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Rebecca
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 10:55am | IP Logged
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How do those of you with picky eaters handle mealtimes? My oldest (who had food allergies as an infant and toddler) does not eat anything in casserole form, nor does he eat meat (except breaded chicken) or any cooked vegetables (except corn and peas). He will eat fresh fruit and raw vegetables. He will try different foods if dh and I prompt him to but usually he gags and has to spit it out. This gagging thing is not theatrical but real. I do not want him throwing up at my table (it has happened in the past)so I have not pushed the issue for him to try things.
Because of all of these aforementioned things, he is a big carb eater. For example, if I prepare spaghetti with meatballs and salad, he will ask for his noodles plain, no salad, would eat lots of bread if allowed and eats the cucumbers and carrots from the salad. That's it.
In the past I have tried a variety of things such as allowing him to make his own meal if he doesn't like what is served (usually pbj). Years ago, I even tried to be firm and told him that he can eat what I make or not eat. Trouble with that is that if he does not eat, he wakes up in the middle of the night vomiting due to the abundance of stomach acid on an empty stomach.
Last night I prepared Broccolini, which has fusilli pasta, butter, cheese, clams and broccoli (oh and lots of garlic  ). I set aside a small bowl of plain pasta and plain broccoli, knowing he would not eat the casserole. All the children chose to eat the plain noodles and plain broccoli. My oldest felt so bad that his sibling did not eat what I prepared (because of his example) that he began to cry and said, " I am so sorry Mommy. I want to eat what you make, I do not mean to teach them not to eat it." He proceeded to eat his plain broccoli (which he hates) and noodles. I just can't help but think he is a good boy who is afraid to eat new foods for fear of the gagging/vomiting thing.
I would like to be able to prepare one meal for the entire family but I have yet to be able to do so. I now have four children who want their noodles plain (since their brother can) and everything else special order. I do not want to have to prepare all kinds of special meals/varieties. Any tips?
Sorry for the long post.
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marcie
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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Rebecca,
I have the same problem. My son has sensory issues and is a picky eater. He also eats lots of carbs, but he does like salads, which is mostly a new thing. He eats almost no meat and no cooked vegetables. The only meat he does eat is pepperoni, turkey bacon and tyson chicken tenders...........which I must tell you is a huge step from just eating peanut butter sandwiches a few years ago. For years, that was the ONLY protein he got. He is big into pasta with butter and parmesan cheese.
Most times, I just ask him what he wants for supper and I fix it. So, I prepare 2 meals. I want to explain...........he is the only child I have living at home. I have 3 grown children and when they were growing up, they ate what I fixed. I had him when I was 40 and dh and I have become pretty laid back with him.
I really don't worry about his diet, we are blessed, he is rarely sick.
I know it is harder on families with several children, and I really don't know how I would handle it if I had more kids.
I know I didn't give you any great advice or anything, I just wanted you to know that I truly sympathize with you.
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Marcie Melancon
New Iberia, LA
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JennGM
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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No tips. I only have one child and after being such a good eater with fruits and vegetables, he's only choosing to eat meat and carbs, and barely eating at that. Breakfast is his biggest meal...I cringe when he gets distracted and misses out on b'fast, because then he's not eating healthy enough the rest of the day.
The food allergies keep choices down, but he's not allergic to any fruits or veggies, but he won't even try them. He's almost 3, so I'm hoping this is a stage. How can child go from not getting enough watermelon last summer to not even touching it this summer?
So...no advice. I just came from a vacation trip where the other children were eating lots of fruits and veggies...and I was resolved to work on it. But you can lead a horse to water.......
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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kristina
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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Rebecca wrote:
| My oldest felt so bad that his sibling did not eat what I prepared (because of his example) that he began to cry and said, " I am so sorry Mommy. I want to eat what you make, I do not mean to teach them not to eat it." He proceeded to eat his plain broccoli (which he hates) and noodles. I just can't help but think he is a good boy who is afraid to eat new foods for fear of the gagging/vomiting thing. |
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Rebecca,
Your son sounds like such loving, humble and compassionate boy. His diet is similar to my husband's and second son's. The texture of cooked vegetables make them gag. No seafood. No crockpot meals, no casseroles.
One thing I do that works prepare a few different items per meal that everyone gets at least something they like. When my husband was growing up, his mom left his portion of veggies raw. (He tells me that it is MUCH healthier uncooked). Our 3rd son cannot stand pasta and only wants meat and our older two do not often like meat at all. So I understand your frustration.
We don't have the throwing up thing (except for a brief phase with our youngest when it did not please her palate), but we do allow the napkin discard if a food is absolutely making someone gag. We have a no-thank-you-bite policy. For whatever we serve, everyone has to take a no-thank you bite.
My only idea for you is: how about before serving meals, could you have your son try a teeny tiny nibble of a bite, in private, standing by the trash can so he can at least get a taste for new food, then if it gags him he can wipe it into a napkin and discard in the trash?
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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Rachel May
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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When I'm in your type of situation it's so upsetting and befuddling that I have a hard time removing myself from the emotions and dealing with the issues. Here are my thoughts, for what it's worth.
First I would decide is this battle worthy, virtue and character building, a health issue, or a non-issue but I'm just being emotional?
In our house we think that food (especially dinner meals) are battle worthy (but not all out war), virtue and character building, and a health issue.
Then I would take each child individually and decide how the rules will be laid out. Do I need to make age related exceptions? Minimum expectations? Health considerations? What are my needs that I need to consider? Is the child's preference a "reasonable" one?
Here are 3 examples from our house.
All our kids up to about 2 years can not tolerate milk products so they are given something else. Everyone else has a minimum consumption requirement which is reasonable. They don't all love it, but they can do it.
I have one who despises peanut butter; I can easily maintain a healthy diet for him without it and it does not take much extra time for me to make him something else so I honor his preference. Some days, I need him to eat a PBand J so we can get somewhere. On those days he has the opportunity to lovingly and uncomplainingly eat it. He usually does. 
I do not have time or inclination to make a variety of dinners, so I try to make something healthful and balance the dinners that are a little palate stretching with some that everyone loves. We set a minimum bite requirement for all dinners which must include some of all the food (so not 3 bites of bread). There is sometimes gagging and once a vomitting issue (especially with peppers). Maybe we were too tough, but we soldiered on and now everyone eats them.
Anyway, maybe if you are able to step back and see who needs buttered noodles and who just wants them, it will help you decide how to handle them. And doesn't it help when that "special eater" is so sensitive and loving towards the cook's needs? What a sweet boy!
Now Leonie or Gwen could have said that so much better and succinctly. Why can't I?
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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hylabrook1
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I have a couple of vegetarians. We all eat vegetarian maybe 4 or 5 nights, but on the couple of nights that most of us are just craving fish or chicken, I make a sort of optional/add on meal. What I mean is this: Maybe I make a huge salad, including the things I know everyone will eat (NOT cucumbers, mushrooms, you get the idea); those things are in smaller dishes on the side, to be added by whoever wants it. This would also mean chunks of chicken sauteed in olive oil and garlic are on the side; maybe some garlic bread, too. Dessert would try to be healthy, covering some food groups, most notably some protein, something like fresh fruit and vanilla yogurt parfaits. I guess I try to offer a variety, knowing some will eat all and others only part.
I admit that sometimes it drives me crazy! It's just at times beyond my creativity and imagination to make it work.
Another thing we do is pasta with pesto, salmon, cooked green vegetable, salad. Those who don't want the salmon still have a pretty good meal from the other things served. But I am always thinking about food! Not just because it's one of my favorite subjects  but because if I don't, no one will ever eat!
Just a few thoughts that I hope might help someone.
Peace,
Nancy
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amiefriedl
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| Posted: Aug 07 2006 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
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My husband and oldest boy have the "gag reflex" thing really bad. Husband has been able to overcome it on some things and is stretching his food tastes. The gag reflex is real. I never imagined it myself but it is real.
But we all have to struggle some even when the crosses are real and not imagined. I don't force my son's least favorite foods on him. I do suggest he tries them once in a while. Which he does with a pretty cheerful attitude.
Pick a good quality vitamin to make sure every one is getting some balance in their diet. Hang in there! It isn't easy dealing with that gag reflex.
Sometimes ds chooses to be dramatic and does act like his is going to toss his meal without real justification...and my usual response is to let him know he'll be eating a second helping if he doesn't get some control of himself - which he almost always does. Still, other times I try to be encouraging but sensitive.
For people who can and will eat almost anything and enjoy it - this situation you are struggling with can be very frustrating. My prayers are with you!
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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folklaur
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My ds 7 has sensory issues. He will gag (and vomit) if he gets a taste or especially a texture that he just can't handle. I admit to getting frustrated at times  and to not having the patience that I should.
Yes, I do make a separate meal for him if he won't eat what the rest of us have. He is skinny already (when he was born and for his first two years he nursed almost exclusively - and he was a little roly-poly the whole time...) and I know he will go without eating. He never comes and says he is hungry. Ever.
He avoids vegetables the most, and he is finally able to deal with a few fruits. He will eat hard boiled eggs(I always have some in the fridge).
When I was younger, I was always of the mindset that "they will eat what I cook." But, he can't. It isn't just him being willful -- he just can't.
However, the other two - they don't have the same issues, and they are expected to try things. But,I have to also be honest, I won't make them eat if if they don't like it. And I won't make them try it every time I serve it if I know they don't like it. I HATED eggplant growing up. We had a huge garden, and my parents LOVED eggplant. Every time they cooked it, I "had to eat at least one piece." I still remember to this day trying to choke down eggplant  . Now, I ate most all other veggies we grew happily - cauliflower, asparagus, brussel sprouts, spinach, swiss chard -- But ugh, eggplant, to this day I just gag thinking about it. If my kids HATE a food, I probably won't make them eat it.
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Rebecca
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Marcie and Laura, I have often wondered whether my son has sensory issues. He is easily overwhelmed yet often the cause of his own "overwhelmedness" (is that a word?  ). I think I will move this thought to "Special Blessings" next chance I get.
Rachel, I appreciate your insight into whether I should "fight the fight" or not. I have always thought that if I allow a relaxed menu for one child, then I should for all of them. Maybe I need to rethink that. There are certainly issues with this child that do not apply to the other children. Maybe they can eat what I have served (at least a small helping) but allow for my oldest's gag reflex and possibly sensory issues.
Nancy, I like your idea about having healthy side dishes to choose from. In essence, that is what I have been trying to do but it seems that he always chooses the bread or a few raw vegetables.
Jenn,I wish mine would eat the meat. I could settle for meat and some vegetables. I worry that he is not eating enough protein. He mostly avoids the dairy and legumes. Sigh...
Amie and Kristina, I find it interesting to know that there are adults that have this same issue. I guess all along I thought it was a maturity thing, that at some point he would outgrow this but I see that it is possible that he will not. I actually think it would be much easier if an adult in our home could commiserate with the poor fellow. My husband does not have much patience with the issue and it has a tendency to make mealtime stressful. We both grew up in "Eat your food" households. Neither of us questioned what we were given and therefore eat just about anything today.
I have asked the kids to have a bite of the food that I make. Rarely do they say, "Yes, I'd like some more" but more often I get the "No, thank you." Maybe if they try it often enough, in ten years they might like it.
Anyhow, thanks so much for all the suggestions and empathy!
God Bless,
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KC in TX
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This is a suggestion my ds's OT gave me. Introduce cooked vegetables to him at a time other than mealtime. This will make the whole thing less stressful for everyone involved. Maybe, the first time, just have him touch it, smell it, involve his other senses before using his taste. Then another day, have him just place a tiny bit on his tongue. No chewing, no swallowing. Then when he feels he can move on, have him chew. You have to move in extremely tiny incremental steps. It's hard for me (patience is a virtue I'm constantly working on). However, I've learned and am still learning that this is the best way to go. Once your son starts to get desensitized to the texture he may be able to tolerate a bit more.
If you think your son has sensory issues, check out the book Out of Sync Child It is a wonderul book with lots of information.
Also, what a wonderfully sensitive child you have. 
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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marcie
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| Posted: Aug 08 2006 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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Rebecca,
Have you read The Out-of-Sync Child? It is an awesome book and gives great suggestions for children with sensory issues. There is also a book called "The Out of Sync Child at Play". It is also really good.
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Marcie Melancon
New Iberia, LA
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Mealtime
