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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
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A very merry and holy Christmas to you and yours.
I am in need of advice please. My son is 5 yrs old. When he found out in the doctor's office last Friday that he had to have surgery (inguinal hernia) he was very very upset. Since then we have not mentioned it and he is very very happy. Surgery is scheduled for Dec. 30th unless sickness or weather change the date. He does not know how to read the calendar or know when the 30th is and he does not know that it is on the 30th, even if he did itwould not mean anything to him. I am thinking of preparing him emotionally for the date the morning of surgery and giving him a small cross or crucifix to hold. Also we are going to have a priest bless him as well. Any other suggestions please? The surgery will be 1 hour or less. The incision on the skin will be 1 inch or less but still. And he will get a gas mask first to calm him down and then be given something to drink to put him under. He is TERRIBLE with needles. Any suggestions please. Thank you!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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So much depends on the child.. I have one that it's the unknown that is frightening and explaining IN DETAIL what is going to happen helps her the most.
others are fine with alot less detail and just reassurance.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
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I would mention it again after Christmas, but before the surgery date, and talk through what he can expect (priest, mask, drink, etc.) and how he will wake up afterward and feel very sleepy and perhaps cold or shaky, and you'll have to wait a short while until the doctor talks with you and says it's okay to go home.
I think that one thing many children fear is that Mommy won't be there when they wake up. Try to reassure your son that you will stay right there at the office and be there at his side as soon as you are allowed to be. (You might want to see if you can stay with him until he's fully under...asking in advance will help with this.)
I would not spring this on him the day of, for fear that he will be so very upset that you won't be able to get him into the car. Gently talking through it a few days in a row could help calm his fears. (And perhaps someone else has used a story book or two to help with this proces...I have not.)
Tell him, too, that all the homeschooling mommies here will be praying for him! 
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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Having had surgeries as a child I know some of what helped. My Mom started asking to be there with me until I was asleep, as suggested above, and do ask in advance. That made a HUGE difference for me in my later surgeries, starting around your ds's age. The mask might actually make it more difficult for him, I never liked the mask, maybe they could let him drink the stuff while he's with you? Also, I'd suggest asking for anti-nausea meds with the anesthesia, so he doesn't chance waking up nauseous or voimiting, thus adding to the anxiety upon waking up. I know for me as a child that was one of the worst parts, the nausea afterwards, besides the awful gas through the mask. Oh, and a new stuffed animal for the occassion, to hug and take in with me always was comforting. 
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
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Hi,
My son (now age 10) had the exact surgery at age 2 and it really is "minor". I think I needed more "prep" than he did obviously as he was clueless so I only say that to ease both your minds. My son stayed in my arms in a rocker in this pre-op room until the anesthesia ? (or I guess it was the gas...whatever to make him very sleepy) started to take effect and then we saw him as soon as he was out of surgery in recovery. I don't think he was aware enough to know anything betw. leaving my arms pre-op to seeing me post-op.
One thing we just did for my 3 yr old DD for Christmas tho was to make a Christmas chain out of construction paper so she could pull one off each day since she has no concept of time and see that Christmas is indeed getting closer. I'm not sure if that would help or increase anxiety for your son knowing the day is getting closer. ? If you think it'll help, that would give him an idea of "time".
I think helping him recite some prayers that he may already have in memory would be helping in easing anxiety...Hail Mary, Guardian Angel prayer, Lord's prayer? Any of those that if he's awake and you're not there yet, he can say.
It was only day surgery and they took my son down to our car in a wagon!! FUN! and gave him a little stuffed dog that he named Chocolate that he has to this day...over 8 years later! Share that story w/ your son.
Last, if at all possible, could you do just a quick tour of the hospital. Children's hospitals are made to seem like "fun" places.
God Bless and keep us posted!
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Angi
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
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Ana has had multiple endoscopies ( under general anathesia).
we remind her of the porcess
1- gown
2- mom carries to the Ned
3- sleepy mask, strawberry flavor please lol
4- doc puts IV in
5- tube in throat and pics taken
6- wake up with mom
7- examine pics provided by doc lol
8- eat, drink, go home
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4 lads mom
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| Posted: Dec 22 2010 at 11:18pm | IP Logged
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My kids are better prepared if we talk about it beforehand....but keeping it right at their level...just like what Angi said above. Very succinct, to the point. Stuffed animals or other treat/present are a must!  I would even check a book out of the library if possible....there are a ton out there for this. Franklin, the turtle, has one.....Usborne has a cute one.....also, any that shows real pictures of little ones at the hospital. Finally, there are often “tours” of the surgery areas for kiddos that are in preparation of their time there. Some hospitals have virtual tours as well on the computer. If yours doesn’t, than I bet you could google for a peds hospital out there that does have one you could watch together.
And finally....he’s going to take a lot of cues from you. Relax...this is an easy peasy surgery....I realize every single surgery is a big deal, but on the continuum....the hernia repairs are quick and easy. My 12 yo had this same surgery at almost 3yo, and did terrific. He was in recovery for an hour and home right after doing great.
Praying for all!!!
ps--don’t mention needles, because it is likely he will never see one. Typically, the “medicine” he has to drink is versed, it is an amnesic, and will make him very drowsy and not care what is going on. They won’t put his IV in (usually) until he is asleep. You might ask if you are going to be the one to take him back, or do they take the kids back from the pre-op waiting area.
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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 8:36am | IP Logged
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thank you all for your wonderful advice! I have reserved some books at the library that I'm going ot pick up today. I am not going ot show them to him until the day before or the day of - since who knows the surgery could be put off due to weather or sickness -no sense in getting worried over nothing. I love your advice. I found 2 websites that go over pediatric surgery. one is from chop and it states for age 1-3 tell them the day of and age 4-6 read to them about the surgery and do role play with them - well I always subtract a year for my son because he seems well kind of a busy little guy who is very smart but well just needs some time to mature so I'm counting him as a 4 yr old even though he is 5 yrs old when approaching things - like I am doing preschool work with him rather than k work. Anyway my husband and I really think we might have a lot of trouble if we tell him the night before and/or the day of but before the car ride. SO I think we're going to tell him the surgeon waiting room and then I'm wondering even if I have to if they are going to be so very kid friendly I hope. Anyway I read 1 bad experience from my local homeschool group where her child was rushed because the surgeon got their early, she requested the needle instead of the gas mask but they disregarded her request becuase they said that many children wake up vomiting from teh gas mask after the surgery but she thinks they did it because they were rushing it and they did not discuss it with her. I don't think she is went to where I taking my son. His doctors is a chop doctor but is not with chop, so he has the training but its not at the chop facility. Well thank you again!
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wifemommy
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| Posted: Dec 27 2010 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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The Number 1 most important thing in all of this is YOU. Parents attitudes will make or break the whole thing (trust me years of Ped ER experience.) Do not make too big a deal out of it DO NOT talk about needles. Practice your own matter of fact attitude kids know when you are faking. Angi's list was great emphasize a positive thing you will do afterwards. He will feed off your anxiety and honestly sometimes the parent will make it worse and the staff may make a judgement call on how long you can stay in the beginning. Pray for the Grace for you to handle it all calmly and things will go better..... and prayers because I know it is hard to be on the Mom side of this too. -Annie
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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 7:36am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your great advice. As a result of reading your responses and many others I got CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) envy. Meaning that I received an education from you all and others how CHOP would be so very kid friendly on prepping the child and family for the surgery. I knew that my son's doctor/surgeon is a CHOP doctor but I did not know that he did not work in a CHOP facility. I didn't think that it could ever work like that, whatever. Anyway so prepared with my fresh CHOP envy I called the hospital where my son's operation would be performed and was able to get a hold of a social worker who used to work at CHOP. Her job was to make the experience for the child and family like the CHOP experience and it was wonderful. It was fantastic. My son is fine and it is like you said it is harder on the parents than on the child. He feels no pain. And it is like the doctor said - he had the easy part, we have the hard part which is he cannot run or jump for 2 weeks - that's hard with a busy little 5 year old!
And to make things more complicated but at the same time having that social worker made her even more of a blessing, my father died the day before the operation. He has suffered in the nursing home for 3.5 years with paralysis on his entire right side and not being able to talk barely at all, except grunts, shouts except for a very infrequent clear word or phrase here and there. We just got back from the funeral. I'm so very thankful that I helped my mother preplan things 2 years ago during the spend down to get to medicaid for my father. My brother ran the show and it made it so much easier for him. It was a beautiful ceremony. I'm still praying for my dear dear father. I think he was guiding the surgeon's hands. He died on Dec 29th, the feast of King David. He was always a very very faithful Catholic. It was so good to see so many relatives that I have not seen in so long. My son looked so so cute in his black suit, I'm sure Dad would be so proud. The veterans had a shooting of guns (I guess blanks) and flag presentation. They played taps. I'm crying as I write this. I had given the funeral director my rosary that I keep in the car so it could be wrapped around my father's hands. So on the way to the burial site I had to dig in my purse to find another rosary so we could say it. Well normally I have to dig and get everything out because it is all the way on the bottom. I said a quick prayer and asked that my Dad help me find it quickly and it was right there. I was impressed. Thank you all for your advice.
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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I'm so glad your son is fine. I'm sorry about the loss of your father. Prayers for his soul and your comfort.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 7:49am | IP Logged
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I'm praying for your father's soul...and I'm thankful that your little guy is doing well.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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hylabrook1
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I'm so sorry you lost your father. I will pray for his soul and for your family as you mourn.
Great news that your son's surgery went so well and that you had such wonderful support through the hospital.
Peace,
Nancy
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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 10:58am | IP Logged
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THank you all for your prayers and kind words. It is greatly appreciated to know that we are loved even from afar.
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MaryM
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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Dolors, I ams so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Your description of the funeral (even down to the military salute and rosary connections) and the intercession brought back memories of my father's in May.
Glad the surgery went well.
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Topic: how to prep a 5 yo for surgery - advice
