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10 Bright Stars
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I have wanted to ask this fairly embarrasing question for some time now, so here goes. I have always had trouble with Sundays. I am usually in a bad mood on Sundays. EVERYONE else seems to know what to do and how to relax except for me and I just end up bugging my husband for attention. ("How are you feeling, honey? What'cha doin' sweetie?" "Are you mad at me?")Or, I wander about feeling frustrated. I feel frustrated because I am used to running around like crazy and I feel as if there is SO much to do and I am "not allowed to" do it. Isn't that terrible?? But, it does cause me a lot of stress. I keep walking by messes, even after deep, deep cleaning on Saturdays (our house is always trashed in a night) and I just feel resentment building all day. Then, I wake up on Monday morning, "behind". I don't necc. want to clean, but with so many little ones, just the normal dishes etc. won't usually cut it.
My husband has no trouble sleeping a good portion of the day, taking the kids for a walk, playing a computer game with the kids, cooking lunch and dinner for us!! Sounds pretty nice, huh? So, what is my problem??? I have tried crafting (i.e. sewing) before and the kids just get into it all. Reading is o.k. IF you happen to have a good book. I am not a nap taker since I usually drink so much coffee. Anyway, I read an article written by a Protestant person recently about the Sabbath, and he suggested looking at what Jesus did on Sunday. He actually did a lot of healing, ministry, dining with people/visiting and the list went on and on. I had never noticed that these were Sabbaths necc. when Jesus was "doing" all of these things. So, I thought maybe I am being selfish for down time of my own on Sundays and I should forget about rest and just do more serving for the family as one option?
I had thought about gardening, but then that is manual labor, right? (flowers for a cutting garden for example, not a food garden)If you are having fun, is it work? If you enjoy deep cleaning a kids closet, is that work?? AM I looking for loopholes here??  Perhaps I have the "spirit" of the Sabbath day of rest all wrong. Maybe someone can explain it to me.
Anyway, what do you all do to occupy yourselves on Sundays? What are appropriate Catholic things to do? My husband does NOT like to visit, so that is definately out. Everyone else is happy, so it would mainly be things for me to do so I would be out of their way. Such a simple thing, but I honestly clean, homeschool, mother etc. so much that I don't know how to sit still and "REST".
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
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William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 04 2008 at 3:38pm | IP Logged
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I try to keep a lid on the chaos. I find that "not" working on Sundays makes it hard for me to retain any semblance of motherly attributes for the first few days of the week...when I'm trying to play catch up.
I basically end up doing what I've done the rest of the week--only I put Mass and throw a nap in there. Since we cannot manage Mass as a family at this point (twin 1 yr olds, and a DH with a bad back...well, it makes it extremely difficult--and that's just with the boys...not even counting DHs work schedule....)...I try to make sure to NOT have to do much cooking on Sundays--crock pot, or have DH cook out on the grill (something he enjoys). And I do make it a point to have as much done Sat night as I possibly can (but as you pointed out, that just doesn't cut it when you've got a hoarde of little people (and not so little people) making messes all the time...Sunday or not. LOL
I do my deep vacuuming on Sat's, try to make sure all of my shopping is done, etc.
I know what you mean about crafts. I just don't have time for them right now (and I need to--I've GOT to sew some things up for the girls to wear).
Occasionally, DH will let me get in a nap. AH, that feels good--til I hear the screaming from the other end of the house, or until I wake up and realize I have to have dinner on the table in 30 mins, or that nothing but messes have been made while I've been asleep, and no attempt whatsoever made to keep things cleaned up. There goes *that* relaxing interlude.
I don't have any advice. I know some folks are hard core about it, and I *try* to refrain. But I have an obligation to God, and to my family, to not spend the first two-three days of the following week in a screamin tizzy cause I am having a harder time getting caught up and no one is helping me.
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
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John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
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DominaCaeli
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I used to be in this same situation--my husband was gung-ho about observing Sunday in a restful way and I was just walking around frustrated, adding to-do's to my Monday list.  Anyway, I definitely know what you mean.
In our case, I decided to follow my husband's lead and get totally on board with our Sunday rest. It definitely took some adjustments to my mindset and also to my Saturday and Monday chores. For example, I decided to make Friday my big cleaning day (mostly done during the kids' nap and in the evening) so that on Saturday we could do our get-ready-for-Sunday chores: baking a special treat, packing the diaper bag for Mass, running errands, doing laundry, etc.
Then--how to fill the day on Sundays without thinking of all the things you *can't* do? I make a list throughout the week of things I'm going to "save" until Sunday. Sometimes I have a few articles I'm really looking forward to reading. Sometimes I put aside the New York Times crossword. We also have a few special toys for the kids that they play with only on Sundays. I definitely do take a nap. 
If you're feeling discouraged by the messes you see, is there a way you can get out of the house--maybe spend half the day at the park? We spend a lot of our Sunday mornings (after Mass, of course) at the park or on long walks.
And maybe if you're not one for naps, could you also schedule in some time for spiritual reading? For me, having that spritual refreshment on Sundays is what allows me to begin the week not feeling "behind" (like you mentioned). Even if the house begins a bit messier on Monday morning than it usually is, my soul is recharged and ready to face it.
Oh, and your questions about deep-cleaning the closets: I used to ask my husband all the time, "But what if I *like* organizing the kids' clothes?" He asked me if I actually liked doing it or if I liked *the result* of doing it. That is the test I usually use. He also made the point that my body could use some rest too, even if the things I have planned are all "fun." So I try to plan accordingly.
Anyway, just some (scattered!) thoughts--probably way too many. I didn't even address your "spirit" question.  This can be a difficult change in mindset, but for me, focusing on the practical aspects of it (how to free up the day, what to do with our free time) convinced me of the wisdom of Sunday rest. I am looking forward to others' thoughts here too.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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amyable
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| Posted: June 04 2008 at 3:46pm | IP Logged
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***just camping out here taking notes***
I feel your pain.
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momtimesfour
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The idea behind the rest on Sundays isn't to make you crazy or bore yourself to tears! In one of the Little House books there's a description of Pa growing up and how he'd have to sit on a bench all day long on Sunday. Ooh. Joy. Rapture. NOT! God spent His day of rest enjoying His creation, not holding back and refraining from it.
Honestly, if gardening is relaxing for you - do it! Play solitaire, dominoes, or mah jong (sp?). Do crosswords if you like them. Update your blog. Look at photo albums. Go for a walk. Go all out and make a scrumptious dessert just for the sake of making it. Your post sounds a little bit like you've lost sight of what kinds of activities actually make you happy and feel renewed - I think that happens to all of us in the course of family life. But you can find it again, even with littles running about.
I see you have several littles - having littles makes it hard to "relax" because most of the day is spent tending to them. (I have a 3yo and 1yo underfoot right now, lol.) I personally find perusing catalogs fun and relaxing. No planning, just window shopping. I don't nap much either, but I do try to get some time to myself (doesn't always work). I've been thinking about going to the library for an hour or so... alone. I listen to music. I find making a big breakfast very renewing (we go to the Saturday vigil Mass). I read constantly - I'll read the back of a tissue box if I stand still long enough. I might watch a movie or play a game with the kids. Sometimes we visit my husband's grandmother. I write letters I've been meaning to get out in the mail, too. And some Sundays, I just fret about the week that's about to blast by, lol. I'm with you on the crafts - I love to scrapbook but rarely can. Scissors and hole punches are not the things I want "help" from the littles doing!Ack!
Try not to get overly scrupulous about what is "right" to do or not do. Just as we all have different learning styles (kinesthetic learners vs auditory learners for example), we have different needs regarding renewal. 
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SuzanneG
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**Camping out here too, Kim.... Looking forward to what everyone says. I've been meaning to post something similar for the past few months. Sundays are NOT good for me.
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LLR4
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Celeste...That was an excellent post!
Amy....I swear I'm not following you around on the board. I just realized I keep posting right under you! We're drawn to the same posts I think. lol
Kim....I think I struggle with the same thing. Especially in that my husband and I both have our own businesses that are mostly run from home, and working around homeschooling it is hard to separate one day from another sometimes. We kind of do what we can, when we can. Our Sunday mornings are definitely different, in getting ready for mass, and lingering around our parish for a bit after mass talking with one of the priests or other people we know. But once we get home, and have lunch, it is hard not to slip into things we want to get done -- maybe in preparation for something on Monday that is work related.
I go NUTS doing nothing....or what feels like 'not accomplishing' something, or feeling 'unproductive', so I definitely understand your struggle, and I think I'm really weak in that area, now that I think about it...thanks to this thread. (It's a good thing.)
For anyone who can address this: I often think about doctors, nurses, police and firemen, and jobs such as those. How can they NOT work on Sunday? It's not like you can close the hospital on Sundays - and what a high crime day Sunday would be if policemen took that day off!
If they are Catholic, are they an exception?
I'm seriously asking, in case it's a ridiculous question.
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~ Laura
Blessed: Mama to dd{A}13 y.o., and 7 y.o. triplets ds{J}, dd{O}, ds{S} and wife to Michael
Our House of Joyful Noise
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teachingmyown
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I don't do Sundays well either. We usually have a leisurely breakfast, for the kids at least. Then we go to Mass at noon. By the time we get home, most of the day seems gone.
Dh likes to cook and putter around. The kids just do the usual: playing, reading, artwork, etc. I don't know what I do.
I have this ideal of "family time" such as an outing or a board game. But dh isn't here all week so he likes to be home. And the board game thing doesn't work with a 4 yr old and 2 yr old trying to get involved.
So, I get a little pouty. I would love to sit and read but it doesn't happen. I am still on Mom-duty, Sunday or not.
Gee, I am no help! But, I certainly empathize.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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DominaCaeli
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LLR4 wrote:
For anyone who can address this: I often think about doctors, nurses, police and firemen, and jobs such as those. How can they NOT work on Sunday? It's not like you can close the hospital on Sundays - and what a high crime day Sunday would be if policemen took that day off!
If they are Catholic, are they an exception?
I'm seriously asking, in case it's a ridiculous question. |
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Here's what the Catechism has to say:
Quote:
| 2185 On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord's Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body.123 Family needs or important social service can legitimately excuse from the obligation of Sunday rest. The faithful should see to it that legitimate excuses do not lead to habits prejudicial to religion, family life, and health. |
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and
Quote:
2187 Sanctifying Sundays and holy days requires a common effort. Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord's Day. Traditional activities (sport, restaurants, etc.), and social necessities (public services, etc.), require some people to work on Sundays, but everyone should still take care to set aside sufficient time for leisure. With temperance and charity the faithful will see to it that they avoid the excesses and violence sometimes associated with popular leisure activities. In spite of economic constraints, public authorities should ensure citizens a time intended for rest and divine worship. Employers have a similar obligation toward their employees.
2188 In respecting religious liberty and the common good of all, Christians should seek recognition of Sundays and the Church's holy days as legal holidays. They have to give everyone a public example of prayer, respect, and joy and defend their traditions as a precious contribution to the spiritual life of society. If a country's legislation or other reasons require work on Sunday, the day should nevertheless be lived as the day of our deliverance which lets us share in this "festal gathering," this "assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven."125 |
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So yes, people like policemen and hospital workers can be excused from the obligation to rest on Sundays.
You can read the rest of the Catechism's teachings on Sunday obligations here.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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JSchaaf
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One of the reasons we love Chick-Fil-A is because they are closed on Sundays. Are there any other "big name" businesses that are closed on Sundays?
Jennifer
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10 Bright Stars
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Wow! What a great response!! This sounds like something that all of us are dealing with since we have such a "full" lifestyle. I really appreciate all the suggestions and will print them out.
I do think it is an accomplishment mentality as someone mentioned. Perhaps that is part of the 'spirit" that needs adjusting. And although I do sort of enjoy sorting things for some reason, yes, I probably do just enjoy the "temporary" result.
Oops, have to run though. Twin needs Mom! Will re-join conversation when I can.
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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LLR4
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THANK YOU CELESTE for the Catechism's quotes! That makes it all much clearer for me.
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~ Laura
Blessed: Mama to dd{A}13 y.o., and 7 y.o. triplets ds{J}, dd{O}, ds{S} and wife to Michael
Our House of Joyful Noise
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Cay Gibson
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Wanted to share this...
Catholic author Nancy Brown is keeping a series on Keeping Sundays Special.
A nice idea would be to print them out and read them this Sunday while relaxing on the sofa.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Cay Gibson
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Also throwing this into the mix (it's in one of Nancy's Sunday posts):
The Land Without a Sunday
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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Marybeth
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Great thread! We call Sundays our Family Day. Everything we want to play, read or do with Daddy that we can't midweek gets scheduled for Family Day. I so look forward to this special time. I read about how the Jewish woman clean and schedule for their Sabbath time each week. It enlightened me to be more disciplined so Sunday can be set apart and made holy by our family growing in love.
Dh is remodeling our lower level by himself so many Sundays lately he has had to work on that project. It is hard b/c we miss spending time all of us. There isn't anything we can do about it. We can't afford a contractor, dh owns his own business so his days off our scarce and our lower level was taking in water so we were concerned about mold and damage. God knows our situation.
He knows how many children you have and your workload too. I don't think you should be too hard on yourself!!
Maybe part of your Sunday can be set apart for family time and some for work??
Marybeth
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Willa
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Eight Wonders wrote:
| Anyway, what do you all do to occupy yourselves on Sundays? What are appropriate Catholic things to do? My husband does NOT like to visit, so that is definately out. Everyone else is happy, so it would mainly be things for me to do so I would be out of their way. Such a simple thing, but I honestly clean, homeschool, mother etc. so much that I don't know how to sit still and "REST". |
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Can you try making a list?
My son actually did this. He was such a hard worker that he became stressed on Sundays. So he actually tried to plan leisurely things to do.
Here are some other ideas:
Take up a craft.
Scrapbook?
WRite a letter.
Call a friend or family member.
Plan a family game, or spend some time just hanging around with one of your kids.
If you really LIKE organizing, how about going through old papers and saving and sorting? I do that on Sundays because it doesn't seem like the regular "menial" work, it's more like scrapbooking or something where you are remembering, and thinking.
Brainstorm -- I do that on Sundays -- poring through cookbooks and looking at the homeschool "big picture".
I spend more time in the kitchen, too, just baking timeconsuming things that I don't have opportunity for the rest of the week.
Sunday is supposed to be a "set apart" day. My house looks like a bomb went off by Monday too. There are two things you can do about that. One is start a bit of light straightening on Sunday after vigil -- because historically the Church has considered the evening part of the next day.
Another thing is you can make Monday into "life skills" day and have the kids help you do a thorough cleaning. That is how we've done it for years and it seems to get the week off to a nice start.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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SeaStar
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Sundays are tough here, too- glad to see I'm not the only one who feels that way. It starts the night before when the kids (usually in the bathtub, sometimes as early as lunchtime) realize church is the next day.
On Sunday morning we have lots of crying and "I don't want to go to church". Why do kids do this? My kids love going to church to light candles, pray, attend Good Shepherd... what happens on Sunday?
3 yo dd cries all through getting dressed (then usually takes her clothes right off as soon as she *is* dressed), cries all the way to church, squirms and cries off and on through church (I usually stand in the back with her). My ds moans off and on "It takes so long! "... ah, a nice relaxing Sunday. Every Sat night my dh and I look at each other and cringe.
I do try to do something fun with dh and the kids and stay out of the stores, but really I feel like I want to run away to Mexico before next Sunday.
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Ruth
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Kim, I feel the same way. I'm so glad you started this thread, and hey, I'm here to talk if you want to call me up on Sunday
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LisaR
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My dh works M-F (almost always), with a few evenings thrown in for good measure and EVERY Sat he is out of town except right around Christmas/Easter weekends.
So my struggle has always been feeling like needing to cram Sat and Sunday into Sunday, kwim?? dh is in the public eye quite a bit and gives conferences Sat's, so he really really likes to stay at home and "veg". Where I am antsy as anything on Sundays!!
One thing we have decided to do is let ds, almost 9, play Club soccer. He is very self driven and has played for quite awhile.
There are many tournaments which are on Sundays as well. I actually love it when he has Sunday games, it is the ONLY time dh can watch him play.
we go as a family, and it is quite fun and relaxing.
there is nothing better than watching my 6 ft oldest son jumping up and down rooting for his little brother!
SOme people look down on us, I'm sure, for sports on Sundays. but hey, it seems much more recreational to us than going to restaurants for Sunday Brunch (causing others to work), etc.
I do feel like dh really embraces sunday as "rest" where I look at it as good, dad's home, catch up day for me!
and getting out of the home all together for a tournament helps us all....
love this discussion!!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
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Stephanie_Q
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Is is just the nature of our vocation as mothers? We try to stick to no shopping or going out to eat and I try not to do much housework (even Jesus picked wheat on the Sabbath to eat if you want to talk about the "spirit of the law" vs the "letter of the law"). Still, I'm an introverted personality that needs quiet time by myself to recharge but I don't get that even on Sundays...especially on Sundays! At church I play the organ and try to help maintain discipline among our 4 littles, nursing the youngest between songs - it is a very tense hour. At home my husband could also sleep or watch movies all day...and I know he needs his day of rest - he works so hard all week - it's not fair to "dump" the kids on him so I can get the quiet reflective time that I need...so they often get a movie while the youngest takes a nap.
I really don't like cooking, so to make meals easy we have "sugar cereal" for breakfast (it's the only day we do this), sandwiches and fresh fruit & veggies (in summer) or soup (in winter) for lunch and some kind of spaghetti + sauce for dinner.
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dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
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Topic: Just tell me what to do on Sundays
