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amyable
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 3:37pm | IP Logged
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In the mail today we received my dd's 1st Holy Communion Dress - a gift from my brother and SIL (it was SILs idea to provide the dress and ALL the trimmings). As a little background info, no one in our family has really gotten along with this SIL. I wont go into details for the sake of charity, but let's just say, we TRY to get along and usually meet with a wall of silence.
Then there are times like this - where it seems like everything is just wonderful, and she sends a dress and all the trimmings, and a hankie for dd made from her grandma's hankie and beads from her own wedding dress(!!)
Now here's the dilemna. The dress, while beautiful, has spaghetti straps and a little bolero jacket to go over it. With the jacket on it is modest (and reaches the floor!  ). But my dd is a wiggler and I'm SURE the straps will be visible more often than not. Am I being a prude for thinking spaghetti straps are not appropriate for a first Holy Communion? Yet I did a search and there are many sleveless dresses out there (with thicker straps, usually, but no jacket then).
I think returning the dress without a good reason (like "it was huge on her") would REALLY hurt my SIL, and therefor my brother and his family. I especially can't give the real reason - my SIL made a huge deal of shopping for and buying this dress. I can't say "I think it's totally immodest"  And like I said, it has the jacket that covers the shoulders...  I guess I was just hoping for sleeves. 
Ugh, I don't know what to do. What did your girls wear for 1st Holy Eucharist? What did you see out there? (I'm thinking if everyone is sleeveless at least she won't stick out...)
And I was planning on letting ALL my girls wear this "special dress" one by one... 
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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Amy, can you sew? Can you afford to go to a seamstress that you trust? It wouldn't be too hard to add some tulip or flutter sleeves in a sheer or matching fabric. I agree with your modesty assessment...and if dd thinks the bolero is "optional" you could have a war on your hands. If someone doesn't come up some practical solutions I can ask my mom...she's been amazing over the years making "modest" fixes on her 5 daughters' clothing.
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MacBeth
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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Can you carefull pin the bolero to the straps?
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 4:56pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| Am I being a prude for thinking spaghetti straps are not appropriate for a first Holy Communion? |
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NO!
The trend for wedding dresses right now is no sleeves or spag. straps. While this raises a different issue entirely, I think some fashions for grown women trickle down to young girls.
I agree with sewing some sort of sleeve on-even if its angel wings made of lace. Could you widen the strap and then do angel wings? Pinning is a great idea--and you firmly tell you daughter right from the start that the jacket never comes off, even at the reception.
In the end, if it really bugs you and you think it might ruin your day, send the dress back and tell her it just didn't "lay right" in the chest area-which is true if you think the jacket was going to fall open.
You could already have a dress ready to go and tell your SIL that you just didn't want her to waste her money, but you've found a dress that worked. SIL will get over it if its done charitably and it might be a strong message to your daughter.
Even with the angel wings, you have armpits potentially open.
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Mary G
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 5:30pm | IP Logged
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You could also sew some pretty eyelet trim (the band kind with a finishing on both sides) to make a broader strap that will match the dress -- or use wide grosgrain ribbon.
I know when dd (now 14) made her 1st Communion I hmade her dress iwth cute capped sleeves and a long full skirt - MOST of the other girls were in fairly immodest dresses which surprised even my dd!
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 6:53pm | IP Logged
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I think pinning the jacket might be worth a try, or even stitching the jacket to the dress, if possible.
You're within your rights to insist that your daughter's dress meet your - and the Church's - standards of modesty. There's no reason to have young girls grow up before their time. We searched long and hard last year for an appropriate dress, and my daughter was just beautiful in her floor-length, short-sleeved dress. She was very comfortable, too...this is key! You don't want her to fuss about feeling itchy at the worst possible moment.
BTW, you are NOT a prude. You are an intelligent mom, wanting the best for your precious child. More and more moms are insisting on modest clothing for their girls. You shouldn't compromise, nor feel guilty.
If we don't all stick up for our girls, who will?
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MichelleW
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
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My daughter's FHC dress is sleeveless though does have fabric from the shoulder to the neck (don't know the techinical term for this, she is completely covered she just doesn't have any sleeves). Anyway, last week I started worrying that she might get cold so I bought her a very pretty white shrug to cover her shoulders. I found it at Target near their Easter dresses. It is cotton knit, long sleeved, with a hook/eye-type fastener that actually seems pretty sturdy. The bodice of the dress is so pretty I didn't want to cover it up. This was perfect. I saw they also have crocheted-looking ones that tie in the front, but I wanted something more elegant and more likely to stayed closed. 
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Jerin's Zoo
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 7:43pm | IP Logged
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My daughter is a wiggler, too. I think I'd probably opt with sewing/pinning the jacket to the dress, if possible. No hurt feelings, modesty stays intact.
My child receiving FHC this year is a boy. They're so much easier. Suit, tie, done. (Though the pants had to be severely altered because my son is so skinny.)
Next year, it will be my daughter's turn. My mother-in-law has already asked to make her dress. Thankfully, her tastes are pretty classic and conservative. If it were my brother's wife, we might have similar issues, as she and I have completely different ideas on modesty.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Communion dress dilemna
