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mom2mpr
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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My kids are 6 (girl) and 11 (boy). The 11 is really mature and smart.
I am struggling with our days. Dd wants me to play dolls, or other younger kid things. Ds is just doing whatever (computer, writing his pen pals, causing some trouble) all day while I deal with a 6 year old. When I do have time with him at night I am sooo tired. I just do prayers with him and I am off to bed. I can't move "bedtime."
Dh comes home and takes ds off and they do everything together. I have dd. I miss ds. I am trying to think of ways to get us all to do stuff together. But I am at a loss.
I just feel like my family is split and it isn't right. I always wanted more kids and that makes it hurt more. If there were more people to play with it would be so much easier for me. But, we live rurally and those that are around us I really don't want to hang with. We do have 2 families we are close with, but we can miss seeing them for a few weeks at times.
Just needed to vent and hope someone else here has some suggestions.
Anne
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 7:49am | IP Logged
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A couple of thoughts, one may seem totally random, but have you tried to figure out why you are so tired in the evening? Maybe you need to get yourself checked out to make sure you are healthy. Better vitamins? A nap? I don't know, the thought just popped in my head.
My other thought is to find some family projects such as a garden, field trips (easy ones like the zoo or nature center) that appeal to both ages, games they can both play, etc.
It is good for your son to have time with dad. So, try not to be jealous over that. Maybe making a conscious schedule in your day (not exact times, more like pegs) that you tell your dd that she needs to play and you are going to hang out with her brother.
As for feeling dissatisfied with your family size, I will just say that as much as I love my large family, I do look at families like yours with a longing glance from time to time. I think how it must be nice to be able to run out and do more things, or spend one on one time, or to read a story without kids fighting over the book, or any number of things. Obviously, both family sizes come with challenges and with benefits. The grass is always greener.  I only mention this to let you know that I think we all have notions of how things could be better, but God has a plan for each family and someday we will be let in on it.
God bless you and yours. This parenting thing is a lot harder than it looked before we started, isn't it? 
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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At 6 it is definately possible for your dd to entertain herself for periods of time..
so while I most definately agree with getting them involved in a family project/game.. don't forget that you CAN spend time with just your son as well. And you can expect (even if you have to start with small amounts of time and work up) your daughter to learn to play on her own some as well.
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-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:31am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
At 6 it is definately possible for your dd to entertain herself for periods of time..
so while I most definately agree with getting them involved in a family project/game.. don't forget that you CAN spend time with just your son as well. And you can expect (even if you have to start with small amounts of time and work up) your daughter to learn to play on her own some as well. |
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I agree. It benefits everyone in your family, including your dd, to carve out daily time for your son while your dd learns how to enjoy her quiet alone time. You can start off small...pick an activity that you will do with your ds first thing in the morning. One that has been successful here is to play a quick game of cards or bingo. Set a timer for 10 minutes to help all know that there is an end time so that you can say, "Please do not interrupt us for 10 minutes. When the timer goes off, I can help you." Brainstorm a list of 10 minute "Alone" activities with your dd, wtite it down and hang it up - use pictures to represent the words for an early reader - so that she can choose each day what she would like to do. Before you begin your 10 minutes with your ds, you can ask your dd, "What alone activity are you going to do today?"
You may also want to consider developing the habit of a larger "quiet and alone" time each afternoon where each family member rests. We strive for a 1.5 - 2 hour chunk of time - I need a siesta  !
Praying for you, Anne!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 3:18pm | IP Logged
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Another thought:
Can your dh do things with dd? My family is often split for activities, but we rotate who goes with mom and whom with dad. Your dd needs time with dad also. My dh works very long hours, and has little time with the kids, but they all get at least a little private time with him each week. Its impotant for everyone!
I understand the difficulties, I have teenagers, a 10 yodd, and an almost 5 year old ds. Everyone has very different interests and activities, but we try to find something that we all can do at least for a little while every week. This week we went creeking at a local forest preserve. the teens occasionally grump, but they settle and enjoy themselves 80% of the time and have learned to fake it the other 20%
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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Are there things your ds and dd could do together... like work together on Christmas presents (or birthday) or make a surprise breakfast for dad, etc? Is there anything your ds could teach your daughter (how to fish, ride a skate board, build a bird house... ). Sometimes the older kids like to teach the younger. Could he read to her? If he gets one on one time with her, then you could have some with him, then with her, etc. Maybe you could have a "life skills" time each week... you teach them both to make bread/sew on a button/whatever, and he teaches the two of you something... how to hit a home run/fix a flat/whatever. It could be a lot of fun and good for a lot of laughs along the way. And every man needs to know how to sew a button, right?
I only have the two, and they fight over me also. But they are close enough in age to enjoy many of the same things. That helps.
**HUGS***
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: July 09 2009 at 6:35am | IP Logged
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Thanks for the ideas and thoughts. I do think their differences make the struggle. The age span, male/female, and ds is VERY talented and gets a lot of attention when playing piano, soccer, etc. Dd has a hard time with that, I think she feels she can't measure up. And that 5 year age span makes it harder because in some cases, she can't even come close to him. And she doesn't see it.
I'll be working on this through the summer so we can have a smoother school year in the fall
Anne
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 2 different worlds
