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MacBeth
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 1:40pm | IP Logged
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Patrick wrote:
| Are there any subtle hints that I can give girls who have problems with this? Patrick |
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How about, "Hey! My 5 year old brother wears the same size shirt!"
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MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
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MacBeth's Blog 
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MEBarrett
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 2:21pm | IP Logged
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MacBeth wrote:
Patrick wrote:
| Are there any subtle hints that I can give girls who have problems with this? Patrick |
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How about, "Hey! My 5 year old brother wears the same size shirt!" |
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Subtlety thy name is MacBeth!
I love it.
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Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
Tales from the Bonny Blue House
O Night Divine
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 3:19pm | IP Logged
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One time I said sarcastically, out loud, "Oh, that poor girl forgot to finish dressing today!" I was mortified, I really hadn't meant to say it out loud.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 3:25pm | IP Logged
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I guess a more helpful thing to say would be something like 'your clothes distract people from seeing your lovely eyes/smile/face' . You would have to steer the conversation in that direction first.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Kathryn UK
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
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MicheleQ wrote:
| I have read that before ... |
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I know you have ... I copied it from a post of yours
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
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MicheleQ
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Kathryn UK wrote:
MicheleQ wrote:
| I have read that before ... |
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I know you have ... I copied it from a post of yours
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Oh! LOL
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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Glenn
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Take one of my children along with you. My 5 y.o. daughter and 3 y.o. son are very loud and verbal about immodesty. "Mama, that girl is verrryyy immodest!" I hear this often. It used to embarrass me, but not anymore. Now I figure that they are right, and sometimes only a child can get away with such honesty.
Glenn
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Glenn
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Genevieve
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Being a 26 year woman, these particular tactics have worked for me.  Compliment them when they do dress elegantly. Talk innocently about how a particular fad is kinda "weird". Better to do the latter when the girls aren't wearing the fad. Once I pull aside my ex bil's girlfriend to let her know I can see all the way her shirt. Afterwards she felt that I was always being judgemental about her clothes and avoided me. So that tactic doesn't work for me.
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Genevieve
The Good Within
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Becky Parker
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Just wanted to say thanks for the replies to my question. The replies about leotards really confirmed what I had been thinking. I just hope that someday I can explain the importance of modesty and dressing respectfully to her when she starts to question. So far, just saying "because Jesus and Mary want us to dress modestly and like ladies" works. She's only 6... I really worry about her as she reaches her teens though. Maybe true modesty will be back in style by then...I guess it doesn't hurt to be hopeful!
Becky
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Karen T
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MicheleQ wrote:
OK, I know I've said this before but I REALLY want to encourage all of you to think about sewing some skirts for yourself. They really are one of the absolute easiest things to make
along with slimming effects.
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Michele, I also like 6-gore skirts and have always liked that outfit you posted the picture of; I remember when you posted to it from NMSL.
Does that Simplicity pattern you're using have a zipper and band? I've only made my skirts from a Kwiksew pattern that has an elastic waist, which I don't care for as much.
anyway, my main point here is about little girls' dresses, too. I make most of dd's dresses b/c the dresses you do find for girls are so short! Dd will be 4 in 2 weeks, but is only 30 lbs and can wear 2's and 3's; however, they are way too short (and they were even when she was younger and shorter). I just finished a dress for her from Kwiksew and I ended up extending the bodice by an inch and the skirt by 4 inches just to make it come below her knees!
But that's the great thing about sewing, isn't it? At least, when I can find the time LOL! Wish I could take you up on that offer of a sewing day!
Karen T, who hasn't even been IN the sewing room in almost 2 weeks. 
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Patrick
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| Posted: Sept 03 2005 at 10:56pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
| I guess a more helpful thing to say would be something like 'your clothes distract people from seeing your lovely eyes/smile/face' . You would have to steer the conversation in that direction first. |
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This one is a good idea. Thanks for all of the suggestions! This topic has been a lot of fun.
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Cay Gibson
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Reflections on Teenage Modesty by Danielle Bean
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 15 2005 at 11:44am | IP Logged
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About getting girl's shorts for girls - forget it! We went shopping one year for long shorts for our dd who was playing softball and needed something to practice in. We didn't purchase shorts that year because of what was available.
The same thing happens with t-shirts. Our 2 dd after going through every rack in every store in the women's department said in exasperation, "Mom, I just want a plain, ordinary t-shirt with NO writing on it." We went to the boys department as that was the only place we could find them. We have found other girl sources since then, but to be honest, the cut is no different unless it has a plunging neckline.
I would really like all my girls to wear dresses, and I find myself hoping and praying to find a way to naturally encourage this. The younger 13 yo dd wears almost all pants because she is extremely active and I let it go because we have at least found a source of very nice/ loose to the natural waste line pants. She has a few dresses/skirts for church. I will probably try to buy her a really nice blue jean type skirt but right now she is still into hanging upside down on the jungle gym and often wears rolled up pants under her church skirt so she can play on the playground after Mass. I am not interested in making her into a teen too soon.
I really do not like a lot of what my 17 yo wears. It has become a point of real tension between us. If you think something is a bit tight, then she thinks I'm saying she is fat, etc. At one time she was very careful, but not having friends, she became very pulled by the fashions. In exhaustion, I gave in once or twice to an item and I see the rules being pushed to the limits. She tries and thinks she is modest and that I am extreme. We have been very strict normally and do wonder if some of this is a reaction. However, I have seen other moms hold to their guns and make their children take back clothing and eventually they came to see it mom's way. There is a real temptation to compare to what is out there and figure you aren't immodest rather than use a standard. I have always worn dresses or skirts for a long time, but I am not particularly astute at getting the beauty or non-dumpy look and I think that hurt with my more aesthetic minded oldest daughter who is into art and music.
I really second the question about how to walk the right line with an older teen. I don't want to be in constant battles over clothing. I do want to help lead her to a fuller understanding. We do discuss a lot and have purchased two books on modesty and standards and how to pick out clothing including the Hammond one which we discuss. The thing that helped most was when a guy friend made a general comment about how it disgusts him when girls where stuff that is too tight. She went through her closet that night and got rid of the worst things. I had discussed a lot about things being too tight and there seemed to be resistance - like I had offended her, but when this friend made a general comment it had immediate effect and prevented a fight. The suggestion to Patrick is a great one in terms of making general comments as part of "academic" discussion. I have also pointed out things to her (or her dad has). Like the time they were at the airport and a man bent over to pick up something. Her turned and apologized to her cousin who was wearing very feminine and modest skirt and not to our dd who was wearing jeans. Or we ask a leading question like the time she commented about a girlfriends brother who really talked to her normally this time and she thought he was shy. I suggested that maybe her clothing the time before made him feel too awkward where this time it was more modest and comfortable and allowed him to interact with her as friend to friend instead of avoiding temptation.
I am really pondering the mom's comment about one problem being the parents allowing the clothing. There are times when I think I really should dictate that things be gotten rid of - they were purchased before she gained a more womanly figure and now they just don't look right. I would like her to go for fuller skirts, but she likes more taylored looks. She wants to be modest, feminine but also not stand out as a sore thumb. I really think the problem is that if you are really modest as a teenager, you DO stand out. As grown women, we don't stand out quite as much as there are a wider range of dress among our peers which now also include elderly women, etc. How do we help our teens get beyond this immense peer pressure. I really wish that just once, someone outside of mom and dad had reinforced our standards as that would have helped a lot. A general homily on modesty would have helped a lot. Another peer saying something would have helped. I think our dd just came to the conclusion that we were extreme, and no one countered that opinion. Still it is one of our responsibilities, so maybe we should go back to dictating? Some of it is at what point, on what issue. We require sleeves - but what about cap sleeves. We require below the knees when seated - but we see the child sometimes pushing to be just there. And What is too tight in her jeans? She thinks I want her to wear sacks and pants never really fit her anyways! And I must honestly say that I HATE shopping and when we look for clothes for her there is an immense temptation to just be done with it as this is the best that we could find. At least since being advised to put it off on dad, that is a little less troublesome. When I get exhausted and find the temptation to give in, I tell her she can purchase it but leave the tags on and ask her dad and be prepared to take it back. She always puts it back on the rack. She accuses us of rejecting everything she likes - It has become a standard joke among us that between her dad and I we reject 150%. The things I like best are the things that she has sewn.
I'll have to look at the sites mentioned and see her comments on those clothes (not the Nordstorm as I sure don't want her to have another outsider indicate something as modest that is far beneath it). Any ideas on how to gently lead this child to see the point and make a real assessment of her clothing. I love the mother's post about reparation - perhaps that's an idea for Lent.
Janet
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BrendaPeter
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Hi Janet,
My kids are younger so I won't be much help, however, I just wanted to mention that when my young daugther (age 5 1/2 at the time) became resistant to wearing skirts/dresses everyday, I realized that I would have to wear a skirt or dress everyday. That was the clincher for me.
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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Laura
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Okay, so I ordered Colleen's book through Tan....
I was slightly aware of the controversy over copywrite violations, but had not really researched it very much.
I then asked about it at church and saw that this possibly was a big deal. I came home and saw that there was a website asking for us to boycott Tan.
This made me sad, and unsure of how I should feel. My book has not even arrived in the mail yet. 
Also, have any of you read the free download on Modesty that is available at the boycott Tan website called "Those Who Serve God"? I read it this morning during my quiet time, and it "just happened" to match my daily Mass readings....ouch. Talk about being just a little convicting. Time for me to once again rethink things. I do not dress immodestly  , but after reading that pamphlet I see that there is room for consideration in this area. In the past I always read mostly Protestant web pages and books on this issue. I did not realize that the Church had sooo much to say. The only thing I had seen was the few paragraphs in our Catechism!
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Courtney
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Laura, I don't know anything about the boycotting of Tan books, but where can I find the article called "Those who Serve God" ? Thank you!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Laura
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http://www.boycotttan.com/docs/Those_Who_Serve_God.pdf
It is a 20 page booklet that you almost have to print off to make any sense of or you would be scrolling all over the place in order to read the pages in order!
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Laura
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http://www.boycotttan.com/docs/Those_Who_Serve_God.pdf
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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ladybugs
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Hi Ladies,
I've been trying to peruse the messages on this topic since it is so pertinent.
We went to the state fair in Sept and all my girls said after we left, "How come there were so many girls immodestly dressed?"
I just said that maybe no one taught them that that they didn't need to dress that way to be pretty, etc....
One thing, too, that I try to convey to my children is that they are the answers to these problems. I have brought up in conversation the idea that "Since you know what is modest and what is not, why don't you design clothes to solve the problem?"
My Juliana and Sophia have taken this idea to heart and with one of their friends have decided to be designers when they grow up. They've already made some drawings and we've talked about how fashion can be fun, fresh, funky and FEMININE!
Love and God Bless,
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Laura
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ladybugs wrote:
"Since you know what is modest and what is not, why don't you design clothes to solve the problem?"
My Juliana and Sophia have taken this idea to heart and with one of their friends have decided to be designers when they grow up. They've already made some drawings and we've talked about how fashion can be fun, fresh, funky and FEMININE!
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Modern and Modest
