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Lisbet
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 4:48am | IP Logged
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I've had to do this before, and it's never easy. I have to tell my parents that we will be having another child. Last time, I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack. The children were so confused to their reaction.
Part of me thinks I just won't tell them. Our relationship is very very strained anyway, and moreso right now since they really hurt us over my sons FHC a few weeks ago. We have not spoken since. They live fairly close and have a tendency to stop by unannounced just to stay for a few minutes, and, oftentimes, criticize me for my 'lifestyle'.
Another part of me wants to tell them with all of the joy I feel and this little one deserves. I just don't know how I'd handle their negativity.
Any suggestions?
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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MarieC
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When my brother and sil found out they were expecting #4 (in 5 years) they emailed all the relatives they thought would have issues with a picture of their youngest holding a sign that said "I'm going to be a big brother in June".
It showed their excitement but let people absorb the info in their own time.
They of course told me right away  ....knew they had an ally there!
Good luck....I'll be praying for you!
__________________
Marie
mom to 6
dds-98, 00, 02 and 09 & dss-03 and 06
Out in the Orchard
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Maria B.
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 6:34am | IP Logged
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Lisa:
I admire you so much! The only suggestion I have is to pray for stregth and courage. Then hold your head high and remember that you are doing the will of God and have reason to be proud, despite what anyone else says (even your parents). I will pray today for you.
__________________
Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 8:20am | IP Logged
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Well, maybe you could announce by e-mail like the suggestion above or at least tell your parents for the first time away from your children so that they don't have to witness their initial reaction.
Could you even tell them that the children are very excited, and so even though you know they may have mixed feelings, you would rather they didn't say anything in front of them that might spoil their delight? Accept and acknowledge from the get go that they won't be happy, and make your chief goal in guarding your children's heart and their joy at expecting a new sibling at the sacrifice of your own. If you expect the worse, you won't be disappointed and might be pleasantly suprised.
You've said you show early; so, they might guess during one of their visits if you just don't say anything, and then there could be another "scene" to puzzle the children.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 8:50am | IP Logged
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any way you can tell them without the kids around?? I feel like I personally can "take" alot, but I'm like a momma bear and just will NOT take inappropriate/negative/etc etc talk or behavior when my kids are present.
I will be praying for you all!!!
(dh once pulled over to the side of the road and my mom was asked to refrain from her talk or exit the car. (because our kids were in the car) she actually got out and had to walk home....)
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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KellyJ
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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I don't know what to suggest, but I am keeping you & baby in prayer. Congratulations!
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KellyJ
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Lisa R
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Lisa,
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you. Just empathy. We got similar reactions when we announced we were adopting. Especially the second time.
I'll be praying for you and congratulations!!! 
__________________
God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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LucyP
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One of my friends had a bad reaction to baby #3 from family, and then that child was born to heaven. And now there will be no more grandchildren, and I wonder how those parents feel now.
Lisa, you are so right, your little sweetie deserves to be met with joy. God is blessing the world with another little person! Could you dh tell your parents by phone or in person before it will be obvious to them if they drop in unannounced? That way you and the little one, plus the children already out in the world  won't have to be around the negativity you expect.
Praying for some joyful reactions from them for you.
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juststartn
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I don't know, but I'm likely to be in a similar situation in the not too distant future (only my parents live a number of states away, so it won't be quite the same).
My parents have been using the "common sense" line on me for awhile now, and frankly, they aren't Catholic, so their comments are just more irritating than anything else. Fortunately, I do have some supportive family (DHs aunts, mostly, who are just peached we have more than 2-3 dc---most of them had 8+--most were in the 10-16 range).
I'm reading the advice very closely...
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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teachingmyown
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I agree with the email idea. Send a bubbly, joyful email announcement. Then let it sink in.
Good luck! Your "family" here sure is excited for you!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Jess
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| Posted: June 12 2008 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry you have to deal with family that isn't excited about your newest blessing. I think an email would be good too. Then you don't have to face any negativity and neither do your kids face to face right then. Any negativity replyed back can be deleted
We are very excited for you! 
__________________
God bless,
Jess
+JMJ+
wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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JodieLyn
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Anything that isn't face to face.. it guards you from their reactions.. phone call you can hang up or set hte phone down or whatever.. email you don't even have to hear their initial reaction.
Funny thing.. one of the few people in my family that I have no worries about telling is my sister and she's in the I can't handle more than 2 and sterilization is good camp.. BUT she doesn't think that has to apply to me so she's always happy for us. But the Catholic family (I'm a convert) just can't see past that.. though I think they've "given up" on us. Go figure.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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graciefaith
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I had my dd's tell my dad and bro over the phone, who i knew would not be totally overjoyed with news. They were cute and said, at the same time, "We're having a baby!" I had to tell both of them that it was good news and to be happy. Of course, after absorbing it, they got over their initial reaction.
Since then, i've been very vocal about having more children. All my cousins know we intend to have more and it's not b/c i have 3 girls. My dad, well, he's heard it here and there but i havent outright told him. I figure he knows and wont be so surprised if we give them the news.
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Blessed wife and mom of 3 girls, Sept. '01, Dec. '02 and Oct. '07
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KC in TX
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I don't have any advice but I just had to say that I'm VERY excited for you.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Mackfam
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No advice, Lisa...just lots and lots of empathy. I'm SUPER EXCITED for you though!!! 
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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cornomama4
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First of all, you should be asleep instead of posting at 4:48 am!
I would say wait awhile and pray about it (though I'm sure you've been doing that all along). I have no real position to give advice since things are OK with my parents (dh parents have passed many years ago) but it seems like sometimes waiting out a concern can bring clarity to a situation, and maybe even a turn of events for the positive.
Praying for you (and your newest blessing) and admiring your fortitude!
cm4
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teachingmom
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| Could you even tell them that the children are very excited, and so even though you know they may have mixed feelings, you would rather they didn't say anything in front of them that might spoil their delight? Accept and acknowledge from the get go that they won't be happy, and make your chief goal in guarding your children's heart and their joy at expecting a new sibling at the sacrifice of your own. If you expect the worse, you won't be disappointed and might be pleasantly suprised. |
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I think this is very good advice. And I'd also suggest making the announcement by email to give time for the news to set in and time for feelings to subside a bit.
Personally, I have found that it really helps to be very proactive with family and neighbors. Although, I have to admit that I've been very blessed in that no one in our families have ever been negative in reacting to the announcement of a new addition. Most are truly happy for us. A few of them may think we are crazy, but they don't let us know that!
With others, like neighbors, I've made a point of saying things that make it clear that we've always wanted a large family, and that "No, we are not simply trying for a boy!"  , and that the girls and dh and I are thrilled, etc. It has helped in that even our not-open-to-life acquaintances have never made us feel uncomfortable about our family size. But I must admit that I hate the thought that the reason may be that some people are thinking, "Oh that poor family. Always trying for a boy and having no luck." Truth be told, with my last pregnancy, I found myself hoping for another girl!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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guitarnan
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You know, as someone who really had to try hard for baby #2, I am always so, so happy when a couple announces yet another baby on the way. I know firsthand how hard it is NOT to be pregnant. I have friends who've shared with me their pain when people tell them to try bc, abstinence, etc. (people have nerve, grr!) and I wonder just how anyone can be so critical...
...so, were I in your shoes, I'd do the email thing, too. Not only is it a firewall of sorts, it's a really, really cute idea. By the time family gets over their first reactions, you can have your dc answer the phone when they call and then there's no chance any negative comments will be made.
You know, your joyful acceptance of life is probably having positive effects on people you barely know...on fellow parishioners who see you and realize it can indeed work...on colleagues who see your dh's dedication to family...we don't always know what God's plan is, or how we are involved in it, but the plan is there all the same.
Hugs to you!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Lisbet
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| Posted: June 13 2008 at 6:54am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much. I got some wonderful advice here and in pm's. Dh and I are discussing exactly how we plan on doing this. It will not be in front of the children this time for sure. Again, thanks!
cm4 - it was 5:48 am here, I've never fixed the timezone in my profile.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 13 2008 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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continuing to pray for this!
Peace of Christ,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How to share our joy?
