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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Dec 25 2005 at 6:48am | IP Logged
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The concept of "Floor Time" was mentioned on another thread some time ago. I bookmarked the site and finally got back there to read it this morning. (Yes, it's Christmas morning and everyone in my house is still asleep!!!)  Anyway, I read the article here, http://www.mindspring.com/~dgn/childart.htm. I think it sounds great. But how do people that home school find time for this sort of thing?  I feel guilty because I know that most of my one-on-one interaction with the kids (I have 4) is educational. I also read about symptoms of kids that need more one-on-one time with mom and my kids have those same symptoms. Now I'm really struggling to figure out when I am going to do all this. To top it off, last night when I was putting my 6yo daughter to bed she said, "Now that it is Christmas tomorrow can we finally so something fun together?" OUCH!!!!!  I thought this whole week had been dedicated to fun stuff! Not a great way to end Christmas Eve I'm afraid. How do you all find the time for your kids individually, outside of school?
Becky
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Karen E.
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| Posted: Dec 26 2005 at 9:53am | IP Logged
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Becky,
I just skimmed the article, but here are my initial impressions:
1. It's geared to a parent with kids in school (i.e., "play with your toddler while your Kindergartener is in school") so the expectations are a little different for us.
2. Don't focus on the "30 min. per day/per child" or you may go crazy.  But, tweak it to make it work for you.
Could you start by setting aside one day a week in which you spend one hour (or however much time you determine -- remember this is a starting point, not the be-all-end-all of plans) with the kids doing what they want to do? Sometimes, the kids may all want to do the same thing, and you wouldn't have to parcel out the time among them. My girls, for example, love it when I tell them I play a role-playing game with them. We become the Ingalls family, or the March girls or the Pevensies exploring the wardrobe.
3. Look for things in your normal routine that you can turn into one-on-one time. Once a month, I try to take one of the girls along with me on errands, and we turn it into a Mommy/Daughter night by adding something as simple as a stop for ice cream or browsing time through a favorite store that I would usually avoid.
4. Think in terms of quality, not quantity when you are starting out. Try not to focus on, "This child needs 30 minutes ... is my time up yet?" but instead try to focus on, "What does this child really need from me?" One child may need to play house with you, with no perceived (on her part) "educational" value in the interaction. Another may really long for reading/snuggling time.
5. Remember that as homeschooling moms, we face a funny dichotomy: compared to schooled children, we have "more time" with our kids, yet somehow it seems as if we have less when we start calculating how much each child gets. Do remind yourself that by virtue of homeschooling, you really are spending more time with them than most kids get, and there's nothing wrong with explaining that to your children and reminding them of it. We all need to be reminded to count our blessings, homeschooled children (who can easily start to take their moms for granted) included.
6. Along the same lines, there's nothing wrong with pointing out to your daughter that you did do lots of fun things last week. But, do talk to her more about it, too -- find out why it didn't seem fun to her. Was it too pressured? Was it someone else's idea of fun? What was missing?
Well, I should sign off now, as I've promised some "table time" -- finger painting -- to my two youngest. Off to remind them to count the blessings of this time together! 
__________________
God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Willa
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| Posted: Dec 27 2005 at 11:46am | IP Logged
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Karen E. wrote:
2. Don't focus on the "30 min. per day/per child" or you may go crazy. But, tweak it to make it work for you. |
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All Karen's advice was great. I guess I didn't even notice the 30min/day per child when I linked to the article. What struck me was that it was a counter to the message that hurrying, being active and being on task is the only way to be a worthwhile person or be there for your kids. I don't think it has to be one more thing on your overloaded to do checklist. For me, it's helpful just to remind myself "first connect with the kids, BEFORE you move on to instruction and teaching." Not always first in terms of time, but first in importance -- laying the groundwork.
IT seems like our society gives us the message that to be "good" and successful we always have to have things planned out, goal-oriented, and all that. YEt when I personally live that way, without some "down time" or just "being with the ones I love" time, I have a strong sense that I'm missing something important. Over time I get depleted and my relationship with my kids gets depleted too. The Church talks about the importance of contemplation, "taste and see the goodness of the Lord" and I think there is a distant parallel with our earthly relationships, there. I get in such a hurry that I hardly taste or see ANYTHING -- not the Lord, not the wonderfulness of my kids in this one day out of all eternity in THEIR particular lives; I don't even see or taste my lunch sometimes -- DID I eat, I think I just consumed the crusts of the kids PBJs!
So the article seemed to be saying to me that it IS worthwhile and in fact vital to just get down on the floor with one's kids and pay attention to what's going on in their minds and hearts. That in fact this IS a fundamental groundwork for education.
I heard about the concept because of my special needs child. He is not autistic but when he was sicker, he showed a lot of autistic traits like repetitive behavior, avoiding interactions, etc. To me, "floor time" is a metaphor for being responsive and supporting the child in setting his own pace. My 6yo is much more teachable these days but I think it came about because I and most of his therapists were willing to work with where he was. ... helping and supporting and encouraging his interests. When he got a therapist who tried to force the pace too much, he actually regressed. I've had that happen with my typical kids too, where they actually get worse at math when I'm pushing it too much. So you can see why that reminder about open-ended time really is helpful to me.
Oh, my teenagers don't need "floor time" literally but they too need that time to just sit around with Mom and Dad. My daughter asks me to watch movies with her; I HATE watching movies because I feel like nothing's getting done. But I do it sometimes because those are the times she shares what's REALLY going on in her life and REALLY listens to my input. We're "connected". My son's liver transplant coordinator used to call it "plugged in" -- when the communication lines are open like that and you're able to be on the same page with your child.
For the little kids, I've always tried to set aside some time for them early in the morning before we start our "school" time. Laura Berquist recommends this and it is very sensible. The little ones have a chance to "connect" with Mom that way and it makes them feel more secure when I get caught up in the day's routine. I try to spend some open time with them in the afternoon, too. I DON'T think in terms of "30 minutes!" ---just in terms of connecting.
Sorry this got sort of long...
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Karen E.
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| Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
So the article seemed to be saying to me that it IS worthwhile and in fact vital to just get down on the floor with one's kids and pay attention to what's going on in their minds and hearts. That in fact this IS a fundamental groundwork for education. |
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I agree, and that's what I took from the article ... it's the quality of the time spent together that matters. I know I've been guilty of not really being engaged in floor time -- I know my mind is elsewhere when the girls say something such as, "Mom! All you did was organize the Barbie clothes, but you haven't really played!"  Sometimes the interaction comes naturally, but sometimes I have to force myself to be truly present.
WJFR wrote:
My daughter asks me to watch movies with her; I HATE watching movies because I feel like nothing's getting done. But I do it sometimes because those are the times she shares what's REALLY going on in her life and REALLY listens to my input. |
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Exactly! This is why I'm tuned into (sometimes literally, sitting beside them on the couch with a bowl of popcorn) the shows my kids like to watch. It starts conversations we might otherwise not have.
WJFR wrote:
| For the little kids, I've always tried to set aside some time for them early in the morning before we start our "school" time. Laura Berquist recommends this and it is very sensible. The little ones have a chance to "connect" with Mom that way and it makes them feel more secure when I get caught up in the day's routine. |
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Yes, I'm not always as good at this as I should be, but I've been trying to make sure our littlest one gets her "Mommy Time" first, too. It really does help.
WJFR wrote:
| I DON'T think in terms of "30 minutes!" ---just in terms of connecting. |
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And I think that's key. I know that when I'm really connecting, that's when I start to enjoy the playtime, the music we're listening to, or the movie we're watching ... whatever it may be. It's not a matter of "put in the 30 min. so they'll 'feel connected' ... bide my time ... whew, that's over!" It's REAL connection, when everything is clicking.
WJFR wrote:
| Sorry this got sort of long... |
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Your posts are never too long, Willa.
__________________
God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Dec 31 2005 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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Thanks Karen and Willa. I was really feeling down that I don't spend quality time with my kids. When I really think about it, I do though. My dd and I have "girls lunch" every Saturday and then run errands together. I also sit and read with the kids a lot. I think when my daughter asked "if we can finally do something fun" it had more to do with her and I alone together. We had been doing all sorts of Christmas preparations and busy things as a family. I thought everyone was having fun and I think they were. I think my dd is just very needy for my attention right now and I'm going to have to find some extra time just for her. She's sitting on the floor playing with her new Calico Critters stuff that she got from Christmas. I guess it's time to turn off the computer!
Thanks again.
Becky
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Floor time?
