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kristinannie
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| Posted: Jan 30 2012 at 9:50am | IP Logged
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I don't know how to handle this. A friend of mine is a cradle Catholic and she is leaving the church. She doesn't go to my parish, but has the same priest as I do (since we have to share priests here  ). Anyway, she is saying that she needs more lively music and wants childcare during Mass. These are her only complaints about the church. I really feel like I need to say something, but I don't want to start anything. I just would love some advice on a gentle way to remind her of the beauty of the Catholic church to get her through this season of life. I do believe that her faith life changed when she got her tubes tied a year and a half ago. I feel like this is an underlying issue that she doesn't even realize, but I REALLY don't want to bring that up. Any advice would be appreciated.
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anitamarie
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This is a great book for people who feel the way she does: I'm Not Being Fed by Jeff Cavins. You should say something gentle about not leaving the Church. Maybe you could read the book together and discuss it. Most people who leave don't know what they are leaving. She doesn't sound ready to here the message about sterilization yet. Help her to see what she is really leaving behind. There is so much grace from the sacraments, and she probably doesn't know it.
Also, Patrick Madrid's series of books Surprised by Truth might also help her to see the reasons that others have left those types of churches behind and come home to the Catholic Church.
Anita
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ShannonJ
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I'm not sure I have any advice, but as a cradle Catholic myself who had so many "issues" with the Church during my young adult life, I would have loved to have someone who truly cared to help me to see what I was really missing.
The book that Anita mentioned looks like a gentle way to open the door to discussion. I think that many that are growing up in the Church know the rules, bu not the full meaning behind everything. My husband (also a cradle Catholic) and I have learned SO MUCH through self-study over the past couple of years, but it was work on our part. Not something that I would have expected to begin with. I mean I was supposed to know this stuff already, right? But I have found that there is so much that I didn't learn, didn't know, and am so glad that I was led to delve deeper into the faith than I had thought to before.
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3ringcircus
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IDK how you could bring this up, or even if you could, but I always felt that dissatisfaction was a call to serve more. Don't like the music? Join the choir. Need help w/ the kids? Start a Children's Liturgy (our church started one last yr. and I'm a teacher because G has gotten so much from it). I'm not trying to make light of things though, and I know it's not always that simple to start getting active, esp. w/ LOs in tow. Getting more involved seems to help what Shannon describes about cradle Catholics not understanding the full meaning behind what we do and why. That's maybe not at all what your friend needs, though. Does she have a spouse that attends church with her?
I'd guess by the way you describe your priest situation that changing parishes isn't an option. Maybe taking a break but not fully leaving Catholicism is all that she is capable of right now.
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kristinannie
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| Posted: Jan 30 2012 at 6:51pm | IP Logged
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ShannonJ wrote:
I'm not sure I have any advice, but as a cradle Catholic myself who had so many "issues" with the Church during my young adult life, I would have loved to have someone who truly cared to help me to see what I was really missing.
The book that Anita mentioned looks like a gentle way to open the door to discussion. I think that many that are growing up in the Church know the rules, bu not the full meaning behind everything. My husband (also a cradle Catholic) and I have learned SO MUCH through self-study over the past couple of years, but it was work on our part. Not something that I would have expected to begin with. I mean I was supposed to know this stuff already, right? But I have found that there is so much that I didn't learn, didn't know, and am so glad that I was led to delve deeper into the faith than I had thought to before. |
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This is so true. I was considering leaving the church several years ago, but as I started researching other options, I started also to read real Catholic books. I was so amazed at the beauty and truth of our faith. I do blame a lot of it on the faith formation we all received as kids. I guess I can't say that it was poor across the board, but I lived in several different states growing up and all we talked about was the rainbows and unicorns aspects of the faith. No one really explained why our church believes what it believes. I am now teaching faith formation to our high schoolers and they want the truth. They want to hear about what the church teaches. Their minds are so open to receive it and we have some great discussions. I feel that our generation was really sold short.
I really don't want to come off the wrong way. I don't want to overstep any bounds. But at the same time, I don't want her to leave without knowing what she will be missing out on.
That books looks amazing. I think I will buy it and look it over. Thanks ladies!
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JodieLyn
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Sharing what you just did here Kristen would be a very gentle way to approach it. The idea that you've been there, that you thought about leaving and then you read some books and changed your mind.. is a very good approach. It lets you be empathetic and she won't close you off like she would someone scolding her. And if you can have in hand a book to offer her, even better. Sometimes the effort to search out the information on your own makes it seem "too much work" but if someone hands it to you.. especially something very readable. Like the "Surprised by Truth" stories mentioned above. It's much more likely that she'd put in some time on it.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Need some advice
