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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Feb 14 2009 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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Now that we are spending a bit more time in the car, and there are more little people that are capable of helping, I need a new system for going back and forth from House to Car to House, etc. This is a time when I continually get annoyed, so we need a system, training, and an attitude adjustment on my part.
I know that chaos is just part of moving a pack of kids from place to place, but I need to take proactive steps to avoid getting exasperated and destroying my naturally-kind-generous-gentle-sweet-spirit that comes oh-so-naturally to me.   
Short-term goal: Be able to leave the house for the next 15+ years without losing my mind.
Long-term goal: Develop the Habits of Courtesy, Order, Usefulness, Helpfulness, Service, Patience, and Temperance.
Please help me brainstorm!
--Add anything applicable that you and your family do or don't do when coming and going, getting in the car, returning home, etc.
--What your "system" is.
--Any helpful tips and ideas.
--Just ANYTHING!
(my girls are 8, 6.5, 5, 3, 9 months
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So, here's my plan so far:
**Reorganize entrance so it's not so crowded. Make a "drop spot", to eliminate bottle-neck. Done!
**Get a box or basket to sit on bench, that is the "Car-Basket" to carry contain things going from house-van-house. Done!
**Hang more jacket hooks.
**Need bigger shoe basket. Done.
**Need new place for Mail. Done.
**Revise chore charts to include daily tidy of new entryway system.
**Give definitions to these phrases (LOAD-UP and UNLOAD) and use them more regularily:
"In 5 minutes, we're LOADING UP! "
"Ok, it's time to LOAD UP!"
"We're almost home, get ready to UNLOAD THE CAR! "
What does LOAD UP look like:
**All: Potty, jackets, own "stuff", buckle in
**M ~ fill water bottles, in charge of baby (jacket, get in car seat)
**E ~ help toddler (shoes, jacket, get in car seat)
**D ~ pick up shoes around door, pick up stuff on floor & put in big-basket so we aren't tripping over everything coming home.
**Mom ~ grab purse and car-basket, set alarm, lock door, check everyone's buckles.
What does UNLOAD look like:
**reminder when we turn down our road that everyone is to help "unload the car"
All ~ place things to take inside in car-basket
M ~ unbuckle baby, pick up trash & throw in garbage can, see what else goes inside~ask
E ~ unbuckle toddler, grab car-basket, see what else goes inside~ask
D ~ straighten bins on seats, see what else goes inside~ask
Once inside:
Reorganize our entrance so it's not so crowded and we have a "drop" spot, to eliminate the bottle-neck. Check.
**Jacket's off, shoes off if nec.
**Everyone wash hands & go to the bathroom.
**Everyone goes to "drop spot" and start putting away.
M ~ Unload Car-basket as best she can
E,D ~ Put away Shoes, jackets, other
**Practice above.
**Practice talking to each other in nice voices.
**Use the question "What can I help with?" It's simple and can be used for EVERYTHING. A question to be used FOREVER! Get into the habit of asking this question OFTEN!
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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LisaR
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| Posted: Feb 14 2009 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
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Suzanne, we have to do practice runs about once every 4 months or so. Sometimes it is a practice run of getting out the door to sports, other times it is a Sunday Mass practice run.
great thread!!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
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many little saints in heaven!
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dawn2006
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| Posted: Feb 14 2009 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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ROFL! Sounds like you've got it covered! I only have four younguns and anything they're bringing with us goes immediately into the front seat. That's the only contribution I have!! LOL!
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Feb 14 2009 at 5:40pm | IP Logged
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While working on the details of this, it led me to think more about developing HELPFULNESS in our children.
I have a friend with whom we see regularily over the past couple years, whose 2 sons (now age 13 & 15) always immediately APPEAR when we pull into the driveway or meet them at the beach with, "Can I carry something, Mrs. Gallus?"  Now, I know their mother is probably reminding them to do this , but it doesn't really matter.....it's the habit that is developing.
Anyway, this can "start little" with younger kids with helping from van to house, etc. And, learning to look for what needs to be done, and the learning to ask the question verbally is a valuable skill.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: Feb 14 2009 at 8:08pm | IP Logged
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My only question reading your ideas (which sounds GREAT!) is "who brings in the baby?" I presume "M" but it sounds like she's getting garbage after unbuckling baby? Or do you bring baby in? Just a thought while reading - I'm sure you've thought of that.
I have seen that the families that have these very specific routines really do seem to develop better habits and graces, especially when they rotate them (not TOO frequently - every few months or so) - even when someone is sick or otherwise not present everything gets taken care of, since everyone knows everyone else's tasks and they fill in for one another.
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teachingmyown
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One thing I have to constantly remind the older kids is to come back after helping youngers get in van and ask "What can I do to help, Mom?". Too often, they just get in the van and wait, while I am still running around making sure we have everything we need.
The other thing that drives me crazy is to get to the van and find the toddler sitting in the front seat instead of buckled in, while the older kids are already in their seats. By the time I finally reach the van, I expect everyone else to be ready!
For us, it is the unloading that needs work. My van looks like a rolling coat closet, library and recycling bin! 
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Lisa R
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teachingmyown wrote:
| For us, it is the unloading that needs work. My van looks like a rolling coat closet, library and recycling bin! |
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Us, too. Only I would have to add trash can as well.
For what it's worth my husband yells to the kids when getting in the car so they hurry and get buckled up "Fire in the hole, fire in the hole!"  We are a military family!
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Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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Mackfam
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Know right where you are my friend!
I like your system - the one you've proposed and the one you've accomplished! Your observations are very good and I too want to cultivate an interior awareness in the children of anticipating other's needs and general helpfulness, courtesy, and tidiness. Some children are naturally attentive and can anticipate the need to help out easily, for others working on the habit is necessary.
I have revamped my system recently because someone suggested I use one of my nice, big baskets as a travel helper! And, it has worked so much nicer!
Formerly...
**each child brought a bag with items of their own choosing for travel.
**each child was responsible for their water bottles
**I packed snacks and my oldest dd and I shared the responsibility of getting the baby together and in the van
**Unloading looked like this...
~ I announced that we were almost home and asked children to gather their things in their bags.
~ I handed out a laundry basket for collection of various stuff.
~ Laundry baskets have big holes, so we would lose pencils, lego people, pacifiers, etc.
It was not working very well. Bags would get left and not be unpacked for several days. Or, one shoe would make it in, and one would be lost in the van.
I needed to simplify and streamline the system, I believe.
New routine...
Prior to leaving
**Place new travel basket on kitchen table and announce time of departure.
**Potty, shoe checks, jacket checks - each child is responsible for his/her own shoes and jacket
**I pack snacks, water bottles and other necessary items for the day in the basket. I pack a small trash bag in the basket.
**Children bring items for pre-approval to add to the basket...cars, books, dolls, etc. Everything goes in the basket
Loading up
**No one walks out the door until I have completed the pre-boarding check!
**Oldest dd helps 4 yo into booster seat
**I put baby in carseat
**Oldest son loads basket in front seat
During the outing, children request items from the basket and I pass them back
Unloading
**I announce when we are home that it is time to pass it forward
**All water bottles, trash, books, pencils, toys, plastic items that have reproduced in the back of the van...everything must be passed forward before the doors of the van are ever opened
**All shoes and jackets of small people that are asleep are also passed forward - otherwise the child is responsible for his/her own shoes and jacket.
**I bring in the basket.
**I am responsible for sorting the contents of the travel basket once we get inside.
**If the item belongs to a child, that item is placed in the basket at the bottom of the stairs (that basket is the common catch-all and there is a set time of day that the children must put their things away from that basket)
I do solicit help from the children in sorting the basket sometimes. I try to phrase my promptings in this way:
*I'm so grateful for your help, would you please take the pile of trash to the trash can?
*Would you please offer to help here? **prompt quietly with the words, "May I offer to help you, mom?"** Make request simple and brief - one request at a time.
The basket has improved a few things:
**It limits the amount of stuff we bring - I'm very firm, if it doesn't fit in the basket, it doesn't come. **I see everything that goes in the basket, and I have approval rights - I can reject anything that is placed in the basket.
**The basket doesn't have holes for small pieces and bits of trash to fall out of.
**The basket stays in the front seat with me...I see what's in it, I hand items back, I receive them when they are passed forward. In all steps of the process I'm involved which helps me to keep the children accountable.
A bin would work, but the basket is nice with its handles! And so pretty! I'm pleased with the simplification of my system, though I do still keep laundry baskets in the back of the van to help the children carry in groceries, etc.
Helping unload groceries, etc. from the van is expected, and I communicate that clearly after everything has been passed forward. So, once I have everything back in the basket in the front seat, I kindly remind everyone to get out of the van, walk to the back and bring in a laundry basket to the kitchen.
It is mostly an exercise of my patience and kindness, but I see payoffs when I am consistent and hold the children accountable rather than just letting them spring from the van with abandon leaving me with the overwhelming mess.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Erin
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Suzanne and Jennifer
Where were you when my children were younger? I definitely could have done with you in my life then. Not too late you are already helping, I thought I was getting on top of this issue but I see I have a long way to go.
Thinking about cultivating the helpful/generous spirit, ouch, like the practical ideas.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Feb 22 2009 at 11:46pm | IP Logged
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We had "load-up" and "unload" training this weekend. I'm sure you're all just dying to know how it went. Pete was actually the biggest problem....he kept saying "Load-IN" instead of "load-up" just to tease me, and of course, the girls would yell and correct him, and he would feign innocence! Sheez....come on.....we're in the throes of child-habit-development-here.....work with me, people.....FIRE-IN-THE-HOLE-FIRE-IN-THE-HOLE.....Stop JOKING AROUND!
Anyway....we'll see how it goes over the next couple weeks. Tweak, tweak.
CatholicMommy wrote:
| My only question reading your ideas (which sounds GREAT!) is "who brings in the baby?" |
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I'm getting the baby. The girls can put her IN the car, but getting DOWN those gigantic van stairs probably isn't a good idea. Altho they sure THINK they can do it.
Lisa R wrote:
| For what it's worth my husband yells to the kids when getting in the car so they hurry and get buckled up "Fire in the hole, fire in the hole!" We are a military family! |
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That is GREAT! I''ve been known to be attracted to military-tactics.
teachingmyown wrote:
| One thing I have to constantly remind the older kids is to come back after helping youngers get in van and ask "What can I do to help, Mom?". Too often, they just get in the van and wait, while I am still running around making sure we have everything we need. |
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I'm adding this.....assigned it to the one who is closest to the van-door, which at the moment is 8yo dd. One person back inside to help with last minute things. Good idea.
Mackfam wrote:
| *Would you please offer to help here? **prompt quietly with the words, "May I offer to help you, mom?"** |
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I like this. Asking/reminding them to offer help to me. Knowing myself, though, this is where I picture myself getting snippy and speaking in exasperated tones. So,
I practiced this with Pete this weekend. poor guy. Between the two of us, we came up with my wording and ideal tone, so I'm going to try to start using this reminder. Again, I know I've said this before, but it's the VERBAL OFFER that is so lacking in today's society. (I sound like my grandma!)
Mackfam wrote:
| It is mostly an exercise of my patience and kindness, but I see payoffs when I am consistent and hold the children accountable rather than just letting them spring from the van with abandon leaving me with the overwhelming mess. |
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Sigh. Yes. So True.
I'm also trying to make an effort to remind them to offer help when they greet people when they pull up in the driveway. "Please ask if you can help carry anything in."
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Habit Formation-Going from House to Car
