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saintanneshs
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Joined: April 15 2005
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Posted: Sept 21 2006 at 4:09pm \| IP Logged

your non-homeschooling friendships?

When you began homeschooling, were you able to keep up with any of the friendships among non-homeschooling friends? Did the dynamics of your relationship change or did you grow apart or were you able to maintain a friendship based on other things (besides homeschooling, faith, etc.)?

We're just getting started and already I'm seeing a major shift among the friends I grew up with who still live here (like me). In preschool this was no big deal, but now that our kids are "of school age" things are changing. Most of these girls are sending their kids off to school now and our lives aren't purposely intertwining anymore (no more morning "playdates" 'cause we have school). We don't live in a neighborhood, so special plans have to be made and the kids and I are finding other things to do to fill our time, including a whole assortment of homeschool-group-related activities. AND my old friends and I don't have any more in common than we did when we first began getting together to talk about our new babies (which I'm the only one still having anymore). Dh and I are okay with "letting go" because we kind of knew it was coming. I think we're headed down different paths in everything from parental focus to discipline to outside activities...the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, my best childhood friend wants MORE time together than I can give right now. I don't want to hurt her, but it's enough for me if the two of us are friends and see each other from time to time, while she wants our kids to grow up together and for them to be good friends as well. Dh says this isn't going to happen because our lives are centered around something so very different. He thinks her boys will all go off to school and find friends like them and ditto for our kids with the homeschooling group. I agree but I don't think my friend would ever understand. She's really pushing for more time together. I don't want to let her down.

So what happens now?

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Kristine

JodieLyn
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Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
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Posted: Sept 21 2006 at 5:33pm \| IP Logged

hmmm maybe if instead of "from time to time" you had set times.. she would feel less "forgotten"?

Like.. the second and fourth tuesday of each month.. so you call up to reschedule if something comes up instead of calling to get together.

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Jodie, wife to Dave
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Marybeth
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Joined: May 02 2005
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Posted: Sept 21 2006 at 5:53pm \| IP Logged

My best childhood friend and I could not be more different. We spend time doing things together just ourselves..not often but enough to keep each other in the loop. It seems apparent your friend wants and needs you in her life. You may be taking different paths but life can still be interesting and your dc may be wonderful friends as life goes forth.
My sister's dc all have very good friends from their old neighborhood~these kids are different religions, economic backgrounds, and have varying interesting from my nieces and nephews yet the friendships endure.

Just my 2 cents...

Marybeth

saintanneshs
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Joined: April 15 2005
Location: Virginia
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Posted: Sept 22 2006 at 8:04am \| IP Logged

Jodie, we have a standard once-a-month lunchdate (no kids, just us so we can chat and catch up) and we usually manage one afternoon a month for the kids to get together and play. And my relationship with her is fine (and sounds a lot like yours, Marybeth...we're VERY different, maybe more different than ever these days). It's just that she wants monthly family dinners together and a scheduled once-a-week "playdate" for the little ones and the big ones. I think she just needs to fill her time at home alone. I don't blame her for wanting to fill that time. I've even tried to help her come up with some new involvements. She isn't motivated to try anything new. But I can't fill her time up because my time is already filled (school during the day, rest in the afternoon and family time at night). It's just too much for me to fill that time up for her...we live 20 min away and I'm always tired with the pregnancy. We aren't home as much as I'd like anyhow (with other involvements like homeschool co-op) but I'm happy with the status quo and just not ready to add any more right now. It's not that I don't want our kids to be friends. I do. I just think once a month is enough and wasn't sure how to handle it delicately.

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Kristine

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