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JennGM
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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Too much thinking going on, but with other threads in the Prayer Forum and Faith Forum on Family Lenten Sacrifices and More the Merrier many discussions of NFP...I started thinking about the role of husband and father. I think their cross in life is hard...much harder than a woman's.
Unless a man works at home, or is self-employed, the majority of his day is spent in the workplace. And this is an environment of which he has no control. People of different faiths or no faiths, opinions, morals surround him. Even the physical surroundings he has no control. For my dh, he has to commute, so either deal with car traffic or a crowded train to get to his workplace.
Meanwhile, the wife and mother has her hardships and crosses. There are always dirty dishes and clothing, babies to change, bo-bos to kiss, squabbles to end, lessons to teach...but we are in an environment that we have control...at least in some ways. It's HOME, and my sanctuary. I choose who comes through that door, I can choose the conversations I hear, what is viewed, what is read. I can make this a comfortable place. Within my home I'm given freedom to grow in domestic and other arts.
Dh on the other hand is home a short amount of time each night, little time to himself, and in this small amount of time he still has to do things for the upkeep of the family. He makes many sacrifices to care for the family. His life shows all the more reason to make the home comfortable for him, to be a very loving wife. He is first priority, children next. Many times I reverse the order. 
This big difference occurred to me when dh called yesterday morning. He was coming down with a nasty stomach virus.  He was in DC, an hour train ride away from home, having to use public restrooms to throw up. He had no choice.
And I know I can get sick anywhere, struck down in the middle of a car ride, but it was a comfort to me to think that the odds are I'd be in my home base if I got sick. I felt so sorry for him to carry that extra cross of not being able to be sick in private and in his comfort zone.
I'm not diminishing the sacrifices and self-giving of the woman, but I just was thinking of how it isn't easy to be the husband. He's self-giving and sacrificing as the woman, just in a different way.
Nothing new here, all very obvious points...
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Taffy
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 5:19pm | IP Logged
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Thank you very much for sharing Jenn. Your post is exactly what I needed to hear this week!
Liz
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 5:27pm | IP Logged
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jenngm67 wrote:
Nothing new here, all very obvious points... |
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But, something that's excellent to be reminded about! Our husbands do have it difficult in so many ways. I think many of these work related concerns are exxagerated for those husbands whose wives are not working. It can become so painfully obvious when there are problems in the workplace, and dh's just need to keep on keeping on.
It's also e timely reminder to pray for ALL our husbands on this St. Joseph's Day, even those who are at peace with their employment. He's such a great patron, just for husbands and fathers!
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Noreen
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Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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What a great post! All we have to do is submit, they have to love us as Christ loved the Church. He DIED for the Church.
Yes, lets pray for and praise and love our husbands!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Meredith
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 5:55pm | IP Logged
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Beautiful post Jenn! Thank you for your very insightful thoughts, they are taken right to heart! Please tell your dh that I hope he feels better and I hope you or your son don't get it either, will pray for that!!
God Bless your day!
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Meredith
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Sweetness and Light
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 6:02pm | IP Logged
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jenngm67 wrote:
| Dh on the other hand is home a short amount of time each night, little time to himself, and in this small amount of time he still has to do things for the upkeep of the family. He makes many sacrifices to care for the family. His life shows all the more reason to make the home comfortable for him, to be a very loving wife. He is first priority, children next. Many times I reverse the order. |
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I'm going kiss my darling hubby right this very minute.
Wonderful post, Jenn! 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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jenngm67 wrote:
Unless a man works at home, or is self-employed, the majority of his day is spent in the workplace. |
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And if a man is self-employed and works at home, he never leaves his office, except to travel away from his family, at the mercy of airlines, and clients and bad hotels and restaurants. And if he's sick, there's no one to call to cover for him, no paid sick leave, and no telling what town he might be in. When he is at home, the office is open 24/7. The computer still calls late into the night and west coast conference calls routinely begin at 10:00 PM Eastern time because that's when he's certain his "office" will be free of a cacaphony of children's voices.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cheryl
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Jenn,
What a good reminder for me to look at what my husband does. He owns his own business and is coming to the end of his two week "vacation." The first week we had a baby on Monday. Then he ran around dropping the other 3 kids off places and picking them up and taking care of them and the house. As of last Thursday he's been waiting on me (because I was very weak physically) cooking the meals, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, going to Walmart after the kids are asleep, childcare, driving us to doctor appts...today he woke up with diarrhea and other flu symptoms. I was feeling a bit annoyed because he spent much of the day on the couch on the phone, catching up on work calls. Now I'm thinking, this poor guy needs a rest.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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lapazfarm
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Thank you for the reminder. It is easy for me to take my dh for granted because his work is away from home and I do not SEE all he has to go through all day. And then I complain that he doesn't see all I do! But you are right. At least I am at home, which is exactly where I want to be. Although dh has a pretty good job, I am still sure it is not half as good as mine. I need to be more grateful, I know.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Rebecca
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Jenn, Thanks so much for your insight. I have really needed to hear this. My dh is returning home tonight after a week long business trip.
God Bless,
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teachingmom
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You are so right, Jenn. As I sat on the beltway in bumper to bumper traffic the other night, trying to make a 7pm appointment, I realized once again that my dh spends more than 2 and a half hours of his day -- each and every weekday -- on these horrid roads during rush hour. And he comes in the door each night with a big smile on his face, ready to be there for each of us all evening long. He really is a saint! I couldn't do it. I would honestly be a short-tempered grinch if I had to go through what he willingly does for us.
husbands!
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Erin
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Jenn,
What a beautiful post and so well expressed.
Our dh's have to daily associate with people who if they had their choice they wouldn't. Daily they have to work in an environment where they are constantly aware that they walk a different path to the world. The world is also aware due to the various life choices we make. They often face ridicule and sometimes persecution.
My dh has been home the last two weeks recuperating from pnuemonia, he pointed out that although I have hectic moments in my day, sometimes difficult moments, it is not constant like in his job. From when he arrives in his office at 8.30 in the morning till 6pm he has many people demanding his attention, he can sometimes have six employees waiting at his door fighting for their place in line. Amongst this he has myriad faxes and phone calls to deal with plus he has his work to do. He is simply lucky to grab half and hour for lunch.
Whereas much of my day I am in control off, and I can often manage to find some quiet time for a rest.
Well what great guys our husband are. 
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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Mary G
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Jenn
Thanks so much for this post. I posted something similar on my blog last night after finishing Little House on the Prairie with the kids -- basically, Caroline Ingalls is a great example of how to be a wife as she allows Charles to make all the big decisions, trusting he is doing it for the best. I need to really remember this as so often I want to put my "oar" in and it ends up just muddying the waters!
Here's the link to my blog if you're interested: Little House on the Prairie
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MaryG
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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momwise
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As Noreen pointed out, this is a timely post Jenn, in light of the upcoming St. Joseph's feast(Mon.  ).
I say the Memorare each morning as my dh leaves for work and then we pray for him during morning prayers.
On St. Joseph's feast day we will honor him at dinner for his sacrifice and being a wonderful provider.
It's a little funny though....my dh isn't Catholic although his family values are pretty conservative lately; he evangelizes the people at work (at least when he comes in contact with any people since he's a machinist in charge of his own end of the shop and won't let anyone else train for his skills ). The last woman he talked with about the faith ended getting Rosaries and a Scriptural Rosary book that my dh sent me out to buy  .
I know it's not the ideal situation (to have to go work for someone else) but my dh is usually ready to go back to work after a few days at home.....it's pretty much 8 solid hours of peace and quiet (with the ear plugs in). It's the 5 a.m. alarm that he hates....and I get to stay in bed and cuddle the baby.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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theNetSmith
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POTY! (short for Post of the Year) 
Janette needs me to send her a link to this thread.
-T
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Chari
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I know how you feel, Jenn! I agree with you wholeheartedly!
Your poor husband, sick like that, trapped from home! Poor guy!
Last August, I started an email list, just for praying for our husbands. Are you already on it? I sometimes cannot keep track of where I see your name
Each month we have a prayer focus. This month is on their employment and finances, as a matter of fact. We also do a novena at the beginning of each month. And, a few times a year, we will offer a 54 day rosary novena. We are in one now......ends on Saint Joseph's feast!!
The mail volume is pretty low, especially compared to some of the lists we are already on.
But, the prayer support is wonderful! Almost palpable at times!
Anyone is welcome to join us:
Happy is the Husband
Many blessings to you and your spouses! Especially for Saint Joseph's Feast Day!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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JennGM
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Chari, Yes, I belong to the group. I went no mail at the beginning of the year because I was a bit overwhelmed at all the mail in my inbox, but it's a great apostolate.
You all are so right about the timing of this with St. Joseph's feast day...I didn't put together the coincidence. I was just meditating on my marriage and different aspects and realized what a heavy load dh was carrying.
All our discussions on this board usually has to do with changing, tweaking situations, environment, curriculum. We women do a lot of this...and our home territory gives us the freedom to do this. Dh always feels like he's hitting his head on a brick wall with work related issues! These past weeks he's done so much for me when I was laid up post-surgery. He had the house running smoothly. Even though it's hard, he always says he would prefer to work from home.
I have to sing his praises. Dh got sick on Wednesday, the day before my birthday. We didn't have huge plans, but he was going to honor me in little ways for "my day." Obviously, being laid up with a stomach virus was going to ditch all the plans.
Some flowers were delivered by UPS on my birthday. When I asked dh when he ordered them, it was right after he got sick in the morning. I was so moved when I thought about when he felt so miserable (and he said he felt like he was dying!), his thoughts turned to thinking of me and doing something thoughtful.
He kept apologizing for ruining my birthday, since I was taking care of him. Call me a sap, but I really didn't mind...his earlier sacrifice was one of the best presents I could ever receive.  I had a great birthday.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Chari
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How sweet, Jenn!
Happy belated blessings for your birthday!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Diane
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Just have to share what I awoke to this morning---two beautifully decorated cakes on the kitchen table.  Tonight my 13yo dd is having a birthday slumber party with 12 of her closest friends (wow, are they loud!  ), and my sweet dh stayed up late last night to bake the cakes and then got up early to frost them. What a guy---how did he know I would still be hanging streamers when the guests arrived, even without having to make the cakes---I guess it's knowledge that comes from 16+ yrs of marriage to me.
He also let me sleep with the sick 5yo while he wrestled all night between the squirmy 2 and 3yos.
I could never quite relate to the popular feminist complaints, because I always felt that my poor dh was the one cheated out of getting to stay home all day with us. He misses out on so many of the precious kid moments, and I know it's a huge sacrifice for him and a tremendous gift to me.
It's refreshing and encouraging to read so many positive words written about your husbands. Thanks, Jenn, for starting this thread. Chari, I look forward to joining your group.
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Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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JennGM
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Diane wrote:
| Just have to share what I awoke to this morning---two beautifully decorated cakes on the kitchen table. |
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Wow! What a wonderful dh!!!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: In Praise of Husbands
