4Real Forums: Can we talk about Purity Rings?

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Topic: Can we talk about Purity Rings?

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folklaur
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Posted: Feb 23 2010 at 1:11pm \| IP Logged

i have noticed a growing trend with giving teen girls a "purity" ring.

i have been trying to think about this, and figure out how i feel about it.

at first it just seems like a nice, sweet thing to do. but the more i think about it, the more i am just not sure.

some pros would seem to be:

~a physical reminder to stay true to oneself
~it makes them feel special
~it's a reminder of the importance of your choices
~gives a goal to aim for?

some possible cons:

~when these rings are given by parents, they seem more to be about expectations- not something a teen is deciding for themselves.

~doesn't it sort of announce someone's (non-)s3xuality?
could this be a temptation (to other) in itself? could it lead to prideful thinking? shouldn't this be a private thing?

~"purity" as used in this sense, is a one time deal. you can't get it back, not really. if a teen makes a bad decision, what happens to that ring? is it a constant reminder of what she didn't achieve? does she take it off, thus announcing to everyone what she did? does she leave it on, which is kind of causing her to lie if she no longer feels worthy of wearing it?

~what happens to a girl whose "purity" is taken by force?
(while i know that purity has A LOT more to do with it than s3x & virginity, for teens (and many others) it gets boiled down to those basics, kwim? i could easily see a girl who was abused feeling further victimized by this kind of thinking...)

~i have to admit, that the fact that they are showing up everywhere seems like a marketing ploy to me. and i think potentially messing with young girls heads as a marketing ploy is especially horrible (would this cause a feeling by some girls to feel "less than", "not worthy" etc? if they have "made a mistake" are they already "damaged goods" and so why bother trying - their "purity" is already lost....)

i know some girls ask for them (and even at that my thoughts go two ways - first being that if it is a physical reminder for them, then that is good, but if it is almost a status symbol, and "all their friends have one" - then isn't that not so good....?)

so - as these thoughts swirl around my head - i figured i would ask you ladies:
what your thoughts are on purity rings?

ekbell
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Posted: Feb 23 2010 at 4:36pm \| IP Logged

My first thought is that I'd prefer to give my girls (and boys-purity is important to boys as well) an appropriate Saint Medal or something similar to remind them not only of the importance of chastity but the fact that they are never alone- they can always ask for help and prayers. A medal can be a true reminder and still discreet.

[Patron Saints of chastity St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Agnes]

My second thought is that I prefer to talk about purity in the context of chastity.

Other thoughts

I like the declarations at the back of the book The Joyful Mysteries of Life because they include prayers asking for help in keeping the commitments as well as the courage to return to the commitments if the girl or boy should ever break them.

folklaur
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Posted: Feb 23 2010 at 4:40pm \| IP Logged

ekbell wrote:

A medal can be a true reminder and still discreet.

yes, i like this.

MaryM
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Posted: Feb 23 2010 at 5:10pm \| IP Logged

I like it more to be a choice of the teen. I've only faced it with sons so far and one chose to wear one, one did not. It wasn't something we (parents) presented to them as an idea that came from other sources - Pure by Choice Rally and mentors at their high school. This will be something to think about as I have a young teen daughter now - so facing it with a girl this time. I would be of the opinion in general that it be a choice coming form the individual.

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Mary M. in Denver

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Marcia
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Posted: Feb 23 2010 at 5:29pm \| IP Logged

When my daughter turned 10 we had a purity ring given to her by her godmother at her baptism sized to fit her. This coincided with a weekend in which she and I did the Passport to Purity retreat away from home just the two of us. It was wonderful to spend that time together. we also have continued to have discussions using the Joyful Mysteries of Life book since then. (it wasn't a one time talk!) And I plan to use it again with my other daughters.

The fact that we went away from home was paramount for her. Just the two of us. We ended up staying at a friends house about 20 minutes away from our home who was out of town...it was just perfect. I had hoped to go to a retreat center, but attending mass and adoration down the street was enough...and then a fancy dinner out with dad when we presented the ring.

We also gave her a St. Philomena purity cord that she continues to wear around her waist. This is a secret little thing, but I know she values it as she always has it on!

st. philomena purity cord click on the devotions.

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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.

I wonder why

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