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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Jan 10 2007 at 6:06pm | IP Logged
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My girls, ages 9.5 and 11, recently watched High School Musical at a friend's birthday party. It seems to be all the rage around here, although we didn't even really know what it was about. It's rated G and when the girls told me about it on the drive home I didn't think much about it. We are fairly conservative with movies they watch, mostly G-rated, figuring we'll save the good PG ones for when they are a tad older. I think we may be at 'tad older' with our 11 year old now.
Anyway, this happened to be New Year's Eve. We arrived home about 10:30 p.m. (mean mom didn't let the girls sleep over) to find dad and the next two kids in line awake. We thought we might as well stay up to welcome in the New Year and decided to watch High School Musical that was sent home with the girls! It is rated G, after all! And, truly, for the most part, it is good. I was very surprised at the level of modesty and the non-existent foul language.
BUT.......from the very first scene, Cash and I looked at each and said, "Oh no!" The main storyline is about a high school boy and girl, who look to me to be junior high age to me! They obviously have a 'crush' or 'like' each other. All pretty tamely portrayed. A little hand holding and a kiss on the cheek. Too much for me, but that's another post!
So, it got me thinking about 'crushes'. Do young girls and boys naturally develop crushes or are they a byproduct of movies, books, and a society that seems to push them?
If we are careful about what our children read and watch and who they socialize with, will we be able postpone these feelings or are they simply hormonal?
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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amiefriedl
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| Posted: Jan 10 2007 at 6:40pm | IP Logged
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Whew. I have really no place to talk on this one but....
My ds8 has been sensitive to beauty since he was a 4yo. We would be at a restaurant and have a pretty waitress who would talk and joke with my son and when she left the table my son would say, "Mommy, she is beautiful" with stars in his eyes. I found out recently that he tried to get a 16yo visiting friend allow him to kiss her. He just thought she needed a smooch on the cheek cause she was soo pretty. I assure you we don't get out much and don't do any tv or movies other than animals and cars. He just seems to come by this naturally.
My children notice beauty and immodesty VERY quickly when we are out. I have to be very careful already! We have lots of discussion about the importance of choosing a good wife/husband already. Perhaps this isn't rare - but it sure felt fast to me!
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 10 2007 at 7:07pm | IP Logged
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just my little opinion here....
I don't know if "hormonal" is the right word -- more like just "natural". (though once you are talking about pre-teens/teens -- then hormonal may be right on.  )
Kids imitate adults. And, likely as not, our kids see Mom & Dad with children in a loving family. That's good. Many of our other homeschooling friends/family will reinforce this dynamic just by "being". So, for a child to have a desire to imitate this would just be...normal.
I don't know if I am getting across exactly what I mean.
I do know I have an 8 yo son, and we have some homeschooling friends with an 8 yo daughter. We are also quite conservative in any movies etc that our kids are exposed too. So are they. However, since they have been about 5 they have informed us adults that they are getting married.
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Sarah
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| Posted: Jan 10 2007 at 7:59pm | IP Logged
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I've seen crushes happen here without ANY outside influence from movies or suggestions from me. My child doesn't even know I'm aware of it and its never played out other than watching for that person at Mass, looking up info about her in the hs directory (her b-day) and talking about her family. He has no idea that I even realize it. I never bring it up and tease, as was done in my day  .
Therefore, I think it to be natural. Its very innocent here with my child who are very innocent as well. The day will come when I have to explain further what we do with those crushes and how to put them into a pure perspective, but for now I just keep quiet since nothing has ever come of it (phoning, chasing her, teasing her, or any other pursuit). Now I've really only noticed this with one child, the others don't seem to show it, yet.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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humanaevitae
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| Posted: Jan 10 2007 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
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I have no idea but I am curious also.
Our oldest is a 10yo ds and he has shown no interest in girls. He has remarked that his sister (7yo) will never be able to find a man to marry her!
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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teachingmom
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| Posted: Jan 11 2007 at 1:22am | IP Logged
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Hi Erica,
I'm not sure if it added to the periodic talk about "crushes" around here, but I will say that there seemed to be more of an awarenes of romance in general on the part of the older girls after they saw High School Musical. 
This past week they finally saw the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Unfortunately it has led to a few conversations like, "Mom, who do you think is handsomer, Jack or Will?" etc. One good thing is that they seem to find the characters appealing, and not the actors. (So the crush is on Jack Sparrow, and not on the actor who plays him, whose name is escaping me at this moment!)
I'm really not sure if the movie watching is adding to the boy talk, or if it's a normal progression for my 10 and 12 year olds. My sense is that it's normal, and it's pretty minimal, so I tend not to worry about it.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Karen E.
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| Posted: Jan 11 2007 at 8:16am | IP Logged
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My girls are 13, 10 and 4. I've seen "crushes" develop pretty naturally with the older two. That said, High School Musical does kind of push the whole crush thing, but it's still handled pretty innocently. And, my youngest picks up cues from her older sisters (they all have plans to marry a certain movie star), but I don't know how that can be avoided with youngers?
I think crushes can be handled in a perfectly innocent and chaste way, and I think it's okay to acknowledge them.
As Laura mentioned, if we're modeling a loving marriage, we want our kids to aspire to that, if that's where God calls them.
They *will* have feelings, and we can acknowledge them within the boundaries of our faith -- i.e., talk about what a good husband/wife really is, about marriage as a sacred vow and sacrament, about how "beauty" has everything to do with a person's soul, and not just looks, about modesty and purity.
I've found, so far, at least, that teaching them about how to handle their natural feelings within God's law is a good approach. Of course, they're still young! Heaven help me as we proceed further into these teen years ....
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Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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MrsKey
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| Posted: Jan 11 2007 at 8:54am | IP Logged
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I think it is natural as well.
My daughter has a friend (1.5 years older than dd) who has a younger brother (who is her age). At first (2 years ago) J. was just a younger brother. Now I hear that she thinks J. is handsome (which he is). 2 years ago dd was to J. "my sister's friend". Now I notice him doing goofy, silly things to try to attract dd's attention.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing. If we model sound virtues for our kids and teach them what is right and wrong in the way modern society portrays relationships I think that a 'crush' can still be just that. An innocent crush.
I cannot expect that dd will recognize beauty in Michelangelo's "David" or "Pieta" and then not recognize beauty in the real life people she sees and meets. She's going to know that some boys/men are handsome in her opinion. She's going to know that some girls/women are pretty in her opinion.
I cannot stop that.
I also cannot stop her from liking boys - both as friends and as crushes.
All I can reasonably hope to do for my child is model a healthy, godly and Catholic marriage. Teach her about virtue. And pray.
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Carole
Wife to Tom since '94 and mom to Bree since '96
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Jan 18 2007 at 12:59am | IP Logged
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Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful responses. We've had a few conversations about what is appropriate when topics like 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' come up, so I think the youngness of the main characters in this particular movie threw me even though it really is handled so innocently. You've all really put me at ease. Thanks so much for sharing. And, I'm with you Karen. I'm not looking forward the teen years with my girls. I'd like them to be soooo different than my own experiences. How to go about that gently and and with a sense of understanding.....
Thank you again!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: High School Musical and ? about crushes
