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seeker
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| Posted: April 19 2012 at 6:19pm | IP Logged
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I have no idea where to post this but I was wondering if anyone had any advice about what, if anything, we can do...
After scheduling and rescheduling I don't know how many times our CCD has decided to have FHC on May 13 - Mother's Day. Apparently there are things scheduled for every other Sunday in May that take precedence (how??) over FHC, so it won't even be getting it's own day. This in itself makes me upset.
Furthermore all of our family lives three hours away and always go to their own churches for Mothers day, so they won't come for FHC on this day. Now, my husband and I are both converts and so our families don't understand (or care as the case may be) about the importance of this day.
But the worst thing of all is that my husband works every Mother's Day and won't even be able to be there! (he works in retail and on Mother's Day the women are given the day off, so he can't get out of working).
I have no idea what to do. It's not like they will change the date (again) for one person.
I'm so upset right now. I hate the thought of my dd not getting to have her FHC with her little buddies... But this is too important for her family to have to miss just because the parish picked a horrible date to have it.
Is it normal for FHC to be treated this way? What can I do??
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kristinannie
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| Posted: April 19 2012 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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I don't have a lot to say other than I am very sorry for you about this.  I will pray for you.
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: April 19 2012 at 6:48pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry to hear it's gotten so complex for you, on what should be a day of celebration and joy. I'm praying that it all works out for you.
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 20 2012 at 5:57am | IP Logged
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 That must be so hard!
My husband has told me that when he was young it was common for children to receive their actual First Holy Communion alone and then again with their class. For instance, his first, first Holy Communion was on Holy Thursday. Then in April or so his class had their "group" FHC.
Our parish is small, and there is no CDC FHC class at all. On the Sunday of a child's FHC, he and his parents go forward at regular communion time ahead of the rest of the congregation followed by the child's family for which there is a row reserved at front.
So, perhaps, while they would not change the date of the class, since that is usually a bigger production, perhaps they would allow you to have a private FHC a week or two ahead so that your husband at least and hopefully your family could be present.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: April 20 2012 at 6:06am | IP Logged
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Adding my . I'm so sorry you have to make some of these choices at the last minute.
I was going to post something very similar to Lindsay. It is not unusual in our parish for one family to have a child ready to make FHC, approach Father, arrange a date for this and have the child receive by himself (no class I mean). It is set up much as Lindsay describes: a pew is reserved up front for the child and his family. Mass is normal, and when it's time for Communion, the first communicant comes up first, receives, the family follows, then the rest of the congregation. It's not an uncommon occurrence.
I'm hoping you can work something out with the parish so your husband can be present and your dd can receive Our Lord in her first Holy Communion since she's been preparing!
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stacykay
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| Posted: April 20 2012 at 6:22am | IP Logged
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I'm "thirding" Lindsay, here. Our previous church used to have "family first" First Holy Communion days, where no more than three children would be receiving with their families. The families of those First Communicants would be seated in the front rows, and they would all go up together, at the "front of the line," during communion, with the children going up with their own family.
At our current parish, which also has a very large elementary school, FHC is done on two different Sundays, with two classes going one Sunday and another class plus the religious ed class going the next. It is very loud, very crazy, very much not reverent, and extremely over-whelming, especially for children!
My now 10yods has some serious issues with noise and commotion. We knew that this set-up for FHC would not work for him, so we arranged with the DRE for him to receive at a "regular" Mass with us. Our ds chose an 8am Mass for his FHC, he just went up with us without the "fanfare," and received. No flashing cameras, no video recording, just quiet and solemn. It was perfect for him, and we are doing the same thing for my now 7yods. He will be receiving his FHC the week after all the official FHCs take place.
Surely your DRE wouldn't object if you asked to allow your dd to make it a different day? And, you could always arrange for her friends to get together for a photo-op with their dresses on- I don't think any little girl would turn down an opportunity to wear their dress, again!
Praying it all goes well!
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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| Posted: April 20 2012 at 9:54am | IP Logged
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Oh Seeker, this is horrible!!!!
I am so very sorry
My husband usually works on Mother's Day too so I understand completely. I think it might be wise to approach your pastor with this situation. If it were our family, both my husband and I would seek an appointment with him and then explain the reality of what has happened because of the continual rescheduling of the FHC. Then ask to have your daughter's the week before at the Sunday Mass. I'm with Stacy, then bring her that day and have her participate and take pictures if you want.
I'll be praying for her. We too have had so many problems with our children having the sacraments at our parishes in the past.
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| Posted: April 21 2012 at 3:09pm | IP Logged
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Our ds just made his FHC on his own because our program is HORRIBLE. And a huge spectacle. So I third, fourth, everyone else. See if you can do yours the weekend before and then just have her dress up again with her class. What little girl wouldn't want to do that twice!
I have to say, I've always liked when FHC and Mother's Day are together buy my dh is almost always out of town for Mother's Day so it wouldn't work for us, either.
Hope it works out!
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seeker
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| Posted: April 23 2012 at 3:45am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your suggestions! They were excellent and seemed like the perfect compromise. My DRE and I felt like this would be a simple way to remedy the situation...
Apparently not. Let me tell you, my heart is absolutely breaking for my child. We have been feeling unwelcome at our parish by other parishioners for a while, but the coldness exuded by my priest regarding this is proving to be "the straw that broke the camel's back," and we will be searching for another parish.
I have also emailed the Director of the Christian Formation office in our diocese. It was so very difficult to keep my composure, and I prayed that God would guide my hand. Here is what I wrote (adjusted):
"Dear Sister,
My family and I are finding ourselves in a situation which I am hoping you can give some advice or direct me to the person with whom I should take this matter. My daughter, Bindi, has been preparing for her First Holy Communion at St. A Parish. The date of this event has been set for May 13; this was the date originally set by the parish, but I believe it had been switched around a couple of times before this. I only realized last week that this is also the date of Mother's Day.
It will be impossible for my husband to attend on this particular date, so I, along with our DRE, Ms. C approached our parish priest, Fr. P to see if it would be possible to schedule a separate time for Bindi to receive her First Holy Communion when we all could be with her for the celebration. Fr. P said that would be impossible, that she must receive with her class or wait until next year. I even inquired as to whether it would be possible to approach the DRE or priest at our former parish to see if she could participate with their class and was told that this was impossible as well.
Perhaps, in our area this is an unusual request, but I know there are many other parishes that would allow this. Are there any other options other than the two presented to me by Fr. P?
Thank you in advance for any help you can offer.
Sincerely,
EK White"
I am hoping to receive a quick response. I have been scrambling to try to find other parishes in the area (difficult; we already must drive 45 minutes out of town to this parish) where we might be able to quickly enroll our family. Hopefully we can have this resolved before another Sunday passes us by.
I'm trying to shelter my daughter from all that's going on behind the scenes because I don't want to ruin her special day. She was so excited last Saturday when she made her first reconciliation, and she has been so excited knowing that she will soon receive Our Lord in Holy Communion. This is supposed to be a day to celebrate and it has been tainted for my husband and me, but I hope we can find a way so that it won't be tainted for her as well.
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leanne maree
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| Posted: April 23 2012 at 6:51am | IP Logged
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Seeker,
I feel so sad for your situation. I do pray it is resolved soon though. Please God.
We chose for our youngest dd to recieve her FHC alone. I didn't want to circus that goes on around it.
I was a beautiful Mass and she was made to feel very special.
We too had a difficult situation in our last parish and now we drive 35 mins past our old parish to attend a very welcoming vibrant church.
Keep praying God will answer you prayer.
God Bless,
Leanne
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 23 2012 at 7:39am | IP Logged
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 Adding my prayers! What a difficult situation. A friend had a similar situation and they spoke to our Bishop. He had them come down to his church and he personally gave their child FHC. It's so frustrating when exceptions (based on good reasons) cannot be accommodated.
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seeker
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| Posted: April 23 2012 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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Well, it's being passed up the line. The Director of Christian Formation suggested I forward the matter to the Chancellor of the Diocese. She also asked me to keep her informed as to how it is resolved.
Our priest is leaving today for his homeland and won't be back until just before Mother's Day. So I don't think the Chancellor will be able to resolve it (with Fr. P at least) until he gets back. This makes me think she won't be going up with her class at all unless we can have her FHC at another parish 
Only God knows His plans for us... (trust, trust)
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CrunchyMom
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seeker
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| Posted: April 24 2012 at 8:01am | IP Logged
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Well, the Chancellor was able to talk to Fr. P before his flight, and I think he was able to open him up to the idea of having a separate FHC for Bindi. I am supposed to get in touch with Fr. P when he arrives back home on May 11.
I'd say it will be too late to have it before the rest of her class, unless he is able to fit it into the Saturday evening Mass on the 12th. If that is the case, our extended family wouldn't be able to attend, but I would plan a little reception for later when they could come. Like I said, none of our family is Catholic, so if we have it on short notice, I'm okay with that. I just wanted to make sure DH would be there.
I guess we won't know anything else until 5/11...
(insert hopeful emoticon here)
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 24 2012 at 8:22am | IP Logged
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I'm going to suggest something way out on a limb, but your dilemma is frustrating, because you have to plan last minute.
My son had his sacramental preparation through the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. Sofia Cavalletti insisted on a few things for First Confession, First Communion.
There were 5 once-a-week meditations, during Lent. Closer to the date of FHC there was a 4 day retreat for the children, that includee First Confession the day before FHC.
FHC is a small intimate affair, with mostly immediate family. Usually it is in the same location as the retreat (for my son it was a convent). After the Mass, there is a small reception for family and friends, and then the children go back into the retreat area for a few hours for contemplation. The parents go home.
It was so radical and different from what I was used to.
In this program they stress a few things: This is the child's personal day to receive Jesus. They are full of joy and interior happiness. We should not mar it by distracting in giving gifts or having a party on that day.
They suggested planning a party either the next weekend or another day to have a full-blown family celebration celebrating after the event.
After dealing with so many emotions on how this was so different, I realized how similar it seemed to St. Therese the Little Flower's description of her retreat and FHC, and how the emphasis on their personal reception kept the distractions to a minimum. Instead of thinking of classmates, of people seeing them, the party, the focus is receiving Jesus.
It's quite beautiful. Even the clothing stress is relieved because each child wears a long white garment (which is worn in renewal of baptismal vows first) which covers the clothing below.
So my long ramble here is to suggest maybe fixing a date for the family to come together to celebrate, whether or not it is the day of the FHC. If you can set a date now, then you can be assured more family can come to celebrate.
And to add one more thing. In our parish the FHC are with family. There is a choice to receive with your class, or to receive with your family. All the Sundays in May 4-6 families are assigned to each Sunday Mass. The family sits with their child and receives together with their FHC. It really is quite beautiful, and less stressful because WE decide on the date and don't have to worry about classmates.
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St. Ann
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| Posted: April 12 2013 at 3:39am | IP Logged
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As the date for my youngest dd's First Sacramental Confession and First Holy Communion are quickly! approaching, I wanted to share our story.
We approached our Aux. Bishop with the question how to proceed with the upcoming sacraments for our dd, in light of the o too common circus that takes the place of preparation and Holy Mass...
He said that every parent has the right and duty to prepare their children themselves, and every child can approach the Altar to receive Our Lord at any time he is prepared for it. That is - he gave us permission to just use our best judgement and go for it!
We are attending a normal Sunday Mass in another town, where a priest friend of ours is celebrating. Helena is wearing her sister's FHC dress and will carry a candle. It is Eastertide - the songs are beautiful, the flowers are beautiful and the Mass is beautiful. Her Godparents and their children are coming from Munich to be with her on that day. Dh's father and brother/sil are also with us. We are eating lunch in a restaurant afterwards with the group. The following afternoon we have invited 2 families and 3 older women (like aunts and g'mas for the girls) to coffee and cake. Of course all are invited to the Mass on Sunday.
5 days before her FHC she will go to a young, orthodox priest in our parish to recieve the Sacrament of Reconciliation in the traditional confessional. My dh and I will accompany her. I would like to have some ice cream with our immediate family at home afterwards. I am still unsure how to structure the rest of the evening.???? Ideas are welcome.
Jenn, your experience is very moving. I wish I would have found this thread earlier. I still have a lot to think about, although next week is very soon!!!
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CSBasile
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| Posted: April 12 2013 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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Seeker,
It is such a difficult situation, and I share your frustration that it is taking so much to get the pastor to work with you. I've often had challenges like that when dealing with my past parishes. Just proves that the evil one will do anything he can to prevent another soul from getting close to our Lord! (Not saying that anyone at the parish is evil, but just that the evil one always puts up roadblocks and sometimes people unwittingly go along with them without realizing it).
Both my son and daughter participated in a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd First Communion retreat like the one described by JennGM. It was at another parish (other than the one we belong to), and it was so interesting to see the contrast in approach to FHC between the two parishes. One was all about the trimmings -- big party, lots of money on clothes, etc. The other was a quiet celebration. If you ask my two kids which one they preferred, they will tell you "hands down" that they preferred the communion retreat. In fact, my son (who is now 13 years old) asks if he can't attend another first communion retreat sometime!
My point is, that the day will be special for her, no matter whether she processes with her CCD class or makes it with her family. If we don't get carried away with all the trimmings, Jesus will make it special for her (more special than we can ever make it!)
At the church where we had the FHC retreat, they recommended that if families wanted to have a big party with 'lots of family and friends, they might consider postponing it a week or so. They suggested letting the FHC day stand on its own, as a quiet celebration with just the immediate family.
Perhaps these trials mean that God is prompting you to think about something like this -- holding a bigger celebration later?
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 12 2013 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
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Stephanie, that is such wonderful news!
I have to add to our experience with the retreat with CGS. It seems the elementary age children in our son's atrium loved the FHC retreat as much as he, and requested to have one every year. (His atrium is attached to a Catholic Montessori school.) Last year they had a retreat, but didn't invite the atrium. This year the Elementary had another, and this time the atrium was invited. My son was in such bliss! The retreat was 4 days long, renewing the First Communion meditations at the beginning of the day, and then work through the day on different works. Because the children are older and many in Level III, the focus changed a bit with more awareness of morality. The Maxims were included in the prayerful quiet work, make Stations of the Cross, copy Scripture, read books, then worked on other presentations in the atrium. They had options to make visits to the Blessed Sacrament and go to noon Mass at the local church. Baptismal vows were renewed and confession was included.
For my son it was perfect! This occurred during Lent, shortly before Holy Week. Both my husband and I attend annual retreats, usually during Lent, so he really felt that he was participating in the adult spirituality.
His only request was that the retreat be 2 weeks and not just 1 week. 
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Angi
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| Posted: April 12 2013 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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I know our parish will allow a child to receive early if he or she is ready, but that seems impossible for you now.
Would it work for her to receive with her class on Mother's Day, and not make a big deal of it at that time, maybe go out for a special lunch?
The following week, invite all of the extended family and dad to Mass. Have her wear her pretty dress and veil again (how fun to wear it twice!  ). Have her receive Communion as she would normally at Mass. Then have a big family party. This would show her that every week, not just the first, is special. Every time she receives Jesus is beyond beautiful.
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 12 2013 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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I did want to make a moderator's note that this thread was a year ago. Seeker didn't update with what she finally decided to do, but I'm sure the FHC already occurred.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Frustrated with parish
