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Mary Chris
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Posted: Oct 29 2008 at 5:42pm | IP Logged Quote Mary Chris

I'm curious to see how you and your husband divide up the household jobs. Before this year, I pretty much just took care of the children, keeping the house somewhat clean and making sure the boys put the trash out if necessary. These days, I'm doing it all (thankfully, dh will be coming home soon!) mowing the lawn, changing air filters, paying bills..... you know all tht stuff. What do you do? Do you use power tools? (I don't even know how to work a drill


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Posted: Oct 29 2008 at 6:13pm | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn

I can do about anything.. and will if I must.. but in general dh handles the heaviest work.. splitting wood, getting studded tires on the vehicles (or at least moving the studded tires into the vehicle for me to take to the shop) tilling the garden, any fixing with larger power tools.. I can handle the handle held ones.. any work with the chainsaw.. I will use a bow saw rather than mess with that.

I always do the bills.. his schedule is such that he might not be here when they need paying and it'd confuse us both to be passing that back and forth.

I have kids old enough now that I don't have to chop kindling or mow lawns unless I choose to. And they work (under pressure ) at general household chores.

But having a dh with a non-schedule that's the way it goes..

NOW

when he is here and does have time, he helps with general housekeeping stuff too..

The way I figure it is we both work overtime when he's gone and we both work half time when he's home

The big thing is the heavy things that are harder for me.. so like this spring when we laid sod and a paving stone patio (set in sand) he did most of the prep work the tilling and leveling and moving the sod from the front to the back yard.. but when he ran out of time and had to be gone.. the kids and I were able to take over.. now I was pregnant and I got my nephew and a neighbor boy helping and my sister.. so I have myself and my sister.. I was pregnant and she has a bad back, and then my daughter who was 11 and 3 boys in the 9-10 age range and two girls and 2 boys in the 5-8 age range. By using tools and a hand truck we were able to do that.. so we moved one paving stone at a time.. it still got the job done.

But he did get the stuff that I didn't feel I could do done and so while it would have been much nicer for him to be able to handle the whole thing.. he did what I couldn't do (easily) and that works for us.

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Posted: Oct 29 2008 at 11:30pm | IP Logged Quote SuzanneG

I know how to use power tools....but I've never told HIM that

He does all the yard work, garbage, repairs/handyman/home-maintenance, and garage upkeep. He helps with laundry occasionally and some cleaning up when available. Over the past couple of years, he's also started running some errands and doing some of the grocery shopping.

I do housework, laundry, cooking, car, financial/bills and technology (I SO wish to get rid of this job.....maybe when the girls are older.)

I used to do more of the house maintenance and things like painting, repairs, etc.....but not anymore.

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 7:57am | IP Logged Quote Maryan

Our job divisions are pretty much ditto Suzanne's except: the garage part due to our lack of one, Dan does all the bills except medical ones which I do.

I have used power tools (mostly for craft projects and hanging a picture) and I have rode the riding lawn mower once.

I do paint, etc. -- but judging from my walls, not too frequently.



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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 7:59am | IP Logged Quote PDyer

I do the household cleaning (with help), bills, technology, calendar, laundry, cooking (except on Sundays), most shopping, small power tool jobs (drill, no saws), light gardening, arranging for auto maintenance, running to kid activities, and any planning, information gathering and supervision for large projects.

He does most heavy yard work, small painting jobs (he delegates larger jobs), garbage, Sunday cooking (he enjoys it). Occasional grocery shopping.

That said, if the lawn needs cutting and he's busy at work, I do it (we have a tractor). If the house is trashed and I'm having trouble, he'll vacuum, dust or mop the kitchen floor. And during busy season, we delegate heavy projects that are absolutely necessary, or we wait until after April 15th.   

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 9:02am | IP Logged Quote mimmyof5

We pretty much follow traditional roles, and it works best for us. I do the household cleaning, cooking, weeding, homeschooling, arranging activities, etc.

Dh does everything outside (we have 1.5 acres), maintains the cars, handles all the repairs (I do light bulbs), bills, budgeting and investments.

When I'm really swamped, he'll pull out the vacuum and go to work. He always goes shopping with me since we turn it into a date night. Oh, and the other day I was putting away all the harvest we've preserved (about 500 qts.), and he didn't think I had it well organized so he took over. It's very well organized now. And if he needs someone to hold a ladder or board, he calls me.

We have all girls so he's never had any male help with those outside jobs.

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 9:28am | IP Logged Quote Mary Chris

It's the power tools that get me! I bought a few things to hang up only to have them arrive and realize they need to be screwed into studs. I know how to use a hammer and nail, but that's about it.

We have a super small yard so that is no problem but I hate weed whacking. I do the gardening, but dh builds my square foot gardens, see no drill note above.

Our gas fireplace is turned off so that's easy.

I can change most light bulbs. I only like to do the recessed lights though, nothing that involves taking a cover off. Changing the air filter was much easier than I thought it would be. I guess one of the good things about a young house is that maintenance is pretty easy.

I paint, but now that I'm doing it alone, I am finding the 9 foot ceiling really high. I think I'm going to have to haul the ladder upstairs.

I did clean out the garage when my MIL arrived right before a major storm and told me her car leaks.

The technology stuff is not my thing. Dh has had to talk ds10 through a number of computer stuff over the phone. Luckily my dad was here when our new router came because I looked at it and said "HUH?"

One of the handles on our fridge is hanging and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. I know there are plenty of people I can ask, but maybe I should figure it out myself.

I've just been thinking about this because we are almost down to a month left and it is going to be different when he gets home. It is interesting to hear what others do. Thanks!

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 9:36am | IP Logged Quote Barbara C.

My husband works his job, cooks his own meals, and does oldest daughter's bedtime routine most nights and that's it. I do everything else: housecleaning, majority of childcare, homeschooling, bills, home repairs, car maintenance (nothing drives me crazier than when mechanics tell me to 'tell my husband' that this or that is wrong with the car).

My husband's father died when he was five, and he had an unusual upbringing after that. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't caused strain in our marriage at times.   

It's funny because it similar to my parents' division of labor when I was growing up, except Dad took care of the yard and some repairs. My mom always joked that when a man says " 'I' must do something he means that he wants to do it; if he says 'we' must do something he means 'you' need to do it because I don't want to. " I tend to find the same thing happens in my home. My dad has become more helpful around the house in recent years as my mom has had various health issues. I think he really began to appreciate all that she does.

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 9:39am | IP Logged Quote Barbara C.

Oh, and we don't own any power tools, although there have been a few from time to time that I have coveted. When we got married my husband thought I was crazy for registering for a tool box (his grandfather always took care of everything for him). Whenever I get a new tool or finish a repair job, I can't help doing my Tim Taylor ("Home Improvement) impersonation.

I still list that tool box as one of the top three wedding gifts that I received along with my dishes and my Betty Crocker cookbook.

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 10:02am | IP Logged Quote LisaD

DH pays the bills and handles the investments. He takes care of any major computer problems, electrical problems, bike and car maintenance (other than washing--I do that). He wheels the garbage to the street the night before pickup. He will help with the kids baths and bedtime if he is home from work in time. I think that's about it. He is quick to take over other things if I am ill or injured, however.

I take care of everything else, and don't always do a very good job. We have no more lawn in the backyard, for instance. I just couldn't keep up with the watering (we have no sprinkler system, and it's very hot here). I struggle with keeping up with all the other chores, but my two oldest are beginning to be more of a help. I really sometimes wish that I was more type-A, more organized, etc., but we are what we are. Fortunately, dh is not the type to complain if the house is not immaculate when he gets home from work or if dinner is occasionally take-out pizza.

We own a few power tools and we both know how to use them.

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 1:05pm | IP Logged Quote DominaCaeli

My husband and I play very traditional roles--it's where our strengths lie. He takes care of all maintenance and repairs (home, cars, yards, etc.) as well as budgeting and all finances. He also handles everything related to technology in our home. He gets home at 5pm every day, so he handles the kids after dinner, runs errands with me if needed, and shares in the bedtime chores. When I am ill or very pregnant, he takes over the difficult household tasks too (vacuuming the stairs, cleaning the shower, etc.).

I handle all the housekeeping, cooking, and laundry. I am the one that makes appointments and most other phone calls, plans gifts, keeps in contact with extended family, prepares our liturgical plans, and manages our library accounts. (I sometimes think that last one is a full-time job in itself. ) I also keep track of shopping lists, chore lists, gift lists, book lists--I love lists!

We are both very organized people. Thank goodness we are quite opposite in our strengths or we would definitely have some power struggles!

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Posted: Oct 30 2008 at 4:51pm | IP Logged Quote ALmom

Can I take the 5th?

Seriously, I'm embarrassed but my husband does an awful lot. I am not the most organized person in the world and I am definitely a clutz. It would be a safety hazard if I ever touched a power tool. He has been teaching the boys but they are only allowed to use these when dad is home. I'm not sure I could even find the turn off switch. I have mowed the yard from time to time - it was relaxing to me and dh is more allergic than I am. Now we have older boys that do it.

My husband is immensely talented at finding what is wrong and fixing it and I have learned early to just be patient and he'll get to it and save us tons of money. He does all repairs and trains the boys alongside him. We are not great with yard work - but the 11 yo does gardening. My husband will trim something if asked, otherwise it grows wild - which works since we end up with mostly woodsy lots. We do not have a manicured looking yard.

He has fixed wiring, wired houses, found roof leaks that no one else could find, repaired the computer, toys, plumbing, toilets and on and on and on. He will not call or get assistance until he has a reasonable certainty about what is wrong and weighed the cost and time involved in doing it himself vs hiring it out. He caulks now and again (mostly when I point out that stuff is getting up under the toilet). Painting doesn't happen, but when it does, we all try to help with the roller inside, but he or one of the girls must do the finer touches. Our inside is in dire need of painting but it will be a while before we get to it. I just make a mess. Outside painting is kept to a minimum by getting brick house which is common around here. If it is outside painting, we end up with more drips than I care for so my contribution is following with a rag and cleaning up spills and drips and keeping toddlers out of the way and off the ladders while still feeling a part. I would be much worse at painting than anyone else in the family.

I did the checkbook balancing for a while and used to do the taxes, cause I'm one of those weirdos that thinks that is fun. He took over the checkbook pretty quickly because it drives him nuts to wait till I get around to it. We both get it to balance just fine, it just is that I sometimes did 2 months at a time instead of every time. He has also taken over the taxes mostly because I've become overwhelmed with the schooling.

I do the vast majority of homeschool planning and implementing, but call him in when I need help with decision making or making something. He put up my wall timeline and spaced out all the stuff for it and has built the majority of our bookshelves and occassionally helps the children with a stumper. I tried to get him to go over their science work, since he is much more knowledgeable here but it works better if I go over everything with an AK and then have him help the dc with any they didn't get. (I'm a want things done yesterday type for the most part and he is patient, methodical and this seems to work more efficiently with both our temperment and time home.) Oh, dh is a natural teacher and has the patience so anything the children don't get after sincere effort on my part, gets referred to dad who generally gets them to see it in seconds.

My dh definitely does all the car repairs. I'm embarrassed to say that he even fills the gas for me. I didn't know you had to pay before filling now and I think dh will occassionally walk me through it once or twice again just so I do remember how - after I had to call our oldest dd to figure out how to get the gas cap off when dh was out of town. (Gee I sound ditzy and once I was single and working and did do all this all by myself, so I can do it once I remember all that I've managed to forget - just that ever since I quit work, my husband just takes whichever car has a need to be refilled and refills it. He also double checks before a day I have long drives. I never asked, he just does this and, well, I kind of like it so I've not troubled my mind to think about it since he started). He is immensely patient with troubleshooting and I don't think he has ever raised his voice, so there are times when I think enough is enough it is time to simply junk it and move on, but he just has to figure out why something isn't working. He kept our last car going for at least an additional year than anyone else would have dreamed possible. He might have tried to keep it going just a bit longer except I expressed some safety concerns (I could not stop that big van if it died while we were downhill or at highway speeds) and the shop who basically said "after this it really isn't worth fixing anymore." Oh, and he had a significant part in helping the shop figure out what was wrong with it - just needed some information from them that he didn't have the tools to do. Oh he is also known to redesign where buttons are on brand new cars - for better efficiencey while I chew on my nails wondering about the warranty. It is always fine and he always knows what he is doing, but I still chew on my nails and bite my tongue.

Now, my measly contribution. I do the researching, planning and implementing of the homeschool. I usually am the one to bring up problem areas if discipline issues are rearing (we come to a concerted agreement here but I usually have to set up a private talk for the two of us to address things and decide what we will do - though he will usually call a meeting when he sees me doing too many of the chores without making the children hold their weight). I am stubborn so I am the one who generally finds alternatives when something isn't working or finds solutions for learning glitches, etc. Obviously we make the decisions together but I do a lot of the leg work, research work. I do all the calling when billings are incorrect or insurance denied type stuff cause I'm stubborn and impatient. He takes over before I hit boiling point or when he senses that I'm overstressing and likely to say something to make the whole world mad at us. He keeps up with all the bills. I do the meal planning (rather poorly), cooking and day to day cleaning and organizing. I am solely responsible for aesthetic decisions which mostly means nixing backwards curtains on the wall and such - but also I'm the one to call a time to declutter and get rid of the paper and overflow taking over and making things ugly. I tend to be a nut on a mission at those times and dh is wonderfully supportive - and hangs around so I can ask if such and such is something he really wants. He hauls out the trash and reminds me when it is time for getting dinner going - or I'd forget the time and work through the night. My husband almost always chips in on something as far as housework - dishes or laundry and sometimes cooking (usually when I'm distracted or misplanned school and we are still sitting at the table finishing up lessons when he walks through the door - this is something I'm supposed to be working on improving so we are done with school by 3:30 at the latest and do straigten up, cooking and have family time). Oh, I do the majority of therapy - again my stubborness is an advantage here. Sometimes I need my dh to show me and make sure I've got it once or twice but I really do all therapy.

Oh, dh always calls me as he is getting ready to leave the office to see if there is anything I need from the store since he passes these on his way home. He does all the short trips. We try to do major grocery shopping together. I used to do it myself, but somewhere when one of the other babies were born, he just started doing it really early Sat. morning or on his way home from work. Now I try to go with him and we make it a couple time. He has this nice, neat little map all laid out - only problem is that I cannot read it as I always have trouble with directionality type things. But everything that we buy is listed on this according to where it is in the store, so when he goes it is efficient. I go and it takes 3 hours. Together we get things done in his time - much more efficient.

Oh, and I'm the one that will say - I think your mom just needs you to come. Don't wait, go now. He'd ponder it for a while whereas my instinct takes over. I also am the one who initially dials the phone to talk. He never forgets his mom - just he would take an hour sitting by the phone thinking about what he would say. He likes me on the phone first since I just chat and don't have to plan what I say. This gets his mom talking and then it is easier for him to just talk to her.

If we plant any flowers, that is mine (part of the aesthetics department that he is oblivious to) - unless I need a big hole dug in which case I enlist my husband or one of the older boys. We do have clay so it is tough digging.

I always clean the bathrooms, sweep the kitchen floor and mop it but he often vacuums - especially the stairs - or he delegates one of the boys for this job. When we had fleas, we invested in a second vacuum so this really becomes a team effort. I do the daily (not so well) and then we do a major overhaul on Saturday. We all chip in on laundry - whoever happens to be walking by and notices a pile on the floor. I know my husband frequently puts in a load of wash or unloads the dishwasher. I do a lot of the folding (with the children who do the putting away of their own stuff - and now folding their own stuff). Honestly, my husband is a very organized neat person. When we first married, the garage was cleaner than the house. (Now he has patiently endured all kinds of extra people taking over his space so this is no longer the neatest area). Those who have seen my house will attest to the fact that mopping, cleaning bathrooms and other such are still a major work in progress so my husband's immense contribution here is his infinite patience with this sidetracked homemaker in training. I have at least learned to cook without scorching everything.

Now, with older children, my 11 yo on up can cook a meal independently. My 8 yo can do a significant portion of it. I will call on them or we will rotate as necessary. We are currently re-looking at chores and planning on divvying them out differently so right now things are a bit loose and being on break I've noticed a laxity in chores getting done. I'm also realizing that I need time or a peg in the day for me to plan, cook and clean.

Oh, my dh takes the dog out on the late night business when it is dark and cold. The kids get her for exercise and daytime business trips. (I must say the children talked dh into this dog, so this is not because he has always dreamed of owning a dog or anything. Originally he was the only one who didn't want a dog).

I am generally more efficient at bathing the children(but we don't have anyone needing bath help anymore) and generally did most of the diaper changing but he always chipped in for efficiencies sake. I fed the babies when small (nursed) and do most of the chauffeur service as we try to keep this at times when dad isn't home so when dad is home we have family time. My dh did do some of this, particularly chaperoning to the downtown for orchestra type stuff. It is funny, long after our dd is out of orchestra, we still get called to fill in. He must have done a great job.

Oh, and I do the nighttime reading.

Gee, I think I'd better just admit it - I married a saint and the only soul on earth who could put up with me.

Maybe I should show him this cause I don't think I tell him near enough how much I appreciate all he does.

Janet
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Posted: Oct 31 2008 at 1:02am | IP Logged Quote Erin

ALmom wrote:

Gee, I think I'd better just admit it - I married a saint and the only soul on earth who could put up with me.

Maybe I should show him this cause I don't think I tell him near enough how much I appreciate all he does.



I'm with you on this Janet, thinking about this question makes me realise just how much my husband does.

Our roles have changed a bit over the years but we tend to be pretty traditional now. Dh and the older boys mow the lawn, (I can but don't need to) he does the garden (I'm simply not interested, he is) he pays the bills (well he is an accountant)he turns up with his tool box before I even notice something needs repairing and I notice the older boys now do too. I can use most power tools but don't need to with dh and sons. (Dd can too and she can mow the lawn) Dh takes care of the car maintenance, pumps the water from dam to tank, all the hundreds of things that need taking care of on a rural property.

I take care of the household (with children's' help), ironing, cooking and the majority of the homeschooling (I'm home he isn't) he is great with the children and takes an active role there when home. He'll pitch in when needed with the housework too and comes on the monthly grocery shop. He is far better than me at organising and often re-arranges things in a more productive way than I.

Gee sounds like I need to do more   

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Posted: Oct 31 2008 at 6:39am | IP Logged Quote LucyP

My husband can and will do anything it takes to run a house, but generally he just does the occassional batch of dishes - he has a sense for the times when I might smash the crockery rather than wash it - and will vacuum if he can see I need to do it but am too engaged with child wrangling.

He does the lawns and the hedges, though I will do them when he is busy or the weather is tricky so a sunny day has to be grabbed with both hands - I want the front hedge uprooted so I deliberately stopped cutting it this year so he would experience the full joy of caring for it and could decide for himself if it was worth it. He does everything to do with cars and with DIY. I did have my own little tool set but he appropriated it all, so the most I do is bang a picture hook in with my rolling pin. He does all financial/bill related things.
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Posted: Oct 31 2008 at 9:27am | IP Logged Quote Willa

Nice topic. I liked yours especially, Janet!

DH pays bills, does most of the repairs around the house, does the bulk of the shopping (but I make the grocery lists).   He is the sole provider and runs his own small business pretty much solo, since he likes keeping accounts and that kind of thing.

I am in charge of the regular housecleaning, the laundry, the cooking, the homeschooling planning and implementation. I make most of the phone calls (like insurance companies, doctor's visits etc).   I do the doctors' and dentists' appointments, but he drives us there so he can shop.    I'm in charge of the bedtime routine but he steps in sometimes when things are falling apart for one reason or another.

We split the yard work among us.   We are usually behind on that.   I tend to be in charge of the more "get it done" jobs like raking and stacking firewood, while he is in charge of things like staining and repairing.

I clean the inside of the car and he cleans the outside.

We split the hospital time with Aidan. It's been a while since we've had a hospital run though.

We usually do out of home activities together -- for example, driving the kids to things.   My husband works at home and this is how we spend time together, often.

We discuss most big things together.... purchases, household or child-related decisions.

Also, I didn't factor in the children who do a fair share of these jobs -- for example, my older son stacks most of the firewood, but it's "my" job so to speak.   DH has the kids help him wash the car but it's "his" job. If you see what I mean. (Though the kids are cooperative, delegating and supervising are often just as difficult as doing the job oneself).

I'm glad I wrote this out because I was thinking we have it easy around here -- no babies anymore and not many hospital trips. But there is still quite a lot -- I just didn't realize it.

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Posted: Oct 31 2008 at 11:07am | IP Logged Quote Loren

If I want something done, I do it.

If he wants something done, he tells me over and over again that "we" need to do it.

Or we tell the kids to do it.

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juststartn
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Posted: Oct 31 2008 at 3:29pm | IP Logged Quote juststartn

Let's see...

I do the housework, the cooking in large part (altho DH enjoys cooking so does a good bit), I pay the bills, run the calendar, take care of a good bit of the animal care (we have four pigs, five geese, 2 ducks, 60+ chickens, and a cow as of Monday afternoon, lol--oh, and a dog. LOL)....the dc, of course...

DHs job is on rotating shifts, so while right now, he's on a 730a-330p schedule, he'll be going to a 330p-1130p as of this weekend...and then to the dreaded 1130p-730a shift...ugh. Depending on the shift, I do more/less work out of doors.

But he runs the tractor, and does the heavier work, and I mainly go along to do what I can and help.

Rachel

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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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