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kathleenmom
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The recent thread about discussing puberty with dear daughters brought this question to the fore of my addled brain. My dd 8 is developing breasts. Sigh. I've been trying to ignore them, but that doesn't seem to be having the desired effect. When do you do "training bras"? She has asked NO questions about puberty or such things. Do I just go with her and buy her a bra and wait and see if she asks questions....or offer some information without the questions? I am so not ready for this part.
Kathleen
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Christine
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I have tried to discuss these issues with my oldest daughter (age 8), as a friend and as necessary. I offer the least amount of information possible. I answer her questions honestly when they arise, but I try not to give more information then she wants (her questions have only come after I have spoken with her).
She is developing early, too. I took her to get a training bra two weeks ago and purchased an outfit for her at the same time. I thought I had been really clever, making it a shopping trip for the two of us (and her one year old brother). Well, she loves the outfit, but she has no interest in wearing the bra. 
I need some advice, too.
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teachingmom
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If she is truly developing breasts, I'd suggest having a talk about the basics of menstruation, etc. in the next few months or so. Since it seems that periods started early in my family (ages 10 and 11) in the past two generations, I've made the decision to have that talk with each of my daughters sometime around their 9th birthday. For both of my older girls, I initiated the conversation, since no questions had been asked at all. Hope that helps.
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Angela F
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Kathleen,
Something else to consider: those camisole type undershirts. My 12 yo dd started out with these and now my 10 yo dd is using them. We got them as hand me downs from cousins, but I think they make a great transition to wearing a bra. It was very easy to go buy bras for my 12 yo when she needed them...
Just our experience,
God bless,
Angela
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MarieC
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| Posted: April 20 2007 at 6:15am | IP Logged
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I'm bringing this thread back to life because I'm now at this point with my oldest (just turned 9 last month).
teachingmom wrote:
| If she is truly developing breasts, I'd suggest having a talk about the basics of menstruation, etc. in the next few months or so. Since it seems that periods started early in my family (ages 10 and 11) in the past two generations, I've made the decision to have that talk with each of my daughters sometime around their 9th birthday. For both of my older girls, I initiated the conversation, since no questions had been asked at all. Hope that helps. |
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How do you do this?
I've read the other threads and completely agree with presenting information when the child asks and in a very gentle way. But....this seems to need a more direct approach and I really don't want to mess it up (I loved Kristine's story of her mom's "talk" with her mentioned on another thread). I love how innocent she is but I also don't want her to be surprised by a period...that would seem like a horrifying experience. She's begun developing and she's grown quite quickly in recent months so I'm guessing that menstruation could be sooner rather than later.
Any advice is MUCH appreciated.
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Lisbet
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Well, My daughter is 10, and we had this discussion early last year. I was one that was suprised by my period at age 10, had no idea what was going on, thought I was dying.
I noticed Abby developing between 8 and 9, I bought her a 3 pack of camisole type bras, not full length, the stop just under the breast, but the straps and back are just like the camisole tanks. She was with me when I bought them, she picked them out along with her tights, socks, and unders. Few questions were asked at that time, and she has wore one each day since.
I had spoke with her about her preriod when I noticed her face breaking out like crazy. (poor thing)
It was a really simple talk, just about her body and what it's getting ready to do and why. Nothing from the male perspective at all.
She took it quite well, asked a couple of simple questions, and I am happy and feel confident that she will be okay when the time comes.
Marie, Katie cannot be 9 already! Happy belated Birthday!
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teachingmyown
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Gosh, she is so young! That said, I bought my dd a book last year published by American Girl called The Care and Keeping of You. It handles all the changes and everything, leaving all s*x ed stuff out. I think they do a good job. My dd was 10 when I gave it to her. There is another book I noticed just now on Amazon for younger girls that might work also, it has good reviews but I can't recommend it personally because I haven't read it. It is called Ready, Set , Grow: What is Happening to my Body.
After I got her the book, we went to Target and picked out a very simple little sports bra. I just kept my tone low-key and she followed my lead.
Good luck and God bless!
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SuzanneG
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I heard someone say once that it doesn't matter so much WHAT you say, but HOW you say it......keep it non-chalant (like this is just a another normal, wonderful part of life). Always smiling, with a bit of 'wonderment', joy, awe in your voice.
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Celeste
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Thanks for reviving this thread. I bought my 10yo one of those cami type bras; at first she was okay, but then she got upset. (She got over it when she found out some close friends wore the same thing. Ah, the sisterhood.)
But because of her consternation over the changes that are occurring, I'm a little nervous about presenting menstruation--I'm afraid she'll be devastated. A very dear friend advised me to promise a special time out with Mom when that day comes, to celebrate. I love that--celebrate the beautiful process of becoming a woman! (I never thought of it that way, seeing it rather as a day of doom. Shame on me.) She also suggested having a gift basket for that day, with fun "grown up" pampering products and things, like lip gloss, nail polish, lotions, or whatever. Or anything special.
Anyway, I think that fits under Suzanne's "HOW you say it." (Suzanne, it looks like you and I will be getting lots of practice with this process!)
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teachingmom
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MarieC wrote:
I'm bringing this thread back to life because I'm now at this point with my oldest (just turned 9 last month).
teachingmom wrote:
| If she is truly developing breasts, I'd suggest having a talk about the basics of menstruation, etc. in the next few months or so. Since it seems that periods started early in my family (ages 10 and 11) in the past two generations, I've made the decision to have that talk with each of my daughters sometime around their 9th birthday. For both of my older girls, I initiated the conversation, since no questions had been asked at all. Hope that helps. |
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How do you do this?
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Dh came up with a great idea for making "the period talk" a positive experience. We decided that each of our daughters would be allowed to get her ears pierced when she turns 9. Sometime very near her birthday, my 9yo and I have a date to go get her ears pierced at the mall, while dh takes the other girls out somewhere. Before we leave for the mall, the two of us spend some time together alone here at home having "the talk." I have used a simple little booklet that I picked up from Nache a few years ago, written by the woman who runs Queen Homeschool. I tie in the fact that getting her ears pierced is a sign of growing up, as will be getting her period when the time comes. So far it's been a very positive experience for my older two girls. I'll have to gear up for doing this again soon when my next dd turns 9 in June. 
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MarieC
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Thank you, thank you, so much for all of this good advice and encouragement.
Molly, I think the book ideas might be a good part of our discussion....this child loves to read! I have read several times about the AG title...must be time to give it a try!
Suzanne...what good advice, not what...but how ! Gotta keep that in mind! My 3 girls are so different from one another that whatever works for this one will need to be changed for the others in turn.
Irene...I'll have to think of a good "growing up" treat to go with this. This particular dd would be horrified at pierced ears! That's one of the awkward things...she's not exactly a tomboy but she's not super girly either.
Lisa...thanks for the camisole idea. I've noticed that she needs "something" but not a true bra yet. A lot stayed hidden under the sweaters....but now that it's (FINALLY!) warm I'm seeing too much under some t-shirts. Thanks for the birthday wishes....even more unbelievable than Katie being 9....Alex will be 1 next week (how'd that happen?)!
Celeste....I like the pampering basket idea (and think this dd would too!). You'll sure get this process down with 5 girls! What fun...must bring back memories of you and your sisters!
Once again, thank you ladies for your support!
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Mrs.K
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My dd is not the 'pamper' type so I've got a nice tea cup and a little purse which she'll need to keep 'supplies' in when the time comes.
Celeste, my husband likes to shout 'I have five daughters!' in his best Tevye voice. Very entertaining!
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SuzanneG
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Celeste wrote:
| Suzanne, it looks like you and I will be getting lots of practice with this process! |
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Yes....our dh's lucked out on THAT ONE didn't they???  
and, I had forgotton about Tevya.....we'll have to watch Fiddler soon, so we can laugh about that. Maybe I'll have a dh/Tevya-voice over here too.
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Celeste
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Mrs.K wrote:
| Celeste, my husband likes to shout 'I have five daughters!' in his best Tevye voice. Very entertaining! |
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Irene, I love the ear piercing idea!
I'm going to draw on all the wisdom shared in this thread--soon!
Celeste
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MichelleW
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My mom sent us the AG book, so I have it on my shelf. I've been using it with dd, but I don't plan to ever GIVE it to her to read. Perhaps I am oversheltering, but there are some things in there I don't want her to read at all(mostly having to do with attitudes).
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Mrs.K
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Michelle, I'm with you. I checked it out of the library and read it but never used it with dd. Not just the 'attitude' problem, but I also did not care for the illustrations of things that don't need to be illustrated, IYKWIM.
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St. Ann
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My dd is almost 11 but has not yet developed in that area. She wears a camisole type (cotton) undershirt everyday anyway. Most children wear undershirts here in Germany. That is probably why I have never seen a training bra here. Girls don't start wearing a bra until they are 13+ , unless they are extremely developed of course.
I think this is good, because often the physical development is much further than their emotional development, so with an undershirt a girl does not have to be confronted with "mature" matters, for which she might not be emotionally ready.
Anyway....I am thankful to read all your thoughts on such topics, because this is new land for me...but in several years I just might be a pro after 4 girls!
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tigir
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I had a pretty easy time bringing up the subject of periods with my eldest - she asked why I was buying "those things" (pads) before the last two babies. I forgot to bring it up with #2, but after #3 came we sat down at home and talked about it. I made it really simple and let her ask any questions she wanted to - better to just answer their questions than go into too much detail, iykwim.
She did ask me (it was more a statement) - boys don't go thru things like this do they. She has enough boy cousins around to know something might just be different.  Also, we have animals who have had babies and I have had two babies in the the last few years - leaves many doors open for questioning.
My DD wears the undershirts everyday. Since we talked about her developing, etc., she knew what they were for, and even mentioned she might need a bra in the next year or so. She is pretty mature about the whole thing, I think talking very directly and matter-of-fact was helpful for her. The tanks would be a good way to start and could be a good opening into how to take care of yourself as you get older.
I haven't read the AG book, but my DD is in a public school and did go thru the puberty course with the other girls in her class (of course I drilled the nurse on what was to be said, etc. and it was all a repeat of what her and I had already discussed - no boys mentioned) Because of our situation, we felt it was good for her to go thru it with her friends, as that way it wouldn't be such a strange or scary thing, the "sisterhood" is right. I imagine she will start in the next year or so - they say about 48 months after the start of development. I was 13, so happening soon.  My little girl is growing up!
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MarieC
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tigir wrote:
| they say about 48 months after the start of development. I was 13, so happening soon. My little girl is growing up! |
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48 months! I kept reading 2 years....48 months/4 years, not that would put all this at a more reasonable time (I just hate to see her deal with "grown up" stuff at a really young age.)
Thanks, ladies, for all the encouragement!
I love all the Tevye comments! With "only" 3 daughters we don't qualify yet!
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Kathryn UK
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MarieC wrote:
| I love all the Tevye comments! With "only" 3 daughters we don't qualify yet! |
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We only have three daughters ... but we only have daughters and my dh is Jewish, so his blog name is Tevye . Fortunately they have inherited small genes from his side of the family and even my 12yo is only just beginning to develop, so early puberty doesn't look likely to be a problem here.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: training bra?
