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saintanneshs
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| Posted: July 03 2006 at 10:38pm | IP Logged
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It's been months that I've been away from this wonderful forum, busy with the farm and berry-picking/field trip season. How I've missed everything here from chit-chat to the inspiring words of wisdom...
I was just wondering if there's anyone out there who loved being pregnant with most of her pregnancies but found one pg to be a little more overwhelming and not quite so "fabulous."
Do the blues go away on their own or is it something you have to accept or to work at, like PPD? 
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Kristine
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: July 04 2006 at 6:32am | IP Logged
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Congratulations! 
I definitely had overwhelmingness  and the blues with two of mine. One of them, I think it was sheer exhaustion and it hung on after he was born. The other turned out to be my best birth and best postpartum. I rested and rested SO much during that pregnancy. Take good care of yourself and I don't say that lightly. Really, truly put your care up there on your priority list. Announce your intentions to get plenty of rest. Five babies in six or seven years is exhausting all the way around. It's one of those instances where mommy needs to put on her oxygen mask before she can take care of everyone else's. It's not selfish. It's good for everyone. I need to dash, so I'll have to leave this with just the theoretical. Hopefully, other peole can help with the practical today.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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teachingmyown
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Kristine,
I had a really hard time with this last pregnancy, #7. My current toddler has been a handful since birth and I prayed that God would give us some extra space before giving us another child. He did, almost an extra year compared with my previous pattern. Still, I was really overwhelmed with the thought of another and the fatigue and discomforts of the pregnancy.
Elizabeth's advice is really good. In fact, I am pretty sure she gave me the same advice a few months back!  In addition to the physical needs that you should take care of, pray. Pray for joy and pray for rest and peace. I also prayed for a peaceful baby. I trusted that God knows our family and knows what I can handle. But it never hurts to give Him our opinion, humbly of course!
Even as Emily's birth was approaching, I still didn't know how I would manage. But God gave me a precious, peaceful baby who has filled this home with a new joy.
Physically, I am still running on near-empty and I still need to follow Elizabeth's advice. My biggest prayer right now is to be loving to my kids and to find the enthusiasm that they deserve in a mommy.
Kristine, you are in the Fredericksburg area, aren't you? Maybe we could get together some time if you need a change of scenery. Sometimes just hanging out at someone else's house really refreshes you.
God bless you and your little ones.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Dawnie
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Kristine,
I have struggled w/ depression both during pregnancy and postpartum. It's something I've struggled w/ since I was a teenager, actually. I have found that, at times, it does go away on its own, sort of like a cold does. At other times, it's more serious and I need to get help to deal with it.
For myself, I know that I need to seek help (in the form of counseling) when I am having trouble functioning in my daily life b/c of my symptoms or when I start having suicidal thoughts.
After my last baby was born, I saw a counselor for about 6 months and also received natural progesterone injections. The natural progesterone was a Godsend. It really helped me to feel better. I don't think you can use natural progesterone during pregnancy, but if you are still struggling post-partum, it might be something to look into. The counselor I saw was Catholic and she was very helpful in helping me come up with my own solutions to the problems I was having. So, I felt like I was in control of the process--it wasn't someone else telling me what to do.
If you want to PM me to ask questions privately, please feel free. I hope you're not struggling as much as I did, but if you are, know that you aren't alone.
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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aussieannie
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Dawnie wrote:
| After my last baby was born, I saw a counselor for about 6 months and also received natural progesterone injections. The natural progesterone was a Godsend. It really helped me to feel better. I don't think you can use natural progesterone during pregnancy |
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Dawn, when this has happened - had you had your thyroid thoroughly checked at the time? The reason I ask is that thyroids are connected/effected by low progesterone, one goes down the other can follow. One of the chief symptoms (besides obvious tiredness) of low thyroid is depression. It is one symptom I have never suffered (I make up for it with other shocking symptoms  ) but alot of fellow thyroid suffers I know most definately do! Thyroids can sometimes ONLY play up with some women in pregnancy/post partum because it might not be a permenant weakness there but one that shows with the great change of hormones in the body. I suppose the most encouraging thing about it is, there is usually a physical cause as you had found out and maybe it helps you reason with yourself to a certain degree with these dreadful feelings.
Elizabeth wrote:
| I definitely had overwhelmingness and the blues with two of mine. One of them, I think it was sheer exhaustion and it hung on after he was born. The other turned out to be my best birth and best postpartum. |
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teachingmyown wrote:
Elizabeth's advice is really good. In fact, I am pretty sure she gave me the same advice a few months back! In addition to the physical needs that you should take care of, pray. Pray for joy and pray for rest and peace. I also prayed for a peaceful baby. I trusted that God knows our family and knows what I can handle. But it never hurts to give Him our opinion, humbly of course!
Even as Emily's birth was approaching, I still didn't know how I would manage. But God gave me a precious, peaceful baby who has filled this home with a new joy.
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I can relate to both those comments in my first pregnancy only and I had it all worked out at the time   that I would be the prime candidate for PND (had looked at a check-list in a magazine for likely candidates ) - I can remember praying in front of the picture of Mother of Perpetual Help every day in the last three months begging Our Lady through prayers and just me talking to her, heart to heart.
I look back and feel my undetoxified body (I had bad mercury posioning 7 years prior - and first detox started 6months after 1st child born) was the physical culprit here but I feel Our Lady still interceeded powerfully for me the moment I saw Jack, I laugh and tell him that he was the baby that "healed my heart" and he LOVES to hear it!
Even if these things do NOT resolve and heaven sees a purpose to continued suffering, we know our prayers ARE answered and that you will carried through suffering.
When sufferings strike me in any way and if I pray for blessed relief and the trial continues, I tell myself that probably on judgement day I will find out that the graces from it may have been used in my children's lives to bring them to eternal happiness and that those graces were crucial maybe - that thought helps me bare it better. In fact, I say to Our Lady, please use this suffering FOR that purpose!
Novenas are always wonderful, to Our Lady (one sigh from her is more powerful than all the sufferings, prayers & good works of the saints and angels combined - I remind myself of that...and my Blessed Mother ) and St Anne is also a wonderful friend. See this thread it describes her maternal care for us and our families. As Molly says, we must ask for what we know we need, heaven wants to hear them!
There is always something I need to be praying for in a pregnancy (they seem to be catalysts for the need for more prayers for things in general I find), for myself, unborn bubs, for future intentions after birth, spiritual, emotional & physical things needed, those prayers never go unanswered, and the most wonderful changes and 'shifts of direction' in life come often after, 'knocking on the door' of God's heart for quite awhile!
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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aussieannie
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Oh Kristine! I have just noticed your name, "saintanneshs" so you KNOW what I mean about St Anne!
Funny thing, when I really needed her help at present but just didn't think about it, I was reminded again of the need to turn to her!
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aussieannie
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| Posted: July 04 2006 at 3:19pm | IP Logged
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Sorry about this, I noticed something else you said Kristine,
saintannehs wrote:
| busy with the farm and berry-picking/field trip season. |
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Physically, my flattest pregnancy in the first trimester, was one where I had been on a farm working, on tractors and general farm work - I had just fallen pregnant before it started and I just didn't know it yet - maybe rest and relaxtion with the children will also help. If this is normal for you, maybe it could be something that could be tipping the scale for you this time. (or maybe not, but thought I would mention my experience.)
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Under Her Starry Mantle
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Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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Dawnie
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aussieannie wrote:
| Dawn, when this has happened - had you had your thyroid thoroughly checked at the time |
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Yes, I went to see my family physician and he did order some thyroid tests. I have heard that the standard thyroid test may not detect thyroid problems even when they exist...
I have suspected some kind of physical cause for my depression, but haven't been able to root it out yet.
Dawn
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Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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saintanneshs
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Thank you all so much for your kind words and suggestions and for sharing your experiences. They've helped more than you know. I just KNEW if I came here with my blues I'd feel better soon...an answer to my prayers.
I do wish I could talk in person (thank you, Molly) and wish I didn't always feel like I HAVE to put on a smile and be so enthusiastic all the time. Usually it isn't a show, but when I feel sad, it seems like I have no choice but to keep up appearances. Maybe it's because with baby#5 most people around here are already thinking we've gone off the deep end and I don't think I could stand to hear the words or see the glances that say "well you knew what you were getting into so what did you expect?" I'm too afraid to ask anyone for sympathy when I need it because I know better than to expect it. Most people just don't get it and it really hurts when you feel like family might not get it either, so you keep it in, wondering which friends you can trust with something like this.
I wish too that there was more acceptance in the world of what it meant to feel called by God to do something you really don't want to do. (Or at least for me, not quite ready to do YET.) So many people these days seem to be hung up on only what they want to do with their lives, rather than considering what God may want them to do and it's hard for me to feel like anyone could possibly understand the reason behind my choice. I knew I'd be safe to share here, though. I knew other moms must have felt like this at some time...overwhelmed with what's being asked of them.
Anne, farm work is the norm for me in October and May, or at least it was. I finally worked up the nerve last month to ask for a permanent replacement during field trip seasons in the future. It was just so exhausting trying to teach and work with 25-30 field trip kids all day, with my own four kids in tow. Dh was very understanding about it (those were some long days for him too) but I still felt like I was letting him and the rest of the family down a bit. I know I shouldn't, and I know I need to take care of our own family and I'm not sorry for stepping down. I know it was the right choice. I could tell dh's parents weren't too thrilled to have a new baby added onto the pressure of finding my replacement, but thankfully dh doesn't care what they think because he knows what's best for us. Such a blessing...
I suppose all these blues are just residual from an exhausting spring and accepting the challenge of another baby at a not-so-convenient time. I've just never before felt so unsure of how I would do this again. I know God's Amazing Grace will surround me and He will take care of all our needs if I trust in Him, it's just that I guess I've never before had to trust Him this much. I sometimes wonder if there will be any recognizable piece of me left. And I think some of this has to do with the number 5. Four kids never seemed like that many, after all, with dh we had one hand for each child. Now I'll have to let go a lot more with our oldest, in more ways than the literal, and trust that God will make up the difference when I can't be there. I have issues with this too...Anyway, once this horrible morning sickness is over, and many, many prayers later, I hope it all does go away. Maybe it will go away like a cold (thanks, Dawn). Maybe I'll feel more confident.
Thanks, Elizabeth, for permission to rest. I'll have to work on reminding myself that resting isn't the same as being lazy...what a hang-up I have with that one.
Girls, I'll add my prayers for your pregnancies (and a happy, peaceful postpartum for you, Molly) to my own and look for bright days for us all.
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Kristine
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Dawnie
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saintanneshs wrote:
I do wish I could talk in person (thank you, Molly) and wish I didn't always feel like I HAVE to put on a smile and be so enthusiastic all the time. Usually it isn't a show, but when I feel sad, it seems like I have no choice but to keep up appearances. Maybe it's because with baby#5 most people around here are already thinking we've gone off the deep end and I don't think I could stand to hear the words or see the glances that say "well you knew what you were getting into so what did you expect?" I'm too afraid to ask anyone for sympathy when I need it because I know better than to expect it. Most people just don't get it and it really hurts when you feel like family might not get it either, so you keep it in, wondering which friends you can trust with something like this. |
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Boy, I can relate to this! It helps SO MUCH for me to have someone I can just vent to. Someone who will nod and say, "Yeah, I know, this life is hard!"
saintannehs wrote:
| I wish too that there was more acceptance in the world of what it meant to feel called by God to do something you really don't want to do. (Or at least for me, not quite ready to do YET.) |
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Yes, yes, yes! Love comes from the WILL, not our EMOTIONS, which are changing.
saintannehs wrote:
| I knew other moms must have felt like this at some time...overwhelmed with what's being asked of them. |
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I could have written much of what you wrote. Yes, it is an overwhelming job at times, but it is a comfort to have others along on the journey. I'll be praying for you!
Dawn
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Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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teachingmom
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aussieannie wrote:
| Dawn, when this has happened - had you had your thyroid thoroughly checked at the time? The reason I ask is that thyroids are connected/effected by low progesterone, one goes down the other can follow. One of the chief symptoms (besides obvious tiredness) of low thyroid is depression. |
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I agree that you might want to have your thyroid checked. It may not even be low thyroid function, but a hyperactive thyroid instead. I have been feeling just awful this past month. I've been completely exhausted, sad, stressed, feeling angry at almost everyone almost all the time. And this was all during my 2nd trimester, when I should be feeling my best! I felt at my wits end last week when it finally dawned on my that my thyroid might be going hyperactive again. It happened during my last pregnancy too. I've gotten partial blood test results back and am now trying to get an appt. with an endocrinologist now. (Very frustrating!  )
The good thing is that simply knowing that I have a real reason for feeling so bad has made me feel less crazy and a lot less stressed and sad. Hopefully the thyroid medication will give me a lot more relief too.
And now that I've written all this, I guess I'll go post the prayer request that I should have posted before now.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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MicheleQ
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I have been both hypo and hyper thyroid. Hypo postpartum and hyper in pregnancy. Although I know it's not a good thing, being hyperthyroid was amazing. My mind and my body both worked in "hyper" mode. I could think SO clearly and I had tons of energy and motivation to do things. I had a huge appetite and really had to eat a lot or I would lose weight. BUT, I would also get exhausted and super grouchy and snippy.
The last 4 pregnancies I have also had varying degress of depression. I haven't ever had it postpartum (except maybe a slight case of the blues) but sometimes my pregnancy depression has been pretty bad. At this point I have come to expect it and because I know it's hormonal that helps me in being able to deal with it. I haven't had to be medicated (well OK I haven't let myself be medicated) but I have found that taking fish oil helps.
It also helps that dh and my midwife know this is a tendency I have so they monitor me for it and talk to me about it. Dh tries to help me in anyway he can (shopping, cooking etc.) and it really does make a difference.
God bless,
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Michele Quigley
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Nina Murphy
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I don't have time to write more, but I wanted you to know you are not alone (obviously, from the posts of all of these wonderful women)---I have had depression in all of my pregnancies, except for two. My first was depression free (slept all day?/ no other responsibilities?) and ironically, my 7th, the preemie. I wonder, since I bled the entire time and he was delivered almost 2 months early, if my lack of depression was due to low hormonal levels? I think the placenta just never implanted properly. (It looked like old, gray, shriveled meat when it came out---that's what the MD said, and my husband concurred--I was freaked.) I am so feeling your pain right now---my memories are fresh in my mind. As I always remind my husband when we are having those "heart-to-hearts", all of my children have "cost" me dearly----but they have all been WORTH IT!!! What miracles. No one would have said I would have this many. God bless you----I pray God rewards you richly!!!
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Erica Sanchez
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Kristine,
I know exactly how you are feeling (at least I think I do!). When I was pregnant with #5, my other children were exactly the same ages as yours are now. I was still working part time as the youth minister at our parish. We were buying, fixing up and moving into our first home. Our plates were full. Compared to my other pregnancies which were a breeze, I was having physical pain, especially in my legs. I wanted more spacing. I was mad and sad and everything else to be pregnant again.
Reading Kimberly Hahn's Life Giving Love pulled me up and out of my self-inflicted depression (there truly wasn't anything hormonally or physically in my case). Something in her book just spoke to me, touched me deeply. I highly recommend reading it. I had so much peace about having another baby after reading her book and the rest of the pregnancy went very well. Then we had our little Annie, and of course, I couldn't believe I could have even felt all those feelings. Embarrassing and sad to even go back to that time......
God's plans are soooo much bigger and better than ours. It is just sometimes hard to see that when you are in the middle of it. I say just do whatever you have to do to get through the day until you start to feel better. For me, that was lots of couch time and not much of anything else. It sounds like Dh is on board to help you. Is there anyone else nearby IRL that would be able to help out occassionally?
CONGRATULATIONS!! And, many prayers coming your way, Kristine. Please feel free to pm me and if you want someone to talk to in person, I would be happy to call you! Hang in there!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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saintanneshs
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Irene, I will be praying for you to feel better soon. Sometimes it does help to have some sort of physical reason (diagnosis) for feeling the way we do, if for no other reason than to confirm what we knew all along, that something wasn't quite right. I hope you will find an answer and some relief right away.
Michele, I know what you mean about being aware of the tendency toward depression. I feel these things coming on and even though it's only ever happened post-partum, my dh is like yours and is on top of it so he knows to keep checking and look for signs. What would we do without such incredible husbands? (and lucky you to have a midwife!) I usually don't have to take anything either since I have some luck with natural alternatives. If only I had the same motivation to lift myself up as I do post par. (a sweet little baby in my arms!)
Thank you, Nina, for the reminder of how worth it our kids are. I find it easy to forget this when I'm wallowing on days like today when everyone has a virus and is throwing up! When it rains, it pours, but you're right, they are sooo worth it.
I'll try your book, Erica. Thanks for the recommendation. Reading books and planning for school are two things I can do from the couch. It's helping just to be here on these boards, listening to other moms like you tell their experiences and share how they've managed. For weeks now I've felt so guilty for feeling this way about a pregnancy, like I shouldn't even breathe a word of it lest I be sorry for what I said later. But I think too, that it's better to be honest with myself and ask for help to cope than to try to keep it hidden. There's nothing worse than feeling badly about something, feeling like it's not normal AND feeling so alone at the same time. I just knew SOMEONE here would understand...I had no idea there were so many "someones" who've BTDT. I feel so dumb that I've been wondering around looking at all these large families, thinking that these women must have all had great pregnancies, every time, and I'm just not normal. Not like I'm special or anything, but I had no idea that as many other moms with large families accepted suffering during pregnancies in order to bring God's children into this world...sounds kinda' weird, but what a comfort to my soul this knowledge is. Seems I am normal, after all. 
Thanks you all, for keeping me company.
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Kristine
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: pregnancy blues for the first time
