| Author | |
Natalia
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1343
|
| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 5:09pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
when he gets home from work?
I have noticed that every time I see my dh I tend to want to talk about something that is concerning me or something that has to be done. The poor guy gets an earful from me. And it is not fair. I would like to receive him in a special way when he gets home.Do you guys do anything special for your dh when he gets home? How do you keep from rattling off all your concerns to him? Do you have a special time that you dedicate just to discuss issues?
I will love to hear you all share
__________________
Natalia
http://pannuestrodecadadia.blogspot.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 5:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I'm afraid the kids hit him before I do. I've asked him if this overwhelms him and he says no. He's such a great guy.  He says hello to all the kids and then goes back to the bedroom to change clothes.
He has mentioned that it means a lot to him after a long day if I greet him with a smile and a kiss at the door so ever since I've made a sincere effort to do that. It's not always easy some days (not because of him - because of my temperament).
I try to have the parts of the house that he walks through tidied - also not always easy or done, but I try. 
I made it a habit to listen to him first and ask him about his day. I started doing this more out of necessity than any natural virtue I have. I become completely overwhelmed and frustrated if I need to talk to him about something and there are a million other things going on that need to be addressed and each of the children needs some time. He's very laid back and relaxed and can take that quite well. I'm better about just addressing whatever needs present themselves and listening. I can process later. I want to know that all his attention is on me so it naturally works out that later in the evening when it is quieter, I start chatting.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 5:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I'm often still busy when he is getting home.. and so it depends on where in the house I am and what I'm busy with whether I wait for him to find me and then stop and smile and say hello.. or if I walk to the front door..
Kids get to him first here as well  it's generally the better part of valor to GET OUT OF THE WAY
But they usually settle down again right away after they get to say hi.. so it does work pretty well.. they get their hellos out of the way.. and then I say hi to him.. usually a smile at least but often a hug/kiss..
And I'm rather inclined to the positive myself and prefer to talk over problems when things are quiet at night.. so while I might catch him right away if I have something critical on timing.. mostly we just chat about what we've been/are doing.. just sorta catching up with where we are. But not problem solving.
And I've just realized that that's almost exactly how my grammy and grampy interacted. Grammy would stop what she's doing to say hi and exchange a quick kiss.. but like I can picture her washing dishes and she'd stop and turn her attention to grampy.. but she wouldn't move away from the sink.. she'd go back to her work while he put his things away and changed etc.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Dawnie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 30 2005
Location: Kansas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 841
|
| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 11:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My dh just got onto 1st shift after working 2nd shift for over 3 years, so he gets home when I'm actually awake now!!
I've been trying to make sure I look nice when he gets home...I put on more lipstick and really try to just be ready to greet him with a smile. 
It feels a little like being a newlywed, since it's been so long since I've been able to greet him at the door!
Dawn
__________________
Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
chrisv664
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 22 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 324
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 7:24am | IP Logged
|
|
|
My husband loves when the kids run to the door to greet him. I try and make sure they are aware that he will be home soon so they anticipate his arrival. My two youngest are 8yo and 5yo, so, it's not the same as having toddlers who get overly excited, but they do still love running to the door and hugging Dad!
I am usually getting dinner on the table when he gets home, so I am distracted by that and save my concerns for after dinner when the kids are in bed and it is more quiet.
__________________
Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Natalia
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1343
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 8:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
It was a silly question to ask, wasn't it?
I had a friend, an older woman-old enough to be my mother-that used to stop everything she was doing for 15 minutes when her husband got home. After the kids said hello they would sit down and he would have a drink (a martini) and they would touch basis. I've always liked that idea but it doesn't seem practical for our circumstances.
I think there is something I am trying to get at and I am not expressing it well. It came to last Monday when Mark and I met to watch our youngest son basketball practice. Almost immediately after we sat down I started to talk about something that was on mind. He grimaced and said "Is there ever something good?" His remark really made me think. I am a very intense person, and homescholing has aggravated this trait because I tend to see my dc as this ongoing project and it is up to me that this "project" turns out right. So my mind is always going,always thinking about what to do and how, always looking for a system, always evaluating... It is really exhausting and I think it is affecting how I relate to dh. I have lost the ability to just talk to him. I don't even know what to talk about - what do you talk about with your dh that is not home or child related? So I think the issue, I realized, is broader that how to greet him when he gets home. It is more about relearning how to relate to him and not let homeschooling overpower our relationship.
Sorry for asking so silly and shallow questions
__________________
Natalia
http://pannuestrodecadadia.blogspot.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
chrisv664
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 22 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 324
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 9:16am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Natalia, I don't think your question was silly or shallow at all. The kind of welcome a spouse receives after being out of the home all day can make it a place he longs for when he's not there, or a place he avoids at any cost! So these things, though seemingly small, are very important!
On a different level, it sounds as if you are looking for other ways of connecting with him, that don't necessarily have to do with the children. Some couples I know of have nights out (or "in-house" dates) where children can only be discussed during the first fifteen minutes (or not at all!) and then on to other things! Perhaps scheduling some regular time to talk will alleviate the feeling that you are bombarding him at once. Also, try and make a point to lead off with the positive points of the day and then the topics that are concerning you. Just some thoughts. Hope they help!
__________________
Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 11:33am | IP Logged
|
|
|
One thing I try and make a point to do.. when a child does something good that I really want to reinforce.. I'll try and tell dh about it when the child can overhear  that would be nice and positive and a good thing to talk about right away when the kids are likely still hovering around somewhat.
What about a notebook of some sort so that you can write down your concerns and not feel like you'll forget if you don't talk about it right away?
We do talk a lot about the kids. When we're out together, we still do.. but I try and change the focus from the every day to things we're planning or things to consider as the kids are getting older.. more plans and dreams type of talk than nitty gritty everyday problems and such.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 11:52am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Natalia wrote:
I am a very intense person, and homescholing has aggravated this trait because I tend to see my dc as this ongoing project and it is up to me that this "project" turns out right. So my mind is always going,always thinking about what to do and how, always looking for a system, always evaluating... It is really exhausting and I think it is affecting how I relate to dh. I have lost the ability to just talk to him.
|
|
|
Wow. I can really relate to this. I'm overly talkative as well as being an over-thinker and rather intense (poor dh), so all the 100mph thoughts that are zipping around my brain tend to spill out of my mouth and into my dh's tired ears. He's such a good listener, though, and never complains about it. I'm working on greeting hiim at the door with a kiss, and keeping any concerns to myself until after dinner. I failed at this miserably last night. Before he even walked completely in the door, I blurted out, "You didn't put the trash out and we missed the garbage truck." Nice welcome, huh? 
So this is something I'm working on and it is hard, hard work for my temperament and personality! I'll be praying for you, Natalia! I think even just being aware that we tend to focus on the "projects" instead of just having a nice, leisurely conversation helps.
Being aware is the first step. Now, if I could just learn to put a cork in it....! 
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 11:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
JodieLyn wrote:
What about a notebook of some sort so that you can write down your concerns and not feel like you'll forget if you don't talk about it right away?
|
|
|
Oooooh. Good idea. I'm going to try this.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
DominaCaeli
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3711
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Sarah M wrote:
| I'm overly talkative as well as being an over-thinker and rather intense (poor dh), so all the 100mph thoughts that are zipping around my brain tend to spill out of my mouth and into my dh's tired ears. He's such a good listener, though, and never complains about it. |
|
|
This describes my husband and me pretty well too. My husband comes home for lunch, so I have two times a day that I greet him on the way in the door from work. Both times, I am usually preparing meals and caring for the kids when he arrives, but I do try to at least stop what I'm doing for a moment to walk over, smile, and kiss him. In the evening, he immediately heads upstairs to take a shower and change, so he gets a little automatic downtime that way.
JodieLyn wrote:
| I'll try and tell dh about it when the child can overhear that would be nice and positive and a good thing to talk about right away when the kids are likely still hovering around somewhat. |
|
|
I do something similar. The kids and I think of something for them to tell Daddy about as soon as he gets home: what they saw outside that day, how they helped Mommy, a funny thing they did or said. They love sharing it with him as soon as he walks in the door, and he loves to hear the excitement in their voices. It's quick and starts the afternoon/evening on a positive note (which is helpful before I launch in to whatever gripes I have for the day ).
I feel like I've been working on not complaining as often for the last few years and haven't really made much progress.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Martha
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 25 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2291
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 12:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I call him the love of my life or my beloved and give him a good hug and kiss and then I leave him alone for a 15 or 20 minutes to get decompress a bit.
He works from home for now, but I still do this when he comes out of the room for the day. He actually needs it even more now because a. there's no drive home to decompress and b. he has the added stress of having been given official notice that he will be laid off June 1st and thus needs to find another job
__________________
Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 12:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh Martha, we'll be keeping you in prayer, that is rough...
The kids greet him first usually, but he makes a point of working his way through the crowd to kiss me first! Then he takes notice of the kids. I do try to freshen up a bit around 5 each day. Lately that's been finally getting around to brushing my teeth for the day...
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 1:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lisbet wrote:
| The kids greet him first usually, but he makes a point of working his way through the crowd to kiss me first! Then he takes notice of the kids. |
|
|
Oh Lisa- that is so sweet.  I just love that.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Natalia,
Oh, it was a great question! I often greet my husband the same way you mentioned. "Oh, hi honey..can you watch Gabbi for a minute? I have to just finish this..."(whatever) Sometimes I do the "Daddy's HOME!!!!" and all the kids (little ones at least still) go running out to greet him. But, sometimes I lack focus and the house hasn't been cleaned up before he comes home, or things seem chaotic around this hour.
Anyway, a great time to get new ideas as my husband is going to work an hour away from home for a year. I am used to him being 3 minutes away or so and popping in at least once a day for coffee.  Now that will be over for a long time. So, his homecoming should be something special since he will have such a long drive etc. I should probably try to look more presentable too. I have sort of given up on "me" and how I look.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LucyP
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 05 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 791
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 3:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My dh comes home at 9.30am, more or less. So he kind of lands in the middle. With our relaxed mornings [read s-l-o-w!] he is likely to find me sipping tea and the children reading on the window seat, or them having breakfast or in the bath. He just gets on with it. Due to his working paterns, I am usually ready for a cuddle, and he gets a cup of coffee. The whining starts later normally!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Matilda
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 17 2007
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1827
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 3:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think this is a great topic! At our house, the kids race to the door and help Daddy unlock it. He usually makes his way back to me in the kitchen, laundry room or our bedroom to give a kiss and a hug and ask how I am doing. I stop to welcome him, but I admit that I don't drop everything. Then he puts his work stuff away and returns to chat and pitch in with whatever I am doing (laundry, dishes, dinner) while we talk about anything from his work day to my day to something he heard on the radio. I would like to make more of an effort to be really present to him when he comes home but he has said that he actually really enjoys when I get up early enough to spend time with him before he leaves so I have been concentrating on that this year.
__________________
Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10, 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Anne McD
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 21 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 499
|
| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
It can be really tough to greet dh at the door with a genuine smile and a smooch, but I find that when I do (and I mean it! ), he seems to sigh in a "letting the day go" kind of way. The kids usually meet him at the door, and I make my way over from the kitchen (the garage door opens up into that room). Idealy, I'd love to have the place picked up and calm, but really... I've tried to put myself in his shoes, and try to figure what kind of home he'd like to walk into.
My mother told me this story years ago. When she was young, she was out driving with her father. It was 5ish, and he stopped the car across the street from a bar. He pointed out all the men going into the bar and said, "never be the kind of wife that your husband has to go out for a drink before he can face you at home."
__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
monique
Forum Pro
Joined: Sept 11 2007
Location: Wyoming
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 345
|
| Posted: Jan 16 2009 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Natalia wrote:
It was a silly question to ask, wasn't it?
I had a friend, an older woman-old enough to be my mother-that used to stop everything she was doing for 15 minutes when her husband got home. After the kids said hello they would sit down and he would have a drink (a martini) and they would touch basis. I've always liked that idea but it doesn't seem practical for our circumstances.
I think there is something I am trying to get at and I am not expressing it well. It came to last Monday when Mark and I met to watch our youngest son basketball practice. Almost immediately after we sat down I started to talk about something that was on mind. He grimaced and said "Is there ever something good?" His remark really made me think. I am a very intense person, and homescholing has aggravated this trait because I tend to see my dc as this ongoing project and it is up to me that this "project" turns out right. So my mind is always going,always thinking about what to do and how, always looking for a system, always evaluating... It is really exhausting and I think it is affecting how I relate to dh. I have lost the ability to just talk to him. I don't even know what to talk about - what do you talk about with your dh that is not home or child related? So I think the issue, I realized, is broader that how to greet him when he gets home. It is more about relearning how to relate to him and not let homeschooling overpower our relationship.
Sorry for asking so silly and shallow questions
|
|
|
I don't think this was a silly or shallow question at all. You are obviously a very thoughtful and caring wife. I think my dh and me have lost the ability to talk to each other so I don't think it's silly or shallow to keep that relationship growing and healthy. And if the way you greet him when he gets home will help that then you are doing a great thing!
__________________
Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
doris
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1103
|
| Posted: Jan 16 2009 at 5:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My dh read over my shoulder when I was reading this. His (very male!) comment on the subject was, 'I'm happy that you tidy the house before I come home and have supper ready for me.'
Nothing deep required here! Interesting thread, though.
__________________
Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How do you greet/receive your dh...
