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JaysFamily
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 10:15am | IP Logged
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My husband and I were certain that we would homeschool our son, but now we're not so sure it's the best choice. We have a good year or more to discern and pray about it, so I feel comforted that once we make a decision, it will be the right one. The problem is that we had planned on a large family. Instead, God gave us an only child. Funny how that works! God having His own plans and all...
Anyway, our son is 4.5 and is super social, hence a big part of the struggle in having an only child. Unfortunately, we do not live in a neighborhood where many children play outside a lot. There are too many privacy fences, small lots, too many electronics, etc. I finally enrolled him in preschool this year because he was just too lonely. Most other homeschool families have several to many children and play dates for their younger ones just aren't very high on their priority list. I found a dream-come-true kind of preschool. It's a very small Montessori school run and taught by a teacher who came highly recommended by other Montessori teachers in a nearby city. There are only 20 students in the whole school, which consists of two rooms in a church and an acre to run around on. It goes year-round and I send him 3 mornings a week. He loves it so much that he misses it when he's not there. It's making us question whether homeschooling is the right decision for him. This makes my heart break because I am in love with the limitless possibilities of homeschooling, plus the alternative methods of education that can be used.
If you have homeschooled a very social only child, could you please tell me a little about your experience, and how you made it through some of the struggles? How did you handle socialization and loneliness if you have a super social only child? I don't think just signing him up for some sports or classes will solve that because what he needs is hours per week in free-play with the same children and forming relationships, learning how to get along, share, etc.
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Jaysfamily
wife to Jay
mother to DS(5)
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Betsy
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 10:58am | IP Logged
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The answer that I am giving doesn't totally address you question, but I will give you a bit of my experience.
I wouldn't limit your thinking of "social outlet's" as school only. My two oldest boys needed social and energy outlets....especially around the 4-6 ages. IMO, I think that these ages are some of the most difficult to get through for boys, wether they are an only child or not. Boy have a great need to release energy and often in social settings.
During this time with my boys I put them into all of the "sports" outlets that I could find though our parks and recs program (ice skating, swimming lessons, gymnastic, play dates) as well as art and music classes. I avoided all organized team sports as this age because I feel they are often too young...soccer might be an acceptation to that.
I found that doing these activities helped organize our days, give them something to look forward to, burn off their energy and interact with kids their own age. It was win-win for us.
I also wanted to add that I was at such a loss of what to do with my boys during this age that I often wondered if pre-school or even day care would be beneficial. I didn't end up going that route, but there is nothing wrong with doing that for a while. Home schooling is not an all or nothing proposition!
I hope that someone with a similar situation can address you issues more directly. I will keep your intention in my prayers as you try to discern the best solution for your family.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 11:45am | IP Logged
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A very social child often ends up in trouble in school for socializing when it's not time for that (personal experience  ) And then you have all the negative social experiences as well. Finding the sports and other active programs where the kids are more under the eyes of adults can often make for a better social experience.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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MaryM
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 12:23pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I wish Jennifer (Marihalojen) was still around. I think she pops in to read sometimes but with her daughter in high school now she hasn't been active here. She was always a great source of inspiration for homeschooling an only child.
In fact I'm going to link some past threads discussing the topic. The active membership here at any given time varies. It may be that right now we don't have too many schooling an only, and other voices from the past are still here in the older threads. That's what I love about the rich resources of past threads here.
Sites for only children?
Homeschooling an only child
Homeschooling an only child?
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Angie Mc
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I thought of Jennifer, too, and do encourage you to check out her blog.
At your son's age, you might look for other mothering groups that include pre-school age and younger children (like La Leche League, community centers, etc.) Also, contact homeschooling groups to see who is including pre-schoolers. Sometimes this takes a bit of phone calling, door knocking, and hanging around. It may only take finding 1 family to match with to get you through this time.
God bless you and I'm praying for your intentions  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 5:03pm | IP Logged
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When my oldest was born, I was heavily into the homeschool mindset. Doing preschool coops at my house and getting involved in the homeschool community. Then we sent her to K at the local Parish school. It was a tough decision, caused me great anxiety, but in the end we felt that was where she needed to be. At the end of her K year, we started to think about homeschooling again. Tuition costs were increasing, I was pregnant again, and we were not very happy with some aspects of the school. So, we brought her home for first grade. Our plan right now is to home educate all four until high school.
I share this just so you can see that each year can/will bring changes to even the most well thought out, agnozied over plans. Just keep praying!
Also, I might mention that there are lots of positives to having only one at home for school. You get to spend lots of one-on-one time teaching them. I often feel guilty that my oldest isn't getting my complete attention. There are so many places I'd go, classes we could take, museums and trips to enhance our learning but these are not within our means or logistically doable now. 
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Lara
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St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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MWeber
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| Posted: March 24 2011 at 7:47pm | IP Logged
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Since I've talked to you about this school before, remind me again...what age does it go up to? To be honest, I had a sense when you told me how well he was doing in school that you may rethink the homeschooling idea. It just seems like such a good fit for him!
My only hesitation would be that Montessori preschool is nothing like elementary school, in terms of the amt of seat work, peer pressure, etc. And I know you know that. There is nothing wrong with starting out at our parish school and pulling him out later. FWIW, the friends I have whose kids are in K there say they absolutely love it. It almost makes the decision to hs more difficult when there are so many good options for us.
Another option is to keep him in K-12 Montessori. Super expensive, though.
I'm obviously not trying to sway you. You would be an amazing homeschooling mom, and I know he would thrive. But I also know that the fact that he is an only isn't a minor detail. I will certainly pray for your discernment. I remember Jen (Mackfam) reminding us to look to our husbands for guidance in hs'ing decisions (it's easy for me to forget to include him since I'm the one home all day ).
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Michele
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JaysFamily
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Oh, I know regular school won't be at all like his preschool! His school is practically like a homeschool. It's pretty much the best of both worlds right now, and we have the option of 1/2 day K, so maybe 2 more years there. They play outside twice a day when it's not raining, and it's only a 1/2 day school. We won't do K-12 Montessori. One thing we absolutely won't compromise on is a Catholic education above all else. We won't send him to a non-Catholic school unless we're desperate, and if we're desperate, there's no way we could pay the price tag on the local K-8 Montessori school! You are right that we are so blessed to have such wonderful options where we live. It's a dream-come-true for homeschooling because of all the available resources to us (like the science lab)(and you, Jen!), and because it's a fairly popular lifestyle where we live. We also have a wonderful parish school that really is much better at Catechesis than the one I went to! We don't think either decision would be a bad decision, but throwing the only-child factor in plus the personality combinations, and now we're definitely questioning which direction to go in. I am very grateful that we seem to have plenty of time to discern this for now.
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Jaysfamily
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mother to DS(5)
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MWeber
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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One thing you can do is talk to some of our hs friends who sent their kids to our parish school prior to pulling them out. They can give you both perspectives.
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Michele
Mom to ds (2006), dd (^2007^), dd (2009), & dd (Dec 2010)
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mamaslearning
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If I had access to a Catholic school that was small, interested in weaving the Faith throughout the curriculum instead of regulating it to a mere subject, and affordable, I would probably send my children to school. Alas, that is not available to us where we live.
Definitely check out all your options to see what direction your family is called by God.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Mackfam
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 9:06am | IP Logged
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I wanted to encourage you as well, Jasyfamily!
This is not a decision you have to make today...or tomorrow...or even next year, as you said. Allow yourself to enjoy this time with your son as you gather information in a relaxed way that might help you and your dh make the best decision in your family.
I'm glad Mary recommended Jen (marihalojen) as a resource - I thought of her immediately when you posted! ((Totally off topic...but I miss Jen's fantastic fashion notifications!!!  She was so great for mentioning the cutest dresses and summer chic-wear!! ...ok...re-focusing!))
I think the other perspectives provided here have been so helpful, so I don't think I can add much, except to say that Our Lord was raised within the Holy Family as an only child. I would encourage you to place yourself, and this decision especially, under the patronage of the Holy Family.
There are some amazing moms within our local support group that started their children out in the local parochial school and removed them at some point. It could be very beneficial to get their charitable perspectives. PM me if you'd like some names and contact info.
Home education for an only child involves a unique set of challenges and considerations, but isn't any more or less challenging than home educating a handful of kids across a spectrum of ages and abilities...or starting out in homeschooling with a gaggle of toddlers and nursing littles about you as well. If home education is the path God wants your family to travel, then you can trust that He will provide the opportunities, friends, support, and most importantly GRACE, that you will need to meet the particular challenges of your home education experience. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, while this is certainly something to be prayerfully brainstormed, it is not an insurmountable challenge and I just wanted to encourage you! 
Let me know if you'd like to come over one day and we can talk more. Though I can't offer you the perspective you're looking for in home educating an only child, I might be able to give you a few more ideas to take home and prayerfully consider with your dh. I'm happy to help if I can.
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Jen Mackintosh
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MWeber
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
There are some amazing moms within our local support group that started their children out in the local parochial school and removed them at some point. It could be very beneficial to get their charitable perspectives. PM me if you'd like some names and contact info.
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I suspect we're thinking of some of the same folks, one of them being a good friend of yours (I think! ). She put some of her kids in the Catholic school while she had babies/preschoolers at home. And now she homeschools all 4 of them.
If you choose to homeschool your son, check out http://satorismiles.com/. Although she is a secular homeschooler and her daughter is light years ahead of most 6 yr olds , her blog is amazing!
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Michele
Mom to ds (2006), dd (^2007^), dd (2009), & dd (Dec 2010)
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JaysFamily
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Thank you, Ladies! You've all given me plenty to think over! I've bookmarked the links so that I can go through those as well.
Jen, I might take you up on those offers this summer! I've actually been thinking of hosting a picnic for the support group, but it's a matter of finding a good location that is convenient for everyone since we cover such a large area.
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In Christ,
Jaysfamily
wife to Jay
mother to DS(5)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Let me know if you'd like to come over one day and we can talk more. Though I can't offer you the perspective you're looking for in home educating an only child, I might be able to give you a few more ideas to take home and prayerfully consider with your dh. I'm happy to help if I can. |
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Can I come too!  It sounds like guys have a great group, and I'd love to see your house 4Real!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Lori
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I second the notion that "socialization" can come back to bite you in the bum if they are too social in "real school." We had my daughter in public school (a great neighborhood school, good teachers, no real complaints except I don't believe in the "system" anymore) because extended family said "she's so social!" Well, we started getting notes home from the teacher EVERY DAY saying she was talking too much and disrupting the lessons and not getting her work done. So, today was her last day in public school, and she will be available for playdates with her public school/neighborhood friends the second the school bell rings.
Hopefully you can cultivate some playmates for your son in your area. I'll say a little prayer asking God to send you some!
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Lori
wife to Rob, momma to Michael (18), Mark (12), Eric (9), Thomas (8), and Tabitha (6)
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atara
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My only child, son is 2 years old and he goes to a little learning center down the road. I love it and he does, too! He literally does not stop all day and he has learned some social skills. He gets his lessons in the am & pm but in the middle of the day he is doing their curriculum, playing inside and outside (we don't have a fenced in, safe yard) and then nap time.
I used to think hs was all or nothing, but now I realize it's totally not!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Now uncertain about homeschooling
