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Rebecca
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I know this might sound strange but I have never talked with any of my children about abortion. They pray along with me that "every life would be respected from conception until natural death" but they have never heard the word abortion or had it explained to them at all.
I was reading through Lovely Lady Dressed in Blue this evening, after the children had gone to bed. It talks openly about abortion.
How and when have you told your children about this? I know there are mothers who bring their children to life marches and to pray in front of abortion clinics. How do you gently tell them about this very sad topic?
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Erica Sanchez
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Oh, Rebecca, this is such a sensitive topic. Just recently have we even been using the word 'abortion' when talking about this with our children. We've prayed at Life Chains since the kids were babies and do many pro-life things over the course of the year. California just tried to pass a parental notification bill (it failed  ) and it was the topic of conversation around the house for weeks. We've prayed at clinics, but only when they were much younger. I think it would be too much now for them to actually see the women entering the clinic, but I hope to bring the girls when they are a bit older.
For many years we simply prayed for 'the mommies with the babies in their tummies' and explained that that is what we would be doing at a Life Chain or such. Somewhere along the way we added 'and for anyone who wants to hurt the babies'. The older girls flat out asked what 'abortion' was after a recent Life Chain. We told them in very simple terms, something like 'the mommy is very scared and alone and goes to a doctor who kills her baby'. My older girls are 11 and almost 10, but my 8 year old son knows as well. It was heartbreaking to see their little faces, but we're so involved in the whole issue that it was simply a matter of time.
I really believe that God hears the prayers of children in a special way which gives me a little comfort in the fact that they know what they know at a young age. We've been praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day for two women in particular who are prayer warriors at the clinics in town. We help out in tangible ways as well when we can and I think this helps sort of round out the whole issue for them.
I loved reading the teens' testimonies from the Walk for Life at Maureen Wittman's blog (spelling?) and I truly see my children doing that when they are older.
In a perfect world....sigh.......
Now, let me just say that when my kids said today at the zoo, 'Mommy, those two turtles are stuck together, we better tell someone!, I just said, 'Oh, how interesting, and lead them to the next exhibit!' 
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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JodieLyn
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I take the same approach as I do with any sinful situation that's unavoidable.. stress compassion and prayer while giving as little info as possible.
So for abortion it's that mommies let their babies be killed because they're confused and we need to pray for them.
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Erin
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Rebecca
Not strange here I haven't told them either. I can't bring myself to do it. We simply pray for all the unborn babies.
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guitarnan
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I do think it's better for Mom to talk about this before they find out another way. My ds found out because there is a clinic across from the Catholic school he used to attend, and once a week a group of anti-abortion protesters would gather in front of it with horrifyingly graphic posters...right as school let out...now, I ask you, why would they traumatize little Catholic kids like that? The pastor talked with them several times but they refused to change their weekly protest time.
Needless to say, I had to explain things to ds and dd (who was then 3). Ds dreaded Thursday afternoons. He knew those signs would be there. Totally sad. (And there is only one way to exit from the school's lot.)
I hope those folks aren't still there...I won't drive that way on Thursdays, now that we're back.
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Alice R
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I guess I'm a nut but I just said it one day. 
It's a sin like any other sin and it just popped out in conversation with my oldest when talking about sins and stuff.
After I said it, I thought "why did I tell him that?"
My kids have heard me talk about it since then and it didn't seem to affect anyone in a negative way. In fact, I think it made them really appreciate how special babies are...they are so vunerable and precious. 
I also have a style that is very "straight shooter" so I guess that follows my personality. 
I talk about all kinds of stuff. We are also into politics and the topic does come up when discussing candidates and who stands for what.
Alice R
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Jenny
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I'm so glad you asked this Rebecca. I haven't spoken w/my children either. They are 8, 7, 5....I just don't know how to tell them
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Magnificat
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Oh Rebecca...
Isn't it horrible we have to worry about telling them about this at all!!??
It's unfortunate that my son heard it from the pulpit..and the words were "killing babies". My son was almost 7. I about jumped out of my seat!! No sooner that those words left the priest's mouth (this is Sunday Mass mind you..) my son leaned over to me and whispered..."what's he mean about killing babies???" UGHHHHHH. We decided to discuss this with him and be out with it. Now, he's almost 10 and he takes this very seriously. He has attended the March 3 times and will continue to do so.
Now, my second son who is now 7 has also attended the March and really didn't have a clue about abortion until recently. He went to the March in January and saw some of the signs and came home with questions-and now that he's reading better, he's putting things together better. He is quite different from Timothy (my almost 10 year old)...so we answered his questions and gave him tiny bits of info...only what we thought he needed to hear. I'm not sure if I'm making sense. Sometimes these things need to happen naturally...y'know?? If it hadn't been from Fr. at church...who knows? Our kids still wouldn't have a clue. Yet, I would wait for it to come up. I have not read "Lovely Lady Dressed In Blue"- -but I'm wondering if this could be your "springboard". However, if it speaks openly about abortion, it may be too much to swallow.
I know I haven't helped much. I'll keep thinking and praying for wisdom.
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insegnante
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We attended the March for Life twice, when our first son was 10 months and 22 months. Since then he has been more aware of things and I don't want him to see the graphic signs. (Our younger was 29 months for this year's March and I don't think he would have noticed them much yet.) We definitely haven't painted him a picture of the world without sadness, sin, illness, injury, or death, but because I know how some things stay in his mind, I try not to talk too much about children dying or being seriously ill or losing their parents because I don't want him to overestimate how likely it is to happen in his life. (My father died when I was 7, and I'm glad I knew about death beforehand, but I don't want my son to be expecting us to die anytime soon if there's no particular chance of it.) And I don't talk about child abuse at all, abortion obviously being one of the worst forms of that. I guess I don't think he's old/mature enough to handle that much ambiguity, to think that parents are sometimes people who don't love and care for their children but do the worst things of all to them, and I still want him to see people who have attained positions of authority as respectable and trustworthy while he's young enough that we can protect him from people who might abuse their authority. I really don't think we shelter him excessively, but the idea of people intentionally killing babies, let alone their own babies -- knowing my child, that might weigh on his mind and give him bad dreams. At almost-5 there's not much he could do except pray and I don't think he needs it on his mind just so he can pray about it.
I also think it's a really important fact that why abortion happens so frequently is wrapped up in the rampant misuse of s*x. All he knows now about the origin of human life is that babies are gifts from God. I don't know if this will be possible with an inquisitive child in a Catholic environment, but ideally I think I would only introduce the subject of abortion to older kids who had some age-appropriate understanding of the subject of s*x, who understand more how things are supposed to be in regard to marriage, s*x and procreation, and wouldn't get this out-of-context idea of mothers simply getting gifts of babies from God and taking them to be killed instead of the bigger picture of how s*x is so often abused and why babies are so often unappreciated in our society.
Theresa
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Marybeth
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Well,I was made out to be a crazy person in my homeschooling group because I hadn't told my ds who was 4 at the time about abortion. Hello...he is adopted...isn't that enough of a issue to wrap his little heart and mind around?? The women really got on me about having him pray and such about abortion. It was so bizarre. We had been to an OLG party and this woman highjacked the party to talk about abortion to the kids. I left furious!!!! 
He is 6 now and knows about abortion. I figured it would come out at Blue Knights or some homeschooling function. We have crosses in our church lawn each year during the month of October for respect life. I told him in simple terms for his age. He knows he can ask me questions at any time...he hasn't yet.
Just nice to know I am not alone in this regard.
Marybeth
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4 lads mom
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We told the older boys when they were old enough to read the signs in Life Chain....and just said like others have mentioned...that mommies get scared and confused. don't realize often that it really IS a baby even when very tiny, and the baby dies because of something the mommy has done.....
My eight year old said at the time, "Well, I tell you what Mama, I am going to grow up and be President some day and change the law to stop abortions!!"
Oh, how I wish he would....
I don't believe in telling really young children and frightening them....I think that'll be very individualized as well from child to child.....some sensitive little souls are too overwhelmed to take the heartbreaking knowledge of abortion on for the sake of "praying for it".....but obviously only parents know when the right time is!!!
Preaching to the choir
4 Lads' Mom and due in 09/08/07
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Erin
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Marybeth wrote:
| Well,I was made out to be a crazy person in my homeschooling group because I hadn't told my ds who was 4 at the time about abortion. Hello...he is adopted...isn't that enough of a issue to wrap his little heart and mind around?? The women really got on me about having him pray and such about abortion. It was so bizarre. We had been to an OLG party and this woman highjacked the party to talk about abortion to the kids. I left furious!!!! |
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Unbelievable Marybeth, I just can't believe this. Why tell children so young? And furthmore without your consent I would be fuming
Unlike Erica we are not involved in abortion issues, we live in a small country town far from abortion clinics, so I have not had to tell me dc. Although I do respect parents decisions to do so but that it is it, it is the parentsdecision.
My oldest is 13 and I still haven't told her, how can I take away that innocence, in many ways I believe we as adults have become desentisied to the issue, sure we are horrified but we have also become hardened a little, do you know what I mean? By gettting my dc to pray for all unborn babies, particularly those who may be going to die, I figure we have gained the graces.
A few years back I remember a speaker at a Billings Conference who had lived in Samoa and taught Billings whilst they were living there. It was a fascinating talk, the culture there is soo child friendly and welcoming. Anyhow I remember her telling us how she wasw teaching a man English and in the midst of a lesson one day the subject of abortion came up. She had to explain to the man what it meant, she described how he sat there in stunned disbelief and horror with the tears pouring down his face, he stammered, "Do you mean they killtheir children?" It is horrible beyond belief.
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Maryan
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Thanks for posting this Rebecca and for the feedback ladies!My husband and I were recently talking about this. We live near DC but I wasn't ready for my 5 yo to see the pictures, so dh went to March alone.
We pray at the abortion clinic in town (no graphic photos) and do the life chain (but next year he'll be able to read the signs) -- but up to this point we told him we're praying for the babies. He hasn't asked any questions yet...
But we know they're coming! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
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Dawnie
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Our dc know what abortion is. There is an abortion clinic in our town that does late-term abortions . Some call our city "The Abortion Capital of the World" b/c women come from all over to have late-term abortions. Our pastor frequently gives pro-life homilies where abortion is mentioned. Because of where we live, I suppose it's just part of our everyday reality, and I don't remember how we told our dc, but it must have just come up as a part of conversation one day. Whenever we talk about it, though, we remind the children to pray for the mothers and ESPECIALLY the doctor who does the abortions.
I don't like the graphic photos, either. I understand why they show those pictures at abortion clinic protests and such, but there is a man who drives a large delivery truck with graphic photos of mutilated babies plastered all over it to MASS on Sunday. Why Mass?
Dawn
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teachingmom
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I guess my girls have known about abortion almost since they can remember. I attend the March for Life with the children every year that I don't have a newborn. Also, dh worked for a pro-life organization for a few years, so the girls knew that daddy's job was to fight abortion. Abortion also regularly comes up in conversations about voting and political campaigns around here.
The way we explain abortion is similar to the way mentioned by others. We say that some mothers think they cannot afford another baby or they cannot take care of a child, and think the only answer is to get an abortion. We tell the girls as gently as possible that an abortion is the killing of a baby in the womb. As horrible as it is for them to know that some mothers kill their own children and some doctors do this killing, I really think they are most appalled that we don't have a law against it. An example of how kids often see things in black and white is how some of my girls will draw devil's horns on the pictures of pro-abortion politicians on the cover of the newspaper. (Although part of me wants to agree with them, I try to explain that those people are wrong because abortion is a sin and that they need our prayers but that we shouldn't hate them.) My girls who are old enough to understand feel very strongly about working toward the end of abortion in the U.S. Most of the girls mention a prayer for an end to abortion when we pray as a family each night.
I understand completely why many of you choose not to talk about abortion with your children. In so many ways I go to extremes to protect my children's innocence. But this is one area in which it is impossible to protect them due to our family circumstances, so we introduce it as gently as we can and try to focus on being pro-life in all that we do and keep praying.
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lamamaloca
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Dawn, I agree that you can't avoid mentioning abortion here. That said, I don't know that my children know what it means. They have certainly heard me use the term but I don't think that I have explained it. My oldest may have picked it up from context.
Dh and I like to discuss politics, morality, philosophy and religion all the time. Since I'm an NFP teacher, we discuss that a lot, too. If the kids have a question, then we answer it. It just doesn't seem natural to us to hide something from them.
I hate the graphic signs, also, and that is not what changes people's hearts, either. Horrific and ineffective.
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Erica Sanchez
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teachingmom wrote:
| In so many ways I go to extremes to protect my children's innocence. But this is one area in which it is impossible to protect them due to our family circumstances, so we introduce it as gently as we can and try to focus on being pro-life in all that we do and keep praying. |
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Me too, Irene. I often go to 'extremes' for my children's innocence...so thinks my family! Your entire post is so similar to our situation. I so long to attend the March someday! There is actually a West Coast March For Life (I can link later if anyone wishes) in San Francisco now, they just did their second march and it was very well attended! I hope to make it next year.
My children have never seen any graphic pictures and they've only been to a clinic as an infant/toddler. They do not know that a close family member had an abortion. In time.....
Rebecca, what happened with the book? Did you read it to your children?
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Rebecca
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No, I haven't read it yet, Erica. I just don't think I can do it right now.
I guess I don't feel comfortable "teaching" my kids about certain sins, you know, sitting down and introducing the topic on purpose. My children know what murder is and stealing, lying, etc. but I have never sat them down and "taught" them about abortion or rape/incest. They have never heard of different "lifestyles" either. It just does not naturally come up in conversation and I have yet to introduce any of it.
I know that if I sat down right now and told my oldest son (10) what abortion is, it would completely shock him. I don't feel that I don't ever want him to know about it but, similar to s*x education, I just can't imagine sitting down and laying it all on the table for no reason. If he asked me about something he heard, which he does often enough, I would certainly tell him, albeit gently with great respect for his dignity and innocence.
I may be horribly naive but I think a time will come that will be natural. Like Erin, we are not involved in pro-life rallies, mainly because my husband (who is prolife) does not want us there. We pray regularly for unborn babies but there is little chance they would run into the topic outside our home.
Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.
Love,
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teachingmom
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That sounds like the wisest way to approach it, Rebecca. I also struggle with decisions about how to approach subjects that will make my dd's lose some of their childlike innocence. My oldest dd is at an age at which I worry a bit that she'll hear things from others before I can introduce them from a faith perspective. I am thinking of what you referred to as different "lifestyles". Right now my girls have no clue about that at all, even though we have a g*y couple living very near us. We don't know the men at all. When the girls see them out walking their dogs, they just assume that they are grown men who happen to be roommates in a house. I go back and forth about whether I should actually tell my older ones about this particular sin (not in relation to our neighbors, just in general) at some point or wait until they hear something that makes them ask me about it. It's just so hard to know what is best.
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Erica Sanchez
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Yes, Rebecca, this sounds very wise. I completely agree with you about not introducing your children to something so serious if you don't have to. This is really the only 'serious' issue my children know of.
Irene, your girls seem young to talk about that particular issue. For me, anyway, that is something I wish my children never had to know about and it so complicated.....I guess the same as abortion....
I was surprised recently that my 11 year old was completely unaware of basic developmental girl stuff. We had a really lovely talk about what she could expect and afterwards I asked her is she already knew about these things, if friends had mentioned anything or if she had read about any of it in a book. She truly had not! In most ways, my children are very innocent.
St. Maria Goretti, pray for our sweet, innocent children! 
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Talking about Abortion with Children
