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Michaela
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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I thought that I had posted this spin off question yesterday, but I must have hit the delete-into-cyberworld-forever button instead. 
What do you call your MIL and FIL? Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, Mom and Dad, First name, or ????
As noted in my responses in the other threads, I have "issues" with titles.  I know it comes from being adopted...I won't call another man or woman Mom or Dad. Those are only for my parents. After 21 years married to their son, my in-laws would prefer if I'd call them Mom and Dad. It won't happen.....my issues ya know.
Usually it's not a problem because we don't live in the same state, but I really don't have a name for my MIL except Gramma now that we have children. I had a challenging time getting her attention during visits. Everyone calls her Blood or Mom -- I wouldn't do either.
So:
MIL -- Gramma -- hard to explain because I don't really call her using that name, but address her with it when my kids are in the room. I just start talking to her I guess. Blood nor Mom will naturally come from my mouth.
MIL's DH -- Grandpa or First name
FIL -- first name
FIL's wife -- first name
How about you?
What does your hubby call your parents?
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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I call my ILs by their first names.
My dh calls my parents mom and dad.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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violingirl
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I call my ILs by first name and DH does the same with my parents. More often lately they are called by their chosen grandparent names since we're usually speaking of them with or around our children.
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Erin
DS (2005) DS (2007) DD (2012)
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Maddie
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 6:11pm | IP Logged
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First name or I'll call her Grandma for the children. My fil passed away but I always called him by his first name.
My dh calls my parents by their first name too.
I would love to have my future dil or sil's call me Mom too, but I would totally leave it up to them.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 6:31pm | IP Logged
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I think if you "leave it totally up to them" you might end up not being called mom.. because they might not want to presume or offend. I don't call my ILs mom and dad because when asked what they were comfortable with they said first names.. my parents would be fine with first names but also with "mom and dad" and you know this about them.. if my ILs had said, first names or mom and dad, whatever you're comfortable with.. it would be different ya know and since we've asked.. well I certainly wouldn't presume to do differently now.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
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I use Mom and Dad with my ILs, and my husband uses the same with my parents. It definitely does not feel natural to me at all (I'm hoping it will later on in our marriage--it has been six years). He and I discussed it before our wedding and decided to do it as a statement of our unity, not because we felt particularly familiar or loving with each other's families. My FIL in particular is very quiet and reserved, and sometimes I wish I could just call him by his first name, but I try to stay consistent. Or sometimes I'll use your method, Michaela--just get in his face and start talking.
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Celeste
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Kathryn
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My DH and I both call our ILs by their first names. However, I have been known to call my IL's by the names my children call them (JoJo and Papa). I as well would have a hard time calling them mom or dad but I do have a deep affection for them.
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RamFam
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My dh and I refer to the ILs by the names our kids use, so:
my mil: Grandma Sue
my fil: Grandpa Thomas
my mom: Nana
my dad: Pappy
But we went into the marriage with kids, so maybe that makes a difference.
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Leah
RamFaminNOVA
Tom ^i^, Kyle (my Marine), Adeline '00, Wyatt '05, Isaac '07 Philip '08,Michael '10, and John Xavier Feb '13
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SusanJ
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First names all around on both sides. We have four sets due to divorce  so one half of each couple was already first names with the original kids. My FIL calls his own parents by their first names and my BIL is moving towards that, too. Strange. I couldn't do mom or dad with in-laws either.
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Sarah M
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I call my in-laws Mom and Dad. When my dh and I first got married, I asked what they would prefer. We had this really awkward discussion and then they decided on Mom and Dad and now everything's hunky dory.  In fact, if I slip up and call them by their first name, they ask me why I'm doing that- did they do something wrong?
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LisaD
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My in-laws are now deceased, but I called them "Ma" and "Dad," like my dh did.
I call my own parents, "Mama" and "Daddy," and dh calls them by their first names.
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~Lisa
Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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jenk
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We're a first name family here... I call my in-law by first names and dh calls my folks by first names. When speaking of them to the kids it's Grandma-first name for his mom and just Grandma for my mom.
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Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09
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folklaur
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i call them by their first names.
dh calls my mom, "mom". my daddy is deceased.
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Macmom
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My in laws and I have serious issues. I could never call them "Mom" and "Dad." They are far too formal to be called by their first names, and it would imply a degree of familiarity we don't have. So, to their faces, if I NEED to, I call them what my children call them "Grandma Kay" and "Grandpa Bob." But, mostly, I avoid calling them anything at all.
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Nina Murphy
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I call my MIL and FIL Mom and Dad; my husband has never had that kind of intimacy with my parents: they are called by their first names (as are their spouses). Divorce on both sides, but on my husband's side, no remarriage.
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Erin
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First Names. To be really honest I was hurt that they never invited me to call them Mum and Dad, but then my mil has issues herself.
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Erin
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Lisa H
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| Posted: Oct 28 2009 at 1:34am | IP Logged
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Both Hubby and I call each other's parents by
Ms. first name and Mr. first name.We were not comfortable with mom and dad for each other parents.
Also, in our area, it is quite common to address in laws as well older "friends" in this manner,sort of like a sign of friendly respect. 
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amyable
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It's funny, I'm adopted too and I'll call anyone who shows me love mom and dad. I think I have attachment issues.
I call MIL and (late) FIL Mom and Dad, or Grandma and Grandpa when I can get away with it (kids are around). I feel awkward doing it.
My dh calls my parents by their first names. I think he feels awkward doing that too, but he won't call them mom and dad.
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Amy
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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mathmama
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This topic is part of the advice I always give people who are getting married, figure out what you are going to call the ils *before* you get married. Sadly, I have never had a good relationship with my ils (we didn't think my mil was coming to our wedding until about 2 weeks before, and I am pretty sure she bought her dress the day before the wedding, that's how bad it was). I could never call them mom and dad and I really think they would slap me if I called them by their first names. It seems weird to call them Mr and Mrs ____ So, I don't call them anything at all. This has been an uncomfortable situation that I have dealt with through my 10 years of marriage. When dh and I were married a couple of months his parents drove down for a day long visit. At the end of the visit, mil asked dh what he calls my parents. I thought for sure this was going to lead her to say "oh, Beth, just call me _____", but all she said was "oh" and got in the car and left Dh and I still laugh about that. Anyway, it makes my uncomfortable relationship with them even more uncomfortable. And to confuse the issue more, they sign their birthday cards to me in all different ways, nothing consistent, so I can't even get a clue from that
Dh calls my parents by their first names, he just took my bil's lead on that one. I know my dad is totally comfortable with that and I imagine my mom is, I don't think she would want him calling her mom.
Beth
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LucyP
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My husband avoids calling my parents anything - they call themselves mum and dad on cards, gifts etc. If he has to say something to attract attention, in a pinch, he will use first names.
My husband always since he was tiny has called his parents Mr and Mrs Initial letter of the surname, ie Mr C or Mrs C. So I always did too. Now I insist on calling the remaining in-law by her first name, if and when I am compelled to speak about or to her.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: What do you call your MIL and FIL?
