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Courtney
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| Posted: Sept 24 2006 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
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My dd will be 9 yrs old in Oct. Within the last month, she has started getting out of bed multiple times before dh and I even go to bed. Now it's turned into a big cry at bedtime almost every night. When I ask her what is wrong, she tells me either she's afraid she won't be able to fall asleep, or that she will wake up in the middle of the night and need hugs. When this first started, she woke dh and I up several times during the night one night. I feel that by this age, she should be able to sleep through the night. I also have asked several times if something else is bothering her. We have resorted to withdrawing privileges (tv, computer, playing with neighbor friends) on the nights that she repeatedly gets out of bed. Of course, usually the day or two following one of those losses of privilege, she manages to stay in bed. I'm at a loss. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I'm wondering if some of it is hormonal? She has become a bit more emotional in the last several months (of course, that could be lack of sleep!). Any input would be helpful!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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amyable
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| Posted: Sept 24 2006 at 8:49pm | IP Logged
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I have absolutely no advice, but my soon to be 9yo girl is doing the same thing. I'm hoping it's a short lived phase. She IS my more easily overwhelmed child...
I remember lying awake at night at around her age, wondering if I would ever fall asleep, but I don't remember coming out to pester my parents much. Then again, I have a very selective memory. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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krygerzoo
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| Posted: Sept 24 2006 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
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My 9yo daughter seems to be starting the hormonal stuff, too ---- ack! I also remember lying awake too afraid to tick my dad off to get out & bug 'em!
We give the kiddos .25 (1/4) of a mg of Melatonin (family physician said it was ok) -- it comes in a 1mg tablet, as needed at bedtime. We don't have good sleepers, anyway. We don't use the *time release* version. I was sooooooooo hesitant to try this homeopathic remedy although it is entirely natural!! I'm telling you that this has been the single most helpful thing I've done for our family about the whole sleep stuff! We've even used it on our 4yo. I've used it on occassion and it is such a "natural" way to fall asleep without feeling *drugged* the next day.
We also sometimes give the kiddos a body massage using a lavendar massage oil.... ah, soooo relaxing! They LOVE it!!
Hope this helps....
Peace and blessings, Katherine
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Sept 25 2006 at 5:50am | IP Logged
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My ds of the same age is also having issues, though he has always been an awful sleeper. I thought it was due to the change in seasons and lack of outside time--along with some sibling stuff we have been battling for the past year or so. He is a senstive and emotional kind of guy. Glad to know I am not alone and I may try the Melatonin.
Anne
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Sept 25 2006 at 9:46am | IP Logged
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Our children of various ages have trouble sleeping at various times and, like all of you, I cannot figure out what is different about the times they sleep better and the times when sleeping is a problem. Even though I'm not sure what causes this for them, I have found what helps.
We keep food as nutritious as possible (limit sugar, caffeine - as in tea); make sure they get outside to do something physical during the day; before bed, they take a warm bath and drink a cup of chamomile tea while we read aloud. This doesn't always work perfectly, but it does seem to help at least somewhat.
Peace,
Nancy
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Sept 25 2006 at 10:15am | IP Logged
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My 7yo awesome sleeper went through a couple months stretch where he became so active in his sleep that we moved him off his bunk (he fell out once) and had a family member sleep next to him to help keep him safe. He is back to his usual sleep pattern now, phew!
Between 7 and 9, children go through huge developmental changes, enough reason to cause changes in sleep patterns. We just wait out the storm while keeping them safe and reassured.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Sarah
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| Posted: Sept 25 2006 at 10:44am | IP Logged
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My son is now 10 and is sleeping normally.
Last year we went throught something similar. He was nervous at night that he would be the last one in the house to fall asleep and became so clingy during the bedtime routine that it was driving me nuts! The more nervous he would get that he wouldn't fall asleep, the worse he got. He would get out of bed, sneak down the hallway (we would hear him, of course), and check on us!  Sometimes it would be 4am and he would "check" to see if we were asleep!! He wouldn't realize what time it was.
When relatives visited the behavior alarmed them and he would convince the more kind-hearted aunts/Grandma to sit in there for HOURS until he fell asleep and I had to put an end to that, since it really became ridiculous! They also got in my ear--like it was such a big deal. "What's wrong with him?" Nothing!!!! I had to shut out their alarm, because it made things worse.
I also told him I had trouble falling asleep(which is true), so I read with a flashlight. I told him that MANY, MANY people take a long time to fall asleep. One mother who is a friend of mine told me to tell him SHE took a long time falling asleep, too. Its common. Tell her about my son and the others of the same age and tell them how it goes away eventually. It helped my son to know there was nothing wrong with him--lots of people have gone through this and its not a big deal.
Sit on her bed, chat for a few minutes (not hours ), rub her back and tell her not to get out of bed, but that YOU will be back to hug her several times. Tell her this will get better. Tell her you will be happy and it will only work if she stays in bed. I know some people have let their kids read by flashlight. This didn't work for my son, but it works for some, especially if what they are reading is not stimulating.
At the same time he also thought he was going to have to go to the bathroom a hundred times (since he had watermelon once in the evening and he had to repeatedly relieve himself).
This was all part of the SAME BEDTIME ANXIETY.
In my opinion, kids go through compulsive behaviors that eventually resolve themselves. I think kindness, patience (since they are really suffering) and little coping techniques help them get over these behaviors.
My ds, now 10, has NO BED ISSUES. It appears, one year later that he outgrew it.
Probably the biggest thing that helped him was that I told him EVERY night that I would stay awake reading with a flashlight until he was asleep. This calmed him down, trusting that I would do this, and he fell asleep a lot quicker.
I also don't require him to go to bed early because he's not tired. He goes to bed around 9:30/10:00. It helps if they are tired, otherwise, not being tired, they lay awake and obsess.
Courtney,
She is probably afraid that she'll have another night where she woke up needing hugs. This makes her nervous. When she's nervous she's probably restless which might be why she gets out of bed. As a person who battles anxiety, I know the more someone you need pushes you away, the more clingy you get.
She may need some real hand-holding and babying through this. We all get those voices in our head of people telling us, "you're going to allow her to do this?" or "Boy, are you a push-over parent if she gets away with this. She has your number!" Override those feelings (if you have them) that you are not a good parent if you're sensitive. Try to look at her as a LITTLE GIRL and don't think of her as a college kid still waking and needing hugs.
Then, I would give her some coping technique. Our plan was that I would tell him I would check on him before I decided to fall asleep and if he were still awake I would wait for him, so he knew he would never be awake alone. Eventually, he realized there was nothing to be nervous about, Mom was always there. It took about 6 months before he would really get better and now, a year later, he is fine. He could care less if I'm asleep, downstairs watching a movie, or whatever.
Instead of her getting out of bed, could you tell her that you will come give her hugs several times before you go to bed? And then really do it, so she believes you. I would also tell her that waking up can't hurt her. Just keep reassuring her that she will be fine.
In the end, too, we have an open door policy with our kids. I tell them if they truly need us, they can come get us. I also say that we need sleep, so they must really need us before coming in. Our kids seldom come. My ds5 told me the other night that when he wets the bed, he changes himself because he doesn't want to wake us. I told him that he can come get me in those types fo circumstances. Obviously, they really evaluate whether they need me!
I think if they feel pushed away, they are more clingy.
I would also cut out any stimulating foods/drinks after dinner. I would allow no caffeine ever, since it can stick with them for hours. Sweets could make it hard to fall asleep, too. Even fruit can trigger lots of bathroom visits and can stimulate. My DS10 (the one with the sleep issues, doesn't allow himself to even eat peaches after dinner because he learned himself (through my suggesting) that he cannot handle them before bed.
Sorry to write so much. I just know what you are going through. Hang in there. MOST kids outgrow these things. Don't overeact or let reatives get in your ear. Its not a big deal in the realm of the rest of her life, although it feels exhausting right now.
HUGS 
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Courtney
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| Posted: Sept 26 2006 at 10:19pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your support and suggestions. Sarah, something you said really struck home with me. I found myself getting edgier, and dd getting clingier!
Last night, dh and I put her to bed together (usually we take turns but still go in and say goodnight). We had her think of all the happy things she could think of and pretend to run them on a video through her mind. She began to loosen up and smile a bit. We promised to check on her several times. When we left the room, she was actually happy! We both went back in 15 minutes later and told her we needed hugs! She did request that we keep her bedroom door opened a little bit so she could hear us.
She never got out of bed last night! Tonight was similar and she hasn't been out once! Thank you all! It definitely helps me to know I'm not alone and I think it helped her, too, when I told her there were other kids her age experiencing the same thing. I am also resolving to spend more time with each of my dc one on one. Last month, dh and I took each child on a date by ourselves and then we all met up for ice cream. I know my dd really needs that one on one with mom time.
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Topic: Sleep problems in dd
