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Anne McD
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Has anyone really made a rule and stuck with it? Will you share how it affected your life? I keep thinking that I'm afraid to lose my spontenaety, but its tough to be spontaneous when you can't find things or the time to do them!  I suppose the best thing would be to jump in with both feet for a month and see how it goes, but I'd love to hear how other women have lived this!
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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stefoodie
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Not a lot of time left to post. I have a rule but don't follow it to the letter. My most peaceful days, though, are the ones when I'm able to keep to it as close as possible. Being consistent about it is always a goal, but I'm not perfect either :)
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stef
mom to five
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Paula in MN
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I just received the book and haven't even cracked it open yet!
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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CrunchyMom
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I don't believe that even Holly Pierlot sticks with a rule and never has to revisit and recommit. That seems to be human nature, thus we are given the beautiful sacrament of confession! Yesterday, when speaking of New Year's resolutions, our pastor said that if you decide to make them, just keep in mind that for each one, it will mean 50 "nos" a day. He reminded us that there is no such thing as one big no (I'll never do x again) and temptation will never leave us completely.
MROL changed my life, but it is years in changing with some times better than the present one. It mostly changed my attitude about what I do and helped me recognize the sins and temptations that affect me as a mother, wife, and homemaker.
For me, my husband and I plan to sit down and work out our rule together for the new year. I asked my husband to do this because, as much as he claims he's loved "the rule" when we've done it, I think he needs to "own" his parts of it for it to work. I'm terribly weak, and if I'm the only person trying to implement *my* rule, it doesn't seem to work.
Also, one concept I took from a talk by Michelle Quigley which I have seen echoed in many posts on this board, is "pegs." I find pegs work better for more spontaneity than does a more rigid schedule. It is more about creating rhythms and connecting new habits to established ones.
You might start with a little rule. For instance, I find that if I stick to my morning rule from the time I get up through breakfast, my days go so much more smoothly. With some of the essentials that can be checked off quickly to make a good start to the day, it allows for more flexibility in doing the rest. So, decide on a rule that fits into a certain segment of the day that will provide an anchor for everything else. Stick to that until it becomes rote, then you can add in other segments. I think that just this alone is "big" enough to make a significant change, but it isn't not quite so overwhelming and prone to failure as jumping in with both feet in scheduling your entire day might be.
I also find a checklist works for me, again, rather than a schedule. I can make my schedule a bit more general, say, "during first morning nursing session" or "during afternoon nap" but just check off things.
I had worked out our rule involving daily checklists and lost a good bit of it during a computer death. I love organizing a rule but not so much implementing it, so, I discovered this site (Motivated Moms) on Ann Voskamp's blog, and my husband and I both like the ease of having someone else figure out daily chores that reasonably echo our own. It was worth $8 and its not being perfect to save me from the temptation to spend hours and hours and hours reworking our household chores. It doesn't stand alone, but it is a good "spine" to start with without starting from scratch as Holly does in her book.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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I haven't used a "rule" I have a really hard time with any "rule". But I do have to say that reading this book really changed some of the ways I think about schedules or scheduling.
I really like what she said about a schedule not being any more restrictive than chaos.
And I absolutely LOVE the big blocks of time in the example of the Sisters of Mercy rule. It wasn't a list of each item that needed to be done and at what time. But rather a category of work that needed to be done in a larger time block.
Oh and I have NEVER read the chapters about her particular rule. I didn't want another book that was trying to tell me to do things someone else's way. So I skipped that.. but read the why to chapters and found it very helpful.
My current book is "ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life". I knew I had some tendencies that way but I started reading and  the strategies that work best for me are the ones they're talking about. My hope is that I can learn more strategies and perhaps why these work for me so that I can apply them more precisely. And in my head it's already combining with some of the things in MROL.
So I think one of my suggestions is not just to figure out a schedule and plow through it.. but to find the types of strategies that work for you and then incorporate those. Be nice to yourself by using things that will be most likely to work and easier.. than at least you're not fighting both the schedule and the methods.
So look around.. what things do you manage to get done? what things are organized? and build from success.. not just in response to failure. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Anne McD
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I'll have to look into that book, Jodie! There is no doubt in my mind that I'm ADD, and I need some strategies for, um, finishing what I start
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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Pamin OZ
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I can't say having a rule has changed my life because I don't think I can say I have a rule. But I can say this book has changed my life.
I've been thinking about it all over again because I'm reading the Simplicity Parenting book and I've been thinking what it means to have a simple life for myself.
And, of course, it comes back to trusting God and obeying Him. Daily and step-by-step. I find what Holly has to say challenges me and helps me think this through. To do the next thing that I know I should do and to do it with great love. That's what I know I need to do and what I need to keep holding myself to doing.
I use the principle of the 5 PS ALL the time to sort things out in my head, to file things, to pray for things etc etc etc
I don't have a set schedule where things happen at a certain time but I do have a rhythm to the day- although there are certain aspects of the day that I find harder to make happen- such as doing housework with small children.
HTH
Pam
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Pam in Sydney
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/paminoz/
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drmommy
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This book was absolutely instrumental in getting me to follow something with clarity. For me, it is a little intensive, and because I work a little outside the home, and my husband works 80 hours per week, some of the rules or shall I say, suggestions can't and don't work for us! But, I do have my goals and plan of life (Ignatian) in my binder to review every weekend, and my schedule for me and my children. But, instead of every half hour increments, it is now blocks of time, which has added a dose of realness to the schedule. By picking and choosing what works for me, and embracing the basic tenets of it, the MROL has done wonders for me in establishing a better sense of peace and order than what I had before reading it.
But, I have to admit, I am sure it is not for everyone, as we are all born with our own personalities and have our own personal teaching styles. My dear friend just "wings" everything, which drives ME nuts, but it totally works for her...which is why we love each other so much...we pick out good qualities of each other and try to incorporate that into ourselves, and therefore we both admit we have become more "rounded" in our approach to life and homeschooling! So, it is a wonderful book to help and remind us of what is important.
I am interested to see what others have to say.
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hylabrook1
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One aspect of even thinking about a Rule for myself is making a list of what I need to do over the course of the week. With the household chores, I also thought about how often and about ways to cluster them so attacking them is a bit easier. The list of what happens outside the home each day (never the same from one day to the next) helps me see how much time I have for household jobs each day. Just looking at this was a big eye-opener. For instance, now I do laundry on only 2 days of the week, unless there is some actual reason to do more (like an emergency sheet change), because those are the days we're all at home. That saves us from re-washing smelly things that we didn't have time to run through the dryer, or forgot about in the chaos of life. We do a bit of cleaning every weekday, so it doesn't require lots of time each day. Like others have mentioned, we look at blocks of time planned around pegs, rather than particular time slots. The really big trick for me is not to overdo what can fit into each block; I need to allow plenty of time for distractions, interruptions, and spontaneity. The most important fruit of my loose "rule" is that I see that life can work out! Otherwise my thoughts would be churning all day long and I'd get wound too tight, not a good thing for anyone, ever. Of course this doesn't work perfectly, but it does help.
Peace,
Nancy
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Mackfam
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I have some thoughts, Anne. I have Holly's book, A Mother's Rule of Life and have had sort of a love/hate/love relationship with it over the years. After reading it once every year though, I've come to terms with some of my issues and find the book very, very helpful to me.
Anne McD wrote:
| Has anyone really made a rule and stuck with it? |
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Yes. I have made a rule, and yes, I do stick with it to some degree. But...I revisit Holly's book once a year and I revisit my *rule* as well, making changes and adjustments to fit our circumstances, needs, and the areas through prayer I feel the Holy Spirit prompting growth.
Anne McD wrote:
| Will you share how it affected your life? I keep thinking that I'm afraid to lose my spontenaety, but its tough to be spontaneous when you can't find things or the time to do them! |
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It did add a sense of order to our days. It's important to say that order doesn't necessarily equal structure!! I was/am a fairly ordered person by nature, in fact I almost self-destruct in dis-order, but I still found Holly's book very helpful! Over the years it was important for me to recognize that I didn't have to or need to emulate *her rule* but that I could apply the same principles she used and come up with a very good rule that added order and allowed for flexibility at the same time. The hang-up you mention, the loss of spontaneity, was one of my concerns as well.
Here's the reader's digest version: My rule does not move with specific items pegged to specific times, but rather blocks of time that contain certain activities that are pegged to meals and prayers of the day. Moving in blocks of time allows me to keep a sense of order about the day, to know what should generally be going on when, and allows for the flexibility I need during that block. A block of time allows for a crisis or a dirty diaper. If I get off track somewhere, I don't try to back up and accomplish those things I missed (although, I might review...if I missed something big...like lunch...I definitely keep that one ), I just pick up wherever I am in the day and start trying to be faithful right there, in the present moment. That's a biggie for me in living our rule!
Specifically, using the principles Holly outlines and creating a *rule* for our domestic church has been extremely helpful:
** It prompts/forces me to observe carefully my own habits and how they can be improved. For example, with my latest review of my own rule (this past Advent) I determined (mostly through reflecting in prayer) that I was not exercising enough self-discipline in my own morning routine. So, I resolved that my own routine was good, but that I needed to work on being faithful in this one area. There were other areas I was failing at as well, but one thing at a time. So, I'm really working at being very faithful in the little things in the morning part of our rule.
** It provides a sense of routine for the children. This has been like a rudder for our days. They learn that they should be dressed before they come downstairs, we have breakfast and then they know what morning chores are expected of them. They know we do our Morning Basket first, and they know how things move from there.
** A rule works well when the day is first anticipated as much as possible. I know what we're likely to encounter on Monday is different from Tuesday, so the rule reflects this. If my days have a lot more unknown, then my blocks get bigger to accommodate this, but I still have a sense of order to the day or I begin to miss big things.
** I mentioned it earlier, but it's worth mentioning again - order does not equal structure. In my mind, order means I'm living in harmony with God's plan for our family. It doesn't necessarily mean that I have structured every minute of our day. It DOES mean that I take to prayer our needs and our days, that I bring these thoughts to my husband, that I reflect and find a place for those areas that are rich and reflect the true, good and beautiful in our days and within our rule. Those same priorities won't be the same for everyone, and that's ok.
In case it helps further, I shared a little about my rule here - Organization of the Day: A Mother's Rule of LOVE seeking HARMONY. Think of it as a rule with wide margins!
Anne McD wrote:
| I suppose the best thing would be to jump in with both feet for a month and see how it goes |
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Yes! Read Holly's book. Allow it to inspire you. Read it with an eye towards your unique family circumstances and needs. Take a look at some of the different variations here within different families. See what you come up with. Don't take an inordinate amount of time trying to make your rule look pretty right now...just get down some basics and live it for a bit. Then reflect in prayer on the day...
** Are you being faithful to the daily duties of your vocation with this rule?
** Can you rewrite any parts of it to assist you?
** Is the day moving with a sense of order?
** Have you attempted to structure something that really just needs a place to live during the day? An example might be read aloud time. You don't have to plan down to the minute what you'll be reading...or for how long...or if you want time to do a project...it just needs a place in the day - so you list read aloud time. Does that make sense?
** Are you trying to do way too much in your rule/day? This was my problem for the first SEVERAL rules I came up with...in fact, I was tempted to chunk the whole thing and proclaim the book a fraud until a big dose of humility allowed me to see that it was my own fault not Holly's that I was struggling. This was huge for me - HUGE.
** Can you use a non-negotiable part of your day, as Lindsay suggested, to peg other parts of the day to? I do this and have found the recommendation of using pegs for the day to be very wise and helpful!
...and then bring some of your thoughts to your husband. No one knows my strengths and weaknesses like my husband and he's a great sounding board for brainstorming. Work on fixing one area at a time with his help and direction. Live it out and then work some more.
A family's dynamics change throughout the years as children grow, more are added to the mix, then they're grown and leave the home, so though it makes sense that our rule would find a basic rhythm that starts to be consistent through the years (at least I am finding that to be so), some altering and accommodating can happen as we reflect on our rules with an eye towards the needs of our family right now.
I hope I've made this general enough to be helpful, but specific enough to give you some ideas that you can work with and change to fit your own family, Anne!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Sarah M
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Mackfam wrote:
My rule does not move with specific items pegged to specific times, but rather blocks of time that contain certain activities that are pegged to meals and prayers of the day. Moving in blocks of time allows me to keep a sense of order about the day, to know what should generally be going on when, and allows for the flexibility I need during that block. A block of time allows for a crisis or a dirty diaper. If I get off track somewhere, I don't try to back up and accomplish those things I missed (although, I might review...if I missed something big...like lunch...I definitely keep that one ), I just pick up wherever I am in the day and start trying to be faithful right there, in the present moment. That's a biggie for me in living our rule!
In case it helps further, I shared a little about my rule here - Organization of the Day: A Mother's Rule of LOVE seeking HARMONY. Think of it as a rule with wide margins!
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Excellent advice from Jennifer. And the post she links is wonderful.
I read Holly's book last January, and coupling my new (very strict, very detailed) "rule" with a pure Charlotte Mason schedule was a disaster. It sucked the joy right out of our family life. I had to re-evaluate why it wasn't working for us.
What I've found is that it works much better for us to consider the day in large chunks of time (like Jennifer explains in her post, linked above) and then allowing lots of flexibility within those chunks. For me it seems the wider the margins in my day, the better. It's a rule, probably, but I consider it more of a flow that unfolds naturally as the day progresses.
I do think Holly's book is helpful, but I would just caution you not to get too wrapped up with her details-- you need to hash out your own way of approaching a "rule" for yourself- and I'm sure that's what she intended for mothers to do as they read the book, anyway.
I'll pray for you as you discern your family's rule. This is one of those things that is so different and personal from person to person. Hugs!
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pmeilaen
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Just to throw in another book that addresses planning for homeschooling mothers. There's a book by Marilyn Rockett called Homeschooling at the Speed of Life. Karen Andreola wrote a review here. It addresses the necessity of order, but not perfection. Cathy Duffy also wrote a review about it here.
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Eva
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Sarah M
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pmeilaen wrote:
| Just to throw in another book that addresses planning for homeschooling mothers. There's a book by Marilyn Rockett called Homeschooling at the Speed of Life. Karen Andreola wrote a review here. It addresses the necessity of order, but not perfection. Cathy Duffy also wrote a review about it here. |
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A good one! I read it and enjoyed it.
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Topic: MROL revisited
