| Author | |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 6:39am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I know NFP might be a bit controversial here. I'm hoping this doesn't start any disagreements. I'm just wondering if anyone can direct me to a site that explains the methodology. I have the book that we got 23 years ago when my dh and I first learned about it. We took a class and were actually trying to GET pregnant, not avoid it. I've reread the book but he's reluctant, although in all fairness I don't know when he would have the time to even pick it up. His life is crazy busy right now. So, I'm wondering if there is a website or something that I can direct him to to get the info very succinctly. I don't really want to tell him about what I've read. I feel like it's already "a ball in my court" and I want him to take on part of that. I'm just trying to make it easier for him. Does any of this make sense??? It's hard for me to articulate!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 7:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
i think what you're asking makes perfect sense Becky.
Do you want something that will give him a short run down on why your temps shift and mucus changes or do you want one more on why it's ok to use it and not other things?
I'm not sure there's any website that gives the short run down on how to use NFP.. mostly because they don't want to have people think that it's enough information to use it successfully.
Have you considered just marking out passages in your book so that he doesn't have to read the whole thing but can get pertinent information.
And have you shared with him how you feel? After all a good part of how well it works depends on communication. Sometimes I think our busy guys need to know that we don't want to be the one saying "no" (or yes) but rather that we can both look at the information and decide if it's a good time or not this month.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 7:43am | IP Logged
|
|
|
He really just needs a refresher on the "hows" of the method. For us, NFP is the only acceptable method, it's just been recently that we've decided we need to get serious about it.
Marking the passages in the book is a good idea. I did a search and you're right, there aren't really any sites that give the basics of the method.
I haven't really shared with him how I feel. I mentioned he's so busy lately. When we finally get a chance to talk I usually try to keep the conversation light and positive! I have been feeling a bit ...angry lately though. I know I really need to talk to him instead of letting it fester, which I do all too often. Thanks for the nudge! 
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 8:32am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Becky,
I can relate in many ways to some of the things you said. I think as we grow into larger families, older children...our married relationship goes through changes as well, and it's so important to come up with strategies for communication that meet the new challenges we face. It's so important to remain intimate in our communications with each other, yet this is really a big challenge in light of the different variables that each family faces!
My response isn't so much about NFP particulars, but about your last paragraph above:
Becky Parker wrote:
| I haven't really shared with him how I feel. I mentioned he's so busy lately. When we finally get a chance to talk I usually try to keep the conversation light and positive! I have been feeling a bit ...angry lately though. I know I really need to talk to him instead of letting it fester, which I do all too often. |
|
|
Goodness, I can relate, friend!!!! 
Just plain finding the time becomes an enormous challenge, and another challenge for me is that there is rarely an opportunity to communicate that doesn't make itself obviously apparent at first, or isn't fraught with interruptions or other more pressing needs....so I just move on, triage it in my mind, and move ahead. Sometimes this is ok, but I have to stop myself and identify those things/issues I really NEED to talk about with dh. We've come up with some strategies for keeping communication open.
** Tell the poor guy there's a need. Identify it. My husband is busy with work, extended family responsibilities he accepts, big kid stuff, little kid stuff, house stuff, blah, blah, blah. If there is something big going on relationship-wise, I usually know about it first, and I identify it directly with him. I don't go further at that time. My temperament means I can be pretty direct in identifying problems as I see them, and fortunately my dh's temperament works really well with my directness....but I'm not sure how this would work with other temperaments. Regardless, I have found that I have to identify that I have a need, and that helps my dh know that something is a priority and we need to talk. Once I have identified that we have a NEED to talk about something in a deeper way, he and I both watch for creative openings to talk.
** If it's a big *thing* we need to talk about, like for example, NFP or open-ness to life, or other really big *things*, I usually try to break the issue down into bite-size pieces for us before we talk. So, I try to think of the layers of this issue and identify them in my mind. Sometimes it even helps me to write it down - not pretty, just little bullets or points. My dh really likes it when I share these with him - it helps him see a big picture focus. Sometimes we email each other. Does that sound crazy? No content brainstorming/communicating here - it's really just more identifying the problem, voicing specific concerns, trying to uncover the layers of the problem for each other.
** Carve out the time somewhere. Make it a PRIORITY. Ask a big kid to babysit while you take a 45 minute drive and commit to talk about one of the layers you identified. If you don't have the ability to do that, COMMIT one hour in the later hours/remains of the day to this discussion. Turn off the tv. Lock yourselves in your bedroom if you have to. Make it a phone call if he's out of town. Make it private so that you can speak intimately. Resolve to end the time of communication in a way that leaves it open. Let's say my dh and I stall out somewhere....this usually looks like this for us --> I'm doing all the talking and he's overwhelmed with all of my talking and doesn't even know where to begin. I really needed to get all of that out, although I'm WORKING on being more constructive with how I communicate for him!! But, I need to confide those inner things to him, and we need a safe space in time for me to do that, BUT....it does sometimes overwhelm dh!!!! So rather than being frustrated and hurt and ending the conversation (which is a temptation), I may need to give him some time to process and come back to the topic. So, I'll just stop and tell him that I can see that I've really overwhelmed him with my thoughts...I really need to confide those deeper things to him, and I really need him to take my concerns seriously and help me sort them out....can we stop here and come back to this point the next time we talk? When my dh and I learned to do this it HELPED US SO MUCH! He needed time to process and he really did take my deeper needs seriously, and I needed to not mis-interpret his quiet for ignoring or not knowing how to communicate. As long as we kept opening and closing conversations in an open way, and punctuating our times of communication by identifying or reviewing where we were, we could keep on track....BECAUSE ISSUES ARE BIGGER NOW AND NOTHING GETS SOLVED/SHARED IN ONE SITTING ANYMORE. nothing.
(Is any of this making sense? Or is it too personal to be of a help?)
I know this isn't about NFP in particular, and so I'm not sure it's a help, but it's fresh on my mind as dh and I have been strategizing these challenges to our being able to communicate and share our deeper concerns so that we can nurture that emotional connection. It could be that NONE of this is helpful or applicable, but maybe it does prompt you to look closely at your two temperaments --> how you communicate -- your communication challenges -- the VERY REAL need to keep communicating and stay emotionally intimate is HEALTHY for a marriage. The two are to be ONE. Learning new ways to connect emotionally is NOT easy....in principle or application I'm finding, but so worth the trying!
to you friend as you work this one out! I'll pray for your specific need to communicate about NFP together as a couple! And, if this was just way out in left field, I'll trust that you'll ignore it and forgive me for taking this thread off-topic! 
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 9:00am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh Jen, I love what you're saying here.
DH and I both have different styles of processing information. It's taken a while but we've learned.
DH really needs information and then time to mull it over.
I need information and then time to talk about it and not exactly manipulat the information but time to consider it from different angles, pros and cons.. it's helpful to have someone to help me consider various arguments.. but if poor dh is stuck with me.. I'll argue all the sides all by myself while he just listens to me.. we're at a point I can do this without expecting input from him until he gets his mulling time.
But life really is so much easier when I know he needs time and he knows I need to talk and that neither of us are pushing the other to do it our way.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4 lads mom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Sept 26 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1944
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 10:03am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amen, Amen, Amen.....that was a Holy Spirit inspired reply, Jen. I had to laugh at your temperament allowing you to be “direct"  Oh, how that so gets me in trouble.... 
__________________
Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
Scenes From This and That
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 10:12am | IP Logged
|
|
|
You ladies are awesome!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 10:28am | IP Logged
|
|
|
4 lads mom wrote:
| I had to laugh at your temperament allowing you to be “direct" Oh, how that so gets me in trouble.... |
|
|
I hear ya sister! But, it really can be very good! Directness is not all bad, but of course, it has to be constructive and not hurtful or pointed or bitter (this is where I have to constantly work!!!!!!!!!  )
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
DominaCaeli
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3711
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jen, thank you for your response--such good ideas here! My husband and I have had a very, very busy last year (starting a new job, considering a long-distance move, buying a house locally, having a baby) and I think the most important thing I have learned from this adventure is that I need to consider carefully the way I communicate with my husband if I really want him to hear me clearly and respond. I have the tendency to want to talk something to death, but I have found that it is most effective if I prioritize my thoughts/needs and bring them to him simply and at the right time. He is happy to hear me go on and on about something, but if I am going to do that, I can't really expect him to be listening for most of it. And also, PRAYER. I have seen so much fruit from praying before I talk with my husband about serious issues. Or even not serious ones! Anyway, so much depends on temperament and communication styles.
Oh, and Jen, I email my husband too. In fact, if there's something *really big* I want/need to talk about with him, he always gets an email about it first.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 1:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you so much for your helpful reply Jenn. I know it took time out of your day to write such a thoughtful response to my issue. I can so relate to what you are saying! So often, I do the same as you, triage the situation, decide I really don't need to burden my dh with it and then handle things. But this particular issue has me all in a tizzy. Actually, thinking so much about NFP has me thinking that my "tizzy" may be cycle related! A couple weeks ago, everything was just fine - no worries! Now, everything seems to be falling apart!!
Regardless of my crazy hormones though, this is definitely an issue that we need to discuss. I really like your ideas of presenting the issue in a direct way. My dh and I email frequently and he appreciates it when I get to the point. Bullets are his friends! This is a reminder that I really haven't even brought this to his attention as an issue. It was more of a passing comment, "I got out the NFP book and I think we need to read it again". When he didn't respond with "Sure, lets set a date to read it and talk about it" I was hurt. In all fairness I really didn't give him time to think about it. We were pulling in to our driveway after a shopping trip to Sam's after having discussed how we were going to pay for our son's college tuition! I certainly didn't time things very well! So, first, I'm going to take your advice and send an email!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 1:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mackfam wrote:
..BECAUSE ISSUES ARE BIGGER NOW AND NOTHING GETS SOLVED/SHARED IN ONE SITTING ANYMORE. nothing.
(Is any of this making sense? Or is it too personal to be of a help?)
|
|
|
You said it sister! And yes, it makes tons of sense!
Again, thank you for taking the time. I so appreciate it, along with your prayers!!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Becky Parker wrote:
| thank you for taking the time. I so appreciate it, along with your prayers!! |
|
|
Becky, you are more than welcome!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Betsy
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 02 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1962
|
| Posted: Sept 13 2011 at 2:41pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
What a lovely conversation here.
I wanted to just add that from a 'method' standpoint, there has been a great deal new in the NFP front. You may want to consider taking a class or meeting with a NFP provider as well. I know from experience, that CCL has redone their class and completely stream lined their method and book. It's *much* easier then when I first learned.
There have also been many advances in computer software (which appeals to men!) and other methods using fertility monitors.
I know that starting from the beginning, so to speak, might be more effort up front, but it might save a lot of time and effort in the end. Also, learning or refreshing from another person vs. a book might be easier for your dh....at least it is for my dh.
__________________
ImmaculataDesigns.com
When handcrafting my work, I always pray that it will raise your heart to all that is true, modest, just, holy, lovely and good fame!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
anitamarie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 15 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 819
|
| Posted: Sept 14 2011 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Also, as far as information on a website, I think the reason that the methods don't really do that is it is probably better given/understood in person. The instructors can check for understanding, no website can. I know that with Creighton (which we have used for 16 years), our instructor would give us a questionnaire at each of our follow-ups to check for understanding. It can be a good refresher, since I only see her about once every 5 years now.
Good luck with your discussion.
God Bless,
Anita
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Barbara C.
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 11 2007
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 882
|
| Posted: Sept 20 2011 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I was going to recommend getting a new copy of the CCL book. I was given the old version about seven years ago, and it was terrible. The new version is SO much better.
__________________
Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
Box of Chocolates
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: NFP
