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aussieannie
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Because I feel I need inspirational stories, advice, ideas, everything...just not coping too well at present and would love some helpful thoughts and ideas.
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JodieLyn
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so I guess saying.. you do it like this...
isn't terribly helpful? 
OK how about this.. sometimes I find this song very encouraging.
Little Houses Video
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Martha
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Well we used to live in a teeny house until 2 years ago.
The general rule of thumb was:
have very little
what you do have must always be practical and have a dual if not triple use.
Reduce!
Use every nook and cranny to its fullest potential
lots of time outside
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MarilynW
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Dear Anne - I have been pondering the same thing a lot. I have lots of practical things to share - but need to go to bed now as we have a VERY early soccer game and I have promised the boys hot chai and cinnamon buns for breakfast before we leave. So I will revisit tomorrow afternoon.
Just to say though - we find it is a great witness to people - so many people in our area think that you cannot have a big family unless you have a big house.
Small is also relative - my dh will always remind me that by UK standards and by most of the third world standards we have a big house.
I guess my main desire for bigger house is because we spend so much time at home - and also for being hospitable and having people over.
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MarilynW
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One question I have is how do you create a personal space for each child for their special belongings?? eg my daughter has her own room and has space for all her books and collection and toys. But the four boys are all in one room - and have no way to keep their special things - I am brainstorming this right now. I feel bad that they have to keep things in plastic boxes that are not easily accessible to them. I am thinking about new baby girl - she is going to have to share with older dd when older -and I will have to create space for her things
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MarilynW
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One more quote before I go to bed - I have it on my nightstand - here is the paraphrase of what Mother Teresa said "whether you are living in a palace or a hovel, you are where God wants you to be"
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aussieannie
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Thank you Marilyn for that quote, it's making my eyes pinprick!
That was a lovely song, Jodie, thankyou.
I think that's what I'm facing Martha, a hugh downsizing of stuff and better storage for important, essential things...
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violingirl
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I can't speak for my own family since we only have 2 so far, but I'm the oldest of nine- 5 boys, 4 girls, and only 7 1/2 years between me and the youngest. We moved around a lot for my dad's job and we were in a LOT of 3 bedroom rentals. My mom made sure we all had our own bulletin board to hang our own special papers and pictures, and we used the bedroom closets for special items. One of the first things we always did upon moving in was to put shelves in the closets, each person getting one shelf (or more depending on the closet!) Hanging clothes went into the master bedroom closet so the other bedroom closets could be used that way.
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Anne - I hope to come back late tonight to write about my "small home management plan" but here is some inspiration for you this blog posthas some poems etc at the end - my very favorite one is the Singing House - I think you will like it.
Also if you check out the organization and home management threads on my blog I do have some ideas there.
Gotta run
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MarilynW
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Jodie - that song is lovely
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*Lindsey*
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What at timely post! We are in a tiny house and it is so draining at times. Looking forward to reading more!
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Mimip
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The title of this thread brought tears to my eyes because I have the same frustrations.
I was just speaking to a mom of 7 and we were trying to brainstorm about our children having their own special space to store things. I feel like crying when I think of the lack of personal space that my children have. I know that we'll never be able to give them their own rooms (and that is not even a goal) but just some space to be alone awhile or store those precious things. We only have one closet between all 4 children (one room does not have a closet) and the bookshelf that we put in the girls room has become a hazard since my 22 month old has learned to climb.
I can so relate to Marilyn's point about being home so much and wanting to entertain. We take advantage of our huge yard in the winter months (remember we are in S. Florida) and entertain as much as possible but it would be so nice to have families over for some quality time. And we are home soooooo much that it would be great to have some space to just sit and read quietly for my kids with out being attacked by a 2 or 4 year old who want to play with their sister.
Also I feel like I spend all my time rearranging and downsizing and getting rid of stuff. My dc are the only ones on my side and get gifts all the time. Christmas is especially stressful for me because I have to clean the house of toys before then for the deluge to come. It does not help that my boys b-days are in Dec and Jan. adding to the gift giving. I have taken much advice from this board and given lists of ideas for the past two years but it still is pretty bad.
Anne, I'm not helping you much with my rambling post, sorry.
Sometimes it does help to know that you are not alone and that we giving our children the best we possibly can. My children are begging for another sibling (all in God's time) and sometimes the sight of my house crammed with things gets me overwhelmed but then I think about the fact that my children would give it all up for one another. They know how privileged they are because they have each other!
Off to Saturday cleaning! Looking forward to more ideas!
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Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Martha
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We put shelves on the wall near the bed. Bunks w drawers under them. Those square storage lockers are good too. Ikea has tons of pictures in the catalog for space saving ideas too.
My biggest frustration was not saving hardly anything. No room to save curriculum stuff that wasn't in use. Same goes for clothing. We did the all boys clothes in one closet thing and still do. Saves a ton of space and makes putting stuff up easier too.
No dressers for clothes. Those sterlite drawers held more in the closet.
No big toys. If it didn't fit in the toy box, it had to be an outside toy.
No coffee tables or bulky decor either.
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Servant2theKing
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St. Paul's words have always been encouraging..."I have learned, whatever state I am in, to be content." It always helps me to imagine how the Holy Family must have lived..surely their life and home were very humble and simple.
Family members certainly learn to share and get along well when bustling around in a more confined environment, rather than spending their time sprawled out in isolation in a gigantic mansion! I once heard of a family of four who had a HUGE family room, with a TV in each corner, so that each family member could watch separate TVs while using headphones...they considered that their "family time". I'll gladly choose cramped quarters, with everyone snuggled together, over distant and disconnected.
On a practical level, lots of creativity, making rooms and storage spaces multi-purpose can really help. The more you're able to keep things out of sight, the less crowded a house will feel. We utilize extra space in closets (especially vertical space) for dressers, pegboard and shelves...loads of extra storage there. A LOT can be kept under beds as well.
Our master bedroom doubles as a familyroom, with the help of a sofa and loveseat (instead of dressers)... that's where we read or watch videos on our lone TV.
Our "spare 'oom" serves as office/library/schoolroom/guest bedroom. Playpen, high chair and baby gate for grandchildren are stored under the bed in this all-purpose room. Most of our books are in the closet of this room, with overflow books on shelves all around the room.
Our living room is our quiet room...we call it "The Sanctuary"...that's where comfy-cozy studying happens, as well as many of our prayertimes. Even though our livingroom is quite small by most standards, we recently had the entire family, including grandkids, together...fourteen in all...we all fit just fine! As your family expands, the love increases as well...even if your space doesn't! Perhaps the space that needs enlarging is in our hearts, rather than our homes!
Look for hidden spaces in your home that could serve as extra storage. Recently I discovered a 3 inch space next to our refrigerator is just the right spot to store an extra baby gate which we use for the kitchen!
Keeping things closest to point of use is a real sanity saver in a small home. If every member of the family has to travel here-there-and-everywhere, umpteen times a day, for various items stored hither and thither, a house automatically feels more crowded. Streamlining storage, to make things more readily at hand for various tasks, can greatly lessen household activity and decrease the sense of chaos. You'll find that the more you utilize this concept, you'll automatically discover better ways to store things while you're using various items throughout your home...it becomes second nature! An expression my G-ma always told us, "A place for everything and everything in its place", is even more dear and special to me now as I find myself making "homes" for the things we use throughout our daily lives.
May Jesus, Mary and Joseph bless you with a true sense of grace and peace in your Domestic Church. May all our 4Real homes be Holy Family Havens! May our families build mansions in Heaven, even if we live in cottages or huts here on earth.
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amyable
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Oh I also am so glad this post came up at this time. My dh's company just merged with another company, so now he has no job security when a week ago he did! So our house hunt has changed - we are either going to stay  or make the teeniest of moves "up" into a house that is not much bigger (if we can find one that works and is good $$$ and safe - next to impossible in this area).
This weekend, if we can squeak any time between soccer games, rollerskating classes, and food shopping  dh said he'd help me purge some more. I need to be radical.
If you could please say a prayer for my attitude, I would really appreciate it - I'm kind of reeling from the whole business merger thing, and a little upset with dh that he isn't doing my bidding on a few things. Isn't that horrible of me?  Is there a good prayer for recovering control freaks??
Here are some links to past discussions on this:
small homes
Tell me I CAN do this
12 people in 990 sq ft
There's more but I need to run!
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Mary K
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my eldest daughter made some curtains to go around my 11 yodd's top bunk bed. We hung them off rods attached to the ceiling. this gives her a quiet place to read and do some crafting-knitting, hand sewing, etc.
God bless,
Mary-NY
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ALmom
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You guys are an inspiration!!!!! God has been placing it on my heart more and more that doing with less is something our family should shoot for. (I am no longer in the small house, large family mode - we were and I can tell you some things that we gave up to move into a bigger space - I have to believe there were some reasons why we moved here, and it has allowed me to open our home more to others. However, there are other things that are harder and I find it challenging to let go of the things (the curriculum, the books, the clutter, etc.) because big or little house, we should be detached. It is harder to be detached in the larger house.
But thinking back - we got those hope chests that go at the end of the bed and added a means to lock them - for those children especially who were sharing rooms with a child who was still learning to respect others property - especially if one child was considerably older and one of the room sharers was toddler - this was a means of the older protecting belongings and a safety measure with the toddler.
A lot of training on the respect of people's property. If it isn't yours, you don't play with it without asking - even if it is sitting there invitingly.
We did the curtain things around the bed - but also put beds up on posts so children had a private area under their bed. (This worked for the 2 girls, not so well for the 4 boys who had to share a room).
A lot of training in working things out, considering the others point of view, politely expressing needs.
Oh, my sis, when we were growing up, asked to have her own room, so my folks set up a bed and dresser with a curtain/room divider in the laundry room! It was tiny, smelly and not completely private - but it was preferable to her than sharing with one of us when she was 16 or so.
Utilizing storage space - under the bed, linen closets (mostly these became book shelves). The saving feature of our smaller house was the cabinet space and closets - wihtout those it would have been tougher.
We issued plastic bins (that fit under the bed) for each child - and this is where they stored their special paper things and little trinkets so it didn't get all over the house. I know that when it got full, they had to go through and decide what was still important to them and what they were willing to part with. (We have always been notorious clutter bugs and this was a way to allow my children time and space to come to terms with letting go - and me too).
Oh, and we just had to learn to juggle - music practice could not take place when I was trying to go over math with someone - unless one or the other of us could move the event outside.
The crowding did add stress - but having a quiet space outside for a bit of peace was wonderful. Is there a way to build a quiet, little space in a beautiful but semiprivate section of the yard. I know when I was growing up, I always walked to the rocks by the ocean and sat cause no one else was crowding me there. Now, my kids cannot just do that in this time and place - but they can build a little fort area in the backyard.
Janet
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Erin
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Anne
Your question was the discussion of our tea table last night. Basically there are two levels to coping in a small home; emotionally and practically.
First though let me give you a  I think you're feelings have something to do with the change of season, and the fact that your children's bodies are now getting bigger, that has a huge impact. Three years ago when we moved here and the children were all under 13 it was easier, now with nearly three teenagers, all adult height (Dominic's just shy of 6ft!) it is much different.
Emotionally: Everyone has to really learn to respect one another, and when someone indicates they need space to give them that. Also there just isn't the room to fight or annoy that you have in a bigger space, you have to get along. You also have to adjust your need for personal space. Fortunately my children seem to have no problem literally having to sit on top of one another (I should send you a photo of six children squashed on the lounge together) To be honest I think I'm the one who has the biggest problem coping. I need quiet time to re-charge and find it very difficult. (I do actually sometimes give thanks for my hearing loss )
On a practical level how do I met these needs? Going for a walk is good. Making sure I have quiet time to pray is important, I've been known to pray in the shower, although now the tank is low I can't.
Teaching the children respect for one another, to talk about a need for personal space.
Practically: You know you can only cull, de-clutter so much. I admire women who do it ruthlessly, for me thank goodness I have my shipping container, but then you do have your mother's place to store precious books. Time for a pity party my friend - its hard!! Okay moving on.
Furniture: can make a difference; re-arranging or sometimes changing some pieces to more functional ones for your space is a good move. Look at your room, are you making the best use of the wall space you can? For example, in the laundry we had a cupboard that really was a space waster, a few drawers, a tiny hanging space. It is now on the verandah with the children's dress ups in it. Dh built a lovely cupboard that houses all the board games, that cupboard is floor to ceiling, wall to wall, it utilizes every available space.
Cleaning Habits: I find that I have to be more on top of things. I have to be more consistent in housecleaning (not so easy) Clutter is a big factor to feeling overwhelmed. Actually the house has been driving me insane all week, yesterday I 'did my 'nanna' ah insisted on a clean house, and I feel a new woman. Clutter really must go! on surfaces, on top of cupboards, inside glass doors all must look orderly. Ask yourself, do I really need those cooking magazines on top of the kitchen cupboard? Can I find another home or do I need to keep them? Clutter spots that would be no big deal in a big home are mood killers in a small. Just one little area can make a big difference.
Belongings: Scaling down- it is important, it does make a difference. I'm going on the assumption you already know this, and in fact have done it. If not take a good look at each item, do you need it, does it have a home? Can something else do a better job?
Exercise: It is really important to send the children outside to burn off energy. My mil has a saying, "Is that inside behaviour or out?"  I started using it when we moved here. Rough housing goes outside, there is no room inside. And its important for you to exercise, to get out, to see outside your four walls. Did I just write that!!! Who am I to talk I should practice what I preach Actually I am participating in a 2km fun run  But truly it can be a mood lifter.
Noise: Turn off your hearing aids whoops only I get that option Buy headphones for electronics, dh and I watch TV with headphones on, its a small house and our shows aren't necessarily for younger ones to hear (this way too I get to hear it all  instead of saying to dh, " what did they say?" and driving him insane) the dc have to play Play Station/computer with no sound. Okay it doesn't annoy them but it annoys me 
Marilyn,
You ask about personal space, I discussed my answer with the children last night. Dd has half a book case, Ds has on top of the cupboard (he is on the top bunk) ds has between the slats and mattress (he is on the bottom bunk) ds has drawers of a desk, dds have under their bed. One son in particular found this the hardest part of adjusting when we moved here but they found a way.
Their trophies and other treasures are packed up in the shipping container.
My children have two shelves each for their clothes (well so do dh and I) and share hanging space. You'd be surprised at how much we still manage to fit in there.
Okay some negatives: The children, particularly the teenagers live in their rooms way more than I would like as there is no space in the living area. They read on their beds for example, have computers in their room. Not my ideal but there is no alternative. Then again as two/three other siblings share with them they are not holing up alone
I find it hard to address a few cleaning habits with some of my children as in fairness it is not all their mess. There is an unequal distribution of ages sharing, ie. my girls are 16, 8 and 5 sharing. It's true that its mostly the younger girls mess, but I would like to push the 16 yr old to complete the job, but then that's not really fair. Those sorts of habits I worry about.
We have slipped into a few electronic media habits that I'm not happy about but are survival for a small house, at least that's what I have told myself. Now I'm asking myself is it really true??
I find it very frustrating to not have all of our books out, and I do think it has hindered the children's education to some degree.
Positives: Well you can certainly say the children are growing up close They can work and function in close quarters. Mmm perhaps they could enlist in the Navy When we moved here from a large home, I discovered I had to work on some behavioural issues that I could ignore before but couldn't in a smaller home. The children had to be very tolerant of one another and had to play nicely (please don't think that they don't have spats, they do but not often). I guess I always know what they are up too
I often think of Mother Teresa's quote and that gets me through. Be gentle on yourself Anne, (and Amy) allow yourself to have a pity party, you're entitled, and then give yourself a swift kick and get moving and do something about it
(Dh asked last night when are you coming for a visit? We'll pitch the tents)
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joann10
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There is not alot I can add to all the great suggestions and ideas that have been offered here. I can just tell you that you are not alone, alot of us struggle with our small spaces and big families--but it can be done---there is alot of encouragment right here from many families....
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MarilynW
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Wow - great ideas from everyone.
In between games - I have a couple of things to add
Firstly inspirational - dh and I have been discussing "poverty" a lot - has anyone noticed how many daily and Sunday gospel readings recently have been on not storing up treasures on earth, on the man who had the big barns and lots of wealth but God was going to require his soul that night, on the young man who asked Jesus what he had to do - but was unable to give up all his wealth to follow Jesus. The "camel through the eye of a needle" thing. The message of Jesus and the saints is one of detachment from material things, of trusting in Him like the lilies of the field etc - maybe our smaller houses and reduced budgets make it easier to do this. Just some thoughts..
On a practical level - what we have done is to make the house as happy and organized and family friendly as possible:
-I agree with Erin - there is just no possibility of clutter and untidiness building up - we are very disciplined with chores and clean up - otherwise we would all be falling over each other and things. The good thing is that everyone has learned to put things away and tidy up - even the 2 year old
- we do not have a Martha Stewart home - but we have one that is generally easy to clean and can take a lot of wear and tear. eg a few years ago we put in all hard flooring on our main level - really helps with clean up (wish now that we had done in the bedrooms upstairs too) We invested in leather furniture which again is a durable and a breeze to clean. We paint with expensive paint which is easy to clean. In our bathrooms we put ceramic tile on all the floors - really eliminated leaks to floors below from overzealous shower or bath takers! Also hooks in the bathroom for towels. We also have a good mud room that we put ceramic tile on and lots of hooks and shoe shelves.
- I am generally good at decluttering and not accumulating
I have detailed plans of a dream house - not necessarily bigger but better organized - eg a bigger kitchen, a dedicated dining room, a library/music room, a dedicated laundry room, a family closet. But maybe that bigger organized home will only be "my Father's mansions.."
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How do big families live in small homes?
