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Elizabeth
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It's been a rough week on the soccer sidelines  . Many of the kids on Paddy's team have been together since they were very little. He's twelve now. His coach is one of my husband's closest friends. They have worked together in professional soccer since Patrick was a baby. Paddy's coach needs triple bypass surgery next week. Paddy is very, very close to him and understandably concerned. I think he's also afraid for Mike, my husband.Dads just seem so mortal all of a sudden. The other wrinkle is that one of the other dads on the team had a grand mal seizure two days ago. He's still in intensive care and they just don't know the prognosis. These guys who were all such athletes themselve are looking very vulnerable in their forties! I entered my husband's height and weight into an online BMI indicator and I've been bombarded with obesity spam ever since(he's not obese but he could stand to drop 30 pounds).
How do we take care of our husbands as they age? How do we help them see that they can't eat like they're twenty any more? How do we help them manage stress, sleep better, exercise more? I don't want to mother him but I do want him around to raise these babies born while we're in our forties.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Bridget
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Really there isn't much you can do till they get scared into it themselves.
Kevin lost 100 pounds on a doctor supervised liquid weight loss diet. Not the most healthy way to go, but it worked for him. He has put 20 back on and when he starts to go up, he goes back to drinking the diet shakes. He will just have to do that the rest of his life.
I make sure he has iced, green tea to drink instead of diet coke. I make sure we have his favorite fresh produce in the house. Garlic in as much food as possible. Makes the house smell Italian but, oh well.
Mike has such a high stress life. I know you are doing all you can to make his home time relaxing.
How is his blood pressure? Will he even go to the doctor? Will he walk, jog or lift weights with the boys? What is his family history? Thats an important indicator.
Somewhere, I have a list of the top heart healthy foods. i'll see if I can find it. it includes beans, prunes, blueberries, salmon... I'll look for it later.
Hawthorn berry is the most popular herb for cardiac health.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Tami
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I only have one minute, but I did want to say that not mothering is really important when women try to care for their husbands. Especially in this area. Those lines can get blurry, because, heck, we mother everyone else in the house, don't we??  I also think it's particularly difficult when it comes to food issues.
Respecting the husband's free will, and prayer (for his decisions and my ability to trust, maybe even in spite of those decisions  ) help immensely.
Just my .02. I'll stop by again later.
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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ladybugs
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Great thread, Elizabeth...
With my dh's cancer history and him working a graveyard shift currently, I've been trying to figure out what's best - but unfortunately, I'm seeing that
Bridget wrote:
| Really there isn't much you can do till they get scared into it themselves. |
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I'm curious to see what others will say, too, so I'll pop back in here....
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Donna
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My dh always skipped breakfast. While he traveled I had no way of helping him with what he eats. Now that he works from home I make him a good breakfast and always put vitamins, formulated just for men with minerals and herbs, on his plate. He never took them on his own. But he takes them now since I make them a part of his breakfast.
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stefoodie
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elizabeth wrote:
| How do we take care of our husbands as they age? How do we help them see that they can't eat like they're twenty any more? How do we help them manage stress, sleep better, exercise more? I don't want to mother him but I do want him around to raise these babies born while we're in our forties. |
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I'm currently reading 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. Last year I read Superfoods RX -- it may have the list you're talking about, Bridget. Just trying to incorporate the top suggestions from these books (eat fish 3-4 x a week, eat tofu, eat broccoli, blueberries, take vitamins, antioxidants, probiotics, etc.) helps. Especially since dh has allergies he's very dependent on what I cook and prepare (he doesn't cook himself). I'm a little embarrassed to control his meat portions because he grew up in a family where meat eating was the norm (actually, me too) -- what has helped is to provide extra vegetables along with the meal, and to use less meat, so that he only gets a bit knowing that there's only so much to go around. That's why I love Asian stir-fries and soups -- you can make it as meat-heavy or as veggie-heavy as you want. It also helps to have a dr. that's pro-nutritional healing; anytime he has a problem/illness her first line of defense is food/vitamins/stress relief; so he hears it from a professional instead of just from me. And if at all possible it helps to pack him a lunch from home -- that way I can make sure he gets 7-9 servings of fruits/veggies a day. Otherwise he'll buy at the cafeteria and they're not Google.
What I need to work on is the stress and sleep -- since I'm a late night person I really have to make an effort to get everyone to bed early so Dad gets adequate rest, and also to get most things done (school, cleanup, etc.) by the time he gets home so they can run/do karate/play basketball with him. When we're still busy with schoolwork, etc. he'll just take a nap then be too tired to exercise later. We're trying to improve in this area, at least 3x a week, some days have been good, others no. His health really took a nosedive when we moved to Ohio and his 3x/week of karate disappeared (we haven't found a similar program here, he's picky about teachers/techniques/styles). Plus the hernia last year, ugh.
It's not his weight that's the main problem, it's the stress and work sched; so as a family we need to make adjustments too, so he gets what he needs.
hth,
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Elizabeth
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Donna wrote:
| My dh always skipped breakfast. While he traveled I had no way of helping him with what he eats. Now that he works from home I make him a good breakfast and always put vitamins, formulated just for men with minerals and herbs, on his plate. He never took them on his own. But he takes them now since I make them a part of his breakfast. |
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Thanks, Donna! This is a simple beginning. And I'm listening about not mothering Tami. Bridget-my house smells Italian anyway . I think about Kevin all the time when I consider how stressful Mike's life is. Thankfully, his family history is very healthy except for alte onset diabetes. Heart health is good.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Elizabeth
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stef,
I just looked at Superfoods RX . I think I'll put it on the wishlist. If you get a minute, would you mind listing the fourteen foods? I'll read the book, but I'd like to keep the foods in mind at the grocery store tomorrow.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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guitarnan
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I try so, so hard to encourage my husband to exercise. It really helps him relieve stress. Even if we have had no family time all week, I never complain about his gym time.
This is a great thread!
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Jen L.
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I just "Searched Inside" the Superfoods Rx book on Amazon. The 14 foods (in alphabetical order)  are:
Beans
Blueberries
Broccoli
Oats
Oranges
Pumpkin
Wild Salmon
Soy
Spinach
Tea
Tomatoes
Turkey (Skinless Breasts)
Walnuts
Yogurt
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momwise
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I give him his vitamins (and probiotics--good idea Stef!! What kind do you use?) when I take mine and he'll just take them, no questions.
I try to make his favorite Oatmeal raisin cookies by tweaking the fat and adding more oats, whole wheat, applesauce.
I make his appointments for physicals and check on his levels (chol., pressure, etc.), then add supplements as indicated.
The mothering thing though....a while back I got really bent out of shape when he wanted to stop taking his Cayenne capsules; those were really helping his cholesterol. I fussed but he stopped.
Black men have a life expectancy of 65 yrs. And my dh's father and father's father have had heart attacks in their early 60's. His mother's father died of Prostate cancer. And my dh drives a motorcycle to top it off. Thanks be to God I'm aquainted with St. Joseph and his wife
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aussieannie
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Elizabeth, My husband is much, much older than me and so I can understand your concerns absolutely.
I have been making hawthorn tea for my dh to take to work everyday mixed with nettle, I put a bit of honey in it to make is a little easier to drink, he likes it quite well. He is willing to drink a bit of green tea as well.
Also I have done alot of reading about garlic and it seems so good for so many things, particularly for controlling the bad colestoral in the arteries so I am being extra liberal with the use of fresh garlic. The little book I was reading talks about the use of 2 - 3 cloves a day as being very theraputic, so I am adding or sprinkling this over his salad he takes every day to work and popping a few artichokes in too as I read a great article about the men living on the Island of Sardinia. The men live to be centenarians quite easily and as often as women do (this is unusual) the reporter was with a few 90+ men when they were having their arteries tested and they showed to have the arteries of 50year old's, quite remarkable. They ate alot of artichokes, garlic, sheep's cheese, red wine, fermented foods, etc.
Almonds and walnuts were good for clearing bad colesterol too, dh is always happy to nibble on those.
Gwen, Cayenne is really good too, I never knew just how good until reading an informative book about it.
What about doing a google search on Maca? Maca is a South American root that is great for regulating the hormones which means it is anti-aging, for the lowering of our hormones go hand and hand with aging and good hormone levels protect us from many health problems. I cook with Maca too, I use to make a great cake using almond meal and subsituted some of the almond meal for Maca, it was an Orange and Lemon cake and it was very yummy. 
Probiotics are great and essential to good health, I try to do this naturally. We have recently changed to making Bircher Museli in the mornings with lots of pumpkin seeds (good for prostrate health in men) and sunflower and linseeds in it. We add fruit juice and sheep's yoghurt. I ferment the oats and raisin mix overnight by adding the juice of half a lemon and warm water and covering it with a tea towel and leaving it out of the fridge - if you do this for 24hours it is quite tarty, seven hours is meant to be the minimum time to ferment something. (these are directions from the Nourishing Traditions book.) The diet was high in animal products but low in sugar and carbs.
There is so many ways to use these healthy things in a way that is palatable to our dh's!!
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aussieannie
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Just found a link about the longevity in Sardinia, The Sardinia Study of Extreme Longevity - there is not much to this article, but on the right hand side there are more links...
When I was googling I found an article which I could not access as I needed to be signed into the site, but is was called, "Sardinia's Mysterious Male Methuselahs".....had my little giggle for the day...
I suppose that is what I'm trying to do, make a Methuselah of my dh! His grandmother lived to 102, so I'm hoping he has those good strong genes!
I remember also that they said the temperment of the Sardinia people is flat melancholy...I know that sounds terrible but the article meant they didn't have 'spikes' in stress that is very harmful to the body. So stress is a big factor too.
Red wine is important and they stressed that point, my dh likes a drink of red wine at night in moderation, just helps ease the days cares away....
In Brisbane we have a winery that is making innovative wines that are made more 'potent' in their normal health benefits, with mediterranean extracts ~ olive leaf extract, the grape seeds and skins, lemons, turmeric etc full of antioxidents...they are absolutely delicious as well! They call it Dr Red.
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Karen E.
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These are all great suggestions.
I find that, although my husband has long been a runner and is in very good shape, I worry more now than I used to about some of his habits (such as loving to run in the heat of the day in the summer....) When I hear those stories of healthy men in their late 40's dropping dead while on a run .... Yikes.
I try to gently encourage him not to tempt fate (such as the running in the heat) without it turning into lecturing and mothering. I try to present it as more of a straightforward appeal to the reality of our ages and my deep desire to have him with us as long as possible.
I also have found, as several of you here mentioned, that when I put good food in front of him, he'll eat it. He enjoys salads, for example, but would rarely bother to prepare one for himself. But, if I serve one with dinner, he'll eat it every time.
I'm planning to stay tuned for more good ideas!
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Tina P.
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I'd like to know what men's vitamins you ladies recommend. I knew there were some out there, but never really paid attention to what specific vitamins MEN need that WOMEN don't.
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Tina P.
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stefoodie wrote:
| top suggestions from these books (eat fish 3-4 x a week, eat tofu, eat broccoli, blueberries, take vitamins, antioxidants, probiotics, etc.) helps. |
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Oh Stef! This is truly a Charlie Brown moment. We're doomed!  We lately have a distaste for salmon, and so only eat white fish and shrimp/scallops. My husband complains that I'm trying to be too healthy when I serve tofu ~ and it does incredible things once inside my stomach. He CAN do broccoli and blueberries (whew!). I don't even know what probiotics are.
Actually, my husband's parents, despite being chain-smoking alcoholics, lived to somewhere in their 70s. I don't want to make that an excuse that we don't have to care for ourselves. I *do* try to make healthy choices. It used to be easy when we didn't have children. It's quite the uphill battle now.
Our 12 yob would live on hamburgers, hotdogs, macaroni and cheese, and let's not forget chicken nuggets with an occasional spaghetti dinner thrown in if he had his choice. He's so far gone that he'll order a hamburger at a Mexican restaurant!
I'm not much of a lunch person. If left to my own devices, I would probably not even get hungry until 2:00 pm. Then I'd have an apple and some carrots and celery. That would be plenty for me. But then there are my kids. My 12 yo asks, "What's for lunch?" just about as soon as the breakfast table is cleared. By 11:00 am, more voices chime in and since Dad brings home stuff that the 12 yo can make (chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, etc.) I have nothing to do except clean up.
I am considering offering fresh and cooked vegetables at every dinner. It's probably something you all have done forever, but it just might spur a little health into our drained bodies. I like the idea of filling up the plate with more vegies than meat.
And two things I did this Lent, which I intend to continue, are don't get seconds and eschew sugar. It's so simple, isn't it? I'm noticing a difference. I wasn't faithful to it today.  I can't resist leftover turkey! But the turkey's gone now, so I can get back on track. We have three sodas in the frig that, if I use them at all, will be used to tenderize roasts or given to guests.
Sometimes I feel that for as many years as we've practiced BAD eating habits, we must practice GOOD eating habits to erase what the bad habits have done to our poor bodies. I'll have to eat well for the rest of my LIFE!
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Sarah
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Great thread. I have worries too, especially as I see he is not the same young guy I married. And the stress. . . 
I'll watch this thread closely.
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stefoodie
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Sorry, Elizabeth, just now saw this thread again. Thanks to Jen for printing that list!
The 8 Weeks to Optimum Health is somewhat a reiteration of the things in Superfoods RX. Tofu, Broccoli, Salmon, supplements, etc.
Gwen, the brand our dr. recommends is Dr. Udo's, but sometimes when things go on sale at the co-op or at Wild Oats I just go ahead and buy some. Another friend recommends Primadophilus but I haven't tried that myself.
Anne, the Maca sounds really interesting, I'll have to look into that. Is it for women's health or hubbies' too?
, Tina. What about other fish? A recent favorite is trout, roasted with lots of olive oil, parsley and preserved lemons (from The Jewish Kitchen by Clarissa Hyman). YUM! And if you're into any type of Latin-American food at all I tried a Ciboney-style snapper with avocado sauce that turned out really good. Whoops, I just realized I forgot to post the sauce for it -- it's really easy so I'll just type it up here: basically mashed avocado (leave some chunks if you want), + lime juice, extra virgin olive oil, chopped up green olives (the stuffed kind), chopped up capers.
As for tofu, if you have a particular kind of cuisine that you like, tofu is highly adaptable because it will absorb whatever flavors it's put in. Try putting it in regular chili and see if you like it. I think it's momtomany who freezes it and then crumbles it, so it's a lot like ground meat. Does he like beans? Maybe he can eat some edamame -- I hear it's great with beer:D, in case your dh likes beer...
Another option is Indian food! I've been kinda limited in the Indian foods we've tried but I'm trying to get more into it.... you do have to have a bit of an adventurous tongue to try some of the stuff they make... and of course the Mediterranean diet is almost always yummy -- hummus, baba ghanoush, etc. and very healthy.
Re cholesterol, I've been doing a bit of research for a friend who was recently diagnosed with high chol., and I found this book on Amazon by Uffe Ravnskov -- intriguing, talks about cholesterol myths, I haven't read it but wondering if any of you have. He's basically saying everything we've been told about cholesterol is wrong. Hmmm...
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stef
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aussieannie
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Maca is for men and women, it balances and nourishes the hormones whether male or female - here is a good link - Maca Powder.
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Nina Murphy
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My husband has tried---he really has. I really don't believe he is eating excessively. His father eats as much as/perhaps more than he does and is so slight/thin that people are always in disbelief that they could be related. He just doesn't move around like he did as a child/teen. He is pretty glued to his desk.
He has tried in vain to start exercise programs and/or diets and inevitably gives them up due to stress and feeling pressured to get "things done". But he has, yes, gained 80+ pounds since we met. Granted, he was underweight and had horrific eating habits (Coke, I think, was about it ) when we met and rode his bike everywhere. But what a shock for him...and for his system. He is down about it all the time.
I just don't know what to do about it anymore except try to encourage him and build him up, and tell him to try to relax. So much of it, I think, is that he is so extraordinarily stressed and high-strung that everythig has become messed up internally. He is also allergic to almost everything in and around him based on prick tests---which must make his immune system nuts.
I know that regular exercise would do him so much good, if for no other reason than stress relief and release. But you know our lives----it just doesn't get done. Very erratic. He is so tired from late-nighters....he ends up sleeping when he could be moving. Which he NEEDS, believe me.
More thoughts?
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: Taking care of our husbands
