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Mrs.K
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| Posted: Aug 26 2006 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
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Would anyone like to share how you made this time special in your daughter's life? My eldest dd is 11 and we are at the 'anticipating' stage. Since she is the oldest this is all new territory for her, and she's not exactly thrilled about this growing up business. I saw at the Elizabeth Ministries site that they sell a 'Blessing Basket' to commemorate the occasion, but they don't list what's in it. I would like to get something together to give her, but other than the obvious chocolate I can't think of any other items. And I don't want to do anything too overt which could embarrass her with teenage brothers and little sisters around.  Any ideas ladies?
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JennyMaine
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My 11 year old just started on July 1. I was surprised, as I started at an older age than most of my friends. I was so glad that I'd prepared her in a gentle way. She had none of the problems I'd experienced for years as a young lady (vomiting, migraines every month). I had to laugh as about 1/2 way through the first day she said, "You know, mom, this is really gross."  She also pondered why God would need her to go through all this, as she really wants to be a nun!
I think a great little gift would be a special bag for your daughter's purse to keep her pads, etc., in. Maybe a book like Beautiful Girlhood or some other kind of devotional.
Oh, and be prepared. . .your daughter starting will definitely wreak havac on your own cycle!
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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8kids4me
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When my dd(now 26) began, I went to the florist and had a small teacup and saucer filled with flowers and sent to her. The card said "welcome to womanhood!" I have since done that with the next two dd's, and will do that for the last two as they reach their menses. The girls loved it, and have kept the cup and saucer on a shelf since.
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Elizabeth
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8kids4me wrote:
| When my dd(now 26) began, I went to the florist and had a small teacup and saucer filled with flowers and sent to her. The card said "welcome to womanhood!" I have since done that with the next two dd's, and will do that for the last two as they reach their menses. The girls loved it, and have kept the cup and saucer on a shelf since. |
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I really love this idea. Here's my question: My dd is in the middle of three big brothers and two little brothers. How much do the brothers need to know? If any remembrance is given, won't the boys want to know why the flowers? What's the dynamic like with boys and girls when they are all reaching teenage years.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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StephanieA
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My daughter follows three teen boys, and I am not going to make a big deal out of it. I know she personally would find it extremely embarrassing. That said, taking her to a coffee shop or out to eat privately might be nice. I find it very easy to speak to my children alone about these issues and without unnecessary books/resources. For me, it just makes it very personal and intimate to sit and talk about puberty. Catholic chastity and puberty books don't appeal to me at all....except the ones that dwell on manly and womanly virtues. Each child has different concerns, and I try to mold my talks to their personalities and what each child needs to know when. It especially differs when it comes to boys vs. girls.
My oldest read a chastity book in high school and was extremely put off by its Catholic, but rather "what he and I would consider" crude talk. I won't mention books because I know many people use these as resources and I don't want to cause controversy.
But to explain, yes, it is a bit messy, but our cycles are designed to prepare our bodies for a baby. All this would have been nutrients for that young life. As a nun, this would just be another sacrifice to offer our Lord as we would be giving up the joy of having children. A philosopher/doctor once described the menses as a type of crying because no baby was conceived. It matches with my moods sometimes too :)
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Chari
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I really love this idea. Here's my question: My dd is in the middle of three big brothers and two little brothers. How much do the brothers need to know? If any remembrance is given, won't the boys want to know why the flowers? What's the dynamic like with boys and girls when they are all reaching teenage years. |
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I have been meaning to ask this question forever, Elizabeth.
WHAT do brothers need to know???
So far, in this family, the brothers know nothing.....not that a 9yo or 4 yo brother need to know anything........but my 15yo is the one stuck in the middle of three girls......all who have started their menses I do not have a problem mentioning this to him before he goes out in the world........but, when is it best?
For the start of their menses, we gave my oldest a gold crucifix and chain. We did it privately and discreetly.
With the next one, we could not afford to do it at the time, so it did not happen 
and then my last.........surprised us and started before I had a chance to have the talk with her! I was waiting another month till she was done performing as Brigitta is Sound of Music.........she can only handle so much stress at one time  ...oh, well.............she handle it EXTREMELY well, deo gratias!!
we just decided their papa would get them a ring for their 13th birthday.
the tea cup sound so sweet. Couldn't you just look and collect yourself three antique or special tea cups and give them, without flowers, discreetly? ......so the boys don;t realy get it?
or, even with flowers, give it discreetly, and they keep in their room? Or, take just the lass out for lunch and she comes home with the tea cup and saucer and flowers and they just think it is a mother daughter day memory gift.
......till later!
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teachingmom
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| Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 11:07pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
I really love this idea. Here's my question: My dd is in the middle of three big brothers and two little brothers. How much do the brothers need to know? If any remembrance is given, won't the boys want to know why the flowers? What's the dynamic like with boys and girls when they are all reaching teenage years. |
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Hi Elizabeth,
I'll answer from my own experience as the only girl with five brothers. My mom was extremely discreet in talking about such things, and I guess I picked up on her lead. I don't remember ever, in all my years of growing up, having any conversations in front of brothers or my dad related to menstruation. If I needed more supplies, I'd catch my mom in an alone moment and mention it in almost a whisper. I'm not sure that was the healthiest way to approach things, in that I felt very mortified by it all until maybe college, when I had girlfriends who talked more openly about it.
Contrast this with a current friend of mine who grew up with one brother and one sister. She said they kept their supplies in the one shared bathroom and no one in the family could miss it. They talked much more openly about it all.
Now with all the girls here, I anticipate things being much more open than in the home I grew up in. (We haven't had to cross that bridge yet.) Already this past weekend, when my husband took the girls camping while I stayed with my parents due to bedrest, my 8yo was introduced to the idea of periods by a friend. I have made it a practice to have "the period talk" on or near dds' 9th birthday. The other night, my 8yo started asking questions at the dinner table (!) about what she had overheard when a friend asked her 10 yo sister if she had her first period yet. Now I have to have the talk almost a year earlier than I had intended. Oh dear.
There must be a middle ground in which girls can grow up without so much embarrassment about it all, while having their privacy guarded as well. Either way, I would definitely discourage open conversations with brothers present.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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lilac hill
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In family order I was followed by 3 brothers and I do not ever remember an open conversation about monthly cycles or supplies in my house. I learned all I needed in the health class offered to all 6th grade girls. Imagine my "shock" to see supplies on an open shelf in a friend's bathroom. When I asked about her father seeing the boxes, she reminded me that her father did know all about it, especially in that household with 4 daughters, a wife and and a SIL. I was a very young 15yo!
I cannot imagine having a conversation with my brothers present but my 2 sisters, who followed the boys, had a very different experience, because the boys were older.
I think somewhere along the way boys should learn about monthly cycles. A kind husband who watches the house so Mom can have a lie down with a heating pad, chocolate and meds is a gift a MIL can give a DIL.
Here, with 3 daughters, I have tried to strike a balance between allowing privacy and not making it a "secret". And yes, they do know that Rick "knows" about these things
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Anticipating/celebrating first menses?
