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stefoodie
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Thoughts have been swirling through my head these past few weeks.
We got back to the US May 29th. What we expected to happen in Italy happened: our family grew closer, much closer than we were here in the US... very similar to what happened to us when we moved to PA in 2001. Now that we're back, we're trying to capture this "something" that made our lives there slower, more family-focused, simpler. I don't want to think that it's elusive. I know there ARE people out there living a slow, simple life. How do we do this as homeschoolers?
I have some ideas, most of which I still have to flesh out. I invite you to help me do that...
If you think you'd like a slower lifestyle, what is it in your life that makes you want that? What areas have you seen as problematic and how do you think changes should be made?
If you already live a slow lifestyle, how did you get there?
Some of my preliminary thoughts:
Our lives are so very cluttered here. Even though the past few years we've tried very hard to get rid of material things, we still have SOOOO MUCH. And then of course it's not just the material -- our calendar is cluttered as well. Our brains too, to be honest. Several years ago, a few years into the homeschooling adventure, we decided that our main goal was HEAVEN (we didn't start out that way)... many of our choices have been made based on that. But at the same time there have been many instances where I think we veered away from that goal, in the pursuit of something "good".
Still much to say, but I have to go, baby's typing (ack!) -- be back later!
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stef
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Sarah M
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Oh, I'm all ears, Stef. This slower-paced life is what I desire so fervently for our family. We were living much less frenetically last September. I had pared down our out-of-home activities and drastically simplified our homeschooling routine. It was wonderful. The children were cheerful and kind with one another (not always, of course, but for the most part) and I felt like we were really savoring the day to day. I want to get back to that slower pace by September. I've blogged a little bit about this here. I'm eager to hear what other ladies have to say.
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teachingmyown
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I would say that, other than baseball season, we live a pretty slow life. During the winter, and pretty much summer, we don't leave the house but for Mass. We are home together. We read, and play, and just hang around. My kids are each other's best friends.
Sometimes, I worry I am not doing enough. But by the end of baseball season, the stress is obvious. Part of it is just the number of little kids that I have, but it also that we are so used to our laid back, no hurry life that being on someone else's schedule quickly gets to us. Even with our slow pace, I get easily overwhelmed by the 'stuff' and the information overload I allow myself to get sucked into.
I am not sure if by giving my kids a simple, slow childhood I am setting them to not be able to cope in later life or not. At some point, they will all have to join the "real" world.
What was it about life in Italy that made life slower? Just a lack of activities and running around? Or was it more than that?
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Molly
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MarilynW
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Great thread Stef. I remember when I lived in the South of France how I loved the slow life - no stress, just calm and peace and no rushing about. This is something dh and I are talking a lot about at the moment - I have a hungry baby but I will revisit this.
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Marilyn
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JodieLyn
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Also, what about those with high energy levels.. I really find it less stressful to "run around" a bit for something like swim team (everyone goes to the same pool.. though times are different for different levels but sequential) simply because the directed "energy loss" really helps the kids stay on an even keel. I think we could manage without that if we lived on acreage or somewhere the kids could do more.. but we're in town..
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Michaela
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MarilynW wrote:
| I loved the slow life - no stress, just calm and peace and no rushing about. |
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The time we lived in Italy was exactly as Marilyn describes her experience in France.
I'll have to think of the reasons why...we didn't have a cell phone or computer in the U.S. nor there ... so it wasn't that. A part of it (the start of it) could have been the way we were forced to slow down because everything shut down for siesta each day.
Interesting thread.
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Michaela
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Lisbet
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I am very interested in this thread. I feel like I'm constantly going going going, and quite honestly, I have had it. After swim season is over (only b/c I promised my dd we'd finish it out..) we will no longer participate in any sports teams. It's just too much. I know that will help. But, then, like Jodie, we are smack in the middle of the city right now. How will they, esp. the boys, expend their energy?? I pray God makes they way for us to move out of here soon.
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Angie Mc
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Stef, was part of what you enjoyed a collective/community slower pace? If so, can you describe the slower pace of the community you were in? What *were* people in the community doing? How did they meet their need to connect? Were these connections relaxed, leisurely?
I'm picturing eating a beautiful Italian meal that lasts hours...
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Lisbet
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Angie, once, I thought I'd try having dinner last at least 2 hours - I simply could not do it, I wanted to, in theory it sounded so nice and relaxed - but I still had dishes to do, babies to bathe, I didn't want to be up until midnight doing these things!!!! HELP! 
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stefoodie
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Sarah M wrote:
| The children were cheerful and kind with one another (not always, of course, but for the most part) and I felt like we were really savoring the day to day. |
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Yes, this is what we strive for too. I think we got much closer to the goal when we were away. Three things we worked on while we were there: Kindness, Cheerfulness, Obedience. The past 6 months or so prior to Italy, we had gotten away from those things and it was a joy (and hard work) to return to them. I do think it has to do with so many out-of-the-home and long lists of activities/tasks. It's almost like we were setting up the children to fail and therefore to be frustrated... and therefore act out. I do realize much of it was me being pregnant and not being as available to the kids as I/they needed/wanted to be. But the overcommitment thing can't be ignored. Losing that element made a big difference for us.
ETA I loved what you said in your blog post, Sarah. "to think and pray and love and be" -- my sentiments exactly.
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stefoodie
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teachingmyown wrote:
| being on someone else's schedule quickly gets to us |
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.
yes, me too. Maybe this is also a personality/temperament thing? Partially at least, but not totally, since our whole family felt it, not just me.
Quote:
| I am not sure if by giving my kids a simple, slow childhood I am setting them to not be able to cope in later life or not. At some point, they will all have to join the "real" world. |
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Hmm. Something to think about for sure. I've asked myself this as well... I wonder what kind of life my kids will choose someday...
Quote:
| What was it about life in Italy that made life slower? Just a lack of activities and running around? Or was it more than that? |
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Yes to your second question. Things that come to mind, then I'll expound later:
- there was time to ponder things. No choice because our days were "less filled". Less homeschooling, less input from the outside, less places to go to and people to meet, etc.
- living less like Martha and more like Mary...
- family-centered -- almost everything we did, we did together. I could probably count on one hand the things we did separately.
- walks after dinner, and sometimes even before. besides there being TIME to do that, the place lent itself easily to walking around.
- enrichment wasn't artificial...
- no paper. For the first time in years we had an empty mailbox most days.
- organization -- since we had to do without a LOT of things, it was also easier to maintain the house/our work (we did "do school" off and on throughout the 3 months)
- one car. We said we missed our mobility, but now that we're back to two cars I'm quickly seeing how having just the one vehicle helped towards cohesiveness, and yes, efficiency.
- I'll explain this later but two words for now -- balcony soccer!
- quiet time, imposed by me every day. My children took many many naps in Italy. Now we're back here hardly anyone naps.
- no internet -- yes, it does help! -- no quick access to news or other info. we watched Italian TV (we could get cable but opted out) and so just got the headlines -- and we probably turned on the TV once or twice a week.
gotta go take care of baby... be back later.
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stef
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Marie
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I'm enjoying this thread. I've been thinking about this alot as I've been feeling burnt out despite our relatively slow schedule...But being home all day with the little ones is difficult sometimes too. I haven't found the balance yet. 
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JodieLyn
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Marie, when I had only little ones I found a really nice schedule for myself.. the only thing we went and did extra was story time.. and I'd do all my errands on the day that story time was.. and we'd meet up with a group of moms and kids after story time for lunch (some would buy lunch some would bring lunch so it was very accessible).. but that gave me one day out of the house.. getting things done and doing fun stuff.. and I think it was a Wednesday so it broke the week up really nicely.. we'd be home all the rest of the days except Mass followed by coffee and donuts on Sundays.
It was only as they got bigger I found myself going crazy trying to keep them purposely active enough.. what's that old saw about "idle hands being the devil's playground" or something like that.. that's what I was finding.. they were getting into more trouble, getting a bit daredevil (like on their bikes).. and when we had an activity like swimming going on.. things would calm down when we were at home. It's a complicated tradeoff. If we lived on a farm or such.. then they'd have more in the way of chores.. good hard physical work ones and their free time wouldn't be getting out of hand.
I don't like the running around but.. it's a better choice than what was going on. And we try and keep that balanced.. and we luckily have few enough choices that we do do things as a family even if the kids are on different levels.. it's the same sport, usually the same or close together fields (or the pool) And winter is MINE.. there's so much going on with holidays plus we get snow so the kids just naturally burn more energy playing in the snow, in the cold, shoveling snow (you should see them all march off down the street with various shovel sizes to help neighbors - my rule is they can't ask for pay) So that's how we're balancing it so far.
Hmm I also wonder how this works with different ages of kids.. I mean.. our 2 yr old keeps everyone on their toes.. hard to have a slow day when you're trying to keep up with her to prevent disaster.. or following along behind with damage control 
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Cay Gibson
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I'm loving this thread.
After mapping out our summer (which didn't include Annie's water party she's been begging for or mention of our ever-flourishing hobby garden---I stewed more pints of tomatoes again today), I'm wondering if (how?) I can ever get to this realm of being.
A friend of mine told me this last school year that "We truly pick our own stresses in life."
I have focused on these words the rest of the year. And I believe them. Everything that causes us "stress" doesn't have to except that we added it to our lives.
The promised water parties, the playdates, the co-ops, the dance lessons, the ballgames, the homeschooling plans...we've all chosen that...for whatever reasons. And we all count it joyful. Yet a very important part of us yearns for it to be gone. [Edited: I felt the need to come back and clarify...I really didn't mean gone...I certainly don't want any of it gone...Just quieter...but I know you all know what I mean(t).  ]
My sister-in-law spent time in France and she noticed how laid back and slower paced everything is there. She said that nap time is a very "big deal" and of utmost importance. Shops even close during that part of the day. Amazing!
So it's not a camouflage. But Americans can't seem to replicate it.
Stef, I'm especially anxious to hear your explanation of "enrichment wasn't artifical."
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Cay Gibson
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lapazfarm
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Keep in mind I don't have littles full time any more, so this may or may not be relevant.
I think the slow life is very possible here in the USA. In fact I know it is because I live it.
And it isn't about sitting around the house doing nothing all day (though those days do exist). Many days we do a LOT, but still, it is all very relaxed and fun and unhurried.
I think it has less to do with how much we do, than our attitude about it.
I try to look at every day much as other folks view a vacation. It's a blessed time where we can do as little or as much as we want to, with no one but ourselves (and God) to answer to.
If we want, we can load up the kayaks and drive to a new spot and explore the mangrove trails all day. Or paddle to an island and snorkel or swim. No stress,no agenda, just life.
When I do have my little grandsons I find a walk down to the beach to let all the kiddos play is very relaxing. The beach entertains them for hours (so I don't have to). There is less bickering and fighting and we all come home with smiling faces, tanned skins, and hearty appetites!LOL! Much better than sitting home and watching videos and fighting over legos and cleaning constant messes as they flit from one toy to the next. And definitely better than complicated scheduled activities that cause more stress than anything.
And I don't think it is just because we live in the Keys that this life is possible (though it may help). We lived much the same way in Alaska and in North Carolina, just with different set of activities. Playing in the creek or hiking in the mountains, baking bread, drawing in a journal, listening to music or just the rain falling through the leaves, planting flowers, watching whales splash in the sound off Kodiak Island or waiting as the snow turns the whole world white...all these things provide the same relaxed feeling. These are God's little gifts to us, we just have to remember to stop and enjoy them.
So, perhaps the ticket to the slow life is to live as if we are on vacation all the time. It seems to work for us, anyway.
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KauaiCatholic
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sorry I'm a bit late getting to this conversation ... I'm on island time and things move a bit slower here. 
seriously, this is a topic I have pondered quite a bit over the 4 years we've lived here. Hawaii is rightfully known for its laid-back lifestyle, but I've never been able to figure out how much of that's just due to the easy-livin' that comes along with tropical weather or the myriad significant cultural differences. I felt a similar "aloha spirit" in Italy and France (although I don't know what it's called there), but how is it created? after reading this thread, instead of easy answers I actually have more questions. (sorry.)
FWIW, one of the biggest differences we've observed between here and the Mainland is the central role of family. (and that seems to fit with European attitudes, too, doesn't it?) family is EXTREMELY important here, to almost EVERYONE. big families (extended families living together, as well as large numbers of kids) are the norm. my kids are always greeted with smiles and friendly interaction from adults, in stores and restaurants or any public place. (man, I LOVE THAT!) and older siblings and cousins are as often in charge of the littles as the grandparents, so it's actually hard to tell who the parents are. (that also reminds me of Europe and Mexico.)
and even though many of the adults here work 2 and even 3 jobs, families are very active and involved in community activities. kid sports are a major social event, and yet they are far less competitive than what I've heard is common on the Mainland. (well, actually, hula can get pretty competitive.) why? no idea. we actually are not involved in any sports, which is how I PERSONALLY keep our stress level down. 
there also is much less emphasis on materialism, but maybe that's because so many things are really expensive?
I wonder if Stef is on to something with the no-newspaper thing (although as a journalism family, I really should recoil in dismay at such sacrilege! ) we are so isolated out here that the news feels removed. perhaps that helps the relaxed feel? the news can be pretty stressy ...
because things are definitely slower here. there isn't a siesta tradition but napping in a hammock is an inalienable right. shops do close up earlier and 24-hour stores are unheard of (which is, ironically, what vacationers often complain about: they want the quiet lifestyle but they also want nightclubs and shopping convenience. go figure).
but locals work more hours, so how are they more relaxed? I have no idea ... maybe I'll go lie in the hammock until it comes to me ...
sorry to raise more questions than answers. but hey, if an emphasis on family IS a key factor of relaxed lifestyles, HS'ing families should have a great start!
PS: SHEESH!!! in the time it took me to type the above note, Theresa posted the beautiful note before mine, which seems to answer my conundrum! so maybe THAT's the answer: a vacation lifestyle ... that must be it! 
OK, I'm heading to the hammock anyway ...
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 Viviane
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We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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lapazfarm
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KauaiCatholic wrote:
OK, I'm heading to the hammock anyway ... |
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Pass me the lotion, will ya?
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Theresa
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mom2mpr
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Could it be..you aren't home? Things aren't staring at you needing to be done? You have your clothes and a few personal items and those are all your responsibilities? Your family is all you have? Friends were back in states, activities back in states, etc. You know your way around at home, in a new place it is all new and you are experiencing it together--because you all are all you have.
If you were there for years..maybe it would have changed.
Does that make sense?
Off to bed.
Anne
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Mackfam
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I have a few thoughts...
Though I haven't ever experienced life in a European country, my husband has and has offered me a great perspective on that. I think Anne might have nailed it for you, Stef.
mom2mpr wrote:
Could it be..you aren't home? Things aren't staring at you needing to be done? You have your clothes and a few personal items and those are all your responsibilities? Your family is all you have? Friends were back in states, activities back in states, etc. You know your way around at home, in a new place it is all new and you are experiencing it together--because you all are all you have.
If you were there for years..maybe it would have changed. |
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You were thrown together in a unique situation removed from ALL distractions, pleasant and otherwise in an area of beauty and culture. God gifted you with this experience and as a result you experienced INTENSE Family Centered-ness. This was probably helped by the fact that there is a certain slowness in European countries - afternoon teatime or siesta, slower pace in general, community centered living, etc., but there is also ridiculous cost of living, and other trade-offs.
If you'll all allow me, I'd like to remove the focus from European living and bring it to our own individual homes....whether in the UK, US, Australia or otherwise...is that ok? I'd like to focus on what I **can** do...'cause as much as I'd like to go live in a commune over in Italy with Stef and you 4Real gals , I'm here, where God planted me. What can I do here to experience that peace that Stef and her family felt as a result of a more family centered life?
Let's talk about stewarding our schedules and our time...what are some of the practical ways to foster family centered living within our own domestic church? Questions I'm asking myself lately:
...why is there a sense of frenetic energy in my home?
...why do we feel a lack of family centered-ness?
...have we allowed our schedule to control us, rather than stewarding our schedule?
...Is family centeredness something I foster and nurture intentionally?
...Or, am I expecting family centeredness to just happen?
I think family centeredness is very much connected with my role as the heart of my home. I have observed how during busy/difficult/crisis/any time - the family looks to me to be the glue. We look to the husband to be the strong rudder, the leader, but the mom is supposed to set the tone with her heart.
Theresa hinted at it:
lapazfarm wrote:
| I think it has less to do with how much we do, than our attitude about it. |
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...and I am observing that this is a big part of it. So much of the angst I feel is self-imposed...an activity has disrupted something **I** consider to be essential. Rather than making an intentional decision about activity (or not) with my husband -- considering the impact on the entire family, financially, schedule-wise, emotionally -- and then moving on in peace and with all joy, I might make a cursory decision and then complain and find our family peace totally disrupted. The decision was not made carefully - we did not steward our family treasure of time wisely - and I am the first to feel it and allow myself to be vocal (read: complain and whine) about it. Then I start to think...there are too many activities, too many things, too much stuff, it's overwhelming and I'm drowning in it!!!! When, in actuality, I have not been a good steward. We often consider if we can financially afford something, but I'm beginning to see that I have been forgetting about stewarding another gift - the gift of time. It is not limitless, it is finite, and it is a gift.
One of my favorite quotes from Peter Kreeft:
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| You don't find time; you make time. To make time for anything, you must take that time away from something else. Something must be sacrificed... |
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...What will be sacrificed to make time for this activity?
...How will a decision withdraw on our resource of time together?
...Will smaller members of the family suffer as a result of this decision?
...Can I still maintain faithfully the daily duty in light of this decision?
Joy is a choice. Theresa is right! If we discern individual activities in light of the family, stewarding the gift of time and finances, and with the benefit of our husband's wise counsel to go kayaking/play baseball/do ballet lessons/co-op/etc., etc., etc., and make the choice to embrace and live out the decision in joy are we closer to living a more FAMILY CENTERED LIFE?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!
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Jen Mackintosh
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missionfamily
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keep talking until i have two hands to chime in with, please.......i really want to chat this out with y'all.
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Colleen
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Living the Slow Life
