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Lisa R
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 10:25am | IP Logged
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We've been home only about 12 days and my little one hasn't slept well at all. She wakes every night sometimes screaming and unable to be consoled.  I don't know if this is night terrors or something she is going through from her orphonage experience. I cry to think of the times she was left alone to soothe herself with noone to hold and love her. My heart just aches with love for her.
Any advice on how to help her would be so appreciated? She doesn't sleep well in our bed. We've tried that many times.
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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kristina
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
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Lisa,
I am sorry not to have any advice for you. I will add your sweet Hannah to my prayers, though!
May you all adjust well and get some rest.
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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Diane
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
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Lisa,
I did not experience much inconsolable crying at night with my two babies who were adopted in China, but they were younger (8 & 11 mos). So, my advice is not based on experience but intuition, fwiw.
You are still at the very beginning of transition. First of all, she is probably still adjusting to the time change. Second, I have read that the transition can be the most difficult on the child who is a toddler at the time of adoption, because she is old enough to realize that things have changed (and to not forget that awareness too quickly), but not old enough to understand the changes or communicate her feelings about it. I noticed a huge difference in the way my two transitioned, and they were only 3 mos different. The older one took it much harder and longer.
My 8mo would not sleep in our bed either, until she was about 22mo. In fact, she wouldn't let us sing, rock, or walk her to sleep. She would push away until we laid her in the crib, because that's what she was used to. She did use a pacifer, which I was very hesitant to give her at first, but it brought her great comfort, again because that's what she was used to. It seems odd to try a pacifier with a 20mo, but if she used it in the orphanage (not uncommon), it might bring her some comfort at night and help ease the transition. Sometimes they slip backwards before they can move forwards.
Whenever any of our little ones were crying inconsolably at night, and they wouldn't be soothed by singing or walking, we would do whatever we could to distract them. The best thing seemed to be taking them outside. The cold night air is a bit of a shock and pretty soon they start looking around at the lights. Doesn't always work but may be worth a try.
I know this is breaking your heart, and you are exhausted, which makes it worse. I will keep you in my prayers. This too shall pass---she will get more comfortable, work through some of the grief, and you will both get some sleep---eventually. Hang in there and just keep loving her as you are. I don't know how big she is, but if you can, wear her during the day as much as she'll let you.
HTH!
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Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 7:52pm | IP Logged
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. When I think of all the love you have to give your new daughter, how she doesn't even realize yet that you will always be there for her... sniff.
It is such a big change for her. I remember years and years ago when my brother came home to us, my mother had a terrible time with him at night. It turns out that at the orphanage, late evening was the time he got the most attention. He was a little night owl, and when all the other babies were asleep, the workers had more time to give him. They would take him outside at night, and he loved it. At our house, we went to bed early. It was an adjustment for everyone, but we found our way, and you will, too.
I will pray for you all...
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Wendi DeGrandpr
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 8:38pm | IP Logged
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Lisa - you are all in the beginning of such a huge adjustment. The first several nights our dd was home with us she would sleep fine but when she woke up, she woke up screaming. She is 6 - much older than Hannah, but they know things are different. Everything they have ever known is different and it takes time. Our dd has been home for 5 months and nights are easy now but we are being more challenged daily. It is exhausting. I am sure it will be different for you as Hannah is so much younger. Our adjustment with our ds who has been home 9 months has been different. He is 4. He LOVED to sleep with us - for the first two weeks he would not move a muscle all night - then as he got more comfortable he took over the whole bed!! 
Remember, this is so huge for Hannah - you waited, longed for her and loved her long before she came home - she just knows her entire world is upside down right now. I just kept thinking how frightening it must be. No matter how bad it was where they came from, how poor, how hungry they were etc - it is what they knew.
Does Hannah have a blanket or a stuffed animal to hug? Maybe something that came home with her? Is she used to a crib with or without other children? A bed? A mat? Is she in your room? With siblings? How similar or different is it from what she is used to? Raef didn't sleep well by himself for a long time because he was used to sleeping with Katiana. He slept with us, then over time he was in his bed in a room with his new sister. By the time Katiana came home he was used to his own bed and the second night she was home he asked to sleep in his own bed because he was used to that now. Every now and then he still comes into our room, but more often than not he just wants to be tucked back into his own bed and occasionally I sit with him until he falls asleep. Another thing I did with them - and still do on occasion is sit in their room and pray a rosary aloud as they fall asleep.
I know the ages of our children are very different but I hope this helps some.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 10:26pm | IP Logged
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I wish I knew how to help you. I think you have gotten some excellent advice so far. I agree that a toddler adoption is often the very most difficult age, for the reasons Diane wrote. Our dd had just turned 3 when she came home to us and was non-verbal, but since she was from not too far away she did not have the upheaval that your dd has had, so our transition was not as rough (in that way at least.We did deal with some amazing temper tantrums). Have you learned any Chinese phrases or lullabies that might be soothing to her? Some music perhaps?
Hang in there, dear. Remember you are in it for the long haul and baby steps will get you there, eventually.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Margaret
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| Posted: Nov 05 2006 at 11:09pm | IP Logged
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Our daughters slept first in between my husband and I, but now sleep right next to us on my side in a day bed pushed up to our bed. Since your daughter won't sleep in your bed you might try getting her to sleep next to your bed in a bed of her own. Then when she wakes up in the night, you are right there.
Love and prayers,
Margaret
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Adoptive mommies - Help!
