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Becky Parker
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| Posted: April 30 2006 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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When do you talk to your husbands? My dh and I just took a walk (very short while the baby was asleep and 12 yo ds watched the others). Our conversation was about when we can find the time to actually converse! There are so many things I want to talk to him about but our schedules are so intense, it's hard to find a time when we are both emotionally present, not to mention physically present without the kids climbing on us, to talk about anything. Do you have dates with your husbands? How do you handle this important aspect of married life? I'm feeling like I do a poor job of it and am just wondering how others find the time.
Becky
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mathmama
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DH and I have a "date night" every Friday night. Something pretty big has to come up for us to cancel it and then it doesn't get cancelled, just rescheduled. On Friday nights he feeds DD while I prepare our dinner (always pizza, salad, and chocolate pudding for dessert). Then I put DD to bed while he does some more prep for dinner and then I finish it after I get DD to sleep. Now, I have to admit, we only have an 18 month old, so this is pretty easy for us. I don't know how it will be if God blesses us with more DC.
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Leonie
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We have a date night once a month - it was once a week during Lent since we got to go to the Lenten programme at church together - and followed this up with coffee at a cafe.
Sometimes the date is just a walk together. Sometimes its more formal. But we need it! 
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Danielle
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We have an in-house date night once a week. We have dinner together (something easy, even takeout if I feel especially lazy) after the kids are in bed. We tend to be night owls so having dinner as late as 9:00 is not usually a problem. Also, on most days we tend to talk after we go to bed, before we go to sleep. That is not a formally planned "time to talk" but it seems to just happen that way because many days it is the only time we have alone together without distractions or interruptions.
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Danielle
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Bridget
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| Posted: April 30 2006 at 7:48pm | IP Logged
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Email. It's about as unromantic as you can get.  Really we are terribly in love. But he is such a high functioning Asberger's person, that email just works best for him when we need to communicate about things he needs to remember. Or if we are together talking and planning he likes to be at the computer so he can make a spread sheet of the plan-whatever it is. 
We do go out very occasionally too, but to keep up with everything, it's email.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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momwise
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Danielle wrote:
| We have an in-house date night once a week. We have dinner together (something easy, even takeout if I feel especially lazy) after the kids are in bed. We tend to be night owls so having dinner as late as 9:00 is not usually a problem |
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This works for us sometimes. With older teens in the house it can be a challenge if it turns out to be a time when they want to "kick things around" but they are close enough I can send them off to socialize with each other . The house we recently moved into has an addition in the back with a door (this is also where our t.v. is so we can watch an occasional movie alone also). It can be a challenge though!! Dh has been working overtime and is up by 5 a.m.; he can't help but be bushed and by Sun. evening it's time to get ready to do it all over again. The walk idea is good too Becky.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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Cay Gibson
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For years our conversing time took place outside on our patio early in the morning over a cup of coffee...before dh left for work. The woods framed our patio and it was very private and so cosy.
We moved three years ago and I lost that backyard, patio, and peaceful wooded acre. My dh made sure he resurrected me the patio, but I still don't have the quiet backyard or the peaceful woods. It's what I miss the most... 
Nowadays I have three teenagers who can watch the younger ones. Usually, once the house was quiet, we would sneak out for coffee at Cracker Barrell. That was before Hurricane Rita shortened hours and workers. Cracker Barrell now closes at 5 PM. So we usually go to Chili's (the only restaurant opened late) and talk over a beer and amaretto sour.
It's nice and freeing but, somehow, I miss the briefer more tranquil times spent on my little brick patio.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Erin
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| Posted: April 30 2006 at 9:39pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
| Email. Or if we are together talking and planning he likes to be at the computer so he can make a spread sheet of the plan-whatever it is. |
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Bridget,
I'm in stitches I can soo relate. Your husband is not the only one.
Mine particularly likes to use the whiteboard as he plans.
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Erin
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lapazfarm
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For dh and me, it's a date approx. every other friday or saturday night. Dd(16) watches the littles for us. We can't quite make it weekly yet as I keep my grandsons every other weekend.
I am not a morning person so most of our chatting happens after the kids are asleep. It isn't ideal, but it's what we can manage.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Natalia
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Getting time with dh is a challenge. He gets up at 5:30 and lives for work
around 6:30 or 6:45. At night time he is tired and start being useless around 9:00 p.m. At that time is when I am ready to wind down and start talking and sharing about my day 
A friend of mine (much older that me) told me once that when her dh got home from work, she made sure that her kids would give them about 15-20 mins for them to "regroup". She would have a martini for him and they will go in their bedroom and talk. Well, it has never worked for us: when Mark gets home the kids are ready to see him and play with him. I am usually working on dinner and many nights we have to go get my dd from dance or go to a meeting. Life is so hectic!
Now that my dd is 12, we feel we can leave her with the two younger ones for a little bit. So we have started to take night time walks- after the kids are settled in bed reading then Mark and I go for a walk in the neighborhood. I love being out at night and we have had some good talks that way. It is good exercise for me, but not so much for him: he has to slow down so that I can keep up with his long strides ( he is 6'3" to my 5'4").
Natalia
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JennGM
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Erin wrote:
Bridget wrote:
| Email. Or if we are together talking and planning he likes to be at the computer so he can make a spread sheet of the plan-whatever it is. |
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Bridget,
I'm in stitches I can soo relate. Your husband is not the only one.
Mine particularly likes to use the whiteboard as he plans. |
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Although we don't have our discussions all over email, that helps get it writing to have a "trail" of our plans...even plans on what we are going to talk about. My dh thinks in spreadsheets also. All areas of life...he doesn't like it when he can't analyze or breakdown events in such manner.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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tracym
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My dh and I are struggling with this right now ourselves. We seem to have no time for each other and we both feel we need it. Since this is a new month we decided our goal for this month is to get in 15 minutes of private time every night. We'll see. He usually leaves for work by 5 and doesn't come home till 7 or later and is bed at 8 sooo... that doesn't leave much time for me or the kids. Usually I am ready for a short break from the kids and they all want to see him. Unfortunately he is tired from work and needs alone wind down time also. My goal is to have the house looking nice, dinner done, kids either outside or at the table. My biggest goal is to not start complaining to him about my day when he walks in the door! That is never a good conversation starter! So that is our situation. Not much help but we realize this needs to be a priority right now to try to make time for each other. Hopefully we can also get a date night in this month sometime also.
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Tracy M- mom to Allen 12, Laura 9, Joeseph 7, and Anthony 4
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ALmom
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We also struggle but have found one time - rather funny. Whenever we are carting older dc to activities, we dawdle in the car after depositing dc or even after arriving home. The other dc are all in a rush to get out and sometimes they don't even go with us depending on which dc have activities and if one of the older ones is available.
We found things much easier with just littles as we could tuck them in bed - or drive around the block talking and putting them to sleep at the same time. We often had a tennis date while the baby slept in the carseat on the side of the court with an umbrella to shield her. With older dc and their activities, it seems like we can both be running in different directions. Depositing dc at activities together seems to capitalize on that time, but it is still a work in progress.
Janet
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ladybugs
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I think this can definitely be hard! I have found phone conversations to be futile - but writing letters to each other has been very rewarding.
When our children were small, we would sometimes load em up and drive a few miles to a small airport. The children would be occupied and we could converse.
Since driving to an airport might not be someone's first course of thought, I thought I'd mention it since it might get more juices flowing....
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Maria P
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Conversation with husband
