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Becky J
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 10:20am | IP Logged
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Is there anyone on this forum who was raised Catholic in the '60's and '70's and has consistently practiced the faith ever since? If so, what do you think was done right in your upbringing to facilitate this happy outcome?
I am a convert to Catholicism, so I don't have first-hand experience of growing up in the Church in the wake of Vatican II. But my husband does have that experience, and he is one of the only members of his large family who is still a practicing Catholic. There are a total of 20 first cousins in his family born from 1950-1970. Only the very oldest and the very youngest -- my husband -- are still serious, practicing Catholics. The rest are either lax in their practice of the faith, are now Protestant, or have rejected religion altogether.
My husband and I often ponder "what went wrong" and why so many of his siblings and cousins have abandoned the Church.
In discussing this subject the other day, we realized it might be more instructive to think about "what went right" with the few Catholics raised in the '60's and '70's who did stay Catholic. My husband posed the question this way: "If it was so hard to survive that era with one's faith intact, how did anyone do it?"
If you are from a family where the faith did survive in full force, I would love to hear what you think went right in your situation.
Thanks!
Becky J
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kingvozzo
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Looking forward to this discussion! I've often wondered about this myself. Those were turbulent times, both in the Church and in the secular world. I can't wait to hear other's thoughts!
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Noreen
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Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Anne McD
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I only have a moment, but I can tell you our story :) I'm the youngest of 7, the oldest was born in '59, and I was born in '76. We're all still Catholic, though there is some concern with the three above me. Growing up, there was no question about some things. We said the rosary as a family almost every night after dinner, we went to Mass every Sunday and we dressed up for it, which was strange in our area. I remember my friend's mother asking my mom how she gets me to dress up for Mass. My mom just looked at her and said, "what do you mean, "get" her to dress up? I tell her to and she does!" My parents lived their faith, but my Father did so quietly. That's just who he was. He rarely if ever spoke of religious things, but I'll never forget his example. For instance, Easter was always standing room only, and we didn't get a seat one year, so we stood along the wall aisle. My dad stood the entire time, but took a knee at the Consecration. The three older that I mentioned-- they all went to Jesuit colleges, so there is some qestion about what they learned and its not easy to talk to them about the faith. However, I've noticed that they hate the wishy-washy homilies we hear at my parent's parish when we're all at home. I don't want to accuse them of anything-- I just dont' know where they stand on some things. Two of them recently married Cathoics and in the Church. Two married non-catholics, one of whom came into the Church a few years back, the other is raising her children Catholic. All of us have been married in the Church. As for me, I went to Christendom, and that really solidified my faith.
I think what helped was this: Catholic is what we are, not what we do. My parents knew and were strong in their faith, so they could say, "we don't do that because we're Catholic." When my brothers were young, they went to Catholic school (when it was still good), and they'd come home for lunch, and my mom would go over the catechism with them. We had extended relatives leaving the Church, divorcing and remarrying, etc. I remember my mom telling me that she and my dad did use contraception at first, because that what everyone did, but when Humane Vitae came out and the news came over the radio, that sat down in the kitchen and made a decision to be obedient to the Church. Maybe that's what it comes down to-- obedience?
It seems like the two big things to "keep the faith" boil down to 1.) learn the faith, not the watered down junk that some give, and 2.) live the faith-- daily prayers, family ritual, like all giving up sweets during Lent, making a Jessee tree during Advent, not just "behaving," but living virtuously because Jesus wants us to, going to cofession regularly as a family, making friends with the saints, talking about and to God throughout the day with the kids-- just "Be" Catholic.
Wow, the baby nursed longer than I thought.  One thing that did happen that I didn't like was the "accept it because I told you so without question" mentality. Being able to explain the "why" behind so much is so helpful. I think the Theology of the Body will be so helpful to so many of us in teaching our children about marital love, so that its not just "wait until you're married or your mother will have a heart attack."
gotta run -- looking forward to more responses!
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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Cay Gibson
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I was born in '66, my dh in '65.
I remember CCD of the 70's.
We have remained practicing Catholics through...not w/out our doubts and ??? and teenage attitudes, etc.  ...
What was "done right in your upbringing to facilitate this happy outcome?"
The only answer I can give is that we both had parents (though not perfect) who remained faithful to the Church, brought us to Sunday Mass throughout, held us accountable for our actions, and included the Catholic faith within the home (though not perfectly so).
My dh and I both have brothers who all left the church at one point. Two of come back to the church and two are still away, so my example is not a full proof theory.
I think our free will and the workings of the Holy Spirit play a large part in this as well as...something I have insisted upon very often...the prayers of the grandparents and parents.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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guitarnan
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I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. I am still a faithful, practicing Catholic, but my brother is not. We were raised by the same parents and went to the same Catholic grade school, and to separate Catholic high schools.
For me, music ministry kept me involved in the Church during those critical fall-away years - when my college friends were skipping Mass, I was there three times each weekend.
Religious instruction did not help much - I tell people I grew up in the "Make a bookmark for Jesus" era. Well-meaning teachers just didn't know how to connect and teach the real Faith, with one notable exception (he now is President of a Catholic college, and I still have my study Bible from my 9th grade class with him).
My parents and grandmother made a big impression on me because they lived their faith - my parents in a quiet way (Mass, Catholic schools, etc.) and my grandmother through weekly Rosaries, Catholic Daughters, Altar Society, etc. As I grow older, I think more and more about the events we attended as a family and the times my grandmother took me with her to church events. Participating in parish life helps me feel connected to her and to my childhood.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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stacykay
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I'm on the outside looking in, so to speak, in this discussion (I converted in college, back in '83.) But I can look at my dh and his two brothers (born in '61, '62, and '65,) and their upbringing seems to mirror the others mentioned.
In my in-laws home, faith was who they were, inside and out. Now, my fil was very quiet about his faith (in fact he was just plain quiet!  ), but he did attend Mass every Sunday, and when he passed away 10 years ago, we found a well-worn rosary in his pick-up.
There was no question walking into their home that they were Catholic. Rosaries were said daily, often with all the boys. Faith was discussed, always. Sunday Mass, daily Mass with whomever could go, Holy Days, sacraments were a part of their lives. Books about different aspects of the Church on saints, Fatima, etc. were present. Dh's family all wore/wear scapulars.
All three boys went through the usual teen struggle for independence, and they were very far from perfect!!!  , but they never strayed from the basics of faith, and all are active Catholics.
I do remember my mil telling me how she was horrified when my dh's youngest brother went to her and described what they were doing in CCD. She said she told him he had to go through getting confirmed, but he could quit after that. It sounds like that was a huge deal for my mil to agree to, but also evidence that sitting in a circle and staring at a candle wasn't the religious instruction she'd hoped for her boys.
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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JodieLyn
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I'm an adult convert. And I have had much the same questions as you have. Talking with my dh (the cradle Catholic) wasn't terribly enlightening for me either since other than going to Mass, there wasn't much in his growing up that was significantly different from mine.
I started paying attention.. to things my MIL or FIL would say about their growing up or what they did when my dh was young. Plus some reading.. and these are the things I noticed.
My MIL's mother's generation.. she's 93.. seem to have gotten *faith* and the trappings of it.. praying the Rosary and the various pious practises that were once quite common.
But my MIL's generation.. those that came of age in the mid-late sixties (and probably those on either side of them to various extents as well) grew up as children in these households but other than remembering the practises fondly (or not so fondly).. seem to have lost of good deal of the faith. These were the ones hit by the sexual revolution, the bra burning feminism, plus the changes of Vatican II. They dropped the pious practises that didn't make sense to them because they never really learned the whys of their faith.. but kept those that they liked. AND it seems as if they expected that the CCD classes, the Church ,were imparting the faith to THEIR children (our generation) . But there wasn't as much as of that as you'd want to think.
So that our generation grew up with parents who only followed the rituals that either made sense to them or they were fond of.. and who left much of the teaching of the faith to the Church, who was doing an inadequate job (at that time, in general).
Then, there were still expectations of things like boys being altar servers.. though girls were being tossed in there as well.. and it was just THE THING to do. So you had kids who were out of their element and remember things like going to Mass as being uncomfortable and pointless even. Those that weren't pulled out of their element will remember the same things more fondly. When I met my dh he was only going to Mass when he was with his parents.. except that the longer we knew each other (hence more sure of each other and marriage) he did take me to Mass around Easter and Christmas.. he liked the practise of doing so associated with the holidays.
Skip ahead...I always had this vague idea of attending church as a family.. I liked it when I read it in stories...so I really wanted to share that with my dh. So when we were engaged I did some research... I had to start in the children's section of the library about what being Catholic was and in some part what they taught about other religions. At that point I was comfortable being married in the Catholic Church. But that didn't really change that my dh only went to church on holidays or when with his parents.
But then we had our first child and it became very important to both of us how we were going to do this. We were in the midst of moving so when our oldest was 1 month.. we starte attending Church with some regularity...I focused more on what it would mean to become Catholic and started RCIA. Honestly it was pretty light learning for me at that point because of what I'd already done on my own. But my dh attended with me and it really helped us both to be on the same page. He claimed he learned quite a lot as well and that was the turning point for how we practised being Catholic. It's interesting because people are often surprised to find out that I'm not a cradle Catholic. We've been here for 9 yrs and it's a small town and as recently as yesterday someone was surprised to learn that I wasn't born Catholic. But it was my convertion that was the turning point for us in choosing if we were going to really be Catholic or just float along doing whatever.
But a lot of the practises I have a really hard time with because we don't know them the way those who grew up with them do.. how they are incorporated in the day.
But I started searching out this very thing.. what does keep the kids in the Church at least with only a time of getting lazy..
My conclusions are that you need emotional connections.. family traditions that are beloved.. that bring you back to the faith time and time again. But you ALSO need to know why they're connected to the faith and to really know your faith. And to some extent not only know your faith but know how to defend it.. which is a bit different. And I also think it helps if they aren't afraid to ask the hard questions.. to know to check up on claims by others against the faith. That there are people out there that purposely try and convince others that Catholics are wrong.
So a combination of both education and emotional attachment. And the emotional attachments will be different for different kids. For example dh remembers being an altar server fondly.. his brother does not.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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guitarnan
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Adding on to Jodie's comments, I also have to say that a "what went right" part of my upbringing was continuing education in the Faith. I was confirmed in 7th grade but (thanks to Catholic schools) continued religious education - such as it was - through grade 12. I also attended adult ed classes at our parish with my parents on occasion. Some of these classes were truly excellent - like the one on how the Bible came to be written, given by the dean of our diocesan seminary. Wow.
Another thing I learned from my parents, particularly from my father, was to read Catholic writings - I am less attentive to this now than I would like to be, but I do try. I think it was JennGM who recommended Advent and Christmas Wisdom from G. K. Chesterton, which I've been reading recently, and I have also enjoyed reading Pope Benedict XVI's memoirs. Reading the Holy Father's words is a wonderful and healing antidote to the anti-Catholic media blitz we get at this time of year (okay, all year long) - all those folks who accuse him of complying with Nazism clearly have never read his memoirs!
As parents we are called to be the first educators of our children, the ones who show them by word, example, reading and sharing what our Faith is all about. Even if we spend only five minutes a day learning about and/or reading about our Faith, Church history, apologetics, saints, etc., that time will help us and our children, because we can share our knowledge with them when they are old enough to understand.
My parents always encouraged me to take part in classes at our parish and to read the writings of Catholic theologians, historians and saints. And, when those classes were given, they were right there next to me.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Topic: Growing up Catholic after Vatican II
