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teachingmyown
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Am I the only one who obsesses over Christmas shopping? I spend so long making lists and comparing websites, trying to tailor fit the gifts for the person. I need to make sure each child gets something fitting for his/her personality and at the same time that the gifts are comparable. I read reviews, compare prices, make spreadsheets, etc. It is such a juggle.
I don't do it because of materialism, or to make myself look good. It is all about being a good steward of our money, celebrating each child 's unique interests while minimizing clutter and junk, both for us and the extended family I buy for.
I always try to think of gifts that dh has mentioned throughout the year and involve the kids in deciding.
Then my dh walks into Costco and just starts reaching for toys and stuff without thought and wonders why I get frustrated!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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jdostalik
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I think that's wonderful that you are such a considerate gift-giver at Christmas, Molly. Your kids are blessed. I try, but fail often. We have simplified our Christmas gift-giving to just three presents per child to mirror the gifts that Christ received from the wise men...Still, 3 multiplied by 6 is 18 gifts to get...just for the kiddos.
I would really like to buy a group gift (especially for the middles this year) but am not sure I can get dh on board...We will see.
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Willa
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You sound like you have a gift for gift-giving, Molly....
When our income got really tight a few years ago, and I couldn't get to stores anymore because of sick child and rural home, I sort of gave up on super-shopping. We had a couple of Christmases where my dh would do what your dh did, but now that our belt has tightened he usually just buys a group gift or so. I buy little token things for the kids just to fill stockings, etc., and a couple of things from their wish lists. IT's like Jennifer said -- even 3 times 7 kids, with most of them teenagers and beyond the simple wooden toy stage  -- it adds up fast.
So the tighter income was a blessing in that it took some -- at least SOME -- of the gift-buying stress out of Christmas. My main stressor now is that I really have to buy way ahead because I can't get to stores, so I do my shopping online. I need to start now really 
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teachingmyown
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I actually hate shopping! I do it all online, thankfully. The kids don't get a lot, just one "light up their faces" gift each and then a couple of smaller gifts. Dh's relatives send money so I purchase gifts from them as well.
We are definitely on a budget which makes the juggle that much harder. Also, some kids are so easy to buy for whereas others are either a mystery (17 yr old) or only love books and math thus making it hard to "light up her face" (6 yr old). Usually, there is one or two group gifts. Some years, I pick an "older" kid gift and a "little girl" gift. I find it hard to give individual gifts because, really, the kids share everything. I hate to put a name on a book or toy and then tell the child she has to share.
Part of it is that my personality type is such that I always crash hard after a holiday. I expect so much and reality can never be that perfect. So, as I have worked on tempering that in myself and helping my like-minded kids battle it, I want to give meaningful, stand-the-test-of-time gifts that the kids are still excited about by Christmas night, let alone a week or month later.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Mary G
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Molly -- I'm right there with you and the economy the way it is this year (and our house STILL not sold  ) we are really scaling back.... the problem is that the little ones (yep, even the 9yob) believe that St. Nick will bring them something big ....so that's the quandary I'm in....
I love that they believe but it can put the stress on me (as dh doesn't worry about the gifts at all and thinks they have too much anyway  ) to get equal but different and appropriate and fun and desired ....
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Bookswithtea
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Have you read that book on Love Languages? I am definitely a gift giver, and I do the exact same thing you do, Molly.  Its in my blood and it doesn't matter how much or how little I have to spend. Its just the way I do gift giving. I don't know how to do it any other way. I have lists and budgetary stuff on the computer. I do as much as I can online and then I usually do at least one day or two in stores, one before the rush and one in the midst of it. I even have stocking stuffer lists! 
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trish
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I'm a gift giver too. I know I can go over board sometimes . I do most of my shopping on line too. We have St. Nicholas stockings to stuff, Christmas presents and we also celebrate Epiphany with a gift too. It can add up with 8 children but I try to plan ahead. Some gifts can be made and some need to be purchased. We have a set amount for each child. I try my best to stay within that budget. I try to buy to suit their personalities too. Stress? Nah! lol
Each one will get something they want and something I want to give them (ie) handmade from mom. Fortunately they usually are pretty reasonable in their requests.
I have to remind my dh not to buy anything for them without consulting me otherwise we'd be overflowing with toys. He goes a bit overboard.
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stefoodie
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I'm the same way. However this year, we're taking the easy way out -- 17-yo gets cash because she's saving up for something, the 12-yo and 9-yo will be allowed to use some of their cash plus a bit from us to buy something they've been wanting for the past 2 years. only the 6-yo will get gifts directly from us. We figured this was the least stress and $$$ considering we have a baby coming soon.
that's not counting stocking stuffers, though, which i haven't even gotten started on yet. Any suggestions? Maybe I'll start a new thread later.
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Mackfam
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We sound like twins, Molly. I do all of my shopping online!!! And I start really early because we try to meet all of the criteria you listed as well.
Our Christmas budget got zapped this year after multiple unexpecteds.
We don't let the kids generate wish lists at all. This eliminates expectations. Of course, there is still hint dropping and catalog wishing, but no formal list. And, I'm clear that St. Nick doesn't bring trendy gifts (to our house anyway - I've been down that road and got really burned because by the time it came time to give the gift the trend had used up its life expectancy and the desire for that gift was GONE!) So, it's generic, stand the test of time quality must be met.
We try to give one practical gift that is needed - like a clothing item or a new coat. That gift comes from my husband and I. St. Nick leaves a modest offering on Christmas morning. There is almost always a new book for everyone left under the tree. We choose St. Nicholas day or Epiphany and we offer a family gift on one of those days. Stockings are stuffed with fresh fruit, new pencils, small journals, a nice yo-yo, a small sacramental, a little Christmas candy.
Over the years I'm finding that the simpler we keep it the better. Those years with fewer offerings spread out across the season don't leave us with burn out and overload on Christmas morning so I *try* so hard to duplicate that every year - sometimes out of necessity like this year.
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Bookswithtea
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Mackfam wrote:
We don't let the kids generate wish lists at all. This eliminates expectations....
Stockings are stuffed with fresh fruit, new pencils, small journals, a nice yo-yo, a small sacramental, a little Christmas candy.
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We don't allow the kids to generate lists and we also avoid cartoons with dumb toy commercials (did I mention I love my dvr? ) so that helps with expectations as well.
But I gotta ask...fruit??? I'm all for simplicity but I have this feeling an orange in the toe of each stocking would be met with some weird "have you gone Charles Dickens" looks on Christmas morning, here... 
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CrunchyMom
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We always got oranges and tangerines or clementines in our stockings. We also got one treat that was a personal favorite. I almost always got pistachios in mine since they were my favorite and we rarely had them. Maybe my sister would get gummy worms or something. Some years, my mom would get those mixed unshelled nuts and we'd each get handfulls in our stocking and part of the fun was sitting around cracking them!
I think that citrus fruit in a stocking is traditional.
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Mackfam
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Bookswithtea wrote:
But I gotta ask...fruit??? I'm all for simplicity but I have this feeling an orange in the toe of each stocking would be met with some weird "have you gone Charles Dickens" looks on Christmas morning, here... |
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It's sort of a tradition here. I don't fill them with fruit, but there is always a fresh orange and maybe something exotic and special that I don't usually buy. We started young with this - an orange was always in my stocking as a little girl. But, I imagine if I started this now my kids would pull out the orange and say, "huh??" as it was summarily tossed aside.
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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Bookswithtea
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Mackfam wrote:
It's sort of a tradition here. I don't fill them with fruit, but there is always a fresh orange and maybe something exotic and special that I don't usually buy. We started young with this - an orange was always in my stocking as a little girl. But, I imagine if I started this now my kids would pull out the orange and say, "huh??" as it was summarily tossed aside. |
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Now that I think about it, there are more exotic fruits like clementines, blood oranges and kiwi that are popular here...Hmmmmmmmmm...maybe I *will* go Dickens on them!
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10 Bright Stars
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Stockings: We also do fruit too, either oranges or tangerines in the stocking, pistashios for the kids who like them, various candies for the rest, and then toys, pencils, religious items etc. Maybe it is a local tradition thing or a southern thing/or northern thing???
On an aside but pertaining to Christmas gift giving: I run into problems over gift giving because I really like giving gifts and have fun buying them etc. Christmas was a big deal at my house and we always had a lot of gifts under the treee etc. We didn't necc. have "traditions" like doing certain things, nor was church a priority, although we did go to an evening "church service" with a bell choir and the tree was lit etc. (I grew up protestant)
Anyway, my husband is from the total opposite side as far as a lot of tradition, focus on the spiritual side, and then got interesting things like tools and robes, and flashlights; more practical things and maybe a toy etc. He LOVES his Christmas memories, so do I, and we often knock heads when it comes to "how" we are going to go about Christmas. IF he had his way, he would probably NOT give gifts at all, not because he is a scrooge, but he thinks it takes away from the true meaning etc. (Perhaps this is just a backlash anyway due to it becoming SO commercial in society etc. ) Or, he purchased smaller, practical gifts, or a big gift like a new bike. But, he is completely against "a plastic Christmas" where you just get the kid a gift that is big and plastic for the sake of a gift etc.
We also always disagree on decorating and what the tree should look like. His dad always got a tree from the yard and would keep it "alive" in a wheelbarrow and then re-plant it etc. The trees were pretty, but some years, not. Well, that would be great if we had a large amount of evergreens in our yard, but we do not, so I always want to get a tree from the KoC at a local church. So, this causes stress because he doesn't really want to do that. ($$ for a dead tree seems wasteful etc.) So, Christmas has become a source of stress for us instead of joy. I don't really know how to come to a compromise. I don't mind going smaller, with meaningful gifts, but I get very worried about the kids having a "sad" Christmas. I must be disordered in my thinking about this, but I still "feel" this way EACH year; as if I have to pull off some memorable time for them that they will remember and cherish forever. Perhaps it is because I didn't grow up Catholic???? How do you balance this? Perhaps it is the lack of tradtional family practices that are problamatic here and they would fill, the void?? I am from a divorced family, so maybe my childhood Christmas was not like other peoples.
I think partly he thinks my suggestions are commercial and consumeristic DUE to my family being that way, when really it is okay as a Catholic to decorate and celebrate etc. His parents always put up lights etc. so I don't understand, but I can see a point to his wanting to make sure our family celebrates Christmas for spiritual reasons. I don't mind that at all, but I always feel a certain terror that the kids will have a disappointing Christmas although they have been "sad" or disappointed years when we have gone all out. I wish that we could just give gifts on St. Nicholas' feast day or something and take ALL the stress out of the holiday. Each year, I dread the Christmas season, so that can't be good! How can we find the balance between the fun stuff for the kids, but not letting it so take over the entire season, with having to buy, search etc and the stress of being the "Christmas Planner" when no on seems to agree with me, is something I don't look forward to. I guess if I had the money and "my way" I would just decorate the house, put up lights, get the kids each a few gifts and then move on to more spiritual pursuits. Does anyone else have these problems this time of year. (And, I in know way mean to make husband look bad. He cares about them having a good Christmas too, and he just wants to make sure we send them the right message etc. so I hope I conveyed that.)Perhaps I AM just consumeristic??? How can I tell for sure it's that or just wanting to be "a good Mom". & nbsp;
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Red Cardigan
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Interesting thread! 
Eight wonders, I feel for you--I've had similar struggles, but all in my own head.  I'll start out with the intention of keeping things small, and then...
But I think the reason so many of us find this challenging is that it's hard to find the balance. What's too much? What's not enough? Are we creating memories or just raising expectations? Will our children be happy or disappointed? Will we be able to enjoy the whole Christmas season or be stressed and exhausted long before Christmas actually comes?
What works for me is that I do let them make a list. Each of my three dds gets to ask for one thing from us and one from Saint Nicholas (you'd think that at almost 13 my oldest dd would be catching on, but if so she's keeping quiet! I did the same, though--and even when I 'knew' I didn't want to watch my parents put the gifts under the tree, b/c it was just more fun to see it in the morning). Anyway, they know there are limits in terms of $$ but they can ask for some special thing they've had their eye on, or a set of books they'd like, or something like that. Everything else is simple: stocking stuffers (from Avon, mostly, since they're all girls), a pretty ornament for the tree, a sweater or turtleneck, some books or games with all their names on them to share (group gifts), and a religious item for each.
We had tried when they were younger to make it all a "surprise." But there were a few years when someone would be disappointed, so I went to the list option. At first I let them ask for three things each, but that was when they were younger and their toys were cheaper!
One reason we went to this method is that my oldest dd celebrates her birthday New Year's Eve, and then my second at the end of January, so it was all just too much after a while (our youngest is a summer baby and used to feel left out by the birthdays, but now she enjoys having hers apart from Christmas). Christmas just had to be simpler, with fewer playthings, or else by the time my second dd's birthday rolled around I felt like I needed a bulldozer to deal with all the pink plastic. Now that they're older there's much less of that anyway, but it helps that we've started to try to keep Christmas a little simpler.
But it can be hard to know how much is too much, or how much isn't enough; and it's especially hard considering the expectations the world puts out there--that children should be opening mountains of plastic items on Christmas morning or else it's not a "good Christmas." It makes it hard sometimes to know where to draw the line.
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JodieLyn
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Eight Wonders, what a hard thing to deal with. Perhaps you need to sit down and ask for a compromise rather than both of you struggling toward what only you want. For instance.. alternate Christmas trees, one year you get a live tree and the next a cut one. Or get an artificial tree (buy only once, and they're looking nice any more) and just cut some greenery to add that tree scent to the house.
Work out a budget for Christmas gifts. Or timing of things, like getting a new bike when you're 7 or something.
We have had some struggles. Some of what we now do we started in increments.
I grew up non-specific non-church going christian (but there was Bible reading and prayers now and again and talk of God.. so it wasn't just nominal)
DH grew up Catholic but other than going to Mass, not much different from mainstream society.
So we have two families that we don't want to hurt by dumping traditions, things we loved as children and we're different in which things we're willing to change.
When I became Catholic, Christmas was one of the things I really focused on. I wanted the traditions to point us back to the Church.. not drag us off into the non-religious observation of "Christmas".
Amount of gifts bows to money issues usually. But size of house dictates that we don't want lots of plastic junk. So we can work together on that.
One thing we started was going to Midnight Mass. And then opening presents on Christmas morning. It made sure we started off the Holiday with the right focus and kept us from being overtired (kids would sleep later having been tired out the night before)
And then I wanted to put up decorations closer to Christmas Day and have them up through Epiphany.
Both dh and I grew up putting up the tree right after Thanksgiving. So this was difficult.. for both of us though I wanted it. We still go on our "Christmas Tree Hunt" (cut a tree in the forest for $5-10 depending on which forest we go to) the weekend after Thanksgiving. Everyone looks forward to it. We take lunch and it's an event.
But we pushed decorating closer to Christmas without going too far out of the comfort zone.. and then dh consented one year to just TRY putting up the decorations (including the tree - set in water in the cold they stay quite "green" well through the holidays) on Christmas Eve. And where we'd been unhappy with pushing the time back.. once it was on Christmas Eve it worked so much better. With lots of small children, our tree and decorations are fresh and new and not "messed up" from kids playing on Christmas Day. DH takes Christmas Eve off if necessary so that it's a family day of preparing for Christmas. We have fun snacky food for lunch and a simple soup for dinner.. both of which can be made up ahead and just eaten whenever we want during the busy day.
We have taken to putting the trees up physically the evening of the 23rd. That gives them time to "thaw" indoors. But since that one time we've both been happy with it.
And then there's the Santa Claus or St. Nick thing.. we do both. DH didn't want to give up stockings on Christmas, but we both wanted to add in St. Nicholas Day. So Santa ONLY brings the stockings and stockings are ONLY inexpensive things.. special fruit (tangerines here and apples cause everyone loves those) mini boxes of sweet cereals, yogurt covered raisins, mini packs of honey roasted peanuts, fruit roll ups, pudding cups.. candy of course.. this year I'm thinking chocolate kisses in various flavors and lifesavors, a big candy cane and a few smaller toys.. polly pockets or hotwheels, bouncy balls, peek a blocks and teething biscuits and such for the baby
St. Nick comes on his day to celebrate that.. that's a smaller celebration.. old fashioned candy sticks, chocolate coins, and something else.. one year the kids got the motorized toothbrushes.. last year and this year they're collectively getting a dvd on saints (ccc ones I think they are.. last year was Nicholas and this year is guardian angels)
In the end though, it's what you do not what you don't do that will be remembered. So not buying something will be remembered less than what you DO.
One of my best Christmas's from childhood is the one my parents actually told us we wouldn't be getting much. But we went to a Christmas tree farm and cut our own tree (and my sis and I sang Christmas song loudly in the back of the truck on the way there (it wasn't far or too cold yet) and Dad had to rig up a stand for it because the stand we had for the artificial tree didn't work out.
And unlike many gifts.. I still have the book I got from that Christmas.
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SuzanneG
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We do pistachios in the stockings too! Big hit! Especially when they are allowed to THROW the shells on the floor. I figure it's a mess anyway, may as well have fun and get a thrill out of it.
I spend a lot of time / effort / energy with the lists too, and not b/c there are tons of gifts, but b/c i want to make sure there AREN"T TONS OF GIFTS. If that makes any sense. My dh used to do that "last minute grabbing" too, .....undoing everything...ugh....
We also have others who ask for ideas, and the control-freak in me of course wants to give them ideas.
Every year I tell myself I am NOT going to spend so much time on the lists...but it never works. I'm thinking the only thing that will curtail this is morning sickness during Christmas, which I've never had (at Christmas, that is).
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PDyer
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Mackfam wrote:
Bookswithtea wrote:
But I gotta ask...fruit??? I'm all for simplicity but I have this feeling an orange in the toe of each stocking would be met with some weird "have you gone Charles Dickens" looks on Christmas morning, here... |
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It's sort of a tradition here. I don't fill them with fruit, but there is always a fresh orange and maybe something exotic and special that I don't usually buy. We started young with this - an orange was always in my stocking as a little girl. But, I imagine if I started this now my kids would pull out the orange and say, "huh??" as it was summarily tossed aside. |
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Oranges in the stockings are a tradition here as well. My husband's family didn't have the same tradition, nor did any of the other in-laws' families, and my parents also tend to have goofy things in stockings. The first Christmas in our family for an in-law is eye-opening for the in-law and entertaining for the rest of us.
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10 Bright Stars
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We have tried the "his way my way Christmas'" I really wish that we could just come to an understanding concerning it. I always feel as if I am the one making the compromise, when I still internally feel this pressure to have a "lovely time". I don't know why I feel this pressure to pull of the "perfect" Advent or Christmas. I always feel terribly after EVERY Advent that I wasn't organized enough to engage the children in all the wonderful ideas floating around! My SIL had a very good idea today. She got a holy card for all the saints feasts days during Advent and plans on reading about the saint for their particular day and the prayer on the back of the card, and then hanging it on her french door or something like that, and maybe doing a craft IF she has time and something for dinner that may be appropriate. Something like that might be do-able.
I guess I just wish that we could figure out what we ARE supposed to do for Christmas and that way we would just agree that it was the "tradition" and we could pull together and work towards the goals "on the same page". Obviously Mass is the most important observance, and we usually go to Christmas morning Mass and Christmas Eve is more of a family time at home. (We stopped going to Midnight Mass a few kids ago, although it might be neat to try with just the older kids.)
Thanks for the suggestions though. It is too bad that our culture at large isn't more authentically Christian as there would be the support of a more spiritual Christmas with "all the trimmings" as mere extras for fun, and to enhance the really important things.
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Obsessive Christmas shopping?
