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mommy4ever
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| Posted: Jan 27 2012 at 11:52pm | IP Logged
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Is there something that you do, just for yourself?
I always feel guilty about doing something away from the kids, but dh feels I need to do something.
Last January, my kids started karate. The owner gave us a good deal. Then in the spring, I joined as well.
Now, it's interesting. I am entering my 3rd semester. I have such a hard time leaving the house to go. I would rather stay home, yet, I really enjoy it once I am there.
I have graded twice and have an orange belt. After last grading, we found out I'm a fierce competitor when we spar. I had refused prior to that. I'm the only adult female right now, we have a couple young college females, 19 yos at best. Then everyone else is male. I am out of shape, uncoordinated.... and then we spar, and then things are different. I hate sparring, I hate getting hit...but it seems I'm good at it. The sensei tell me it's a great outlet for me. Right now, I am apparently the most fun to spar with, the 'one to beat'. There are only 2 I haven't sparred with, and they are scary!
So this is what I do for me. It's taught in terms of self defense, not so much a sport. As the one sensei put it, it is a safe environment to practice what could be an attack on me or one of the kids. He says he has faith I'd be able to defend ok, lay down some damage.
I have mixed feelings about it. I don't fighting. But if we were attacked, I'll be happy to have some knowledge...
We get a good family discount. We're down to 2 kids in it right now. Because I help with collecting registrations, I actually get to participate for $50/year. My tuition is waived, I just pay the association fee, which is great because it alleviates the guilt on nights we have schedule conflicts.
What is your outlet?
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Sharyn
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Books I have read recently have helped me to understand the importance of a mum having hobbies and interests.
It can teach our children many things. The joy of having an interest. How to moderate an interest so it doesn't become a selfish endeavor. That dedication, persistence etc. is required to achieve results. That learning is a life long pursuit that we all can participate in. The joy of sharing, teaching our interest to our children. Mentorship. How to fill in time in a useful or good way.
My Grandpa was the person who introduced me to what became one of my interests, photography. I loved to watch him. The wonders of the darkroom. The importance of taking care of equipment. The seriousness of taking a good photo. It was something special we shared. I am hoping to buy a professional camera soon to start this hobby again. In the mean time I have started reading on the subject again.
I've also got back into gardening recently. This is an interest I got from my mum and grandma, both wonderful gardeners.
Watercolor journalling, home decorating, and sewing are three more recent interests.
Whatever I do it has to be able to fit into our families current situation in a positive way and not take me away from what I should be doing, otherwise it just has to wait for another time and place. I choose to find contentment in what I am able to do here and now, and really, that is enough.
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Mum to dd (00), ds (03), dd (04), ds (06), one in God's care (08), dd (09), ds (11), one in God's care (13), and ds (13)
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Rebeccca
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I take fiddle lessons. I do love classical violin and really love to hear my daughter play it but I don't really like to play it. When my daughter started taking violin I started, too, but instead of regular classical violin, I do fiddling. and LOVE it!
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JodieLyn
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ok, I don't do much like you're talking about. Though during the summer I try and get to the pool ALONE a couple times a week so I can do actual swimming (during adult swim/lap swim times) rather than keeping track of kids and playing in the water time. But I'll go and visit with my mom or sister or a certain friend alone. And of course I read books. And I crochet (I'm currently loving making dishclothes.. small projects easily finished and so useful).
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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kristinannie
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I have a daily prayer time that I really insist upon. Occasionally I will take a long, hot bath. I am trying to teach myself Latin. I had planned on 20 min a day, but that is NOT happening!  I do think we need time to ourselves. I just don't know if it is possible to do that in this season of my life!
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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DominaCaeli
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My outlet is running. It is mentally relaxing for me, keeps me in excellent shape, and gives me time away from the children to recharge. I run twice a week before the kids wake up in the morning, and then I do a long run on Saturdays. Luckily my husband is very supportive, because it takes a time commitment on his part too: if the baby wakes up when I'm out in the early morning, he handles her, and he handles all the kids for 2+ hours on Saturdays so I can get my long run in. In that sense, though, I think it actually benefits the family in that the kids love Daddy Time and he does too. There is a small amount of money that goes into my running (new shoes, clothing, etc.), but that mostly comes from my parents for my birthday/Christmas--I am not a fancy gal when it comes to running gear. I would love to run more races, but I don't due to the cost and the time away from the family. I'm grateful for the running I *am* able to do, though!
My other outlets are sewing, reading, and painting/drawing, but those less obviously take a toll on family time; reading and sewing are mostly done in the evenings when the kids are out and my husband is working next to me on his laptop or something, and I took up art so that I could work on projects alongside my kids and give them some lessons. I don't really consider those "me time" the way I do running.
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Sharyn
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DominaCaeli wrote:
| My outlet is running. It is mentally relaxing for me, keeps me in excellent shape |
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Now here's something I should get into. Though initially I wouldn't get a whole lot of 'me time' as I reckon I could only manage to run up to the end of the street and back, and my street isn't long 
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Mum to dd (00), ds (03), dd (04), ds (06), one in God's care (08), dd (09), ds (11), one in God's care (13), and ds (13)
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Rebeccca
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kristinannie wrote:
| I have a daily prayer time that I really insist upon. Occasionally I will take a long, hot bath. I am trying to teach myself Latin. I had planned on 20 min a day, but that is NOT happening! I do think we need time to ourselves. I just don't know if it is possible to do that in this season of my life! |
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I'm also studying latin. I am doing it for myself b/c I have always wanted to but . . . since I'm studying with my daughter and, now that we've gotten to those upper levels I never thought we'd achieve, I get professional CEUs for them, I didn't count them. I should have, though, b/c it is something I always wanted to do and I certainly could have done something easier, less time consuming, and less expensive than Latin.
I should have thought of prayer, too. I love my adoration hour!
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Mackfam
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I do a number of things that are just for me, and I don't feel guilty about any of them!! They're a part of my Mother Culture and do much to encourage me, lift my spirits, nurture me, and refresh me and help me grow.
From The Parent's Review, 1892, entitled Mother Culture by Charlotte Mason (emphasis mine):
Quote:
And then, perhaps, just as she is grasping the situation, and one child fills her whole heart, more room is wanted, and more and more, and the servant question goes on (substitute home ed management for servant here), the management of expenditure goes on, the desire to be more than ever her husband's companion grows stronger and stronger, and the center of it all is one little woman - wife, mother, mistress all in one! Then it is that she gets overdone. Then it is that she wears herself out. Then it is that, in her efforts to be ideal wife, mother, and mistress, she forgets that she is herself. Then it is, in fact, that she stops growing. There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children's childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth.
. . .
Is there not some need for Mother Culture? But how is the state of things to be altered? So many mothers say, "I simply have no time for myself!" "I never read a book!" Or else, "I don't think it is right to think of myself!" They not only starve their minds, but they do it deliberately, and with a sense of self-sacrifice which seems to supply ample justification.
. . .
Each mother must settle this for herself. She must weigh things in balance. She must see which is the most important time spent in luxuriously gloating over the charms of her fascinating baby, or what she may do with that time to keep herself "growing" for the sake of that baby "some day," when it will want her even more than it does now.
The only way to do it is to be so strongly impressed with the necessity for growing herself that she herself makes it a real object in life. She can only rarely be helped from the outside. The resolute planting of Miss Three-years-old in her chair at one end of the table with her toys, of Master Five-years-old at the other with his occupations, and fascinating Master Baby on the rug on the floor with his ring and his ball - the decided announcement, "Now mother is going to be busy" - will do those young people a world of good! Though some of their charms will be missed, they will gain respect for mother's time, and some self reliance into the bargain, while mother's tired back gets a rest, if only for a short time, either on the sofa or flat upon the floor.
. . .
Can any of us say till we have tried, not for one week, but for one whole year, day after day, that we "cannot" get one half-hour out of twenty-four for Mother Culture? - one half hour in which we can read, think, or "remember." |
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And from the same essay, but I wanted to break it out separately because it is very similar to a quote of Maria von Trapp's:
Quote:
The wisest woman I ever knew - the best wife, the best mother, the best mistress, the best friend - told me once, when I asked her how, with her weak health and many calls upon her time, she managed to read so much, "I always keep three books going - a stiff book, a moderately easy book, and a novel, and I always take up the one I feel fit for!" That is the secret; always have something "going" to grow by.
It would seem as if we mothers often simply made for ourselves the difficulties we find in later life by shutting our minds up in the present. What we need is a habit of taking our mnids out of what one is tempted to call "the domestic rag-bag" of perplexities, and giving it a good airing in something which keeps it "growing." A brisk walk will help. But, if we would do our best for our children, grow we must; and on our power of growth surely depends, not only our future happiness, but our future usefulness.
Is there, then, not need for more Mother Culture? |
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This idea of Mother Culture, while I think it has always been a deep, unuttered understanding on my part, can become squished in between daily duties and the desire to want to be present to the needs of my children and husband. It has taken me some time to negotiate with myself: to find that balance that Charlotte speaks of, especially as mothering changes, grows, and seasons of home education come and go for our family. But it has been worthwhile. And mommy4ever, to address your initial post, I think your outlet for physical training is a wonderful and worthwhile opportunity for challenge and growth!
So....with Charlotte's idea in mind, and letting go of guilt (which, in any form, is an obstacle to interior peace), we can make time for Mother Culture a priority. After all, grow we must!
***********************************************
MY LITTLE LIST OF MOTHER CULTURE:
** Daily Prayer
** Reading time. I carve it out of the day in various ways - sometimes while the children are all about me....and sometimes out of quiet moments I nail down and claim as my reading time. And I do have a number of different books going at once - from gardening to biographies, novels to Classical literature (talk about slow going for me! But I love the challenge!).
** Perfume when I get dressed. I know....this one is a little crazy! And I suppose it isn't entirely for me, after all my dh LOVES the smell of my perfume, and honestly, so do my boys. They are perfume guys....in fact, my 7 yo actually bought me perfume for Christmas! And ever since then I've been wearing it regularly. It's special. A little treat. And it makes me feel good when I put on a little Chanel in the mornings....even if I'm wearing jeans, a grey t-shirt, Merrells (for stomping around outside), and my hair pulled up in a big clip. Lipstick, apron, perfume. It's more a tiny little boost to my emotional well being, my need-for-pretty, than any growth...but I'm putting it out here anyway because it IS sometime I do for myself, and it makes me feel good! 
** 4Real - Being here with all of you comprises a substantial amount of my Mother Culture. I love reading here, love sharing here, learn much, and always grow from having been enriched by your sharing! There is always inspiration and it feels freshening.
** Spontaneous coffee night. Nothing fancy here at all! A friend and I (or even a couple of friends) might meet at the McDonalds that is fairly close to us and have a cup of coffee in the evening after dinner. Love it! It's a great time to visit with another home ed mom, be a little crazy and sarcastic, laugh a lot, challenge each other, and go home refreshed.
** Time to create - whether it is sewing, sketching, crafting, painting. I like getting my hands in something and creating with it and if I'm in the middle of a project, I do carve time out of my day for it.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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mommy4ever
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Jen,
That is great! I never looked at it. Dh looks at it that everyone in the family has their thing. Dh plays hockey as a spare, meaning, when there are no schedule conflicts he plays. We have 2 in hockey, 2 in ringette. Of the 4, one also has piano, and 2 have karate as well.
So he is insistent I do something. Karate for me, is a great outlet. I wish there were other women in it, other than the younger university students, but that's ok. The black belts are respectful and considerate of everyone, it's a great place to be.
I do other things as well. I do read, I have a few message boards I frequent. I paint and sew, and like to scrapbook(though this one doesn't get much of my time, I like to have a large amount of time). However with painting and sewing I tend to have all the kids begging to try or something, so I don't really get to do much. Maybe it's time to set up a quiet night once a week. Where the kids get to watch a movie together, and mom can hide out and do her artsy thing peacefully...
Thank you for the perspective on it. It IS important we all have something for ourselves. I have decided now, that I'm in karate for the long haul. I want to achieve my black belt. That would be about 4 years away. Then I can also teach.... something I'd love to do. Even though on Friday evenings I'm tired and would rather put my feet up, I enjoy my time at the dojo immensely, once I'm there. Even when my muscles ache for days afterwards, I kinda smile about it, because I know it was a good effort on my part and I'm strengthening.
Something to work for.
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CrunchyMom
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Well, if you look at the Potager thread in OLLL, it is clear what my current outlet has been
While I see nothing wrong with outlets that are "just for myself," I also find a great deal of enjoyment in having outlets that involve everyone and have the double benefit for both myself and the family.
So, I suppose that I could be planning a garden in a more utilitarian fashion that was simply "work," I'm enjoying planning a garden where I am also creating a sense of permanent beauty for our home as well as self-sufficiency for our family. The scale of the project, of course, means I need help, but much of the time spent learning, planning, imagining, and managing is my creative outlet.
My husband's outlet is carpentry. Certainly, most of his projects involve needed pieces for our home and are therefore not "just for him," but he gets a great deal of enjoyment when his copy of Fine Woodworking comes in the mail and he can pour over it. Right now, much of his creative energy is involved in designing and planning for the fence for my garden.
Anyway, this works for us. It feels right to us that the line between family life and leisure be so thin.
In The Hidden Art of Homemaking, Edith Schaeffer suggests making one's shopping list pretty as a creative outlet.
Now, the shopping list might be for the family, but making it pretty would be "just for me." I don't often have pretty shopping lists, but I think that most of my outlets involve personalizing my ordinary tasks.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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3ringcircus
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I go out one evening a week to knit/crochet w/ friends. It's such a great group. We meet at the local Village Inn and each order dessert or just a beverage and chit chat over our projects. The most comfortable, relaxing group I've ever associated with, and whoever is there is who you talk to.
I'm biding my time until I can join a symphony chorus again. Once a week would be easy for my family to manage, but performance weeks are pretty demanding, and my family just isn't ready for several evenings of rehearsals in a row. It's really tough to set music aside, but crafting helps a lot. I think I'll be able to join the church choir again in a year or so.
DH also has a night out. Each Wed., I try to do something different for dinner. Often it's b'fast for dinner, since we like pancakes, but he doesn't!
We appreciate our solo evenings w/ the boys. Anyone who feels guilty should consider that it's good for your LOs to experience time w/ Dad in charge.
__________________
Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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CrunchyMom
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3ringcircus wrote:
I go out one evening a week to knit/crochet w/ friends. It's such a great group. We meet at the local Village Inn and each order dessert or just a beverage and chit chat over our projects. The most comfortable, relaxing group I've ever associated with, and whoever is there is who you talk to.
I'm biding my time until I can join a symphony chorus again. Once a week would be easy for my family to manage, but performance weeks are pretty demanding, and my family just isn't ready for several evenings of rehearsals in a row. It's really tough to set music aside, but crafting helps a lot. I think I'll be able to join the church choir again in a year or so.
DH also has a night out. Each Wed., I try to do something different for dinner. Often it's b'fast for dinner, since we like pancakes, but he doesn't!
We appreciate our solo evenings w/ the boys. Anyone who feels guilty should consider that it's good for your LOs to experience time w/ Dad in charge.
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I miss being in a real choir tremendously! It is just so inflexible, it is not a good fit for us right now.
My older two have German class on Sunday afternoons, and my husband takes the younger two when he goes to drop them off, and they go run errands or play at the park for the two hours of class.
I usually spend that time meal planning or lesson planning, but it is really nice having that time alone, and I love having those couple of hours at home to be quiet by myself. I have done the "mom's day out" thing, but I much prefer "mom's day in." I also think it is easier for dh to keep a young baby distracted and happy going somewhere than at home where he's used to having mom.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Erica Sanchez
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Yes!
A monthly homeschooling moms meeting which is wonderful.
A monthly Bible Study with other moms. We have been doing Rosalind Moss's study on Luke. She is now Sr. Miriam....oh, I forget the order she just founded for older women. Anyway, it is a GREAT study!
Occassional dinners out with friends or baby showers or such.
Our annual homeschooling conference.
A total splurge has been to a day spa type place.
I've been known to travel to out-of-town homeschooling conferences - Mary M's and Michele's - both worth every penny spent!
I don't feel like I need a lot of time away, although it might look like it from my list. :) I do think it is very important to get some time alone or with friends or with husband away from the house when you can. I wish I had an actual activity or hobby. Hmmmmm....
Do.not.feel.guilty!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Erin
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The longer I've travelled in my mothering journey the more important I've discovered it is to have 'something for me' something to re-juvenate me.
Reading re-charges me, I tend to read alot Also I find I do well if I pick a creative area to develop every couple of years, I'm not creative by nature so I'm not sure why I do better having a little foray into creativity. Anyhow at present I'm trying to enhance my ability in photography.
Btw I could be joining you in karate, in a few weeks time I might be my son's driver for a few months to karate and I've I'm sitting there I may as well join in.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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JodieLyn
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Something so obvious I totally missed it
Coming HERE is for me. Being a moderator here is also for me.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: What do you do that is for you?
