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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 3:03pm | IP Logged
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I hope this is the right forum so here goes. I am new to HS and am bringing my kids home after being in traditional school up to now. I've looked over many curriculum choices and styles of homeschooling and still somewhat trying to figure something out. Sometimes I feel VERY overwhelmed that my children are going to be 3rd grade and 5th grade and feel like I don't have the time to sort all the different styles and choices and make changes like I would if I was starting in preschool.
My older DD will be "easy". It's my son I'm having a hard time with. I'm not sure if he's got struggles with learning or what. He was tested last year at the end of 1st grade and his IQ was quite low but they kept saying "well, if he was more attentive, he prob. would have done better...." Then of course the pressure to have him tested for ADD and then get him on some meds so he could concentrate better in the classroom. He just turned 9 but he def. seems more immature socially and intellectually (like a 6-7 year old sometimes). His issues seem to be really needing more 1-1 b/c with his school tutor and the tutor we hired, he THRIVES and realllly learns waaay more than in the classroom.
I'm so trying to capture some interest from him that can translate into learning to read, write, do math etc. Kind of just the basics to get along in life. There's really just not a lot that sparks his interest. I've tried asking what things he learned in school that he might want to learn more and he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked if he liked the solar system, the apple orchard unit, the history unit etc. Sometimes he'll say yeh but nothing specific. I've offered options on looking at different curriculum and he just shrugs his shoulders. I'll ask about things around the house he might want to learn more about and I get answers like "Scooby Doo" or "Spiderman". Kind of just random things and honestly if he could watch tv 24/7, I think he would although we do limit it and he hardly ever even watches those shows he mentioned today. He does like sports and plays baseball, soccer but how do I bring that inside or with books or something? What do you do with a child that doesn't have a strong desire to learn how to build legos or make arts/crafts or read or do busy work? He does Scouts but again, he doesn't show a burning desire for anything like my daughter does. He's def. not as verbal as my daughter (or me...hence the wordiness of this post  ) so how can I better communicate with him to best capture his heart?
I'm sorry this is so long. Does this post even make sense? I'm just trying to provide as much background info so someone can provide some guidance. May be someone can provide more probing questions that I have not been able to think of to ask him.
Thanks in advance,
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
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I think they say that it takes one month for each year of traditional schooling for a a kid to detox from school. So he may be partly detoxing, especially if he was receiving a lot of negativity at school.
I would keep things very simple with him right now...pick a math curriculum. Take him to the library and let him rummage around for about an hour...show him the fiction and non-fiction sections and see what he gravitates to. Keep the television off as much as possible, give him chores to do, perhaps try some read-aloud time but other wise give him some space to discover himself. I would do that until like Christmas and then re-evaluate.
I hope others will have some more suggestions for you.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 10:45pm | IP Logged
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I would recommend exactly what Barbara did, with the addition of getting him outside in nature daily if possible.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 10:58pm | IP Logged
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But what does that mean exactly to get him outside in nature daily? I mean, he does go outside every day to ride his bike or scooter or just play with the neighbors or play ball. But in terms of any learning to read or write or do math calculations, how does that happen when he's "playing"? To get him to have something like a nature journal where he draws and/or records things he sees would be close to a miracle. He's just not that kind of kid to like or want to do that. I guess my mindset is still on traditional school too and seeing that he meets certain standard goals. I don't want to pressure him but it does worry me that he'll fall far behind the "norm" if we don't stay on top of him learning the basics. He does have trouble remembering a lot of things so he needs a LOT of repetition.
We do go to the library too and he typically picks what would prob. be described as "twaddle". He does enjoy me reading to him.
I am in the process of reading REAL LEARNING. May be I'm just too new to all this and we don't have any kind of structure or rhythm or routine or anything right now and I'm feeling a bit lost myself.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 11:17pm | IP Logged
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I have a friend whose son was similar....I believe he was ten. They had a busy summer with lots of trips to the library, then, in the fall, she started a few read alouds, field trips, lots of outside time hiking and trips to the beach, running errands, cooking together, family geneology/looking at family pictures, and drawing together. They did this until beg. Nov and then she slowly added one or two things in, bit by bit.
She limited any games/tv to a set amount of time per day, and only at certain times.
You could also encourage him to play soccer, baseball outside instead of tv, since he likes it so much....he actually has TIME now to do it!!
She and her husband also made a big effort to get dad very actively involved with him in the evenings and on the weekends. Everything else was secondary. Dad read out loud, went for walks, played board games, canoeing, and just hung out.....it was a hard couple of months on dad and very exhausting, but it paid off....their son slowly started getting excited about things and started exploring and having fun!
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: July 06 2009 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn wrote:
| But what does that mean exactly to get him outside in nature daily? I mean, he does go outside every day to ride his bike or scooter or just play with the neighbors or play ball. |
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Both.....
**Outside recreation and activity
**And, then also getting out into nature EXPLORING. Beach walks, nearby pond, forest/woods, swamp, farms to pick-your-own, river, hikes along a lake or any path, daily walks in the neighborhood, and in your own backyard. Talking about stuff, observing, etc. Since you mentioned that he's not very talkative.....walking and exploring are great things to do in general silence, at first...occasionally getting excited about something that you see, or making an observation.
Do you have a garden? Or bird feeders? Maybe he could be in charge of an aspect of those?
I wouldn't do a nature journal, yet....that could be a goal for maybe a year from now, but probably not now. What about family-drawing-time? Where everyone sits down to draw together, including you...make it about fun family time. So, for now the drawing and the nature are separate, but that doesn't mean it will always be.
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| I guess my mindset is still on traditional school too and seeing that he meets certain standard goals. I don't want to pressure him but it does worry me that he'll fall far behind the "norm" if we don't stay on top of him learning the basics. He does have trouble remembering a lot of things so he needs a LOT of repetition. |
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Understandable. But, you have to ask yourself, would you rather have a child who is the "norm" academically, but isn't interested in anything? Or would you rather have a child who is "behind the norm" but loves to learn and has a passion for the world around him? I'm not saying these are the only 2 options , but RIGHT NOW, your mama-heart is seeing something that the schools can't help him with, but you can!
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| We do go to the library too and he typically picks what would prob. be described as "twaddle". He does enjoy me reading to him. |
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I'd let him pick the twaddle, but chose a couple books for him and encourage him to read them. If not, don't force it. As long as you're reading good literature aloud!
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| I am in the process of reading REAL LEARNING. May be I'm just too new to all this and we don't have any kind of structure or rhythm or routine or anything right now and I'm feeling a bit lost myself. |
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I'm wondering if reading an "unschooling" book right now may help....I think that may help you feel better about the "detox period" that everyone recommends.
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| But in terms of any learning to read or write or do math calculations, how does that happen when he's "playing"? |
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It DOES!!!!!! This is maybe where the unschooly books would come in handy. Also, what about a Math-Games-Book??? Maybe hold off on the Math curriculum and do a couple months of Math Games?
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Suzanne in ID
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Leonie
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| Posted: July 07 2009 at 12:29am | IP Logged
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I also find strewing to be helpful in both finding a child's interests and sparking new interests - which often become family interests.
I consider my primary function as a homeschooling mom to be Strewing the Path. Coined by Sandra Dodd, "strewing" is a favorite term of homeschoolers, especially unschoolers, which describes the habit of leaving books, puzzles, games, curiosities, and other interesting things lying on tables and counters and in the car where unsuspecting children will find them.
Here in the Bonny Glen
Some of our strewing right now? On the dining room table, as part of our centrepiece, we have a Michael Jackson Thriller CD  , a pic and prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, a book about St John Vianney, a laminated copy of the Pope's letter on the Year of the Priest, stamps from my work trip to the Philippines and a booklet about the building of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Kids ( and adults) pick these up and read/peruse.
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Leonie in Sydney
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: July 07 2009 at 1:16pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn, in your first post you said your son could watch tv 24/7. I wonder if he would develop more of his own interests without the tv being on? My own kids watch tv so I'm not saying to completely get rid of it, but some of our most productive family times have been when we fasted from the tv. The first time was really hard, but eventually the kids all found neat things to do and really developed their creativity. Each time we have an electronics fast, it gets easier and easier.
Just an idea.
Editing to say I see that Barbara also suggested this. Sorry to have repeated.
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Becky
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Willa
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| Posted: July 07 2009 at 1:38pm | IP Logged
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My main thought is what others have already said -- that it will take some time to work into a new way of doing things, for both of you. Perhaps you could start a flexible type of "rhythm" for the day -- some reading time, some time outside together, some time playing something he wants to play with you (whatever that happens to be). Over time you'll see things that can be developed, and how he learns. It helps me to keep an observation journal sometimes where I write down what my kids are doing.
For a child, selecting things to learn about is a fairly advanced skill. His answers seem totally appropriate for a young boy. I think Leonie's strewing idea makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I rotate through the toys -- bring the Legos out in a new place or a new arrangement, so they catch the child's interest anew (or not). Or I sit down and play with them for a bit to give them new inspiration.
It's neat that your son makes such good progress with a tutor and seems to indicate that he learns better with a relationship-based, one on one approach. That may give you a key to his "style" of learning. Maybe he benefits from interaction.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 07 2009 at 6:55pm | IP Logged
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GREAT ideas and advice...thank you! I'm still listening for anyone else wanting to chime in. I'm going to do another post about read alouds too.
I think unschooling def. scares me (and prob. everyone else around me too like the hubby and parents). Then there's the cousin w/ a Masters Degree in Education and now an educational diagnostitician referring to this path as HomeFOOLing! I do have homeschool support at our local parish as well as some other friends doing it and I'm not easily intimidated but we all just want what's best for our kids and these negative opinions really create cause for pause. But, I guess that's just in growing and learning.
Yes, I def. want a kid that has a passion for learning and the world around him and to know and love and serve God in everything.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: July 07 2009 at 8:49pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn,
My son who sounds like yours just graduated high school. It was a long twelve years! He never really showed much interest in anything, except weight lifting and anything I didn't want him to do. 
I never had the guts to de-school him. I was also convinced that he was the kid who would play video games or watch movies 24/7 if given the opportunity, which of course he wasn't. It is just more of a characterization of the child's personality.
I was continually switching gears and trying to motivate him, find his interests, etc. He ended up finishing school in public school, learning nothing and now looking at a future that is a blank because he still has no idea what he is interested in.
I highly encourage you to read Gatto, Holt, and a Thomas Jefferson Education. No one is saying that unschooling is the only right way. I think the main idea of what others are saying is that you and he need to de-school. Get away from the preconceived notions of what he "needs" to learn. Give him time to just be. Outside time that isn't structured, but leaves him time to think. Limited games and tv, but some so he doesn't think you are trying to bore to death! He is still so young and his view of "school" is something hard or boring and without a big switch in approach, you won't be able to break that view.
One other thing that may be worth exploring before trying to decide on a course of study would be to look at Dianne Craft's website. She has studied brain chemistry, left-brain/right-brain learning, learning "glitches" and so on. It might be very valuable to find out what problems your son is actually dealing with when he tries to do his work.
Good luck to you! It is hard to make a big change, but trust your instincts and don't listen to the "experts", especially those who don't support homeschooling in the first place.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Birdie
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| Posted: July 10 2009 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
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My kids have always had interests, sometimes they are a want, like I want to make a kite or a I want to learn to do origami. Other times it is an interest in a superhero or some sport. I think paying attention to his wants will help you to meet his needs. Then it's up to you to make time to help him pursue those interests and it doesn't have to be a lesson or a unit it can just be you as a parent reading more superman books or reading about soccer. This probably isn't a popular opinion but I wouldn't base your homeschool lessons around only his interests, it's important very important for kids to enjoy what they are learning but I've found that they make connections and develop new interests often because I wasn't afraid I'd ruin them if I just went ahead and chose the books they read/used for home school. 
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Susan (Birdie)
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: How to discover a child's interests?
