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stellamaris
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Now that the school days are in full swing, I am really struggling with taking care of myself properly. I am generally inconsistent with exercise, vitamins, drinking water, etc, just your basic self-care things, but once our school gets really going, it's even worse. I am hoping that some of you lovely ladies can give me a "pep talk" and also some practical pointers on how to be more consistent. I know from my own experience that if I do not somehow make taking care of my basic health needs a priority, I soon won't be able to take care of anyone else, either. But I'm having a terrible time actually doing what I know I need to do for myself! Help!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Paula in MN
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I'm pushing myself every day to get up 30 minutes earlier than usual and exercise. I've found that by starting the day that way, it is much easier to stay on track. I also have little quotes in the kitchen to keep me inspired, and I've drastically changed my grocery shopping list. 
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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mom2mpr
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I am with you.
It is either me or the house 
I started getting up early and exercising and praying and while I am a better person, my house is trashed. I have no time to work on the housework.
I keep trying to tell myself the house will be here forever, the kids won't. But it gets to a certain point and I go crazy and become cranky.
Looking forward to other's responses and the golden tip that will work here
Anne
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St. Ann
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I have been really good about taking a nap right after lunch. My 5yr old lays down with me and we both sleep. Even if it is only 20 minutes it makes the world of difference how I survive the rest of the day. My oldest does the kitchen and everyone is supportive.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Bookswithtea
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No solutions, but I'm following this one. Inconsistent is exactly how I would describe myself. And when I do well with self care, invariably something else gets dropped, like laundry or decent dinners.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Tami
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I"m following this one too. I could have written Books' post....
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God bless,
Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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Servant2theKing
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One small thing that has really helped with consistency in our household is to put all medications, vitamins and supplements in 7-day containers, for every person in the family. Sure saves time not having to open umpteen bottles umpteen times a week! I'm much more faithful in taking care of my own needs, and everyone else's, when things are ready and waiting. Keeping the containers in a basket on the kitchen counter also helps me remember to set them out at mealtimes. This is a good time of year to add supplements that boost immunity...such as echinacea. It also helps to stock up on such items during Buy One Get One Free sales at your pharmacy or grocery, or online.
If you drink a full glass of water every time you take vitamins or medication, and add a full glass with meals or snacks, you'll be doing pretty well! I put an herbal tea bag in my glass in the morning, then refill throughout the day...the tea bag adds just enough flavor to make the water more refreshnig...Celestial Seasonings' Cinnamon Apple Spice is my current favorite!
Pegging certain activities with others seems to help in other areas. We try to have a "walk and pray" in the afternoon, after studies. We often practice Ora et Labora, by having a "work and pray" while we do evening dishes. We sometimes peg folding laundry with watching a video...great motivator...I try to sneak in a long, revitalizing bath at the same time...it's a pegging three-for-one! Every little bit sure helps!
It always encourages me when I remember that family life, by its very nature, is inconsistent...no matter what, there will always be a need to stray from even the best laid plans and go with the flow! I think when we Moms are more at peace with our circumstances, we are better able to cope with everything...that's important whether you're a new Mom with toddlers, or a well-seasoned mother and grandmother...every season has its challenges and its delights. Caroline, from the looks of your family's ages, and the fact that you're a grandmother, you've probably had a pretty hectic and busy life. From one grandmother to another, it's important to pace ourselves and let others learn to carry the ball! I've had to train my children to do more and more during seasons when I've become physically and emotionally able to do less and less...sheer desperation has actually led to them becoming much more capable and responsibile!
If we approach each season we are in, embracing the advice of St. Paul, being content with whatever state we are in, we will be better able to fight the good fight and run with patience the race! May the Lord help you celebrate your victories, graciously accept your human limitation, and rest in the peace of the Lord even in the midst of life's storms! May this new year of family learning be kissed with grace, peace and joy for you and your family!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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stellamaris
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Servant2theKing wrote:
If you drink a full glass of water every time you take vitamins or medication, and add a full glass with meals or snacks, you'll be doing pretty well! I put an herbal tea bag in my glass in the morning, then refill throughout the day...the tea bag adds just enough flavor to make the water more refreshnig...Celestial Seasonings' Cinnamon Apple Spice is my current favorite!
It always encourages me when I remember that family life, by its very nature, is inconsistent...no matter what, there will always be a need to stray from even the best laid plans and go with the flow! I think when we Moms are more at peace with our circumstances, we are better able to cope with everything...that's important whether you're a new Mom with toddlers, or a well-seasoned mother and grandmother...every season has its challenges and its delights. Caroline, from the looks of your family's ages, and the fact that you're a grandmother, you've probably had a pretty hectic and busy life. |
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"hectic and busy" don't even come close But I so appreciated your wise words. It seems my life is one big "go with the flow" and at times it wearies me, but I can know that it is God's perfect will for me, and as you so graciously pointed out, be content in whatever state I am in. It sounds strange, but if I were more content I think I would be better able to care for myself. Right now, I often find myself in a negative thought pattern, along the lines of "what's the point?". I get easily discouraged when my plans are disrupted...must be a perfectionist! I know there IS a point, however!
Do you put the tea bag in cold water? How long do you leave it in there? Sounds like a good idea.
I've tried the pill containers lots of times, but still manage to just not take them. Your point about "pegs" is true, though, I definitely do better when I have "pegs" to hang things on. Your "water pegs" sound as if they would work for me; now I need to spend a little time thinking about how to make a "vitamin" and an "exercise" peg.
Thanks for your helpful response.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Servant2theKing
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Caroline, I hope my words didn't imply that I have it together in any way. Menopause and too many years of stress have really taken their toll. I feel as though the past year alone has been one long exercise in embracing the things I mentioned earlier. After 34 years of marriage, with FAR too many years of muddling my way through "hectic and busy", I've finally come to the conclusion that there needs to be more to life than mere survival...especially for the sake of my children and grandchildren! Since my Mom passed away last year I've been asking myself what kind of legacy I'm leaving for my family.
On a practical note, this past week every single member of our family managed to take their alloted supplements only 5 out of 7 days...none of the containers had the same 2 days' worth of pills left. I consoled myself with the fact that at least each family member was successful 5 out of the 7 days in taking their supplements! I cannot afford an all or nothing attitude! Hurray for small successes!
I use the tea bags with room temp. filtered water, or cold tap water. I sometimes drink it right away, but usually it steeps for a few minutes while I'm doing something else. I try to keep the glass refilled throughout the day. I can't drink anything with caffeine or sugar...the flavored tea water is my main liquid refreshment. Cinnamon Apple Spice has a slightly sweet taste, as do most mint flavored teas.
One thing I forgot to mention earlier...I really try to focus on what we have accomplished, rather than concentrating on a never-ending to-do list! The list of what-we've-done-for-the-day is often short and sweet, but at least it's focused on the positive! As a somewhat-reformed-still-working-out-the-kinks-perfectionist- firstborn I NEED to keep my eyes fixed on all that is good and right and holy in our daily life! Counting our blessings has been another very helpful remedy when I'm struggling! It's difficult to stay stuck in the mire when you're busy praising God for His boundless gifts!
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stellamaris
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Servant,please know that I took NO offense at your kind words...I didn't think you were implying that you had it all together, in fact, I felt you probably had a very good understanding of where I'm at and what I'm going through...and you do! Menopause, adrenal fatigue, 25 years of hsing, and I really feel very much as you describe. I want to make my life a more positive, joyful experience, because it is truly so short, but am just too tired to do it! And my dh, a wonderful, godly man, works day and night (literally, he's a surgeon), so he can't give me much relief, as much as he'd like to and recognizes that I need that break. I get so down on myself because I know what I need to do to feel better, especially physically with exercise, etc., but I can't seem to work up the energy to get going. I appreciated your comments about "good enough" and "focusing on the positive"...again that issue of "contentment" and being as merciful to one's self as we are to others. I think I'll start a thread..or maybe search for an old one. I'm just guessing this isn't a new problem for moms!
Well, thanks again, and please know that I didn't think anything negative about your kind post at all!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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JodieLyn
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I have a friend that reminds me that not only do we need to do things for ourselves.. but what sort of role model are we being for our daughters if we don't do those things?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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stellamaris
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Now, do you ever feel it is easier to do healthy things for someone other than yourself? I mean, when I'm pregnant and I'm taking care of my health for the sake of my child, I have no trouble making it a priority. But when it's just for me, I drop the ball! That is not the kind of role model I want to be, as you pointed out, Jodie. But then when I make myself the priority, I feel selfish, so I don't want to model that either....where, oh where is that happy middle ground? I really do believe it is important to be a good example for our daughters, and I truly want them to take the time to care for themselves because I know their ability to care for their loved ones will be decreased if they don't.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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JodieLyn
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I don't think there is a happy middle ground.. rather it's changing all the time.. when I'm run down some of my needs become the priority, but when someone else is at that point, then their needs are..
I guess we're just stuck doing constant triage within the constant shifting of needs of a large family.
This morning I got priority, because I'm fighting a cold and so I took extra hours and slept and nothing else got done. But in some ways I've made up for that because I have done more and been able to direct the kids more this afternoon than if I hadn't had that sleep. (though in general it's less than days when I feel good)
People before things and needs before wants.. and other than that it's rather more akin to juggling than a nice neat division. And double up as much as you can.. maybe exercise 2-3 times a week but also take the kids for a walk a couple times a week.. things like that..
Sometimes I fold laundry at one end of the table while kids are doing math at the other end. That way I'm right there for questions and often I don't have to put down something to check.. just pause.
Right now I'm working on training the kids on their jobs. It's not going so well yet.. but the month is only half over.. there's still room to improve. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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Bookswithtea
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Caroline, in reading what you've shared, it sounds like there is more going on than just inconsistency. It sounds like you might be experiencing burnout???
If this is possible, I don't know that working on getting consistent with all of these things is the best first strategy. I think the most important thing to do with burnout is to *be nice to yourself.* Elizabeth has a great chapter in her book on burnout and she has been blogging a little bit and linked back to someone else's blog on burnout about a week ago, I think?
A wise mom from here told me last year when I started battling burnout to make vitamins a top priority (including cod liver oil), but after that, the second priority is to get out in nature with your children and God. Are you perhaps trying to have a really good schoolyear while wrestling with burnout? Sometimes its ok to just have a "barely good enough" schoolyear, a barely good enough menu plan, and an "I'll try to do two loads of laundry a day and just wash the most important stuff" laundry year... and then take however much time you need to you find your joy. Are there any children that could do more independent school for awhile? Workbooks are cheap and if you can replace a mommy intensive plan with one, you can always pick it back up again next year. And rather than exercise, I would aim for an extra nap instead.
Be gentle with yourself. God leads gently those who are with young.
 Caroline
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Paula in MN
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Servant2theKing wrote:
| One thing I forgot to mention earlier...I really try to focus on what we have accomplished, rather than concentrating on a never-ending to-do list! |
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Wow - this is something I really need to do. What a great idea!
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Paula
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Mary Chris
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Caroline,
My first thought was that you just made a big move this summer, could that have something to do with how you are feeling?
Also, I think we all have had such a hard time with all the sadness the past month and a half. It really hit me hard.
I did start taking vitamins this week. In the morning I am taking a multi-vitamin, a B labled stress relief or something like that, iron, and magnesium. (Mary M you can let Rick know I listened to him) Before I go to bed I take calcium. I felt better almost immediately.....maybe it is psychological...just knowing I am doing something for myself.
Yesterday in the Health section of the Washington Post there was a very interesting article by a woman who had suffered from severe depression since she was 6! Her story told of how by running and walking (very long distances) she was able to get off all her depression medications. Please do not think I am saying you are depressed. The article really made an impression on me and reminded me of the importance of getting out in nature and exercising. I haven't started yet 
How about a good movie or book to give yourself a little break. I watched Elizabethtown recently and loved it! The Actor and the Housewife was a great read this summer, I laughed, I cried....I couldn't put it down. Also have you read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society?
Can you get out to the beach? Back when I lived near the beach I loved to go watch the waves break on the rocks whenever I was in a mood.
I don't think I answered you original question. I do think that Books and Servant and the other ladies gave you some good advice.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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Mackfam
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There's no way I could follow up on the great advice given already. I had a couple of thoughts though...
I think we hit big moments in our life and we forget to give ourselves permission to live out the season. I know there was a recent move for you. I can't tell if you're dealing with burnout or just the fatigue that comes with walking this road so long...or both. I don't have the perspective that allows me to guess with any accuracy, but I do know that I sometimes find myself utterly overwhelmed and gasping for air because I have allowed myself to try to live out a pattern or rhythm that is completely incongruous with my season of life.
I'm going to throw a contentment idea at you...I wish I could quote it, but I can't remember where I read it now.  I've been reading Blessed Mother Teresa so it's possible she said it? **There is little room for the evil one to work in a content heart.** I'm not at all implying that you are not content, but I have observed that when I start experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed I need to focus on contentment. I think this is similar to the wise advice Servant gave about focusing on the accomplishments. I keep my eyes and my heart at home, and seek a small joy and allow that to animate the day.
I have a few ideas that helped me with self-care. I did want to say that it is never selfish to be a good steward of the temple of the Holy Spirit. Implying or living in any other way sends a poor message to our children, and our girls in particular. I'm trying to model as best I can a healthy balanced approach to self care.
Water intake....I like to drink teas like Servant, but light teas, especially in the warmer months. My absolute favorite is Twinings Cold Brewed Iced Tea Green Tea with Mint. So refreshing and invigorating to me. I just grab a large glass of ice water and drop in a tea bag. Maybe allow yourself to experiment with a few new flavors of tea to boost and help assist your water intake. A little spritz of lemon in the water helps me as well. If I drink a large glass with each meal and I keep a large glass on my desk as I teach I meet my water needs for the day.
Vitamins...I have serious trouble swallowing pills. So, I try to take just one very good multi. I set up a basket with all our vitamins in it and one of the (older) children has the job of handing them out after lunch.
Exercise...I'm not gonna lie...I have a serious love-hate relationship with exercise programs. The best I've done is t-tapp which makes sense physiologically. I *try* to commit to 15 minutes a day, but lately...  . So, like Jodie suggested, if I can't get a 15 minute routine in, I try to walk with the kids in the woods, or go up and down the stairs several times - just something that gets my heart rate elevated.
Rewards system...I like to reward myself in the evenings if I've remembered to wear my retainer, take my vitamins, drink my water, and exercise. So, I splurged on a very good quality dark chocolate bar and buy a few at the market when I go. Dark chocolate is very good for you! I really enjoy that moment in the evening when I can sit down and have a bite of chocolate. I also interiorly challenge myself - I'll say things like, "I'm not going to have my chocolate unless I drink one more glass of water while simultaneously folding this basket of laundry and then I'll allow myself to bask in the chocolate." 
Praying for you, Caroline! I think we all struggle with consistency with self-care in particular. Life is not static, and there are times when we must shift priorities to tend to more pressing needs. The trick is RE-motivating and moving towards establishing a good habit. Prayers for all of us! I'm so glad we can encourage each other here!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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stellamaris
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Dear ladies, your advice is right on target! Books, I am in fact "burnt out", I have been for a very long time, and I have been trying a variety of strategies to deal with it. But I'm kind of inconsistent even in the best of times! You are so right about being kind to oneself; I know I tend to push and push myself when I should just REST. It's just so hard to reduce those ol' expectations! Also, when I rest the house goes to pieces, and I start to feel guilty for not doing my duty here. But I am going to go right now and put a big sign on my refrigerator that says, "TAKE YOUR VITAMINS AND OIL-NO EXCUSES!" I know that's a big first step I need to take in order to even have energy to exercise.
Mary Chris, I did go to the beach yesterday...great minds think alike! It was uplifting to get a little sun and sand. I'm thinking another part of the problem is just that our new house is sort of dark (mainly because I am keeping the window shades closed since we are in a very closely packed neighborhood...and I am REALLY not used to that!). I have SAD, so the darkness may be worsening my "moving" sadness. And how right you are about the sadness here over the last month or so...all the deep losses have affected me as well, and, of course, as I continue in prayer for those families, I am really meditating on what a "vale of tears" this world is. Maybe one solution for me is to just walk outside for 15-20 minutes with my boys and forget about other exercising for now (though I have done t-tapp and loved it).
Jennifer, dark chocolate is surely the solution! If only I could skip right to the rewards part!
But I realized as I read your thoughts that I don't really have any rewards in my life right now, which is discouraging as well as ridiculous! I'm going to sit down and write myself a list (including the chocolate) for being a "good" girl. I know our real reward is in heaven with Jesus, but I need a little encouragement along the way. Your other thoughts are all so good, too.
Thank you all...I need to make an action plan to get myself out of these doldrums, and I posted all my ideas so I'd be accountable to you all!
Love to all of you, and prayers for a blessed day
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Bookswithtea
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Awww, Caroline. One of the things I learned last year is that burnout can last more than 6 mos. I had it last year and I was sure it would fade over the summer. Not so. I am still in the thick of it. So apparently, burnout can last a loonnnggg time. 
Its ok if the household isn't functioning perfectly, but usually there are some things you can drop or just lessen, to create some moments of quiet and rest throughout the day, without everything falling to pieces? I find I get more stressed out when everything falls completely apart because it takes a herculean effort to get things running again. I am sure you know what I mean.
Treats? One thing I did a few years ago was to buy some dvds that I love to watch. Only happy, light movies allowed. It was a reward for me to watch after everyone was in bed, and since I have seen them all before, its ok if I never get to the end. Dark chocolate is always a good thing, too.
Just don't come down on yourself too hard if the exercise thing doesn't happen right away? Sometimes an important component for alleviating burnout is extra rest, downtime, or just quiet moments.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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I was thinking about burnout after I got off the computer and remembered something so I got back on. Sometimes it helps to throw myself into a project that is completely unrelated to my daily life. One year it was painting my desk area and adding a few colored boxes to make it look prettier. Another year I threw myself into my littlest's baby book (Creative Memories to the rescue!). This year, its planning for next year's Lit for the Young Lady. And now I am off to attempt to cover a notebook like Jen described in one of her blogs recently. Adding beauty to my life in little ways does seem to help me with the blues. Maybe since you are in a new space, it would help to do something with it to make it feel more like home (and add some light as well)?
Much hugs and empathy for you, dear Caroline.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Taking care of yourself
