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kristinannie
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 11:12am | IP Logged
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I read CM's writings on habit training and they are amazing. In a few weeks, we were able to get our DD3 to stop sucking her thumb (except at night). I NEVER thought that would happen. However, we are trying to retrain DS5 in the habit of using an inside voice. The method isn't working for us at all. I have to remind him about 30 times a day to speak more quietly. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who follow this techinique. Should I place a small punishment every time he is too loud in the house as a better reminder for him or should I stick with the CM method completely? We have been trying this for about 4 months. Thanks!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 11:17am | IP Logged
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I don't know what CM's method is.
Are you listening to what he says loudly? I mean.. does he come in and ask "when's lunch?" and you say "speak quietly! lunch is in 30 minutes"
So that even with the reminder he's still finding that it's a functional habit.
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MichelleW
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 11:37am | IP Logged
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I am unfamiliar with CM's method as well, but the way we taught our children to ask a question without whining was this:
If they whined, we set the timer for 3-5 minutes (depending on age) and said, "have a seat, you can try asking that question again when the timer goes off." They sat quietly while waiting for the timer to go off, and then tried again. When we were teaching them initially, we gave them lots of examples and counter examples and then gave them ideas of ways to practice. They thoroughly understood what was expected before we started. It worked really quickly. They all found it more expedient to remember to ask nicely.
Now voice modulation is a more difficult task in my opinion. Are you sure he *can* modulate his voice and is just forgetting to do so?
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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MichelleW wrote:
| Now voice modulation is a more difficult task in my opinion. Are you sure he *can* modulate his voice and is just forgetting to do so? |
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Oh and I didn't even think of that.. and I have a child whose voice is just naturally carrying.. I don't want to say loud because she's not being loud (you can tell by listening to her when she is loud) but a normal conversational tone will carry much further with her than others. My mom is the same way.. you can be next to them and they sound normal.. but you can still hear them across the room.
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kristinannie
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 12:16pm | IP Logged
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MichelleW wrote:
Now voice modulation is a more difficult task in my opinion. Are you sure he *can* modulate his voice and is just forgetting to do so? |
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I wish this was the case. He is louder in general speaking and I don't mind that. It is the constant SCREAMING that I can't deal with.
CM's habit training is laid out in her first book Home Education. She basically tells you to talk to the child and make them a partner with you in changing a habit. You are supposed to gently remind them every.single.time they do the bad habit. They will eventually form new pathways in their brain with the new habit (really not sure about the science behind that). It really works well for DD3, but the screaming is NOT getting better! I would tell DD3, "Meredith, are you supposed to be sucking your thumb?" She would say, "No" and take it out. She really didn't even know she was doing it! It was amazing how painlessly she stopped sucking her thumb. John Paul is much more strong willed. Constant little reminders don't seem to be resonating with him or maybe I am just not being consistent enough with it.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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I really think you need to make it non-functional for him. A reminder every time. BUT.. don't answer or respond to anything he says in an inappropriately loud voice. (coming in and yelling that someone is hurt is an appropriate use of a loud voice  )
Once it becomes non-functional.. then he'll be encouraged to change and it'll probably happen fairly easily.
Usually anytime a habit takes more work or doesn't get the response.. it'll die out. That's why having a child go back and practise coming in without slamming the door will work where a reminder may not. It's more work having to come through the door twice.. so they have a vested interest in changing.
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Whispering or talking in extremely soft tones when you talk with him might ratchet things down a notch or 2. This creates a surprisingly peaceful atmosphere after a while. Also, have you had his hearing checked? Maybe this isn't a *habit* issue.
Peace,
Nancy
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KackyK
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Have you had his ears checked?
My dd at age 2 had a year of not great ear infections when she was 1, then she ended up with extra fluid in her ear, but not an infection. Well as she was learning to talk, she did so very loudly! Come to find out, she had fluid in her ears!
Now she is 3 and doing much better and not nearly as loud!
Just a thought
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kristinannie
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We got his ears checked at his 5 year appointment. It isn't that he screams when he talks. He does talk loudly, but so do I.  He gets louder and louder the more excited he gets. I don't really have a problem with that. He just runs around the house screaming a lot (he likes to be a T-Rex, a lion, a train, etc). He is allowed to be as loud as he wants to when we play outside, but he just can't stop screaming in the house!!!!!!!
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MichelleW
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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I am laughing here, because suddenly this sounds very much like a boy/girl thing. Your sweet daughter responds calmly and beautifully to quiet correction and your son yells when he plays...um...LOL.
When my boys are too rambunctious or loud in the house they get sent outside. I know it doesn't sound like much of a "correction," but they aren't really in trouble so much as, well, being too boisterous in the house. In the summer it just serves as reinforcement that we behave differently in the house, but in the rainy fall and cold winter it quickly becomes correction. All the while it relieves me of having to get upset over boyish behavior. I just send them outside.
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kristinannie
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MichelleW wrote:
I am laughing here, because suddenly this sounds very much like a boy/girl thing. Your sweet daughter responds calmly and beautifully to quiet correction and your son yells when he plays...um...LOL.
When my boys are too rambunctious or loud in the house they get sent outside. I know it doesn't sound like much of a "correction," but they aren't really in trouble so much as, well, being too boisterous in the house. In the summer it just serves as reinforcement that we behave differently in the house, but in the rainy fall and cold winter it quickly becomes correction. All the while it relieves me of having to get upset over boyish behavior. I just send them outside. |
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Maybe I am just not used to boys! I did grow up in a family full of girls!!!!  I have noticed that it is much worse when he hasn't been outside (if the weather is too hot or whatever). Maybe I will try that! It mostly just drives me crazy because he wakes up the baby!!!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 16 2011 at 5:19pm | IP Logged
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 yep boy/girl thing.. for some levels of noise I will tell them they can go in their room or outside.. but other times it's just outside..
A couple of things you can do.. if it's during naptime.. some sort of reminder you can put out/up (like a stop sign or such) will help him remember that baby is asleep and it's quiet time.
And the weather is NEVER (ok ok.. rarely) so bad that a few minutes outdoors doesn't HELP. Really, they don't get heat stroke or frostbite from being outside for 10 or 15 minutes and that can make all the difference in the world. And they don't catch a cold from the rain.. they just get wet.. colds come from germs. But some decent rain gear will help a lot with that too.. rain boots and coat.. even pants if you really want to go all out.. get them big and they'll last a while.. and be worth the amount of sanity preservation they'll provide 
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Erin
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| Posted: Aug 17 2011 at 3:31am | IP Logged
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kristinannie wrote:
| He just runs around the house screaming a lot (he likes to be a T-Rex, a lion, a train, etc). He is allowed to be as loud as he wants to when we play outside, but he just can't stop screaming in the house!!!!!!! |
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This reminds me of a saying of my mil's. She says, "That's your outside voice (behaviour)" and tells them to take it outside.
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Erin
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Topic: Habit training help!
