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Angel
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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I've been trying to have an eye exam for the past 2 months. Now I have to reschedule for the second time because my dh can't take off to watch the kids, and we have no family or babysitters to help out. I haven't been to the dentist since I was in college. (A long time ago). I need to schedule my yearly OB check up. I need to have my hair cut. I only manage a hair cut every year or year and a half, and I really can't do it myself because I have straight as a stick hair, and it shows every cut.
I am thinking that maybe it's unreasonable for me to expect to be able to do these things without bringing the kids with me, but um, I can't really imagine having an hour long eye exam with my 2 yo twins and my 11 month old in the same room! (The OB checkup -- same.)
What do you all do? I know I can't be the only one in this situation. Should mothers just not expect to be able to do these sorts of things on a regular basis? I mean, what is a reasonable level of self care and how do you achieve it?
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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crusermom
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 9:22am | IP Logged
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Angela,
That is so hard. Is there another mom who you can swap with? Someone in a similar situation. You need to take care of yourself or a dentist checkup will turn into many appointments that can cost lots of money!!
Our society tells us that we need all this "me" time - so, sometimes we go in the opposite direction and think we don't need to take care of ourselves at all. You need to do what it takes to keep you healthy. I don't think it is reasonable to bring little ones to an eye doctors for an hour long exam. But, I guess it would depend on the doctor.
As for the haircuts, do you know any moms who are hairdressers? I have had some that like to cut hair at their home to makes extra money and my little ones just play in the next room with their little ones. It was a win-win.
Mary
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Mary
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Michaela
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 9:52am | IP Logged
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Angela,
I'm in the same boat. We are out a nice chunk of change when DH takes time off to stay with our children.
The dentist and pap appointments just aren't appointments I want to take my children.  I have taken them when I need a haircut though. I don't go anywhere fancy, but those places you don't need an appt and can walk in when time is good for you. They usually have toys for little ones and don't mind AT ALL when Teresa needs to come over to me. I've also seen moms park their stroller next to them while they are getting a haircut.
Lately, I have been experiencing tingling and numbness going down my left side. I should get my behind to the doctor. It's a lot of work!
Most of my friends have their older teen children watch their littles or hire a babysitter. I don't have a teen and won't let anyone except DH or my mom watch my children (I have issues  )
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Michaela
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 9:56am | IP Logged
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Friends and I who were in similar situations to yours, ie, no family around and husbands too busy to take time off, started a babysitting co-op. We started with three women who all lived about 10 miles away from one another, but we were desperate and committed to helping each other.
There are many different formats for babysitting co-ops that you can probably find on the internet, but we used a point system.
I can honestly say it was the best thing that I ever did. It gave me great peace of mind knowing that another mother, and not a young teenager was watching my kids and that that mother had the same philosophy of raising children as my own. The group expanded over the years, and I consider these women to be some of my closest friends. In seventeen years of marriage, I have NEVER had to pay for a babysitter. That savings alone has probably sent my husband and I on a number of extra dates!!
Good luck. If you want more information please feel free to pm me.
Peace.
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mellyrose
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 11:16am | IP Logged
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I struggle with this as well. My DH's schedule is very erratic, so his day can run from 8AM to 10PM easily. He is supposed to be off on Sunday and Monday, but he usually picks up extra work on Mondays so I rarely have that time available.
My OB actually offers childcare during appointments which is an amazing service! She does charge for it, but it's something like $5. She has a playroom and one of the staff members stays with your children while you are in your appointment.
My eyes changed dramatically after Lydia's birth and it took me a year before I was able to make an appointment! So, I have sympathy for you. I made an early AM appointment and DH came with me and had to leave for work before my appointment was over, but at least it wasn't the entire appointment.
For hair appointments, try to find a less-busy time where you get your hair cut. That's what I do so it's easier to keep an eye on my kids, and it's not as much of a strain on the hairdresser if I have to get up a couple times to deal with the kids. (like last time, Lydia needed a clean diaper TWICE in the 40 minutes it took to get my hair cut! LOL)
I really don't have any great advice. Many appointments I do take all my kids because I don't have much choice. If your DH has a normal sort of schedule, try to find caregivers that offer appointments when he is off work (evenings or Saturdays).
Another thing I have done is utilize a homeschooled teen as a sitter. The teens I have had watch the kids are from families we know and I have trusted them. I'd like to use this option more often, but these teens are usually very busy themselves!
Good Luck!
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amyable
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 11:25am | IP Logged
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We were in the same situation for a long time. The one thing I tried to do (not sure if it's possible for you) is to find doctors/dentists near dh's work, then schedule at lunch time, or the very beginning or end of the day. Then I would bring all the kids and dh would meet me in the office and watch them in the waiting room, so he could often do this without needing to take time off (or if he did it was only 15-30 minutes that he could make up at the end of the day or something.
I hope you find a way to do this! 
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crusermom
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 12:12pm | IP Logged
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Oh yes, I forgot this too. Try to find a dentist with evening hours. I bet there are obs with them too. Mine sees pts until 7 pm one day a week. Being a military spouse, I had to learn to get by without my husband or family's help. Luckily those little ones grow up to be responsible teens that can help you out!
Mary
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Mary
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JodieLyn
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Even if you're not comfortable having say a teen from church watch your kids.. you might be able to find one that would come with you and watch the kids in the waiting room.. then they'd be nearby and not really "alone".
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lapazfarm
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No advice, just empathy as I am in the same boat. I have not been to the doctor or dentist or hairdresser in many, many years. Unfortunately it is starting to show.
I think in this new town it will be easier. People are so friendly here that we are making friends fast and I hope to be able to swap off babysitting with some other moms soon.
Good luck working it out. I definitely feel your pain!
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10 Bright Stars
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I know what you mean. I twisted my ankle about a year and a half ago. My achilles tendon has had a large swollen, tender area all of this time. I have no idea why it is still swollen, and lately, I have been trying to walk since I think I HAVE to start worrying about my health as I approach 40, and it has been hurting badly when I wake up and when I try to walk in the a.m. You would have thought I would have checked this out with a doc by now!!! Anyway, DO go to the dentist because it is very important to have your teeth cleaned reguarly for gum health, and you will just rack up bills for the future by putting it off. I have sometimes found that you just have to DO IT and not think about things as much. You could also mention to the receptionist that it is VERY important that you get in and out as quickly as they possibly can, and see what time she recommends etc.
Concerning the haircut, I told husband that July was "take care of Mom" month. I went to the dentist, got a hair cut, and eventually had to go to an endodontist to get checked out for a possible $1185 root canal!!!  This is one month out of the year where I was sort of pushy that I really HAD to get this done somehow. (I didn't even think of the OB. Should have done that too.) We maintain our cars, we have to maintain ourselves even more.
Anyway, I would think that maybe you could find an older lady at church to help watch the kids. I don't like others babysitting my kids either, but what are you going to do? You can get a haircut at night when husband is home. (Hair Cuttery or places like that have night hours.) Then, maybe you could make your appointment for the dentist really early or really late and husband could just go in a little later??? (I just made one this morning for a follow-up at 7 a.m. !!! So check around, some docs may have early appts.
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juststartn
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Definitely look for those "off-hour" apptmts. I try to book things around DHs work schedule (trickier when he was in the Army). Sometimes, you can find responsible ladies thru your parish, if you don't feel like leaving them with a teenager, and your dh isn't available...
I made sure to get my physical (yearly exam, bloodwork, etc), and dental exam/cleaning done before we left NC, the military paid for them, AND they got done before we left, so I don't have to worry about them again til September....
Rachel
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mama251ders
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Our family doc has evening hours once a week and the place I get my hair cut at has really late evening appts. and Saturday appts. Perhaps you could look for a place like that? My other piece of advice would be to put some time into finding a good babysitter or developing a relationship with some other moms around you to trade child minding. I have a friend who struck a deal with a lady down the street and now they trade twice a week for a couple of hours. It has really helped her out a lot. Maybe your parish has a list of babysitters or a mom's group or even a list of homeschoolers. You could also ask at your local library if they know of any other homeschoolers. Our librarians knew of a ton more in our area than I did! Good luck with this!
Betsie
Who is glad to know that she is not the only one who can't make it to the dentist!
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mom2mpr
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I have this problem too and recently(in the past year) decided I HAD to have myself taken care of.
First, don't be afraid to ask another mom to help. I did and was pleasantly surprised that she would gladly help. Being new to the area and all I found it hard to ask for help. I decided taking the chance with this one mom I really liked,who was close geographically, and my kids really like to play with her kids, was worth the risk. She was more than willing to help for my OB/gyn appt. One appointment I would not take my kids too.
Second, if you can, TRY to take them with you. I always take my kids to my dental cleanings. They only take 15 minutes or so and in our old hometown the hygienist really enjoyed seeing the kids every 6 months. Yes, the room was small but she was good about having dd's stroller sticking out in the hall. Ds was good about entertaining dd when she got fussy. We could do the dentist and still do.
We all usually go to the doctor for sick visits. They are used to that and he is so good to speak to each of them, and they both get stickers. I figure the more they see him on a fun basis, not being sick, the easier it will be later when they might be sick. They even come when I am sick.
Haircuts we do together too. We go to a walk in place and sign in and pretty much get our hair cut at the same time. They are good about asking me how I want my kids' hair cut and then they go to work. When the kids are done they join me. Then we pay and leave--depending on the intitial wait we are in and out in 20 minutes.
I try to bother people as little as possible but sometimes you just have to. Most other mom's will understand. Try it.
Good luck and I hope soon you can get at least one thing off your list.
Anne
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monique
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I usually only find the time to do these things when my MIL visits. It funny because that is the only time I can plan something like an appointment. I usually have dental check ups, hair appointments, and chiropractic appts. scheduled whenever she's coming.
It does get easier though as they get older. I can leave older children at home for short periods of time.
I have to agree with you, Angela, it is a struggle.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: no time for health?
