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SeaStar
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with other homeschoolers? Do you compare yourself (even subconsciously) as to who is thriftier, greener, craftier, etc?
I am ashamed to relate that I participated in this little scenario last week:
(Please keep in mind we'd had rain here for a week, and then I finally got out with the kids for our homeschool park day.I brought along an old bag of bread to feed the ducks.)
Of course, all the kids wanted to feed the ducks, which was fine, but as I was standing there doling out slices, a dad approached me and said (eying my bread bag), " You know, we actually have a bread maker and crank out two loaves a day. We haven't bought bread in years".
OK- who cares- but I was prepared for this. I immediately came back with:
"Yes, my dd has food allergies, so for years we made all our own bread," I say calmly. (Of course, she can no longer eat bread now, but that is beside the point).
He rallied," Unless it's something like hamburger buns, we never buy it."
I came back with, "Oh, but buns are so easy! You just use the dough cycle and then bake them. They're so good! Once we started making our own we couldn't believe we ate the crummy store bought ones for so many years."
The dad looked crushed. He said, "Oh. Maybe we should try that."
Then he looked pointedly at my bread bag.
I panicked. "But this was from my mom! I swear. She brought it over!"
I tried to defend myself, but it was too late. Whatever I said next did not not matter. I no longer had any credibility. I was caught red-handed with a bag of store bought bread.
Oh, my goodness. I was smug over buns!! Why??? Why do we do this? I really don't care if this guy (who is actually a good friend) makes fifteen loaves of banana bread a day.
This type of competition does no one any good, as Elizabeth wisely noted in a recent blog post. Obviously I have an area of great need to work on....
Is it just human nature?
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Maddie
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| Posted: Nov 18 2009 at 9:46pm | IP Logged
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Sorry, I don't mean to laugh but I have had these same issues with fellow h/s. You described it perfectly!
You are such a great mom to take your kids out to feed the ducks! Good heavens, who would feed homemade bread to the ducks anyway?
I don't get it, when I first started h/s, I thought we were "all in this together", boy, was I in for a shock. 
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~Maddie~
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JodieLyn
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it is easy to get caught up in though. One way I find counters it is to keep giving them attention over it.. oh really.. that's great.. do you use a bread machine? do you use a mixer that kneads? do you use honey? what type of flour do you use? have you ever used any of those alternative grains? 
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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folklaur
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and this is why i sound like this:
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MaryM
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SeaStar wrote:
with other homeschoolers? Do you compare yourself (even subconsciously) as to who is thriftier, greener, craftier, etc?
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Yes, sometimes I do...mostly to online homeschoolers though... 
Probably because it's easier to see only one side of the picture there. In real life, I'm more inclined to see a bigger picture, so if someone is more ----, she is often less ---. I don't find it as perfect. We all have our strengths and challenges.
Laura, I have always thought that comic strip was extremely funny . Thanks for taking the time to link it. It's a perfect fit for the thread.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Paula in MN
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I know I compare. I comparison shop, so why wouldn't I comparison homeschool? In my case, I know that too much comparing will bring on burnout. When that starts to happen, I turn off the computer for a few days!
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 Paula
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SeaStar
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Paula in MN wrote:
| I know I compare. I comparison shop, so why wouldn't I comparison homeschool? In my case, I know that too much comparing will bring on burnout. When that starts to happen, I turn off the computer for a few days! |
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I love that phrase... "comparison homeschool"
I think that is a healthy way to look at it. I mean, I look at tons of things on line and probably buy less than 1%, and I don't feel discouraged or inadequate about that (I actually feel like I've been a pretty good girl ).
So I don't need to fret about what other people are doing, either.
I think there is a natural curiosity to know how other people do things. I learn a ton and great ideas from reading blogs. But I can't "buy" all these ideas and take them home.
Laura- thanks for the cartoon. It's perfect! 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Mackfam
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I had a great laugh about the duck feeding experience, Melinda.
I'll be the dissenter. I don't compare. I do observe. I love observing - I learn so much from others! I love that quote from John Paul II, "Families, become who you are." ...not who others are...who we are. It hit home with me. Comparing takes me away from God's will for our family, but observing allows me to be open to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It leaves room for growth. It allows me to appreciate what others can do, gifts they have, and be truly grateful for them, and learn from them.
Now, in real life, I love the other homeschoolers around me. I have learned and benefited so much from seeing and observing other moms...not necessarily an excursion duck feeding , but in observing the gentleness and kindness with which other mothers approached their children, or how they lived their vocation. Sometimes, an experience would leave me feeling inadequate and uncomfortable, but I can see how God in His wisdom used those moments to jar me from my own complacency and allowed that feeling of discomfort to motivate change. Learning to observe rather than comparing taught me openness, so that I didn't have to feel uncomfortable, but rather knew that someone was teaching me and to be open.
Anyway, I think I probably used to compare, but I don't anymore and I find I am able to be so joyful and grateful about the expression of my own vocation as well as others' if I just keep John Paul II's wisdom in my heart. 
Now, if we're talking comparison shopping...I won't even tell you how ocd I can be!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Maddie
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Mackfam wrote:
I'll be the dissenter. I don't compare. I do observe. I love observing - I learn so much from others! I love that quote from John Paul II, "Families, become who you are." ...not who others are...who we are. It hit home with me. Comparing takes me away from God's will for our family, but observing allows me to be open to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It leaves room for growth. It allows me to appreciate what others can do, gifts they have, and be truly grateful for them, and learn from them.
Now, in real life, I love the other homeschoolers around me. I have learned and benefited so much from seeing and observing other moms...not necessarily an excursion duck feeding , but in observing the gentleness and kindness with which other mothers approached their children, or how they lived their vocation. Sometimes, an experience would leave me feeling inadequate and uncomfortable, but I can see how God in His wisdom used those moments to jar me from my own complacency and allowed that feeling of discomfort to motivate change. Learning to observe rather than comparing taught me openness, so that I didn't have to feel uncomfortable, but rather knew that someone was teaching me and to be open.
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Wise words, Jennifer. Thank you so much for sharing that.
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~Maddie~
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Nov 19 2009 at 5:58pm | IP Logged
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Yes, wise words indeed. Thanks, Jen!
Thinking back to the bread conversation... what nerds we were!
Hmm... but I'm afraid that really is who we are... yikes... 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Sarah M
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Laura,
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Angie Mc
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Melinda, I'm sorry but I crack up laughing upon reading your story  . Thanks for sharing.
At this point in my life, I'm sooooooo not into comparing or competing or expecting anything from anyone. My goodness...I don't want to burden anyone OR be burdened by what turns out to be mostly silliness. I usually just chalk up my current sighs and apathy to getting older . But really, I hope I'm making active choices to stay away from people and/or situations that are a near occasion of sin for me - where I'll be tempted to be proud, ambitious, influential, smart alec-y . I'm much more inclined now to bow out, smile and nod, avoid, walk away from competition and expectations. All of this is hard-learned, still learning, and I still fail - less often, though  ! It pains me to think that in my past, from my passion and happiness, I'm sure that I went over the top and was insensitive to others more often than not. I hate to think that in my eagerness, I hurt others  . God, please forgive me!
Laura, !
Love,
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Angie Mc
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SeaStar
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I'm glad my folly can bring a few smiles. As much as I try to improve myself, I am amazed how often something like a loaf of bread can bring me up short. I'm telling you- God was the first comedian .
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Nina Murphy
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Just my opinion, but I don't think it's a homeschooler thing, but a *mother* thing. We want to do right by our children, do our duty, and please God as a deep intuition. Like any good thing, it can get twisted or turned.
I think all we women have to fight it! Maybe even some men I know!
But seriously, I think it is particular to the call to mother and raise up/train and what is entrusted to us.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Do you compete...
