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Bella
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Should have read, I am having such feelings of despair this Advent season-but my "d" won't work. 
A little rant...please forgive me....
I can't put my finger on the whys.I want to blame the election,the terrorists attacks in India,the economy,that my DH isn't Catholic,that the push for the more and more STUFF,hasn't just invaded Walgreens,Target, Walmart,etc...but even our Catholic and Christian book stores! I turn on the only Christian radio station yesterday, and they were already playing Christmas music. Lights and Christmas decorations have been up for over a week in my neighborhood. UGH.
I prayed this morning about this, talked about it with DH,but I stilldon't feel any better. I am going to Confession in about three hrs,so maybe that will help.
Am I alone in these thoughts? Any advice? Ireally want to be cheerful about day to day life, but, I REALLY want to be cheerful NOW-on the eve of Advent,during this very special time of the year.
Thanks for "listening."
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Peace and Blessings,
Bella
Wife and Mom to my sweeties!
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Nov 29 2008 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Bella  . I do know what you mean - it all can be so overwhelming!
It sounds as if you might be in information overload. Here's what I do very intentionally during Advent if it will help at all...we retreat into the domestic monastery.
I turn off the tv (except for movies and shows that help keep our focus on the preparation and anticipation of the season), turn off the radio, drop the newspaper, and...I don't go out shopping except to the grocery store. Period. I shop for the children before Advent, and I shop exclusively online in order to protect my senses and prevent the children from seeing the extraordinary level of commercialism in stores. Our culture is completely permeated with the materialism and commercialism that now surrounds this Holy Day - I try to spare my family (and myself) that sensitivity overload.
There is just no peace in blaming any one thing for the disruption you feel - all of the things you list are out of your control, but God is lovingly working in the hearts and situations of all the things that trouble you. Trust that He works in ways mysterious and often not at all understood by us and let Him work. Spend your energy preparing your home and your heart to receive the infant Child. Seek joy in the simplest, most everyday moments - the home you have and that you build, the warmth you experience from your family, the delight of innocence in your children's eyes, the richness and joy in our Holy, Catholic Faith that allows us to enter into the mystery of the Incarnation and prepare - count it all grace.
Find some Advent music and ready it. Do something tonight to make real the preparations - set out your Advent wreath, your Crib, the Nativity scene. Do you have some scraps of material? Any purple for the season? Purple tissue paper? A purple scarf? Set out a few small vignettes - holy cards even - that lift the mind and prepare the heart. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just something to remind you visually that the time of preparation begins tomorrow.
I'll be praying for your peace, Bella. 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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KackyK
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Jennifer, wonderful advice. This is the season of hope, Christ is our hope. And when you feel despair, this IS what we need most.
Praying for you too Bella.
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KackyK
Mom to 8 - 3 dd, 5ds & 4 babes in heaven
Beginning With the Assumption
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aussieannie
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Bella, here is a posting that spoke to me today, you might find it helpful too - Simplify
Even though there are obviously many differences in circumstances, the message in it is very nourishing for everyone starting Advent especially under more difficult cirmstances...
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MarilynW
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Dear Bella
I am praying for peace and joy for you this Advent. I so agree with what Jen and Anne have said. Also adding that for our family there is great comfort in the traditons of the season - despite all the ugly stuff going on in the world and the economy etc, we take comfort from our familiar Advent prayers and rituals. In our own little home we have peace and familiarity and joy in the things we have done for years, in the rhythm of the Liturgical year. Our focus is not on gifts or things or achieving - just on slowing down and using Advent as a time to simplify and draw closer to our Lord. I already feel so much more peaceful looking at our twinkling purple lights, having had one long family dinner round the Advent wreath doing the Jesse Tree readings and reading Jotham's Journey. I look forward today to reading beautiful Advent picture books with the children (most of which I have out of the libraray!) And my spirit is renewed at the excitement and joy of my children who are so excited with Advent and think all our Catholic traditons are 'cool"
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Marilyn
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chrisv664
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I sometimes feel like Scrooge during this season. The commercialism and seeming lack of acknowledgement of the "reason for the season" used to really get to me. It still does,if I let it. I guess the way I have handled it is to try and keep the focus on Christ in my own home.. .that is something I can control. I keep my decorations simple and traditional... I play nice Christmas music, we do the Advent wreath and read lots of Christmas books. I try and do lots of my shopping online to avoid the malls and stores as much as possible.
Also, it gives me peace to look at all the lights and decorations, and yes, even the commercialism, and to know in my heart that without the birth of our Savior none of it would be here anyway! So in the end, it really is about Jesus, even if not everyone "gets it".
It does get to me though, when people actively try to take the religious element out of Christmas. I always say "Merry Christmas" and do what I can to bring Christ back into the center of the season, both in and out of my home.
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
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Angie Mc
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Hi Bella . How are you doing? You have received wonderful helps here. I know the self-imposed pressure of being happy when I'm not. This pressure can exasperate my problems. I wrote about this topic at length at my blog, here.
If your scenario was mine (which it easily could be) I would run through my thoughts and feelings to figure out where I had lost my peace. Since your scenario is much more complex than is posted here, I'm not going to assume that I know all that is on your plate. The following is just an improvisation to give you an idea of the process.
Perfectionism? Advent isn't going to be perfect for me. It doesn't need to be. There is no such thing. It only needs to include fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. I'll start there with simple activities that build me and my family up. Like, I'll put the advent wreath in the middle of the table and we'll pray and discuss how we will approach advent this year. That is a great start. (I'll also serve peppermints and store bought gingersnaps after dinner for a treat. Treats on Sunday are good!)
All or nothing? I can't do everything that I want to do but instead of jamming up and doing nothing, I'll do a little bit...each day...it will add up.
Disqualifying the postive? Consumerism, early Christmas lights, decorations all have some good. They do bring attention to the season, however imperfectly, and to Christ. Some people have good natured fun shopping. I'm able to purchase gifts (and other life enriching items) on sale for my loved ones without breaking the bank. The house decorations show me that my neighbors are engaged and wanting to provide a festive environment.
Entitlement? I'm not entitled to others celebrating advent the way I feel they should, or to the world behaving itself and having right priorities, or to feel physically well and without grief in my heart. I don't control much. I don't control world affairs or the affairs of other people, or my hormones and life losses. But I do control myself, how I think and feel, how I will behave, what activities I will choose to participate in. I control my spending and my smile. I can pray (even if it isn't perfect), fast (even if it doesn't seem like enough), and give alms (even if it isn't elaborate.)
OK, I'm feeling some relief ...hope you are too.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Bella
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| Posted: Dec 01 2008 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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Oh Ladies, thank you! 
I had a much cheerier post to send, on Saturday evening, but by the time I was ready to hit the "reply" button, the boards were closed. 
First of all, Jennifer, thank you! I read and reread your post, and just soaked in the wisdom and truth in it. I am a v ery sensitive person-probably have some amount of SPD-and becasue of that, for years, I have protected myself. Then the election got closer and closer,and I found myself with the news on, and reading blogs more,etc...It REALLY became too much. Thank you,so much, for pointing that out to me.
What I didn't mention, was that on EVERY prayer list I am on-IRL,and online, there seems to be so many sick and dying children,mommas an dads.
But back to what you said Jennifer, ALL of it is out of my control.
To Kacky, thank you.
To Anne, thank you. I really enjoyed reading Jenny'sblog-and as I listened towhat she was saying ab out Simplifying, I also read what she had to say a bout praying the Rosary-so near and dear to my heart. I think I may post about this over in Hidden Treasures.
Marilyn, thank you. Your post also lifted me up,and your sharing echoed Jennifer's, I really appreciate it.
Chris, thank you for putting things in a perspectivce,that I hadn't thought of.
So...I had a good Confession-the Father really helped me to get my head screwed on straight!  <<<Good cry!
Mass was wonderful yesterday, and for the first time, I attended Vespers(sp?) last night.
Well.Ladies, I do have shopping to do, but I have turned our home into a comforting place to celebrate Advent-away from the chaos and anti-Christiananity of this world.
Two things that were so meant to happen yesterday....
1) It was lightly snowing when we woke up, out of coffee, so I decided to run to the coffee house to grab a coffee for DH. If you've been to one of these coffee houses, you know about those little stickers they put over the opening to sip? Well, I was driving away, and noticed that the sticker said,"Giggle!" I knew right then, that I needed to enter my home with JOY! I know this is cheesy, but I think that little cheesy sticker was for ME.
2) on the way home from Mass(we walk),DH said he saw an Advent calender, that I would love.He wanted ALL of us to go to Target to pick one up. I silently prayed to God to keep my mouth shut,and just listen(I don't shop on Sundays). DH explained that these calenders have 25 little doors, that have nothing in them-we could choose what to put in them, and they would last for years(with a little glue from time to time). He said the two of us could each make up things to put in-maybe a little Lindt ball, a piece of paper that says we are serving at the soup kitchen,baking cookies for a grumpy neighbor-to a "ticket" to invite a friend over to decorate cookies. That my DH suggested ALL of that, filled me with HOPE.
This meant so much to me, as I really saw our Lord working in my DH-away from the material Christmas we celebrated as dc, to a religious Advent and Christmas I have been gently bringing into our family.
Praise God!!
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Peace and Blessings,
Bella
Wife and Mom to my sweeties!
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Bella
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| Posted: Dec 01 2008 at 10:24am | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
Hi Bella . How are you doing? You have received wonderful helps here. I know the self-imposed pressure of being happy when I'm not. This pressure can exasperate my problems. I wrote about this topic at length at my blog, here.
If your scenario was mine (which it easily could be) I would run through my thoughts and feelings to figure out where I had lost my peace. Since your scenario is much more complex than is posted here, I'm not going to assume that I know all that is on your plate. The following is just an improvisation to give you an idea of the process.
Perfectionism? Advent isn't going to be perfect for me. It doesn't need to be. There is no such thing. It only needs to include fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. I'll start there with simple activities that build me and my family up. Like, I'll put the advent wreath in the middle of the table and we'll pray and discuss how we will approach advent this year. That is a great start. (I'll also serve peppermints and store bought gingersnaps after dinner for a treat. Treats on Sunday are good!)
All or nothing? I can't do everything that I want to do but instead of jamming up and doing nothing, I'll do a little bit...each day...it will add up.
Disqualifying the postive? Consumerism, early Christmas lights, decorations all have some good. They do bring attention to the season, however imperfectly, and to Christ. Some people have good natured fun shopping. I'm able to purchase gifts (and other life enriching items) on sale for my loved ones without breaking the bank. The house decorations show me that my neighbors are engaged and wanting to provide a festive environment.
Entitlement? I'm not entitled to others celebrating advent the way I feel they should, or to the world behaving itself and having right priorities, or to feel physically well and without grief in my heart. I don't control much. I don't control world affairs or the affairs of other people, or my hormones and life losses. But I do control myself, how I think and feel, how I will behave, what activities I will choose to participate in. I control my spending and my smile. I can pray (even if it isn't perfect), fast (even if it doesn't seem like enough), and give alms (even if it isn't elaborate.)
OK, I'm feeling some relief ...hope you are too.
Love,
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Oh,Angie. Thank you. I do fall into despair too easily, but it really doesn't always take so much to bring me back(see my new post above)...yes, I'm feeling better.I really appreciate what you've shared here. And FYI- 2/3 of my decorations will remain in the basement-in their little tubs.
 
Praise God!!!
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Peace and Blessings,
Bella
Wife and Mom to my sweeties!
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Topic: Feeling despair this Advent season...
