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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 7:23am | IP Logged
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I have 3 sons and 1 daughter. My dd just turned 7 and I am a little concerned. She always acts sad or says she's lonely. It's true her brothers don't play much with her. They are "all boy" and she is "all girl". She always asks me to play with her and I have to admit it gets difficult. I just don't feel like I have much time to play "Polly Pockets" or whatever. I grew up as the only girl and I never remember asking my mom to play. The difference was that I went to school and after school there were always neighbor kids to play with. I'm actually thinking that maybe she should go to school...but then, I dont think that's the real answer. Anybody else have just one girl? How do you handle it? I'm thinking about having her play T-ball or go back to ballet lessons just for the social contact. (She does have friends that we see occasionally, but since they are not in our neighborhood we have to drive to get there.)
Becky
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 7:35am | IP Logged
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I just wanted to add that I actually spend quite a bit of time with my dd. Of course we do her school work but she also helps me in the kitchen, she goes with me when I run errands on Saturdays (Dad stays home with the boys) and about once every month we do "girls lunch" which is when she and I go to lunch together.
Becky
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Meredith
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 9:42am | IP Logged
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Becky, I too have just one precious dd and she's my oldest which is helpful for me, but I too worry about her need for SOME female persuasion her own age. I have never really worried because she is truly best friends with her 1st brother Benjamin and plays all the time with all the boys. She has always been in Ballet and she used to skate daily, but the influence from the figure skating "world" we we forced to be a part of was excrutiatingly "clicheish" (sp?). She actually chose on her own to stop because the girls were not supportive and she was quite good.
A few weeks ago she and I had such a lovely day shopping and doing lunch together, we did bring baby Gabriel along, but he was an angel and didn't hamper our girls day a bit. I know reading lots of girly type books has always been something my dd has done like Betsy and Tacy, all the LHP's and now Martha's and Charlotte's, Anne of Green Gables to keep a true girl perspective in the things she surrounds herself with.
I HTH a bit, I am praying that we have another little dd, but it may be just her and the boys??? Take care and don't fret, it could be a phase, seven is tricky for girls IMHO.
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Meredith
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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I have one girl and it makes me sad. She's only two.
The other day she said that the boys have their room and "this is the girls' room." Sadly, she meant my master bedroom. Someday soon she'll move to her room--alone (since she really couldn't fit in the boys' room anyway). I started thinking about her alone in her room playing---alone.
She plays with the boys, too. But when it come to girl things--she's alone.
I am worried for her socially as you are. I can't imagine putting her in school. So I guess there will be lots of running her around, which isn't ideal either.
Maybe God will give her a sister.
Then I think, gosh, her life could be so much worse. She is happy, healthy, and the boys treat her like a girl. When they dress up--she's the princess, etc.
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Mary G
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 11:47am | IP Logged
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I have two daughters but my oler one has always been pretty independent and tom-boyish. I was a complete tom boy -- never even owned a Barbie until one was given me for my 10th birthday (it didn't last long  ).
Anyway, my younger 6 yod is all girl too! Favorite colors are pink, loves all kinds of dolls and girly things. I have the bonus of being near dh's sister and neice -- they're pretty girly too but Maggie definitely feels it (she also milks it a bit -- we do a ladies' day about once every 6 weeks with SIL and her daughter and me and mine and boy does she needle the boys about it!).
So, Becky, no suggestions or solutions. Just know that you're not alone!
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MaryG
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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teachingmom
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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OK, as the mom of five girls (so far), you probably think I'm crazy to reply to this thread. But, I was an only girl--with five brothers--so I can share from my own experience. I think that friends are even more important to an only girl than to other girls. I never had a sister, but throughout much of my life, I was blessed with at least one best friend at any given point in time. I have some friends from my college and young adult years whom I value like sisters. If you don't have good candidates for friendship in your neighborhood, I'd recommend actively planning play dates with other girls in your homeschooling group or church. Oh, one more thought. I went to school and I cannot say that I met many of my closest friends at school (except for college), so I don't think that will necessarily be an answer for this. My friends were usually either neighbors or friends I met through activities.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Bookswithtea
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I have 1 boy and then 3 girls, and then one boy. The two boys are 12 yrs apart. I have always been sad for my oldest ds. We have worked overtime to find activities and things that are boyish for him, and we work hard to find time to hang out with Dad, too. We never felt right about putting him in school. Its a delicate balance, finding the right amount of socialization for the child to feel "right" (like Dr. Sears talks about...know your child and help your child to feel right...) and not too much so that the child is always tired from overactivity and not bonding with the rest of the family. Its a constant struggle for us each year, but when we get it right, its a beautiful thing.  I do talk with him and remind him that God built our family and that He must have a reason for not giving him a brother who is an age mate.
~Books
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Michaela
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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(((Becky))) I'm going through the same thing with my dd.
I've had thoughts of sending her to school just to be around other girls, and also know that's not the answer.
We attend a weekly co-op, and there must be 50+ boys vs. maybe 3 girls.  She really dislikes attending and I understand. She's very 'girly' but she is too shy to participate in ballet, dance, or any activity.
Her 7yo cousin (a girl) would prefer to play with my oldest son.
I certainly don't have answers. Watching her play alone makes me so sad. Our church has nothing for children her age. Her playmate is our 15yo cat.  (The cat puts up with being dressed up, but can be moody about it. lol)
Our boys play with her, but it would be so nice to watch her play with another little girl.
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Michaela
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humanaevitae
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
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I'm afraid that our only daughter will have to join the convent to have "sisters"!
I've made an effort to talk with her brothers about including her and playing her games too. It is great training for them. Otherwise I also include her more in my daily tasks which makes her feel special. She is in ballet but is not close with anyone. I'm sure the issue will be more of a struggle as she matures but I try to trust that God knows what he is doing.
When we found out that #4 was a boy I was so afraid it would destroy her faith in God as she has been praying for a sister forever! She was upset for a while but then enjoyed just having a baby around. I also felt so bad for her and questioned God's wisdom. Soon after John was born he was diagnosed with having a cataract which required surgery and wearing a contact lens now. One of his eyes is also smaller than the other although his stronger eye is patched most of the day so I don't always realize it. In some ways I wonder if John was meant to be a boy as I think it would be harder for a girl to have a smaller eye. ? Anyway, I have more peace about the issue of Elizabeth not having a sister close to her age.
Obviously I have no wisdom but just wanted to say you are not alone.
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 22 2006 at 6:25am | IP Logged
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Thanks Everyone,
It was interesting last night... My dd went to gymnastics. She was soo excited to go. This is a little class in a hs mom's basement. The teacher is her friend and agrees to have this special class for the young children in our hs group. It's only once a month and for the last 2 months, because of one thing or another, dd has not been able to go. So she couldn't wait and she kept telling her brothers things like, "now I wont be home for a while tonight because I have to go to gymnastics.." Then, when she got home she ran to each person and hugged them and said things like "I'm back! Did you miss me?". Well, you can imagine her 12 yo brother's response. Actually, I was standing there so he didn't say much, but that was the problem, he just kind of shrugged his shoulders. Anyway, she was very sad when she went to bed. When I asked her what the matter was she said "nobody missed me." Well, she was only gone for one hour! But I began to think, is this part of being an extravert? My dh and I are introverts (although he is more so than I). Sometimes, I think we forget that what we do affects others - it's part of that introverted-ness I guess. My dd on the other hand thinks that EVERYTHING she does affects others. I felt so sad for her. I told her of course we all missed her but brothers just don't like to tell things like that then I hugged her for awhile.
Am I right about this introvert/extrovert thing?
I guess I'm really going to have to make more effort in providing social outlets for her.
Becky
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alicegunther
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| Posted: March 22 2006 at 7:34am | IP Logged
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Like Irene, I have five daughters, yet this thread struck a chord with me, especially because I have the exact opposite problem--an only boy! My four year old son craves male interaction and often begs me to play "fish" or "trains" with him, two games I find--well--painful. The girls will sometimes accomodate him and sit at the train table, but it is not the same as a rough and tumble house full of boys to keep him company.
My suggestion for an only girl would be to find a shared hobby that isn't too boring for you (LOL!). Polly Pockets would be difficult to keep up, but perhaps sewing or scrapbooking would be fun for both of you. It might even encourage you to make time for things you enjoy that would otherwise get put on the backburner.
If it is at all possible, form a small group for your daughter that meets once a week. A weekly playdate works wonders for girls' morale, and it truly needs to be weekly for the girls to bond. You could invite two or three girls over for a literary society, a sewing circle, a poetry swap, a Rosary group, a nature club, or an art lesson. Even a walking club like the one outlined at the beginning of The Girl's Handybook would work. Something light and fun with the formal part of the meeting taking about a half hour and the rest dedicated to play is always a success. Keep it small and very, very simple with little to no expense or preparation. (Hire a teacher and split the expense if you want the girls to acquire a new skill, but keep playing at the forefront.) If the moms come along, serve coffee. Homeschooling mothers will drive almost anywhere for a cup of coffee and an hour or so off their feet at someone's kitchen table! If you do not want to host this at your home, meet at a local park--but bring a thermos of coffee along! (Half and half is an added incentive, and avoid skim milk at all costs.  )
Good luck with your little girl! I wish you lived near me--we'd provide social outlets for her!!!
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Love, Alice
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Elizabeth
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I had one girl and five boys for a long time until dd #2 came along. When my only girl was four, a friend who was a dancer started teaching dance lessons for homeschooled girls in my dining room. I will never forget how my daughter came alive in that weekly swirl of pink! And I will never forget her brothers peeking through the stair railings at this strange new sight. Later, she had the same reaction at a dance studio. Now, she has one best friend from those early dance days. Once a week, they spend long hours dressed like Laura and Mary; it's a purely feminine world and she literally glows in it. When Mary Beth was four, we learned that baby #6 was a boy. She cried pitifully. I love to tell the story of Irene consoling her with her own story in a house full of brothers and how her prayers for a girl resulted in a house full of daughters  . God did bless Mary Beth with a sister and I have never witnessed two girls more devoted to each other. They are six years apart and inseparable. There was most definitely a Divine Plan at work there.
I truly believe that a girl doesn't need a whole lot of friends, but that one kindred spirit is worth an entire girlhood.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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alicegunther
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| Posted: March 22 2006 at 8:33am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I truly believe that a girl doesn't need a whole lot of friends, but that one kindred spirit is worth an entire girlhood. |
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Beautiful words, and absolutely true.
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Love, Alice
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 22 2006 at 10:35am | IP Logged
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I agree. My dd has one special friend, we just don't see her often enough. (My fault I'm afraid.)
I like your idea of having the girls meet once a week Alice. Now I'm mulling over a couple of ideas. Some time ago I was thinking about a little girls Tea party / Book Club. It would be pretty simple just a snack (for the "Tea" part), then hearing a story by a certain author (Jan Brett comes to mind), doing a small craft and just playing for a while. I know my dd would love it. I actually do better with things like this than just having kids over to play. I think I like it when there is more control. The "walking club" sounds like a neat idea too. I'll have to check my library for the Girls Handy Book.
The little girls do get to play about once a week I guess. The Moms meet every other week during which time the kids play and then there is gymnastics on one of the off weeks. It just seems that because of flu season or whatever, we've had to cancel quite a bit the last couple of months so I guess we are feeling socially starved. Meeting once a week even for just a couple of months might just be the ticket for getting us through to the bright days of summer weather though!
Thank you for your great ideas!
Becky
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Erica Sanchez
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Becky,
What about a Little Flower's group? It is a Catholic girls club and I think it would cover just about everything mentioned above. I think it would work well with a small group of girls.
Are you familiar with it? I can post a link if you are not (my stuff is out in the schoolroom right now).
I do sympathize, but with the opposite problem with one boy!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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MichelleW
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I have one little girl, but what I hear you describing is actually a 7yo thing that all of my children went through. The 7yo-phase was most obvious to me in my extroverts. They became very sad and sensitive, very introspective (which was frightening in my extremely extroverted second son). My introverts also exhibited some of this mopiness, but it was so obvious in the extroverts. My second son also melted into tears over having no one to play with, even though he is best friends with his brother and ALWAYS has someone to play with.
This is just a hard age and it will be hard at home or at school. At home we were able to strengthen our family bond by being especially sensitive to each other through this time. I remind my olders that they went through this as well, and they can be so kind and supportive to each other.
Your daughter might find comfort in the kindness of her brothers. Perhaps you could speak to your 12yo and maybe they could have some special time together? I remind my sons that it is their job to care for the women in their lives and that they are instrumental in shaping the kind of woman Olivia will become. They take great pride in this job and really rise to the task. I know that some of the things we have done to help my daughter through this phase include time with Daddy, time with each of her brothers, and time with me, in addition to some play dates and ballet lessons.
HTH
Michelle
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Topic: One girl
