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Syncletica
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 10:46pm | IP Logged
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I was hoping so much that I'd finally get a chance to:
learn more guitar, get my singing back into shape, find time to exercise and get physically into shape, read Anna Comstock's book on Nature Study, read up more on Charlotte Mason method, learn more about herbs in my quest to eventually become an herbalist, help my daughter(s) with sewing, etc. etc. etc. and now that winter is almost over, I've accomplished....zip! How do you moms with larger families ever find the time to do anything besides homeschooling, breaking up arguments, diapers, cooking, cleaning and laundry? There must be something wrong with what I'm doing. Last couple weeks we've had sickness, I'm expecting #6, not much school has been done and right now my house is a mess. Dishes aren't even done and last nights dishes from the dishwasher aren't even put away. I'm exhausted! I get virtually no help. I do everything related to the children from morning to bedtime. Tonight was a horrible bedtime. Said some things I shouldn't have, they behaved like they shouldn't have and things just were not happy. I haven't felt so overwhelmed like this for quite awhile. Any advice?
TIA!
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Anne
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 6:56am | IP Logged
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I hope you have a better night tonight. I have been there. I have no advice but am watching this for some tips for myself.
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Anne in TN
WIFE to Brett (91)
MOM to Rebecca(97), Catherine (99), Grace (99), Stephen (00) & 2 Angels in Heaven.
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Maddie
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 10:24am | IP Logged
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I'm there right now. My older guys help especially when I'm down with morning sickness or my back issues but they don't clean and maintain the same as I would so the house falls further and further behind. 
As far as pursuits go, not really. I try to remind my self I can have it all, just not all at once. I know I'll be a sobby mess when the last bird has flown the coop, so I'm trying to enjoy the now, but it's so hard with all the mess.
I have friends with older children, youngest is 13, and she has much more time to pursue her interests, so the time is coming, it's just not now for me. I do get out once a month or once every two months to just be by myself. I come back refreshed and ready to dive into my duties again.
One summer, when we had some money, my dh let me go to a B&B for the weekend. They didn't have any rooms left in the house, so they let me stay in a little cottage near the gardens. It was so peaceful, I prayed, planned, read, bought myself a new outfit  and just sat still in the gardens. After that weekend, I had plenty of fuel to care for my family, I came back so refreshed. I had "found myself" again.
I'm sorry things are rough right now. Pregnancy often makes things worse then they really are. 
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 11:59am | IP Logged
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Short answer: no. Maybe I am doing something wrong, too. 
Instead, I think it is more like Maddie said. I try to think of it in terms of "seasons", which we have discussed before on 4Real. We all have different seasons of life. Right now is the season of mothering and busyness. But even during this time, there are lulls here and there, where we can find a little more time to ourselves.
I do get a little sad when I think of what I want to do WITH my children, especially my older ones. For myself, I know that I can, where I am right now, do a better job organizing my days to make sure I have little chunks of time for those things. Where you are, pregnant and tired, just getting through each day can be a huge accomplishment!
I like the song "Ordinary Time" by Marie Bellet. She reminds me to not wish away this time, no matter how crazy it is. In fact, all of her music lifts me up for this vocation especially when I am very weary.
Hang in there! Spring will surely come and everything will look a little brighter, if not cleaner! 
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 12:05pm | IP Logged
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yes, but not on anything like a regular basis I have time to read on the computer and read books and exercise (ok so it was 11:30 last night when I got to it but I DID) and sew.. it's just a matter of making it a priority at any given time.. of course the times are few and far between that it can be. But I am making the exercise a priority.. gotta be able to keep up with these kids you know
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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helene
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 3:32pm | IP Logged
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The only way I can get "me time" is after the younger ones are in bed and I have maybe my four oldest up with me from about 8:30 on. This past Christmas I was able to do some embroidering and make ornaments at night after the little ones went to bed. It's only a couple of hours a day, and sometimes you have to let the mess around you just sit while you work, but the rewards in terms of bettering your mood are worth it.
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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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Oh yes Helene, I forgot to mention that.. it's not a case of everything else is done and now I have time to do my stuff.. it's a case of everything else can wait *occationally* so that I can do a short time of my stuff.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 9:28pm | IP Logged
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definitely working around the mess here, otherwise I would NEVER do anything but housework and "mom" stuff.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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monique
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| Posted: March 21 2009 at 9:33am | IP Logged
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I get up early in the mornings to be by myself. My children won't go to bed until I do so I just get up early to do some things I want to do. I also like to be done with schoolwork in the mornings so the afternoons are free until activities start after public school hours. Pregnancy is a hard time though, so don't beat yourself up about this at this moment. As the children grow you will find more time.
Just know that we are all in the same boat. It seems some days I never get past the child care, meal prep, dishes and laundry. It seems I never make any progress!
Use a planner and write things down you want to do. You have to make time for some things and others you just have to let go and realize now is the time for your children.
I hope that helps. Praying for you!
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Monique
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Tonya
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| Posted: March 21 2009 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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As Maddie mentioned, there will come a time when you can pursue interests other than homeschooling and cleaning. That time has come for me as my youngest two turned 10 on St. Patrick's Day. It is a bittersweet time of life. Those delicious baby days are gone but the house runs so much more smoothly. It is too bad that we can't take time from the many different seasons of our life and mix them up! Just know that the craziness doesn't last forever and that there might actually be a day that you miss it!
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anitamarie
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| Posted: March 21 2009 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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Have you evaluated your expectations of yourself? Just reading your list of desired accomplishments made me tired. That seems like awful lot to put on someone's shoulders who is pregnant, has five children and homeschools. Maybe one or two of those might be doable under your current circumstances, but probably not all. It is hard to make choices when there is so much great stuff in the world to try and to do and to be.
Oh, and definitely you have to be willing to ignore the mess once in a while and do something you like to do. Just can't do it all the time. 
Anita
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Chari
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| Posted: March 21 2009 at 9:46pm | IP Logged
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No kidding, Tonya!!! My second to last baby turned 12 today.....the youngest is seven.
Things are different at this time........harder and easier.
Certainly I get some scrapbooking in now.......that NEVER would have fit into my earlier life!! Maybe that is why I never took it up till a few years back.
.......but, I would still take a baby anyday........to "mess" up my "me" time.
I think when I was younger........just a cup of tea with a friend while our kids played.........was a high quality of ME time. When they are little......I remember small bits of my pursuits: reading, writing, computer.....phone calls with friends.....things that could be done in ten minutes.
You are SO not alone.........we are all there, been there...or going there 
prayers for peace!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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SallyT
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| Posted: March 23 2009 at 9:17pm | IP Logged
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Yes, I'd take another baby, too . . . my "baby" is five. Still, I'm finding that I'm able to do many more things, or much more of the one or two things I really want and need to do, than I used to. I'm able to write much more in the afternoons, when we're finished with sitdown school time, because I can send the kids outside or upstairs while I work. And I can sing in choir, because my older two can sit with youngers.
But I don't do everything that it crosses my mind to want to do, only the couple of things I've determined are important, either financially, as I'm now getting paid regularly to write, or as something I can offer at church. I love both the things I do, and that would be enough reason to do them, but you do have to prioritize . . .
And I simplify. I haven't been on these forums much in months, for example, because online "playtime" has largely had to go by the wayside so that I could be more disciplined about writing and not totally neglect kids, dinner, husband, etc.
Finally, I do have fewer children -- four -- and two of them, at 15 and 11, are old enough to be a real help with things like housework, yard work, cooking, babysitting, etc. The lay of the land was quite different when they were younger and we had babies in the house. But it's gone by so quickly, and I do miss babies . . .
Saying a quick prayer for your peace of mind and clarity in discerning what you'd really like to do, and what's realistic -- I know how not-easy that can be.
Sally
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Syncletica
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| Posted: March 24 2009 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for your thoughts, ladies.
I really appreciate it.
I can totally appreciate the season thing, but I get concerned, for instance, when I think I may not be using a talent the way I should. You know what they say, if you don't use it, you lose it. I'd hate to think I didn't use the talent for singing I've had and would never get it back again. It's hard knowing what exactly God's Will is for something like that. Marie Bellet uses her talent for good use, and I'd like to do something along those lines.
Then there's the problem that some of these aren't "my" pursuits, so-to-speak. Reading about Nature Study should be done while my children are still young, right? I don't understand it yet, nor have we gone out and done any nature study yet. Teaching my girls to sew with my very limited sewing skills should also be a priority in educating them, shouldn't it? Also, I want to read some books before I let my children read them so I can know if I approve of them or not. I hardly have time to do the bit of spiritual reading I've attempted to commit myself to, never mind the books for the children. These seem to be duties, yet time for them doesn't occur. I am finding it hard to get up in the morning. I'm supposed to be getting up around 6:30, but lately it's been closer to 7:30-8:00. That puts us behind a fair bit. Mind you, my children have been sick the last couple weeks, my 17 mo. old has been waking up through many nights. Sometimes I've been so tired I went to bed right after I put the children to bed. I hate to think I'm not fulfilling everything God wants of me.....
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Tonya
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| Posted: March 24 2009 at 3:29pm | IP Logged
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It is so difficult being pregnant and having one who is still not letting you sleep through the nights. You are just plain exhausted! And having young children and being exhausted means that you can't do everything. You have to give yourself a break. Perhaps Marie Bellet has a great deal of help that allows her to sing the way she does. Going on nature hikes with a 17 month old while pregnant just makes me tired to think about. And sewing isn't an absolute necessity in homeschooling! (Many times we start teaching these things too young anyway.)
An interesting story about a singer that you all know of. I was at a conference at Franciscan University several years ago and the speaker was talking about how due to pregnancies and complications, she had lost her ability to sing. She said that God had given her voice back to her and she belted out a song in the most beautiful, jazzy, gospel voice. She brought the house down. That woman was Kimberly Hahn. When it was time for her to sing again, God let her know.I am sure that your children love to have you sing to them and they are the most amazing audience that you could have! And I am sure that if you are getting up later, it is because your pregnant body needs the sleep. And as your children get older, they will be able to help you with the chores more.
On a personal note, when I was a new mother I was very into sewing and designing children's clothes(and I learned how to sew as an adult, not as a child). One of the dresses I designed was featured in Sew Beautiful magazine. I was driving myself crazy trying to homeschool, mother, and trying to make a career out of my hobby. One day I realized that I could not do it all and I completely walked away from sewing. I found so much peace. I had not even been enjoying the sewing because I was using my sleep time to pursue my hobby and I had gotten cranky and sick. I have found other passions and hobbies since then but at this point in time, I have still have no desire to sew. It just took too much time away from my family.
I don't know if I am making any sense but just realize that you can't do it all. Just pray and God will let you know what he wants you to do.
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 01 2009 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
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As a non-seamstress myself, I'd say that if it's not your thing, you don't necessarily have an obligation to tutor your children in doing it. My one sewing daughter (the other's 5) learned with her grandmother and through a few lessons with a drama teacher, of all people, when she was about 12 or 13. I figure that she can teach her little sister, if and when. It's a great skill to have, and I wish that I had the inclination, the skills, the patience, etc, but I don't, and I would not knock myself out thinking that I had to ensure, personally, that my girls could sew. (Ditto playing the violin, for that matter . . . )
Things that I'm good at and naturally do are one thing -- my kids have all learned to cook, or are learning to cook, under my wing. They garden with me. But the day is full enough without my taking on things that don't come naturally to me, above and beyond the normal school stuff (don't like math, but we gotta do it!), and would be frustrating to try to teach my children while I'm trying to master them myself.
You know, even in school-school, teachers tend to teach according to their gifts, so that if you have, say, a teacher who -- like my next-door neighbor, who's a kindergarten teacher -- LOVES exotic pets like Madagascar hissing cockroaches, then the children in that classroom will have their learning colored by that interest. They'll tend to know a lot about cockroaches, but maybe not so much about quilting. Granted, next year they might get the quilting teacher . . . all that to say, one thing you're really giving your children in homeschooling is the gift of yourself, as you are, and as you see the world. There are fabulous sewing mothers out there, and it's great that that has a role in their homeschooling, but maybe they don't have your gift for singing, which you can use with your children, too.
I've always sung in choirs, by the way. Choir night is my night out, usually combined with Mass, and we arrange our schedule so that my husband, who's often out in the evenings, is home then. In my last couple of choirs, I've been able to bring my little children with me to the choir loft or, as in our current situation, the pews on the side where the choir sits. Usually one lucky child will get to sit with me -- it's a real incentive to behave well, and I count the exposure to the music we do as part of our education. I don't know what's up with music in your parish, but if you want to sing, and that's the thing that's really important to you as a gift, you can both share it with your children at home and, possibly, let them share in your offering it in other venues . . .
If I'm not sure about a book, we do it as a read-aloud, so that I can edit as I'm reading if a problem arises. That kills two birds with one stone. It also makes it easier to read ahead a little, beyond where you are. You also don't have to pre-read in great depth a lot of the time -- just flip through to random places, if the first page doesn't set off alarm bells.
OK, must stop neglecting both children and work now . . .
Oh, and in case you're wondering, Madagascar hissing cockroaches are the gift that keeps on giving, and now we have some, too. In a cage.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Do you ever find time for your pursuits?
