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Caroline
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 9:54am | IP Logged
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My 3 year old has been skipping his nap more and more frequently these days. He does stay in his room for a kind of quiet time, but my problem is his behavior as the day goes on. Starting around 4:30 he is just miserable. It's a steady stream of misbehaviour and tantrums. I know it's because he's tired, but don't know how to handle it. I can put on a movie (the current favorite is "Over the Hedge") and that calms him down, but I really don't want to do that.
By the way, dh isn't home for dinner until 6:30 and on no-nap days we put ds down at 8:00.
any suggestions or advice? Help me! 
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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Caroline,
I'm in the exact same boat! My dh doesn't get home until 6:30 either and bedtime falls around 8 for this little guy. I have no advice but to just hang in there. I know on days when my 3yo has taken a nap, bedtime at night is nearly impossible until about 10! I decided I would rather hang in there through the tantrums and fussiness and put him down for bed around 8 then have my evening, and time with dh taken up with a wide awake 3yo. I know from my other dc that this is something many go through and it wont last that long (hopefully!). Sorry I'm not much help, just someone in the same predicament.
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Becky
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Rachel May
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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Mine are all napping as we speak--even the 8 year olds--so don't give up the nap unless you want to!
I've recently discovered how a small investment of time goes a long way. We recently had your same difficulty and after years of responding with anger and frustration, I realized that gentleness is what they need most at naptime(duh!) Strict discipline won't make a child relax and sleep. So what I do now is SIT on the side of the bed and check my watch. Then I tell the child to be still and not talk as I gently brush their face and hair with my finger tips. I do not make eyecontact and rarely speak or sing except to gently shshsh if they are talking. Then I make sure it's in a really soft tone.
10 minutes later exactly (I'm a watch checker), I can see that they are asleep. I also benefit because I find the near perfect silence restful, but I am happy that I was not trapped into a nap that I didn't want and would have left me groggy and then not tired at bedtime.
I do this with 2 of mine, but we don't need it everyday. This past winter I had to do it a lot, but now that they are more active, they go to sleep on their own mostly.
I hope there is something there you can use.
ETA: Everyone goes to bed at 8pm. As long as they are reasonably quiet, we don't worry if they sound asleep.
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Jordan
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| Posted: June 22 2007 at 2:41pm | IP Logged
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Caroline,
I have found Elizabeth Pantley's books on sleep to be extremely helpful in dealing with my kids. Here are some ideas from her book that I use and I think help me:
~keeping consistent bedtimes and naptimes, meals too since we eat just before moving into our sleep routines.
~sticking to bedtime and naptime routines
~making sure kids expend lots of energy
~using calming cues in hour or so before sleeptime. I play a small number of calming CDs during lunch and dinner since sleep follows soon after. I darken the house at least an hour before bedtime and keep people from running, shouting, tickling, etc. I make sure there is adequate time for the kids to wind down.
~white noise, dark rooms, quiet house
Pantley's books have helped me tremendously. I hope things go well with getting your son to keep his naps.
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 23 2007 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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Caroline, I was so loathe to give up naps. We have dinner late, also, so bedtime can't be The 7 O'Clock Bedtime.
We used Elizabeth Pantley's book when he was younger. We established many of those habits and routines that have stuck over the years.
While ds is so grumpy around 3:00, if he naps, he won't fall asleep at night. There are exceptions, when we've had a really active day, lots and lots of outside activities, we'll add a nap...but for the most part, we can't do one here. And let me tell you, it's hard  . I tried Rachel's approach...I think mine is a bit more hard-headed about letting himself relax.
Anyway, it was making me more frustrated trying to get him to nap. So around the late afternoon we do a quiet time. Sometimes it's TV. I have been using our DVR for Mister Rogers Neighborhood, and that is a perfect, calming show. We do books. Sometimes he'll just sit in the room with his books and pour over the pictures. Or he'll do quiet building. And he'll rest on the sofa sometimes, just taking a break.
It's not ideal, but we've had to make it work for us. Total empathy for you!
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Katie
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| Posted: June 26 2007 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Maybe I'm not so good at the routine thing, but I've never had one nap past two and a half. I have been fortunate in the past, though, that dh was home at five-ish, so we were able to keep to a seven o'clock bedtime. Each child then got twelve or thirteen hours of sleep so it worked out okay.
I do remember the transition time when kids would literally fall asleep at the dinner table, but we made it through! And the grumps by six o'clock! Boy, oh boy....
I hope you are able to find something that works, either to reinstate naps or enjoy quiet time and head off the grouchies.
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happymama
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| Posted: June 28 2007 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
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the NoCry Sleep Solution book was a sanity saver for me! wish I had it with my first child... but by age 3 my kids (so far) haven't needed naps, just a very consistent bedtime.
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Caroline
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| Posted: June 29 2007 at 9:40am | IP Logged
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Thank you, everyone! Ds has been taking naps again this week except for yesterday. It's so nice to have both boys nap at the same time. But thank you, also, for the suggestions for when the naps do stop for good.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 29 2007 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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We have had good fortune with transitioning young children who are dropping naps into our "Family Quiet Alone Time." Believe me, we encourage naps around here (I take one almost daily) but if someone is not sleepy, then we help the child to engage in a quiet activity alone or paired with a sibling. If the child falls asleep early at night, I'm fine with that. We also let little ones "sleep in" as needed. We have never followed the clock for sleeping needs with littles, although we do have a strong family rhythm that sort of pulls them along.
We have also changed our morning start and stop times based on dh's work schedule in the past. If he was working late, we would "sleep in" in order to be with him at night. (Shoot, we change our wake/bed times when it gets really hot here, moving everything up an hour to take advantage of the cooler night.)
This really is one of the trickier transitions for our little ones and their moms. I'll pray that yours is a smooth one, Caroline  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
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5athome
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| Posted: June 29 2007 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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I sit in the room with my 3 yr old until she falls asleep. If I am not in the room, she fidgits and plays around too much to fall asleep.
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melanie
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My 2 1/2 yo started doing this too...craziness! I finally got him to start napping very well by taking him up to my bedroom where we have a small tv/dvd player (for in-house "date" nights) and putting on a signing time dvd. I lay down on the bed with him, and before the dvd is over he is asleep. The older kids get sent to their room for reading time during this, so it's nice and quiet.
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Mama Moon
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| Posted: July 06 2007 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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My girls never had a nap time. I mean as soon as they were born they were sleeping about 6 hours a night and then after a week 8 hours a night and then dropped of a couple of times in the day after nursing. But we did not have a nap time. I think by 3 years old they were having about 10 hours of sleep a night. They always lead very active and concentrated days - but they always chose their own activities. Maybe when they are in charge they don't tire so easily.
Everyone said my second would be different - that it was extraordinary - but dd number 2 did the same. Is this genetic? Or did I do something wrong? Or was it the fact that they were totally in charge of their days' activities? It did happen that one might curl up under a tree or on the floor (not on a comfy cushion: place and time as nature calls.
In any case, they never had a set nap time and still remain great night time sleepers.
They have never been ill in bed for one day of their lives. I mention this becuase maybe you could think that their health would suffer. They are fit and happy and not at all grumpy.
Has anyone else had this experience or know anyone who has given sleep / daytime freedom to their kids since birth?
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melanie
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| Posted: July 06 2007 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
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Well that's interesting...my first baby was far less scheduled. She was very high-needs and very much in-arms/sling all the time, and just slept when she needed to sleep for quite a long time. My 2 yo though was totally opposite. Once out of the newborn stage, he wouldn't sleep with me. Even when he woke up to nurse, he would just nurse and then kind of push away from me. He has never slept well with us and ended up in a crib pretty quickly. Before trying the signing-time dvd to get him to nap, he would never, ever nap anywhere but his crib or maybe briefly in the carseat. I can't imagine him voluntarily seeking out a place to nap and just falling asleep, and as an older baby he wouldn't fall asleep nursing or in arms anymore. His very affectionate when he's awake though. :)
I wonder if the change in seasons and the increased daylight affect their naps/sleep quite a bit more than we realize. I've been noticing a lot of talk on different groups about this lately. My 2yo has also been waking up earlier and earlier(like 5am! yikes!), and the other day I tacked up thick fabric over his windows to see if that would help him sleep later.
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Melanie
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 3yo giving up naps, help!
