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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 11:37am | IP Logged
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I am really struggling as a mom and teacher right now. I don't know what direction to go. We are going to homeschool again starting in mid July and that is the only thing I know right now.
I can't seem to organize, plan, or decide what I need to do. I have prayed, but I don't hear God talking to me. I have everything bought for our next school year, but I am not 100% of my choices for geography (and maybe science)for my oldest and history, geography, and science for my youngest. I have them, gone through them, prayed much about them (before buying) but yet it just doesn't feel right. I was looking at the Emmanuel Books catalog I see several things popping out of the page at me, but I don't know if that is God leading me or just the "grass is greener" going on.
I recently read about a homeschool mom that seemed a lot like how I feel right now and her solution was letting God lead her homeschool. To be honest, I don't know how to do that beyond prayer. And the prayer isn't working or I'm not listening.
I have tried putting all the stuff away for a week, but it is always on my mind and I want to get everything wrapped up and enjoy our summer vacation. I assume it is on my mind because something isn't right, but I don't know what it is.
I also feel like I am failing my kids. My oldest is way behind in math and spelling skills. Mostly my fault for not being able to find program that fit him and being able to teach this child. I have sucked the joy of learning out of my kids (and myself) and I don't know how to get it back. Does anyone have any idea on how to get my kids to enjoy our school time?
I could go on as my heart is very heavy right now, but lunch needs to be made for the crew I have working at my house right now. Thank for listening! And I appreciate any advice anyone has to give.
__________________
Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Aagot
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 1:03pm | IP Logged
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 Cassie,
maybe you are trying too much and too hard. What would happen if you just focused on math (lots of games to build skills)and spelling, with either just your older son or even both boys together, for 6-8 weeks and then add in the other subjects after that? I would combine both boys for history, geo and science. Shoot for the level of the older one and let the younger one do everything he can and wants to do.
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WithAllMyHeart
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 1:26pm | IP Logged
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Hi Cassie-
First off... many, many big hugs to you!
My situation is a little different, as I am just starting out with a 1yo and a 3yo, but I can relate to the way you're feeling. The lack of confidence and the feeling that I can't hear God's voice especially. And that rushed feeling like I just want to get it all worked out so I can stop worrying about it for a little while and just have fun.
And I *totally* do the greener-grass-thing with materials, too- it seems there's always something better just around the corner. 
It's very discouraging. I think Aagot may be right, though- that you may be trying too much and too hard. I was just talking to my dh at lunch today about it, and he told me almost exactly the same thing. So maybe there's something to that... but it's easy to get freaked out and paralyzed when it seems like so much is riding on the decisions we make.
I don't really have much in the way of advice, as I'm new at all this, but you've got my ear and my prayers that you will find a way to get back on track. 
-Jennifer
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 1:49pm | IP Logged
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Too much . . . . that is exactly how I feel when I am trying to make plans. I feel like I have set up way too much for us to do. That is exactly what happened this year. My younger one didn't get any history/geography because I couldn't do his and the older one. I told myself I won't do that again and will force myself to just. get. it. done! I feel like I am setting myself up for another bad year. Perhaps I need to figure out how to combine my boys in that area.
__________________
Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 2:27pm | IP Logged
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Cassie,
I was just discussing similar issues with a longterm homeschooling IRL friend. Both our families have been homeschooling for about two decades each. Independent of one another we have each come to the same basic conslusion that no matter what materials you ever choose there will ALWAYS be imperfections and limitations! By and large, it seems that the best recourse is to use what you have, then trust that God will lead and provide if there are any gaps.
Invariably, whenever I start second guessing whatever we're using, I know it's time to put away all catalogues, stop reading about curriculum on BLOGs or forums, and focus my attention on making the most of whatever we are using at the time! In all honesty I don't think there is any perfect resource available for any subject we might attempt to teach, mainly because each and every child, as well as those who teach them, vary dramatically ~ as dramatically as the stars in the heavens!
In the final analysis, educating is really much more about teaching children how to learn, and helping instill a love of learning ~ those elements are greatly impacted by personality, temperament, character and various God-given traits, of both parent/teacher, and child/student! Actual content or subject matter is really secondary!
When a child is struggling it can sometimes mean they just have a different learning curve than siblings or peers. Sometimes it helps to revisit a subject at a later time. We've had success with repeating a subject with two dc (using the same material, for consistency sake). Incidentally, it was math ~ both male! It helped that we were acquainted with a high school math teacher who told us that he sees dramatic changes in learning readiness and ability from one year to the next with certain students, comparable to readiness for things like toilet training ~ when they're ready, they're ready. His astute observation gave us the confidence and motivation to repeat a subject. The success of that approach gave us further confidence to pair an older sibling with a younger sibling ~ affording much-needed review to the older one, while raising the bar a little for the younger one. The comradery that has developed between dc from studying together has helped us recognize that age-segregated learning isn't always the best approach in school or at home.
My personal experience has been that God tends to lead or send answers at the absolute perfect time ~ sometimes when I'm actively seeking them, but far more often when I least expect them! I cannot count the number of times God has guided me to the perfect book, resource or method for one, or all, of our children.
Trusting Him seems to be a lifelong process that sometimes entails minute by minute or day by day surrender of all our best-laid plans or even our greatest fears. We do all that we can, with whatever we have, then we trust God with whatever details are beyond our ability. I think this is true of parenting, homeschooling and so many aspects of life.
Praying that you and your dc experience profound peace, total trust and abundant joy in your homeschooling!
__________________
All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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stellamaris
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| Posted: June 09 2012 at 6:51pm | IP Logged
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Dear Cassie,
First of all, a BIG HUG for you and so many prayers! You are experiencing a very painful aspect of homeschooling, and I want you to know you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed, scared, and worried about how to home school, whether you are doing it "right", and whether your children are making appropriate progress. I think most of us who have been at this for a while have felt this way at various times, so we can sure pray for you with lots of empathy. You have already gotten a lot of great input--especially about trusting God and lowering your expectations a bit.
I don't know if you really want any words of counsel? If not, just skip the next few paragraphs  .
First of all, I think we often put a lot of what I call "moral weight" onto decisions that are not really "moral" decisions. In this case, the curriculum you choose is not "right" or "wrong", as long as it is decent! God gives us the ability to reason and expects us to use this ability to make sound decisions in everyday matters. In this way, He has answered your prayers, and I'm sure He is answering them by guiding you in unseen ways toward good materials. However, no material will be the "perfect" material, as Servant so wisely pointed out. It is more a matter of HOW that material is used than it is a matter of WHAT the material is (assuming, as I said, that there is nothing morally offensive in the curriculum). So set aside your anxiety and use what you can gather peacefully and with gratitude. There is no "magic bullet" curriculum out there--believe me, over nearly 25 years of homeschooling I have used them all!!! And I still am trying to find the "perfect" one  . So, save yourself a lot of trouble, expense, and anxiety and give up the quest for perfection with regard to curriculum.
Secondly, whatever you choose, use it CONSISTENTLY. Charlotte Mason recommends a lot of different subjects and I love that approach, but if you are having a hard time with that, focus on the essentials. EVERY DAY do work in Math, Reading, Copywork, and Bible. Slow and steady wins the race!! If you can add other subjects, do so, but for History, Science, Geography, etc., I keep my children covering the same topics at the same time, even if they are reading books at different levels. That way we can do some "projects" together, such as science experiments/observations or map work or nature walks, and they are lots of fun and apply to everyone.
The most difficult problem you are encountering is your sense of failure. I hope I do not offend you, but I am speaking here from my own difficult experiences with this challenge. I found, for myself, that the feeling of "failing" and of "being behind" were rooted in my own pride--and the fruit of pridefully comparing my children's progress to other children's levels was discouragement, despair, and even anger with my own children who were failing to live up to my expectations. This is hard for me to share, because these feelings are so ugly, but there it is. 
This is truly a matter for prayer--that God would help us to see with clear vision exactly where our children are with regard to the knowledge they need to acquire, and that we would be able to be patient enough to lead them step by step forward from where they ARE---not where we wish they were, or where society/schedules tell us they should be, or where we think we were at their age, or where other home schoolers are, or (dare I say it?) where we would like them to be so everyone thinks we are doing a good job. I'm not trying to be harsh or accusative here, and I sure hope I'm not offending, but I know this problem so well and I have struggled with this very much especially with my special needs son.
I find it very helpful to try to state the problem clearly without emotional coloring. The thing that always helps me is to talk with someone about specifically where we are, what we are struggling with, exactly what learning challenges I'm having with my children--not vague feelings, but nitty-gritty details (e.g., he can only add to 20, or he doesn't know the multiplication facts, or he refuses to read 5 pages, or he gets frustrated when he fails and refuses to continue working). When I have concrete problems to address, I can figure out what to do to address them or I can ask for help with specifics, and then I have a real plan which I can use. This gives me hope! When we wallow around in just feeling "bad", there is no solution because we haven't really taken the time to identify exactly what the problem is we are facing.
As far as having fun is concerned, when you are able to identify where your children actually are in terms of their level of work and accept that calmly, I think you will find that you can enjoy helping them make forward progress. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!  One book that has been a very real help to me to change my negative thinking patterns has been Feeling Good, not a religious book, but a book about cognitive therapy and how to identify negative/false thoughts and replace them with positive or true thoughts. It just helps me be a lot more objective and less emotional, which is good!
Lastly, work to be as kind and gentle to yourself as you would be to any other mom. You are beloved of God, and He is with you .
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 8:30am | IP Logged
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I can't express how everyone's post has helped me so much the past two days!!! I really needed to hear these words. I got my hope back and I am no longer feeling lost! Yesterday I able to get some planning done. I did make some changes, but using things we already have on hand.
THANK YOU!!
__________________
Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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WithAllMyHeart
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 3:47pm | IP Logged
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So glad that you're feeling a little better and making some progress!
-Jennifer
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kristinannie
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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I don't have a lot of great advice since I am so new to homeschooling, but I just wanted to let you know that I will pray for you. Here is a big hug!
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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Topic: Need an ear and a hug!
