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Tina P.
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| Posted: Oct 06 2011 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
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Not sure where I should put this. Maybe in the prayer forum? But I need advice, too. Let me just give you a bit of background before I launch into my plea. I have nine kids. Two go to the local public school. I am not happy about that, but I don't have choice in the matter. Five are technically homeschooled. And the other two are 3 and 1 (very needy, btw). I am trying to make school a living, breathing function of our home. So I try to do experiments with them, keep them on track with grammar, read with those learning to read, read *to* all the kids, help with projects, discuss religion and history with them, ...
I get called away to drive kids to and from a school that's a mile away at most. My daughter wants to be involved in a dance company in a town north of us. Meantime, twice a week two other kids participate in a children's orchestra at the college about 30 minutes away. They have private lessons another day. Three of the boys are in scouts. I'm still trying desperately to stay involved in the church choir. Oh. And while my second oldest is involved in the school play, my 10 yog is in a children's choir that meets twice a week that will be part of that school play.
I have to help the teens with their school homework and bend to their teacher's expectations. I am expected to be a housekeeper, but that seems to get pushed to the lowest priority.
And worse yet, I find other things (books to read, tangents to follow, anything) to distract me away from all I need to do. It's overwhelming and I just don't want to face it. I can't even admit this to my husband, because his cure-all is, "Send them to school." Even after he knows what is happening to those kids of ours who are in school. some days, I do want to throw in the towel. Selfish, isn't it? What can a body do?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Alison
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| Posted: Oct 06 2011 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
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Hi Tina
Life doesn’t get any less busy as the kids get older does it. It’s just a different kind of business! I don’t come in this reply with lots of suggestions because sometimes(for me at any rate!) other peoples ideas can be even more overwhelming. As in “why didn’t I think of that!?!”, “wow they manage all that so well” etc
Firstly no one manages things perfectly all the time. We all have times when we look up to the ceiling and say “why me God” or something of a similar vein.
When I was a young mum I had a good friend I could “dump on” Yes shock horror gasp that’s what I did. I was so lucky. I would grab the the preschooler, throw the toddler and baby into the pusher and walk round to my friend. She would calmly sit me down at her dining room table and place a hot drink in front of me and let me talk (while she either held the toddler or baby and found toys to amuse the preschooler. Then after a few hours!! I was able to go home, though sometimes my husband would find me there after work and we would be invited to stay for dinner(truly my friend was a “saint”).
We moved country away from this friend and although I only have 4 of our 7 kids living at home “the ceiling” still gets its share of conversations! However I still find a listening ear is helpful for me to regain my equilibrium . Do you have a girlfriend you can talk to about all this. One who I hesitate to say isn’t too free with advice and one that will also make you laugh.Laughter is good, highly recommend it, but so also are tears both can be healing in the right time. I have a friend now who I sometimes go and see “girly” movies with. They are not what I would always choose myself but I know I go home feeling better for that time out.
Finally I must add that you do have my prayers and sympathy.  Homeschooling is not easy but neither is parenting in any form when we as mothers care so much for our children. I can tell you only want the best for your family and I’m sure they can too.
Much love
Alison
Homeschoolingdownunder
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ekbell
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| Posted: Oct 06 2011 at 7:23pm | IP Logged
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I've just been reminded why my parents paid for my driving lessons, insurance and gas- so that I could drive myself and my siblings to such things as scouts, music lessons and 4-H when my mom had other commitments (dad had evening milking so he normally couldn't be the one driving). It wasn't a horrible requirement even when I had to stick around (time to do homework if I was on top of things). Much better then some of the other chores that we did as part of the family.
Hopefully this will also be a possibility for your family in the not too distant future.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Oct 07 2011 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
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Hi Tina,
I have only empathy because I only have 4 children and I know how the running around gets exhausting and that's mainly just with my older 2 (and I have a 1 and 4 yr old too so I know the energy required for those ages). And I know too well about getting distracted from the task at hand too. SEE--I'm here at 4Real instead of cleaning my desk while all is currently quiet! 
Just a couple of quick thoughts and that's that I had to finally look into carpooling or just asking someone to take/bring said child to a particular event. Second, dad takes quite a bit of the running to/from as well. Can the kids going to/from school just walk the one mile? I don't know your DC ages but could older stay with some of the youngers while you run up there if walking isn't an option?
When I had to take my DS to tutoring last year 2x a week 45 min. one way, we listened to several audio books and did lots of discussion with those.
Last, I finally gave my 2 olders kiddos specific, basic, easy tasks they have to do every day to keep our house in order (trash, recycle, laundry, dishes). Then we now set aside Sat morning (for the most part when we can or whatever day/time works for your family) for "weekly" chores. Sometimes it's only 30 min. or it could be 2 hours but usu. never more than that from dad and kiddos.
God Bless as you discern how to make things work for your family.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Oct 12 2011 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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Tina, I have thought so much about you and your post since last week. I wish I had some answers or advice, but all I have is prayers. I don't think you're being at all selfish. You have a big family with lots going on and so much falls on your shoulders. It *is* a bit overwhelming. Can you look for ways to consolidate, delegate or drop things? Could anyone carpool with you for any of your activities? Could the kids bike to the school that's a mile away? Can you move music lessons to a day that you're out anyway? Can you take several kids with you on these outings and "do school" with them while you wait on the others? Can more of your school be books on tape and less of you reading? Can you consolidate schooling so that everyone is studying the middle ages and botany at the same time, only the older ones go deeper (I could NOT have retained my sanity if I'd been planning 4 different preparations for each subject or even one subject)? Can you have the older ones do experiments and reading practice with the younger ones -- not all the time but at least part of the time. Can the older ones read to the younger ones? This is a great way for the older ones to practice. Can reading *to* the kids be done at bedtime when everyone is in bed and you sit within earshot and read aloud?
...Well I guess I did have something to add besides prayers! It just didn't come to me until I started typing!  
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Oct 12 2011 at 11:23pm | IP Logged
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Just seeing this, Tina. No advice at all, but many prayers. 
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Oct 13 2011 at 10:29am | IP Logged
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I'm back. Monday through Wednesday are the most difficult days of the week.  My 10-year-old's choir practice is ramping up because the play is in three weeks. It runs for 12 days (!) but the 10-year-old is 'only' in five performances. The 15-year-old is in them all. She's in every scene. And she's realized that drama is not her 'thing.' Thank you, God, for the boundless energy of teenagers. So. I have five more weeks of chasing for the play. This chasing happens in the morning, so I can't rely on the one other driver.
Three weeks after that, the orchestra ends for the semester. This is THEE longest time-waster of the day. It takes 1/2 an hour to get to the college. Their classes are at different times, so that takes 2 hours. And then another 1/2 hour to get back home. I don't stay for the 2 hours. My husband picks them up after work. He actually came home early yesterday to take the two kids to orchestra which was a HUGE help for me. However, I don't know that this will last. he can't be cutting his hours every week for the next 8 weeks.  My other driver who *could* help with this leg of the driving either has a tutor after school or just hangs out at school.
I must be getting old. I need for life to slow down.  In another 1.5 years, my top two teens will move on to college. They'll be more independent, my current almost-14-year-old will have his permit, and my baby will be 2.5. Things will, hopefully, start to settle down. IF I live until then, that is.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Oct 13 2011 at 10:38am | IP Logged
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Oh, and ALL of my kids over 4 have specific chores. And when I run I often run the specific child to his or her event. The others stay home with each other. We can't carpool because we're out of the way of everyone else who's going to the places we go.
I've tried teaching the same subject to different age ranges and it doesn't seem to work for me. The older kids think the younger kids get to do the 'fun' stuff in the same subject in which they have to do the hard stuff. Know what I mean?
My littlest still wakes me up sometimes at night. I guess he's teething, because he does go through a few days, sometimes even a week, when he sleeps through the night.
I just keep thinking, "This too, shall pass." 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Oct 14 2011 at 1:26am | IP Logged
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I am praying for you, Tina, and feeling your pain. I've heard this is the toughest phase - teens down to babies/toddlers. We are always running. Even on our at-home days, I feel like we are never really always quite at home. We sneak in Mass or there is an early evening soccer practice. My oldest now has an evening choir practice. A wonderful opportunity for her, but also weird to have a child out of the house at night. She has her permit, so soon I will have a second driver which I know I'll feel better about once it all gets going. At the moment, I can't imagine her pulling away from the house with another sibling in the car. :)
I want to pull back on some activities, but I think the things we do are very worthwhile - choir, ballet, Toastmasters, sports. It's hard to know what to do.
I'm not sure I'll survive my three little guys. I am trying very hard to make sweet moments for and with them and not forget my middles either.
I was thinking just today that I've neglected my own needs (exercise mostly) and I know that would help.
Trying to stay (mostly) in the moment and being satisfied with the little things like the babbling from the two-year old while driving to all of these activities or the profound statements made by the five-year old also while driving and on and on.
Hang in there, Tina! You are not alone.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Michaela
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| Posted: Oct 14 2011 at 9:35am | IP Logged
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I'm also right there with you. I feel totally overwhelmed with all the running around, but don't know what to change. Each of my older three have an activity that is theirs...I can't cut them because it's telling one child what they love isn't important as another child's.
I'm running every.single.day! There isn't one blank spot on my calendar.
I have been daydreaming about my oldest getting his drivers license next September.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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MicheleQ
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| Posted: Oct 14 2011 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
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Tina P. wrote:
| I just keep thinking, "This too, shall pass." |
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You're right it will and that's probably the best way to think of it. Right now you just have to do what you have to do (or drop a few things) but it is a stage and it is temporary. Eventually you'll only have a few at home and then none. Hard to believe sometimes but true.
A local friend of mine with two children was telling me how strange it was to go from the crazy busy life of two kids in sports and activities to one now being married and one in college and she and her husband with more time on their hands than they know what to do with.
Prayers for all of you. I know how you feel!
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Worn Out
