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marihalojen
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How do you motivate your children? What works in your family? I'd love to hear and not just regarding schoolwork!
When I was homeschooled I was very motivated by the horrifying thought that my sister might catch up/pass me!  This sibling rivalry appeared not only in schoolwork but also in practicing piano, later maintaining chairs in the orchestra, even climbing the highest in a tree or running the fastest...  You get the idea.
This doesn't apply with Marianna at all! With no one to compare herself to (except me!) peer rivalry isn't motivating at all...
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the practical side of homeschooling 1, 2, 3...
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~Jennifer
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 11 2007 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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Sibling rivalry with the right kind of temperament is the greatest motivator. I can't wait to see your answer, as I find even with my 3 year old he needs the peer rivalry. I've enlisted his cousins to help me sometimes... This week was a good example how helpful siblings are, as I have a 9 yo niece visiting. He's cleaning up after himself, calmer, listening to books, inspired to do "older" things because someone else is doing it.
So, how do you do it with one child?
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Jennifer G. Miller
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J.Anne
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That is an interesting question. I never thought about how sibling rivalry would help her because we have never had it. My son is too young to be an influence regarding school.
On good days, I try to emphasize the role of each person in our family. The book Children of the Forest by Elsa Beskow has a page about everyone doing their share for the benefit of the family - that seems to make sense to her. Obviously, my husband provides for us, I take care of the house and children, and she is responsible for her education. And her room. 
On bad days, I bribe her with crafts. 
Jennifer
As Cozy as Spring
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marihalojen
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J.Anne wrote:
On bad days, I bribe her with crafts. |
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Science experiment* bribery works here nearly as well as craft bribery, I guess I should use it more!
*especially if it foams, fizzes, bubbles or blows 
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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holbein7856
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Some kids don't respond well to challenges like rivalry. Sometimes, I sympathize with my kids and say, "I know it's difficult, and when I was your age, I didn't enjoy it either, etc." I think it's good for them to know that we all struggle with our responsibilities. You could also set the timer, and challenge them to see what they could do in ten minutes. Mine also like to look back and see what they've accomplished. When my 6th grader was writing her first real report, she complained when I asked her to write a title page. I actually had kept one of my own reports from grammar school, and took it out and showed it to her. She loved seeing my writing at that age! After reading it (as well as the teacher's comments), she added a title page, a bibliography, and a table of contents! Prayer is awesome, too, both for them and with them.
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marihalojen
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Sympathy can be a great motivator too!
But the timer  we've been using one at my own suggestion all week. I did not know that we would be timing everything! It is like the worst metronome you've ever heard, and definitely does not match my Sirius Pops/Classical background music! I think next week we will only time certain things that really can drag on - like Math rather than the daily Spelling Test. I realize that it is new, but must we even time our lunch in 15 minutes increments?
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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J.Anne
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I agree with you about the math dragging on. If she is focused, she can finish is 5 minutes. Othertimes (ugh, most times) it will take hours. It's awful! We are doing the test prep for stand. testing this spring. I am going to time that.
I also agree that the children need to learn that what they are doing isn't going to always be fun, but needs to be done regardless. Like cleaning out the fridge.
Jenn
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marihalojen
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J.Anne wrote:
| Like cleaning out the fridge. |
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Ewww! That is a once a month chore here (the really big clean, I mean) I hate it so much I always do it on the 1st so the rest of the month is free! The emptying of the food, making sure there is ice in the cooler to keep the food good, defrosting that useless tiny freezer section which is only good for once a month snowmen! The only bright spot! Snow in the FL Keys comes from freezers and snowmen are usually less than a foot tall and are given a solemn burial at sea. 
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Marybeth
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I think being 6 years old helps motivate ds...everything is fun to him...crafts, experiments, being outside, being with Daddy (dh works at home).
I think this forum has been instrumental in helping me relax and just put the books away when I see him overloaded. For example, today he was frustrated in sounding out short vowel i words..we just read one short Bob book and that was it for reading. Read alouds are a HUGE movtivator in getting him to finish or simply saying we will read another chapter after religion and handwriting. Keeps him hooked through the "school day'!
Great thread,Jennifer! Thanks for beginning it.
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Marybeth (Mb)
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Elizabeth
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Well, now that I posted on the wrong thread, wil lyou let me put this here:
I don't belong here, but I did! There are nearly four years between my first and second. They represent my cancer years. And we thought that I wouldn't be able to have more. But the reason I chimed in is you asked about motivation. My oldest is too far older than his siblings to be motivated by academic competition with them. And especially in the junior high school years my husband frequently remarked that he thought competition and a teacher's threat would be very helpful in getting him fired up enough to CARE about "school." I worried a lot around fourteen. But when the reality of life beyond homeschooling started to sink in around sixteen and he saw SATs and college applications and jobs beyond college ahead of him, him recognized that he better buckle down. He became very self-motivated. The kids behind him have seen this "end of schooling" and they understand earlier what it is. I wish Michael had "gotten" it earlier but he did "get it." In hindsight, I would have taken him for a few campus visits earier, had him peruse applications online and maybe attempt to fill a few out, just to see what would be expected.He needed to know that there is competition even if it wasn't here. Everyone is competing for a finite number of spots in college (or in the work world). But the reality of that competition needed to be made clear to him earlier.I don't think Marianna is too young to see where education leads and to "own" it. They become much more self-motivated when it's their own goals towards which they are working.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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marihalojen
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Marybeth, read alouds are great motivators still! Especially when we can work a handcraft in too - she sews and I read our current book, works well with art and painting too.
That's a great point, Elizabeth! Marianna is seeing a bit of this with my little sisters, one of which is a High School Senior and doing the college app/essay life right now similar to your son. If a college is close by I think it would be a very good idea to attend functions there with younger children, concerts are great, visit their libraries (mine had a huge children's section), art displays, some speakers are worth the trip, even for just seeing the pomp behind a state visit. Marianna loved attending a convocation for Margaret Thatcher and watching the formalities that are involved when someone as important as she visits. The parade of flags, the bagpipes, the speeches to introduce more speeches, the presentation of gifts, all very formal in a way that we do not commonly see in our society today.
I think that ownership of their education is what we are striving for as homeschoolers. It reminds me of Cay's thread - Sharing CM, trying to inspire and motivate and create that feeling in our children that their education is theirs.
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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PDyer
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I feel almost ridiculous posting this, but here goes.
I have two kids, a boy and a girl. They are five years apart; our son is ten and my daughter is five. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of working with these two kids who are so different in skill levels and so different in personality. My son could read or be read to all day, as long as he could cuddle with me periodically. He's a total homebody. My daughter constantly talks, constantly seeks stimulation, is always going going going and wants to get out and be with people. She *thrives on activity and craft projects. My son would rather clean the bathroom than do a craft project.
Should I even try to combine their studies (I mean include her in what he is studying for history and science and reading aloud)? In the past when I would try to read aloud to him, she would get bored and act accordingly. We managed while she was still napping but when she stopped napping it was really hard. I think in her eyes when my son and I were together she was left out, and she did not take it well, no matter what I did.
Our solution this past year (to this problem an in response to some other concerns) was to have her attend preschool every day for three hours. But next year we want to bring her back home, and she tells us she wants to be home. I'm thinking ahead and I have a lot of time to consider and pray about it, but I wonder if anyone here would have some wisdom of past experience to pass on.
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Patty
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lapazfarm
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Patty the ages of your children are similar to mine. I have a 5yo dd and 11yo ds.
They are also very different from one another and it is a challenge at times. My ds is the easiest kid in the world to homeschool because he is enthusiastic about just about anything, as long as it stays fresh and ever-changing. Dd is enthusiastic as well, but in different ways, and thrives on routine.
It isn't an easy combination. At times I have been tempted to send dd to school for awhile also.
What has been most helpful is setting up learning stations for ds and Montessori-like shelves for dd, so that much of their work is independant and laid out ahead of time. I go back and forth to work with each of them throughout the day, but if I am busy working with one, there is always something the other can be doing while they wait for me.It takes some work and time to set up, but I think it is really paying off.
I hope that helps some. If not, at least know that you are not alone!
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us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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mom2mpr
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PDyer wrote:
Our solution this past year (to this problem an in response to some other concerns) was to have her attend preschool every day for three hours. But next year we want to bring her back home, and she tells us she wants to be home. I'm thinking ahead and I have a lot of time to consider and pray about it, but I wonder if anyone here would have some wisdom of past experience to pass on. |
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Patty, I am with you and Theresa. I am also looking for wisdom. I have 2 dc. Ds is 9 and dd is 4. Naps are gone and I am having problems getting things done. I too have thought of preschool for dd-but the effort to get her there and home a few times a week doesn't seem worth it. We live 30 minutes from anything. Dd is starting gymnastics next week and I am hoping that one hour will enable ds and I to do something. It will also allow her the opportunity to be with other kids her age--which she has little of right now, and is somewhat shy. I am also hoping that one hour of activity will tire dd out.
Do you find the dc at each other a lot? Mine are always together, VERY different, and I get tired of them arguing and fighting. Dd needs me to play a lot with her then ds feels left out. They do play together some but dd is so 4 and ds is 9 going on 39
Read alouds are pretty much gone--I can't find much the both of them enjoy. And dd had such a short attention span. In the am I am going to try to do some schooly stuff with dd and then work with ds, but my days are getting much shorter now --kwim?
I am glad to know there are others out there with these "struggles."
Anne
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PDyer
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lapazfarm wrote:
| What has been most helpful is setting up learning stations for ds and Montessori-like shelves for dd, so that much of their work is independant and laid out ahead of time. |
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My daughter has been attending a Montessori school this year, so setting up Montessori-ish shelves would be optimal. I tried to before, but the materials didn't appeal; her teacher and I concluded -- last spring, during her assessment at the school -- she was beyond them by the time I got the materials organized and on the shelves.
I plan go into school to work with her every month until the end of the year so I can see what materials she is working with and what might be a good fit in the fall. Do you have other suggestions for her age group? I need to get my hand on some Montessori catalogs or books...
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
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PDyer
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mom2mpr wrote:
| Ds is 9 and dd is 4. Naps are gone and I am having problems getting things done. |
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That age combination was exactly the age combination that was so very difficult last year.
mom2mpr wrote:
| I too have thought of preschool for dd-but the effort to get her there and home a few times a week doesn't seem worth it. We live 30 minutes from anything. |
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Some days the effort to get my daughter to school 15 minutes away doesn't seem worth it! I have also found being tied to a school schedule in the morning and sports schedules in the evening means we can't go on day trips to museums or the zoo anymore. Those trips are at least 45 minutes one way, so by the time we'd get there in the afternoon we'd have to turn around and come back to start the getting ready for practice routine. That school schedule...it's chafing.
mom2mpr wrote:
| Dd is starting gymnastics next week and I am hoping that one hour will enable ds and I to do something. It will also allow her the opportunity to be with other kids her age--which she has little of right now, and is somewhat shy. |
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I have concerns about friends for dd as well. She started ballet this year, but that's only an hour on Saturday mornings so far. Swimming is a big part of our lives in the winter. I hope that she'll start swimming this summer, so she'll be able to participate on the swim team with my son next winter. I hope to be able to have them involved in the same sports at least part of the time so the family doesn't end up divided in teh evenings.
mom2mpr wrote:
| Do you find the dc at each other a lot? |
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We have been very blessed that the kids get along amazingly well despite their differences. I have noticed they argue more when my daughter hasn't had enough outside stimulation. My son is a huge introvert (like his mother) and he can only take so much.
mom2mpr wrote:
| Read alouds are pretty much gone--I can't find much the both of them enjoy. And dd had such a short attention span. |
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I was almost despairing that I would ever again be able to read aloud and engage both of them, but my dd's attention span has increased tremendously this past year. I hope you experience the same change over the coming year.
I find I can engage both of them using Catholic Mosaic. It was proven to be a wonderful resource for us; have you tried Mosaic yet?
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
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mom2mpr
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Ahhhh...so there is a light at the end of the tunnel--re: read alouds. I keep hoping but I just can't see the forest through the trees.
Glad to know this age combination is hard and it gets better too--whew--I was thinking her being 4 would be easier....thanks, Patty.
Anne
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Topic: Moms w/1, 2, 3... motivating students
