posting here but hey, this is my favourite mom hangout, even though I'm not Catholic. (Just about all my favourite blogs are Catholic, too, and I'm not sure why!)
This is one of my favourite books and I much preferred it to MOTH, even though what I got out of that was very useful (basically what Elizabeth said about it- you can't fit everything in so you have to look more closely at your life.)
To me, MROL is so much more than a book about scheduling. The parts about sloth, contemplation, knowing that you are doing God's will when you live out your vocation- they are all so valuable and things t hat I need to read over and over. (Particularly the part about sloth...)
The last time I read it, I was very convicted that she said after the Prayer section- "now go and do what you've worked out". To me, that spoke volumes to my perfectionist little heart; of course what I really wanted to do was have oodles of time and pieces of paper and work it all out for days and days, setting everything else aside.
But that is not what my life can be or should be like. What I know I should be doing, I should be doing even if I haven't got the perfect schedule worked out.
I pray four times a day now and I have to say I find it easier than finding one time for prayer during the day. My prayer times are short and based around the needs of my family (before they are up, when the baby has gone down for her nap, when Dad arrives home or when dinner is over and just before bed). They are flexible and should something happen and I can't do one of them, well there are three other time slots.
It is very convicting to me how much more willing I am to set aside time to pray when it is short than when it is twenty/thirty minutes and I want to do something else. I feel like praying more often is actually helping me take some baby steps in obedience.
I am using The Divine Hours by Phylllis Tickle which is based on various set prayer systems the Church has used for milllenia. Each prayer time the Lord's Prayer is said, I use that as a spot for my own prayer list as well. At this time in my life, using this book is doubling for reading the Bible as it is mostly just Scripture. When the babies get older and my brain and time return, I hope to add in more Bible Reading.
I could keep raving on about this as this has been the most significant change in my prayer life for yonks but I think I've said more than enough.
What else?
I love the balance that thinking about the five Ps provides.
I am definitely a routine or pegs person rather than a schedule person but thinking about scheduling has helped me refine some of my pegs as my daughter has become a toddler and things aren't working any more for the rest of us.
Hope that helps,
Pam
Mum to ds 13, ds10, dd17 months and another little girl due in Sept.
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Leonie
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 1:35am | IP Logged
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Hi Pam!
Nice to see you here.
And I don't know if anyone has mentioned it but MROL has an email list -
MROL google group
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
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Cheryl wrote:
| I came back to this thread to find out how Kathy is doing with MROL, and also to find out if any of you are reading or rereading this book right now. Would you like to share any thoughts on it? |
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I'm reading it for the first time. I'm currently reading Chapter 6's The Fourth P: Parent, but I'm not getting too far in the book without feeling very frustrated. I do have a rule/schedule/routine/pegs that I use each day, but they don't fulfill all of my needs, no matter how I try to fit it all in. They do meet most of my needs though.
I began this spring, thinking it might help me get things "in order" since I was just spinning in circles with now 5 kids (barely 7 and under). I think the book's very inspiring, but also a little lofty for me. I agree that the 5 Ps are helpful in finding balance, but what happens when you're stuck in one of the Ps? What happens when you've got a handle (or "rule") that encompasses 4 of the 5 Ps but not that 1 elusive P? Imbalance.
For me that P would be Person, the 2nd P. When I said "lofty" above, what I was referring to was her "Mother's Sabbath" where Holly took time away from her family every other week to meet her need for quiet time, for as long as she needed. While I get the concept that each mom has to determine her own "how" of meeting this great need (as was mentioned above) I can not find that time at all. There is no answer for moms who can't afford a sitter, whose husbands work on different schedules every day (like mine), and who don't have the support (emotional or physical, from anyone, includiong dh) to meet this need with so many littles underfoot. I actually laughed when I read the heading above about interruptions. My whole life (like many moms here) is a series of days strung together by interruptions! I can't even have 2 minutes of quiet in the bathroom!  Anyway, I'm not sorry for myself but I do realize that it's frustrating to see what needs attention so that balance can be achieved, and to not be able to meet that need. 
So what happens now? Can there be a "rule" without one of the Ps (one of the most important Ps)?
I also wanted to mention (and maybe I'm alone in this thought) but I think Holly's example of how she met it was really extreme.
" I told him he could hire a babysitter for the time I was away if he wanted. Philip was a trooper, however, and he truly tried to overcome his reluctance. On Saturday mornings he would cheerfully say to me, 'Go! Come back when you're ready.' But then he would struggle. He struggled with it for a year."
Dh and I agreed that while there really is a great need for a mom to find some personal quiet time, I didn't think Holly's insistence that her husband struggle was an example for me to follow. I just couldn't willingly impose suffering on my dh who wants nothing more than to be able to give me that "time" (and who pays the bills and allows me to homeschool and keep having babies )
Goodness knows I'd like to have some quiet time. I'd like to get out of the house and reconnect with myself. I'd like to have a break. I'd like to demand that dh come home from the farm early one night a week so I can have an evening for mass by myself, for a jazzercise class, or just a walk outside. But I won't demand this of him. I've asked for something that he can't give. So for now, other than my 30 minutes of early morning quiet in the confines of my bedroom (which even then is sometimes interrupted) I realize that maybe this just isn't the time for me to order my Personal P because I can only grab at it where I can find it. Maybe dh's inability to give me what I want most (and we naturally talk about it more often than not) is something I'll just have to accept or pray for the grace to accept. He is always telling me that we'll get there. Maybe not today, maybe not this month, but it will come and he'll help me find that elusive personal time whenever and however he can. I just can't "plan" on it.
These days, in my inability to fully formulate a "rule" I'm clinging to Ecclesiastes 3:1
"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven"
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Kristine
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Cheryl
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 2:19am | IP Logged
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saintanneshs wrote:
What happens when you've got a handle (or "rule") that encompasses 4 of the 5 Ps but not that 1 elusive P? Unbalance.
For me that P would be Person, the 2nd P. When I said "lofty" above, what I was referring to was her "Mother's Sabbath" where Holly took time away from her family every other week to meet her need for quiet time, for as long as she needed. |
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I'm up to the partner chapter now, so these are just my thoughts without experience with a rule. I think the idea is that a mother makes her own rule based on her needs. For me, I really need time alone to take care of myself. I don't know if that is true for everyone. I've recently been able to get some time alone because my dd 15 mos. is happy to be with my dh now. There was a time when I went out alone with her (which provided me with more quiet than I'd find at home ), and there was a time when it wasn't really worth it to go out at all. For me, it's when the little one crawls and makes a lot of noise, but can't be left with my dh yet. I often feel drained and I probably feel out of balance during those times, but I know that they're only temporary. (Some are longer than others.)
So I plan on trying to make a rule for myself knowing that it may have to change temporarily if something else in my life changes, such as having another baby.
Holly's way of getting her "Mother's Sabbath" did seem extreme to me too. My dh is totally supportive of me going out. I can't imagine leaving my dh struggling for a whole year. But I suppose if that was the only way you were going to stay sane, then you'd have to do it to take care of your family. A wife gone every two weeks for awhile would be better than no wife at all.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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extremeknitter
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saintanneshs wrote:
What happens when you've got a handle (or "rule") that encompasses 4 of the 5 Ps but not that 1 elusive P? Unbalance.
For me that P would be Person, the 2nd P. When I said "lofty" above, what I was referring to was her "Mother's Sabbath" where Holly took time away from her family every other week to meet her need for quiet time, for as long as she needed.
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I am not sure that not taking a Sabbath Holly-style necessarily means unbalance.
You mentioned you often get 30 minutes of alone time in the morning. If that is the time that the Lord has carved out for you, then I would think that it will be enough. It may not be all that you desire, but it is enough. If we truly need more than whatever we had would the Lord not provide it?
I am not able to take a Saturday to myself even once a month. My toddler is pretty attached and I still don't leave him behind ~ especially not for any length of time. He's not ready and I'm okay with that. Even if our little guy didn't mind staying with daddy, this is not something that will work for me now anyway since my husband is in Iraq. This is where the Lord has me now and it's okay. So I don't have the option of days away from the home and the children. What I do have, usually, is time in the morning before the kids get up. This is when I find time taking care of "Person." If I needed more than I have, I fully believe the Lord would provide it.
I don't think that having a Rule is at all hinged on the Mother's Sabbath. I do think that we must do what we can in our current circumstances to take care of self. That may simply mean reading a good book for pleasure after the children go to bed or during naptime.... and maybe not everyday! I don't believe everything is unbalanced because I can't do the things that Holly found important for herself (like the Sabbath.) I think it is just that balance in my life, my family, my home looks very different than it does for Holly and probably many others.
I completely agree that her approach to her Sabbath is harsh. I would never demand something like this from my husband either. I do know from the times that we did not have little ones in the house that my husband was always quite happy to stay at home with the children from time to time while I pursued something important to me. When it was possible, he gave it. It's just not always possible.
I believe that a Rule is still possible, right and even necessary for me. It just has to fit me and my family in all of the areas Holly speaks of. I'm not going to give up the prospect of order through a Rule because I can't take that Sabbath. If I did, that would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water, IMO. I will make a rule that gives attention to the 5 P's within my circumstances. I will take everything I can from this book and work some Rule that will fit us.
__________________
blessings and peace,
~knitter
mom to 6 terrific kids (ages 21 down to 1) and 10 little saints
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Essy
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I think P2 is an interesting topic. What if we were to each post a few things that we all do that fall under this heading? I think that this is one area that many of us never learned to do properly, so it is probably normal to feel lost in this area.
So here is my list(this is what I try to do for myself...it doesn't mean that I accomplish it all that well).
1)eat right
2)exercise
3)set up some time for reading (after the kids are in bed)
4)Getting away for a few minutes to take a hot bath is my 'Mother's Sabath'...lol.
5)Getting online and checking out the boards and posting on my blog.
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Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
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saintanneshs
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extremeknitter wrote:
| You mentioned you often get 30 minutes of alone time in the morning. If that is the time that the Lord has carved out for you, then I would think that it will be enough. It may not be all that you desire, but it is enough. |
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It doesn't feel like enough.
extremeknitter wrote:
| If we truly need more than whatever we had would the Lord not provide it? |
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This was sort of my point about the Ecclesiastes verse. Our faith teaches us that sometimes God will allow suffering if He can bring a greater good from it. This imbalance, for me, is suffering. I don't know anybody that almost never gets a break from their kids with the exception of military wives whose husbands are overseas, and they get my UTMOST respect because this really is hard. I know there is a purpose to His not filling my need and I am working to accept that and to embrace the verse's meaning (that there will come a time for meeting what I need, just not right now).
extremeknitter wrote:
| I'm not going to give up the prospect of order through a Rule because I can't take that Sabbath. If I did, that would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water, IMO. |
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I haven't given up the prospect for a Rule either. I was just saying that for me, I NEED time away. The fact that I can't have it without causing someone else pain is very, very painful for me. I am feeling totally unbalanced and the book helped point out why. It doesn't have anything to do with the Mother's Sabbath concept. I'm talking about an hour of getting out of the house alone, even if just once a week. There must be other mothers who struggle with this need without the expectation of removing themselves from the home for a full day every other week. I'm sure I'm not alone in my thoughts that it would help soooo much to just have a sliver of time to yourself outside of the four walls of home to meet a very "Personal" need. Just because I can't have it doesn't mean I'm throwing in the towel. And I haven't thrown the baby out with the bathwater. I hope I didn't come across that way.
extremeknitter wrote:
| I will make a rule that gives attention to the 5 P's within my circumstances. I will take everything I can from this book and work some Rule that will fit us. |
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Me too. I have gathered a very helpful perspective from this book. I was just saying that crafting a rule is a little more difficult when one of your needs has really been brought to light and there isn't a way to fill it. I think, for now, I just have to learn to accept my situation and craft my rule as best I can without the balance I crave.
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Kristine
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 9:30am | IP Logged
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Essy wrote:
| I think P2 is an interesting topic. What if we were to each post a few things that we all do that fall under this heading? I think that this is one area that many of us never learned to do properly, so it is probably normal to feel lost in this area. |
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I agree.
Right now I can only eat right and sneak moments on this board for some socialization (talking on the phone with friends is out) while I put the children to work in centers or when the little ones are napping and the older ones are reading quietly. Morning prayer times are helpful too.
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Kristine
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extremeknitter
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 9:44am | IP Logged
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Kristine, my apologies. I did not mean to offend. I must have misunderstood you and I am sorry.
Much of what is found on this board is new (and confusing) to me (I've homeschooled for 14 years, but my approaches have been different than what I see here) but I was very interested in discussing this topic at this time. I think I'll stick to reading and gleaning. Again, I apologize. Please forgive me.
__________________
blessings and peace,
~knitter
mom to 6 terrific kids (ages 21 down to 1) and 10 little saints
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 9:51am | IP Logged
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extremeknitter wrote:
Kristine, my apologies. I did not mean to offend. I must have misunderstood you and I am sorry.
Much of what is found on this board is new (and confusing) to me (I've homeschooled for 14 years, but my approaches have been different than what I see here) but I was very interested in discussing this topic at this time. I think I'll stick to reading and gleaning. Again, I apologize. Please forgive me. |
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Oh, no no no! Don't go! I'm sorry! I wasn't feeling offended. Just emotional. This is a very, very emotional issue with me. I'm glad to hear how other moms handle it and I totally welcome your perspective. I need to hear from moms who've been homeschooling with lots of experience to share how they dealt with these times. And you've got LOTS of experience and plenty of wisdom...please share.
It's also good to hear how we balance other aspects of our lives (ie the five Ps) when one of them feels unbalanced and we're not sure how to fix it.
Please don't let the discussion stop. I can't possibly be the only one who has found a P that is hanging me up!
__________________
Kristine
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Returning to MROL
