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Michaela
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Our family is so excited, I found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm pregnant. Thanks be to God.
Last August I had a miscarriage and the memory of our loss seems to keep us from totally enjoying the fact that I AM PREGNANT. Every little ache or pain has me wondering if I'll miscarry this precious child. I notice the worry from my DH also. He didn't want to tell anyone, especially our children, just in case....
It's on my mind so much.
To the moms and even wondering about dads who have suffered loss through miscarriage, then got pregnant again.....when did you finally relax? or did you?
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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MaryM
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I haven't had the experience, Michaela, but am glad that you decided to post your good news.  We can all be praying for you and this pregnancy - for the peace that you need right now to get beyond that worry.
Congratulations again and hugs.
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Mary M. in Denver
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Erin
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Michaela,
Congratulations 
Well I can only speak from our experience. Once we got past the date of when we lost our baby we relaxed a bit, although it was really at the back of our mind constantly for the whole pregnancy that something could go wrong. I guess you are certainly more aware, more vunerable. I know that I started doctor's visits months earlier than I normally do.
This is my second pregnancy since we lost Gabrielle and I am far more relaxed this time. You never do forget though, dh confided to me just the other night that he still crys for our baby occasionally.
My dh didn't want to tell the children straight away either, but then he never does. For the first time I was nervous about telling them because they grieved something terribly.
Excited for you, but wanted you to know you're not alone in your feelings.
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Erin
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Mary G
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Congratulations, Michaela!
I never had a miscarriage until I got pregnant at 42 with my 6th. That scared me completely becuase I didn't know what was going on and I wasn't too comfortable with the practice I was going to. I then got pregnant again within 3 months of the miscarriage and had ANOTHER miscarriage. That was a bit easier becuase I knew what was happening -- the kind of neat thing was that this 2nd miscarriage was on the day Pope Benedict was elected so we were laughing and crying at the same time -- and I just turned it all over to JP2 and offerred my suffering as he showed us.
I guess what my long-winded story is trying to tell you is don't ever give up hope. I'd love to be pregnant again (but I'll be 45 in September so chances are slim) and we're definitely open to God's will in all things. The miscarriages were a great "teachable moment" for us with the kids -- souls in heaven watching over us, God's will not ours, and we're a family no matter how many children God gives us!
God is good and will give each of us only as much as we can handle!
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Elizabeth
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Dear Michaela,
I'm twenty weeks pregnant. I'll let you know when I relax  . In all seriousness, this time has been very tough. It was the first time my dh hasn't reacted with glee when told we're expecting. A cloud crossed his face and his immediate thought was for my sanity if we had another loss.Then, right around the time I'd lost the last baby, I was certian I was miscarrying this time. And I was (see? I'm not a total crazy hypochondriac.).I went to the ER alone because my dh was out of town. A sonogram in the ER showed me a loss and beating heart. Talk about conflicted emotions! Another sonogram at 12 weeks helped us both, though going to the appointment was tough because that's how I found out about the loss the last two times. And severe nausea and vomiting have been some comfort too. I've been reminded pretty constnatly that I am indeed still pregnant. Now that the baby moves all the time, I find myself getting attached and even believing we'll bring a baby home. We have another sonogram today and I couldn't sleep at all last night. I've been offering these anxiety ridden medical things for Mary Ellen's twins (also conceived after a miscarriage).When she announced twins, I had this weird sense that I was pregnant with twins, too, and I didn't even know I was pregnant at all at the time. Today, you and your baby will join them in my prayers. Many, many blessings! And every day, just for that day, say a prayer of thanks for one more day with your baby.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Christine
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Dear Michaela,
Congratulations!
We miscarried our fifth child, Mary Frances, at nineteen weeks. Throughout my sixth pregnancy, I worried that I would lose the baby. My only consolation was the prayer, "Jesus, I trust in You!" Everytime I found myself getting scared, I would say this prayer. Eventually, I noticed that immediately after saying the prayer I would feel my baby move. Today, he is a healthy toddler.
I am currently worried again, especially when I don't feel sick. I never realized that I would find so much consolation in feeling nauseous. I am continuing to pray, "Jesus, I trust in You!"
I will add you to my prayers.
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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
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JennGM
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Michaela, Earlier this year Elizabeth posted prayers for 3 moms who were expecting, but not ready to announce. I was one of them, Irene another. Irene had a lovely post about the fear she had, and just continued to pray "Jesus I trust in Thee."
I also had the fear, and couldn't shake it. I just had to place my fear in Mary's hands. I don't have a happy ending, because I've now had 2 m/c in a row. I think I would feel a little better past the 12 week mark, but I have high risk pregnancies, so I don't think the fear will go away. I just have to give it to Jesus and Mary so they can turn it into good. I posted here some thoughts on confidence and trust that are my consolation and constant prayers. "I can do all things in him who strengthens me."
Elizabeth wrote:
| I went to the ER alone because my dh was out of town. A sonogram in the ER showed me a loss and beating heart. Talk about conflicted emotions! Another sonogram at 12 weeks helped us both, though going to the appointment was tough because that's how I found out about the loss the last two times. |
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I have such sonogram fear you don't know. They seem to bring bad news, so lots of emotion tied in lying on that table. Even with my wonderful ds we had 2 out of 3 bad experiences with the sonos. My brother sent around his picture from their sonogram, and although I'm happy, I just don't like looking at the pictures, even. It brings back bad memories. Now how warped is that?
So, Michaela, you have my total empathy...and lots of prayers. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Cheryl
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Michaela,
I felt the same way as you do. I had a miscarriage in Jan 2005 at 12 weeks. In July I was pregnant again and although I was excited, it was not the same as with the first three because of the fear of another miscarriage.
At 8 weeks they gave me an early ultrasound and everything looked fine so I felt some relief. Then at 9 weeks I had some blood (one time)which convinced me I was miscarrying. Even though I was very sad, I had the feeling that I would get through it because I had been through it before. When I went to my next appointment 2-3 weeks later I had so much anxiety on the way there and lying on the table waiting to hear the baby's heartbeat. But I did hear it. I cried all the way home. I cried a lot actually. I think the pregnancy helped me to feel my feelings about the miscarriage. I think I started to relax after I passed the 12 weeks. My vocabulary was different in this pregancy though. I always said "if everything goes OK" instead of "when the baby comes." As others have said, the nausea was a good sign for me. When I look back to the pregnancy when I miscarried, I know that the nausea wasn't there, though I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Now I have a healthy 2 month old girl. My dc all talk about "Angel" our baby that died. The baby that could be a boy or a girl. We thank God for him/her everyday. This morning my dd 3 was talking about Angel and said to me with great enthusiasm, "Someday I can go to Heaven!"
I wish you well and I'll keep you in my prayers. I have to say that I'm really enjoying this baby. I'm not sure if it's because there is a longer spacing between her and the others or if it could be because I'm more grateful for her. Whatever it is, it's good.
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Cheryl
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kingvozzo
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Michaela, Congratulations on your pregnancy! I will keep you in my prayers. It can be difficult to enjoy a pregnancy as fully after a miscarriage. I suffered through 3 miscarriages between my first and second children. The first one was shocking, but I felt very at peace with it shortly. We had told everyone we knew immediately after we had found out, because we had no expectations of problems. It was difficult having to explain the miscarriage to all the people innocently wondering how the pregnancy was progressing.
After the 2nd and 3rd, I was wondering if we would ever have any more children. We didn't share the news of those pregnancies with people because I thought it would be too hard to deal with them if something went wrong, and my son was so young that I didn't think it was appropriate to share that with him. I have also decided that we are going to share the news of any pregnancies with our families as soon as we know, so that we can have as many prayers as possible for a safe and uneventful pregnancy.
When I finally became pregnant with my daughter, the pregnancy was stressful because I was under much closer medical scrutiny, and had to take progesterone every day for the first trimester. After I hit that milestone, I relaxed considerably. My latest miscarriage was at 10 or 11 weeks, so I tend to feel if I make it that far, we're essentially out of the woods.
I view pregnancy much differently now, after having lost so many children. The time when I relax completely is when I have them in my arms.
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Noreen
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Meredith
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Michaela, congratulations ans hugs too!! We suffered a loss between baby two and three and we now have four, it's certainly not the way we planned it, but it never is. God is good in all things, have trust and cherish each day with that sweet baby!! Go easy on yourself too, worry is for another day!! 
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Meredith
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Rebecca
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Michaela,
I have lost two babies, my first and my third pregnancies. I have no good advice on dealing with anxious feelings during pregnancy so I will just tell you that I will offer prayers for you and your precious baby.
God Bless your pregnancy and your little one within!
Love,
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lilac hill
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Congratualtions.
You have my prayers for peace.
Because my first pregnancy ended in my 12th week, the other 3 were difficult, especially since I had bleeding at the 12th week with all three.
A kind remark from another mother encouraged me to place myself in the care of the Virgin Mary, that did provide much peace, although it was never the innocent feeling I had with my first pregnancy.
Another thing, I think the first miscarriage made my subsequent pregnancies very difficult for my DH. I was careful not to share too much of my concerns because it distressed him. He just felt powerless to help me.
Viv
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Angela F
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Hi Michaela and congratulations!
I miscarried at 9 weeks between baby 4 and 5. The prayer that got me through was "Thy Will be Done." We'll keep you in prayer!
God bless,
Angela
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Angel
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Michaela,
I had a miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd children, and then lost a triplet with my last pregnancy and gave birth to (healthy) twins. I don't know that it's ever possible to really relax in any subsequent pregnancy after you've had a miscarriage -- and it was really impossible for me to relax at all in my last pregnancy, after I lost a multiple at the very beginning -- but after a while I've just had to deal with my anxiety by telling myself that it's all in God's hands and it won't matter how much I worry, so I ought to just stop and let God handle it.
Of course, this does not always work to stop my anxiety completely but it does let me go to sleep on those nights when I wake up with my mind racing, convinced every little twinge is something wrong. I tend to worry a great deal, and it has really been hard for me to let go of it, even a little. But I've had to, because otherwise it's just hard to function on a daily (or nightly, which is when the worst anxiety has always hit me) basis.
--Angel
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Caroline
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I'm so glad you asked this Michaela! I am also pregnant after miscarrying my 2nd 7 months ago. We were trying to conceive again so we are thrilled, but I find myself worrying over every twinge. I don't think I'll feel better until I'm in my second trimester. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
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Devoted Wife to and Mama to three beautiful boys and another little boy due in September , and two beautiful souls in heaven
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teachingmom
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Congratulations, Michaela!
As Jenn already mentioned, I also deal with anxiety about losing a baby due to miscarriage. As someone else mentioned, I think that must be true for all of us who have experienced this sort of loss, even if it was years ago, as it was for me. I lost my first and fourth children to miscarriage. Even though I have had three (!) healthy pregnancies since my last loss, I still had (have) many fears of losing this baby I am now carrying. It's so hard to shake the worries. Every little pain or strange tinge can be interpreted as a sign of danger.
This time I felt a bit better when I hit 13 weeks. But I still don't feel much movement yet (at 18 weeks), so I was very worried in the week or so leading up to my appointment last week. I relaxed a lot more when I heard that wonderful, strong heartbeat! My doctor reminded me that it is still normal for a mom of many to not feel too much until midway through the pregancy. He also encouraged me to come in unannounced for a quick heartbeat check if I am ever worried again. I love the way he understands the pain and worry of a mom who has lost a baby.
I think I will feel much more peaceful when I finally feel the baby moving throughout each day.
I'll pray for peace for you. "Jesus, I trust in you!" is definitely my motto during pregnancy.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Karen E.
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Michaela,
Congratulations!
I know what you're feeling ... it can be hard to let go of the anxiety. I lost babies in '91 and '92, before my oldest was born, then had two healthy pregnancies, then lost three babies in '99/'00, then had our miracle baby in '02. :-)
All I can say is that we can never know when God will want our children, and now I strive to love them as fully as I can while I have them, however long that may be ... whether it is months in the womb, or years here on earth with me. Pray to not let this precious time be consumed by anxiety ... try to love that baby for the time that God has given you. One gift I've been given through my miscarriages is to know that God is fully with me, and has a reason for everything, no matter how painful that thing may be for me. He has given us ineffable blessings through our losses, and He's helped me to trust Him more because of them. I look forward to the day when I will meet my big family in heaven.
As to the here and now, and how to relax ... well, it's so natural to relax a *bit* once you pass the "danger point" of your last miscarriage. For me, that was anywhere from 8-15 weeks. But, then, we can always find something *new* to worry about after that point.  My OB was so good about checking up on me often, doing several ultrasounds, etc. That certainly helps.
I'll be praying that you can relax and enjoy your time with this baby, and not let it be marred by fear. Perfect love casts out fear, you know, so try to revel in God's perfect love.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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ALmom
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Congratulations! What great news!
We have had many, many miscarriages (all in the first trimester) and I always worry when pregnant - until I pass the 12 month mark. We still do tell relatives and friends and our own dc - but not quite the public announcement that we did with the first pregnancy (it happened to be one of my miscarriages).
One thing I have always done since the first miscarriage, is to quietly ask the priest for a blessing after Mass (explained briefly that I have a history of miscarriages). There is a beautiful blessing for moms and the unborn baby.
Janet
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Leonie
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Congratulations.
I have had many miscarriages and, I must admit, that the thought of miscarriage has always been present. I find I need to make a novena for peace of mind - I have one to St Anthony that is always very helpful, if you'd like a copy....
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Kathryn UK
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Congratulations Michaela, and prayers for a healthy pregnancy.
I lost my first baby to an early miscarriage (6 weeks), but did not feel particularly concerned during my two subsequent successful pregnancies - probably because I soon passed the 6 week mark and was thoroughly nauseous. This pregnancy has been quite different, and I have had to battle against fear of loss throughout. At 45 the risk of miscarriage is so high (up to 65%) that I had to take the first trimester very much a day at a time. Also the knowledge that humanly speaking this is a last chance pregnancy hasn't helped - the chances of having another baby after this one are negligible. A friend who has suffered a number of miscarriages recommended copying Job by saying "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" whenever the fear of loss arises, as a reminder that this little baby is in God's hands, that God has a plan for her, and that God's plan is always ultimately for good. That helped a lot, though it took time and good ultrasound scans before joy outweighed fear.
A couple of months ago I wrote a post on my blog that might be helpful: Be Not Afraid. It wasn't specifically written to address pregnancy fear, but it was certainly on my mind at the time  .
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Kathryn
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: ? for anyone who had miscarriage
